Nice People Do Finish First

January 15, 2015

“27 Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due,
when it is in your power to do it.
28 Do not say to your neighbor, “Go, and come again,
tomorrow I will give it”—when you have it with you.
29 Do not plan harm against your neighbor
who lives trustingly beside you.
30 Do not quarrel with anyone without cause,
when no harm has been done to you.”
–Proverbs 3

It is said, “Nice guys finish last.”

I know people who call themselves Christian who are Darwinists. Oh, no, not the evolutionary scientist ones. The ones who subscribe to a late 19th Century philosophy derived from Darwin’s theory of survival of the fittest–Social Darwinists.

There was one of those who worked with me for years. At least, he was the most blatant of the philosophy. These are people for whom life is a “zero-sum game.” There are winners and there are losers. And you know the winners by how much wealth they’ve accumulated, the size and location of their house(s), the size of their salary. Losers? Well, they should just get lost. Who cares about them?

Like narcissists (are they cousins?), many can be charming at times. But the in-your-face attitude often comes out.

Scientific evidence

Scientists have discovered ways to simulate all manner of situations on powerful computers. This article in Lifehacker reports on a computer simulation of a game called Prisoner’s Dilemma.

Researchers set up a “game” where the players get two cards (options) which are basically to cooperate or compete to win the game. Humans playing the game typically choose to compete.

This latest research set up a computer simulation of the game that could be iterated many times. The results–it is better for both players to cooperate rather than compete.

Biblical wisdom

I guess Biblical wisdom is really, er, wise.

While maintaining your core strength gained from God, treat your fellow humans nicely, with dignity and respect. In the end, you’ll win.

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Why Are There So Many Different Christians

January 14, 2015

I have a friend who was born overseas and was raised as, and still is, a Sikh. I will not try in a couple of hundred words to describe what a Sikh believes, but in crude shorthand, it teaches a certain tolerance of all religions.

My point is not to critique the faith or the people within that faith. My point is a question he asked me once. This was at another of those times of bickering amongst the various Christian denominations.

“Gary, can you explain why there are so many kinds of Christians?” he asked. “And why are they so different and dislike each other so much?”

I took a few minutes to describe 2,000 years of religious revelation, geo-political differences, politics within the religions, and personalities.

He replied, “Didn’t Jesus say that you’d know his followers by their love for one another?”

Ouch.

The denomination I attend presently is always on the brink of disintegration over the status of homosexuals. The problem with the status of women was finally settled by acknowledging women as people (duh!).

We could look at the world and point fingers. There are many varieties of Judaism. Not to mention the huge differences within Islam (reminder, not all Muslims are terrorists, just as not all Christians are terrorists–and we’ve had a few).

Many differences are simply either cultural or personality. Some are charismatic; some meditative. Some like pipe organs; some like rock ‘n’ roll.

But the Acts 2 churches attracted people by how they lived. There was something different about those people, and other people wanted some of that.

Today? How are we known? Let’s find a little of that love.

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Making Decisions With The Heart

January 13, 2015

Emotional thinking. Make the big decisions with your heart, the small ones with your head. The electromagnetic frequency of the heart is ten thousand times stronger than that of the brain. The brain takes its orders from the heart.

Looking for practices to cultivate during the coming year, I ran across this thought from the head of an ad agency. I’m still pondering all the meaning of this statement.

Good salespeople know that we make decisions with our heart–or at least with our emotions. Logic and rationality come later to justify the decision.

Brain physiology has discovered that the links between emotion and brain are much more complex and deeper than we might have suspected.

All this flies in the face of 20th Century economic models that are built on the idea of an “economic man.” This hypothetical person makes only rational economic decisions. This person is fiction.

Do you know someone who makes, or tries to make, all decisions rationally? Do you know a person who can’t make decisions? Same guy. I’ve had clients who overanalyze, over think, worry, ask for more data, and never get around to making important decisions. I know many people, usually called engineers, with this disease.

With a heart

I’d like to play with the word heart that was used in the quote. Rather than use it in the sense of pure emotion, let’s take another look.

Jesus said that where we spend money reflects where our heart is. Jesus may have been the first cardiologist–he was most concerned with the status of our hearts. And what he meant wasn’t purely emotional. What he meant was the center of our life.

Where is our life centered? Is it on God? Is it on our own well being? Is it directed toward others? Is it on selfishness and greed?

