Faith Venture

[Previously posted December 24, 2025. Seems to go with the past three posts. Probably something I need to be reminded of more often than every six months.]

The post yesterday looked at a man unafraid to face people who hate him only because of his skin color. A black jazz musician named Darryl Davis who found a type of ministry engaging in conversations with white men who are active neo-nazis or ku klux klan members.

Shortly after posting that, a video popped up on my fitness and nutrition app (called the Pump Club founded by Arnold Schwarzenegger, it guides me in my resistance training). I have to admit that I never had posters of Arnold in his prime doing muscle poses. If I had lived in California, I’m not sure I’d have voted for him to be the “Governator.” I’ve only see two of his movies, and only one intentionally. But I’ve come to respect his nonprofit work, especially building the fitness and esteem of young people.

He directly addresses hate in this YouTube video. It is a powerful message.

If you haven’t guessed it yet, I believe that spreading hate and divisiveness is the polar opposite of the message we should be living as Jesus followers. We should be reconciling people as much as we can. Being always successful? Not likely. But we aren’t graded on success. We are graded on where our heart is.

In this Christmas season, in fact this publishes on Christmas Eve, let us dedicate ourselves anew to the Prince of Peace.

Yesterday’s thought concerned how my job consists not of running around trying to “correct” everyone whose opinions were “wrong.” Rather, my job assigned by Jesus is to love others, even those who think and act differently from me.

This reminded me of one of my favorite TV scenes. Ted Lasso, the American Midwestern football coach, finds himself in England as coach of a Premier League soccer club. The wife gained possession of the club through a divorce from a rather nasty guy—Rupert.

The scene is the favorite club pub. Ted handles some darts. “You all like this game over here, don’t you?” he says as he tosses a couple of the darts at the board—right-handed. He and Rupert settle on a bet with major consequences for the club.

“Oh, I forgot, I’m left-handed,” admits Ted. They proceed to the climax where Ted needs three perfect throws. He tells a story of being underestimated his whole life and seeing a quote while taking his son to school—“Be curious, not judgmental.”

He hits the first one. “You see, if you’d been curious rather than judgmental, you’d have asked if I’d ever played darts before.”

“I would have said, ‘Yes, sir. Every Sunday afternoon with my dad from age 10 to 16…’ “

Research reveals the best approach to those potentially confrontational conversations is to be curious, not judgmental. Ask questions.

• How did you come to that conclusion?
• Where did you learn that?
• Why do you think that’s true (right, useful)?
• And more.

Curiosity, not judgmental, means truly listening to the person’s responses. You show concern and attempt at understanding. Questions asked calmly, not confrontationally. Do not sound like a defense attorney cross-examining a prosecution witness.

Be curious, not judgmental. That’s really hard for some of us. But exceptionally useful.

Enter email address on the right and click follow to receive updates via email. I will never spam you. I’m not in that business! Thank you. You can also check out my book list and my 10-part video series on Romans as a Guid to Spiritual Formation.

You talk with a person who advances ideas that seem off to you. Like with a person I know who has bought almost every conspiracy theory alive on the internet.

The test. Can I listen without agreeing and without arguing?

Greek philosopher Aristotle on listening but not agreeing: “It is the mark of an educated man to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.”

This remark is about 2,500 years old. I’d go him a bit modern to make it, “It is the mark of someone with equanimity and kindness who can entertain a thought without accepting it.”

Enter email address on the right and click follow to receive updates via email. I will never spam you. I’m not in that business! Thank you.

How can I expect people to listen to me if I don’t listen to them?

So asks black musician Daryl Davis describing his conversations with members of the Ku Klux Klan and various neo-Nazi groups.

This conversation  on Adam Grant’s podcast, ReThinking: Talking people out of hate with Daryl Davis and former neo-Nazi Jeff Schoep — Worklife with Adam Grant, could be one of the most important conversations you’ll hear. 

Davis recounts his early life as the child of a US diplomat living abroad and his first encounter with hate and racism at age 10. He couldn’t understand. “How can they hate me when they don’t even know me?”

Listening, with focus, and intent, without judgement, to someone whose views are anathema to us. This is so important. It is the beginning of conversation. It may not change the other person. But to them to realize they have been heard without shouting and condemnation opens doors that otherwise would be closed forever. And leading just one person out of a life of hate would cause rejoicing in heaven.

[Note: the link goes to my favorite podcast application. There was no link that I could find on Adam Grant’s website.]

Enter email address on the right and click follow to receive updates via email. I will never spam you. I’m not in that business! Thank you.

Some people (often called husbands) tend to jump immediately to propose a solution during a conversation. Other people (often called wives) are fully capable of devising a solution. They just want to be understood.

The descriptions, of course, are somewhat of a generalization. I am not sure I can count the number of husbands who have expressed frustration at that above conversation whom I have counseled to withhold solution in favor of listening—with focus and intention. (I wish I were as perfect as I sound here!)

Let’s take that conversation to the next step when one person disagrees with the solution or any other proposal.

People don’t always care if you agree with them. They would like it if you tried to understood.

From the Prayer of St. Francis, a song by Sebastian Temple:

O, Spirit, grant that I may never seek

so much to be consoled as to console,

to be understood as to understand,

to be loved as to love with all my soul.