Don’t take those questions lightly. After years of “heart” work, I still struggle at times with the condition of my heart. And just like I exercise, am careful what I eat, and take my meds to care for my physical heart, I also meditate, study, worship, serve to develop my spiritual heart.

I’m not sure what was meant in the quote, but as I develop the thought, there is a lot of truth. Develop your heart and let it be your guide in decision making.

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Practice Active Listening

January 12, 2015

We are in a series of practices to start off your 2015 and deepen your spiritual and relational experiences.

Today, let’s consider listening.

“When you listen, listen completely. Most people don’t listen,” said Mark Twain.

“You can hear a lot just by listening,” Yogi Berra added.

When you are in a conversation, what are you doing?

Most people are thinking about what they are going to say when there is a pause. Or they are talking over the other person. Arguing, even.

When you are at a conference or in church listening to the message, what are you thinking? Dozing off?

We need to engage with the speaker. The practice is active listening. The first thing is where you’re looking. Focus your eyes on the speaker. What is the posture, eye contact (or lack), gesture? Communication is a “full-contact” sport.

In a personal conversation, focus on an eye. If there is much ambient noise, I alternate focus on eyes and mouth so that I can “see” the words coming, too. I’m listening to the person with all my senses.

Rather than trying to come up with a better story, try to think of questions to draw out more information and engagement.

In a large setting, take notes. You may never refer to the notes again. The very act of note taking, though, keeps you alert and focusing on the speaker.

For 2015, let’s develop our active listening skill.

 

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Master The Art of Storytelling

January 8, 2015

When Jesus wanted to make a point, he told a story.

Yes, sometimes he did “wisdom” teaching putting a new twist on sayings from Proverbs. What you remember most are his stories. The lost coin. The lost son. The lost sheep.

There are people who bludgeon you with facts or “you should” statements. But if they would simply share their story, it would be more effective.

In my profession, I write a lot of “factual” stuff. News and analysis in the world of technology, manufacturing, automation. Yesterday, I was interviewing someone about a survey they had completed. They had sent a news release and I printed it with some commentary and analysis.

But while I was talking with Linda, she told the story about why they do these particular surveys, who the people are they talk with, how they collect the information. Then she told the story of three business owners/managers. The deeper she got into the story, the more interesting it was.

Part of the survey news was that a majority of owners and managers (perhaps almost all) of small manufacturing businesses believe that “millennials” have poor work habits and motivation. Most were “baby boomers” but one was Gen X–the so-called “slackers”. Go figure. People originally thought boomers would never work out. We were too self-centered and pampered. Remember that?

Well, we got to stories of owners who were doing something about the skill shortage and need to recruit engineers and skilled trades people. That is interesting.

I will follow up with more interviews and write the stories on my business blog, The Manufacturing Connection.

I am by nature and training analytical. So this blog is mostly analytical. Maybe a skill for me to hone this year is story telling. Maybe that would be a good skill for you to develop this year. Telling a story to make your point may be more persuasive and interesting than acting like Sgt. Friday–“Just the facts, Ma’am.”

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Being Mindful As A Discipline

January 7, 2015

Being mindful is to focus on what you are doing. Awareness of where you are, who you are, what you are.

The dominant (not the only) cause of obesity and being overweight is simply eating too much. We eat too much because we simply start shoving food into our mouth without paying any attention.

When you eat, focus on your eating. The sights, sounds, smells, tastes. Slow down and eat with mindfulness.

When I cut myself while shaving, it is almost always because my mind has drifted and I am no longer mindful of what I am doing with that sharp instrument in my hand.

Nehemiah prays (chapter 9) about his people saying they have not been mindful of God for a long time.

Do we wake up in the morning and set our mind first thing on God and the mindfulness that we are part of God’s people? Doing so will start our day off in a good way.

The best way to return to mindfulness is simply to pause. It is in the pause that true life returns. We can then return to our work refreshed. The pause before saying something hurtful can turn our words into words of encouragement rather than destruction.

When we work, work. Focus on the task at hand. Don’t be like Martha of whom Jesus said, “Martha, Martha, you are distracted by many things.”

Mindfulness also is a key to listening. Being mindful of the other person–focusing on them and not us–will help us grow and love more.

Mindfulness is a foundation to putting disciplines into practice.

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Are You Unprepared

January 5, 2015

I can still remember walking up the steps to the entrance of the high school. Every morning there were the same deep misgivings in my gut. Once again I had studied many things the previous evenings. But, once again, I had not completed (or even started on) my assigned homework.

I know the sick feeling of unprepared.

Sometimes we are unprepared because we didn’t do the work. We didn’t study. Write the report. Make the call.

On the other hand, sometimes we are not prepared because we have never faced that situation before. We have never created that work before. We have never worked with this particular group of people. Seth Godin, a respected marketing guru who also now writes about life skills as much as about marketing, addressed this type of unpreparedness.

Then, I though of Jesus disciples. When he called them, they were totally unprepared for the experience. They were unprepared first, then they followed and learned, but then when they were on their own, they wished at first that Jesus had prepared them a little more.

They were visited and then filled by the holy spirit. Then they were prepared.

I’ve heard Bill Hybels talk about taking the first step in faith. He called it “help along the way.” First you take a step in faith, and then the spirit will help you.

As you ponder your “great work” this year, don’t stop because you don’t feel prepared. Take the first step in faith. Of course you are unprepared. But help will come as you move out.

Oh, I graduated from high school. And the university. And I learned to prepare when you need to. It was a lesson that if visiting me sooner would have saved me much emotional turmoil.

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To Get Spiritually Fit You Must Practice

January 2, 2015

A friend recently spoke against “Spiritual Disciplines” because he saw them as a list of check boxes–sort of like tasks to complete on your way to salvation.

My response is that if anyone views disciplines, or practices, that way, then they have missed the “spirit” so to speak of the practice. These practices–study, worship, prayer, mediation, celebration, fasting, service, and the like–are things you can do to strengthen and deepen your spiritual life.

Paul often uses athletic language to instruct us in that regard. He tells Timothy (1 Tim 4:7) to train in godliness” for example.

Dallas Willard writing in The Spirit of the Disciplines says, “Just as with the physical, there is a specific round of activities we must do to establish, maintain, and enhance our spiritual powers. One must train as well as try.”

Another way of looking at this is to consider these as habits you’ve intentionally cultivated.

I have an ecosystem of practices that help me exercise daily. It involves going to the gym and then showering and getting physically ready for the day. It’s something I do to maintain as healthy a body as I can.

Similarly with spiritual life. Rising a little earlier (for the past few years, it’s been 5:30 am–without an alarm), I have time for study, meditation, writing before going to the gym. Study, prayer, meditation are woven into the fabric of my morning. Worship, celebration and service happen intentionally at other times of the day or week.

One key is intention. I am intentional about maintaining this routine. It is not rote habit, but habit intentionally chosen and reinforced.

I still have many personality problems to overcome, but this routine has changed my life over time. I expect it will continue to do so.

One thing that it really does is deepen my faith. To be spiritually fit, you have to practice.

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Blessings For The New Year

January 1, 2015

Relax.

Refresh.

Renew.

Pause today to reflect on the past and future before we jump into living in the moment during the year.

What Great Work will define us this year?

I have chosen mine. I will ask each day, “Does this activity relate to my Great Work?”

Simplify and prune the unnecessary activities.

May your 2015 be Blessed.

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To Do Is To Be

December 31, 2014

Be as you wish to seem.
–Socrates

We know that you can change your mood just by changing how you act. Feel down, smile. Feel a little lethargic, go for a walk.

Personal development gurus, back when it mattered how you dress, advised dressing and acting like someone in the position to which you aspire.

I asked myself earlier this week, what sort of person do I want to be. I need to decide that before I do things like setting goals and that sort of thing.

Socrates turns the thought around, although in reflection I think I disagree a little with him.

He makes it more external. How do you wish to be seen by others? That’s one way to take the word “seem.”

I think I’d turn it around and make it a play on words which is a great memory tool. “Be as you wish to be.”

Be—as in act—as you wish to be—as in the type of character you want to develop the type of human that you would be recognized as.

We are presented opportunities every day to prove and improve our character. We choose to act or not act in the face of each opportunity. We can choose our model to help us do the right thing. That is the meaning of disciple—we are disciples of someone whom we wish to be like.

Pick your model—the one whom you will follow—wisely. Then we try to act at every opportunity like our teacher/mentor/model.

We can choose. Choose wisely. Then go and do. Or, be as you wish to be.

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