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Notes on Being a Man

November 3, 2025

Observing the growing diversity of genders and races at engineering conferences over the past 20 years has been gratifying. I’ve been a “perp” at times over the years. When I had leadership responsibilities, I promoted unlikely people into strategic roles looking at their skill sets and social maturity. I had a female project manager and a sales engineer in the 1980s when many men were uncomfortable with that. They were good.

Melinda French Gates (Bill’s ex) recently appeared on a podcast. While celebrating the advances women have made, she noted the importance of bringing men along. I applaud the setting aside of an “us vs. them” mentality. I’m with Martin Luther King, Jr. when  he asked that we judge people by the strength of their character, not by external factors.

I have watched for years how some boys and men have not been brought along with the progress of women, people of color, and privileged white men. I would see the woman of the family driving the car, going into the bank to do business, running other errands, while the guy sits slumped in the car playing a video game.

Sometimes parents have not been a help. Sometimes no coach or teacher or neighbor has come forward to offer guidance. They’ve heard that if you don’t go to college, you’re nothing. And their talents are not in that direction.

My last podcast discussed building a workplace that respects people. We need to help bring everyone along for the ride. We cannot sit back and expect other to do this.

[Note: the linked blog post contains language and situations that some will find offensive. The message is clear, though.]

Tim Ferriss writing about Scott Galloway on his blog discusses disturbing statistics about young (and a little older now) men. They need guidance. OK, maybe sometimes a metaphorical kick in the pants. Check out Tim’s post and the discussion about Galloway’s new book.

What can we do either individually or through business to help bring these disaffected people along—all the while not forgetting to enable everyone?

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Posted in Attitude, Compassion, Leadership, teaching | Leave a Comment »

See More Clearly

October 31, 2025

John Fischer wrote recently in his The Catch newsletter, “Your job is not to shout louder. But to see clearer… Eyes wide open. Heart tuned in.”

People trying to communicate with someone who speaks a different language invariably speak more loudly as if volume would overcome the language barrier.

People living within different political or religious systems also have this trait. If you don’t seem to understand me, I’ll just scream louder.

Hot tip: that does’t work.

Fischer talks of seeing clearer. That is part of the equation. Better is seeing the other more clearly. And listening. And deciding not to assume the other is simply stupid or ignorant or cynical.

Reminds me of this wonderful song from Godspell, Day by Day.

Oh Dear Lord

Three things I pray

To see thee more clearly

Love thee more dearly

Follow thee more nearly

Day by day

Posted in Attitude, Awareness, discernment | Leave a Comment »

What If Church Were Different?

October 30, 2025

Ed Sheeran wrote a song, Thinking Out Loud.

Just so, I’m thinking out loud.

What if church resembled an AA meeting?

  • Honesty in recognizing shortcomings, no need to hide behind a cover of perfect
  • Supportive community
  • Guidance from a sponsor
  • No shame, guilt (there’s already too much)
  • Communion around a real table, not a metaphorical one

A priest with the curse of alcoholism said that he received more support and help from the AA meeting in the basement of the church than from the worshippers upstairs.

Just Thinking Our Loud.

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Posted in Compassion, forgiveness, Thinking | Leave a Comment »

Faith vs. Works?

October 29, 2025

I face false dichotomies in most areas of my thinking and writing.

My life’s work sometimes seems focused on dashing these dichotomies.

Usually when I am faced with either/or, I suggest what if either both or neither.

The three ideas dance with an intricate rhythm. Faith, Grace, Works. 

What if—faith leads to the inward infusion of the Holy Spirit which manifests itself through our service, kindness, and generosity (works)?

I think that’s why James wrote, “Faith without works is dead.”

I think that is why Paul wrote the last chapters of his letter to the Romans. The letter didn’t end with grace. It ended with examples of acts that we would (should?) do because of our new relationship to God.

The same to us. Life didn’t end on some day that we were “saved.” We must continue living. And that living should be service, graciousness, generous.

Posted in Disciplines, Doing, Faith, Work | Leave a Comment »

Explore and Experiment

October 28, 2025

The book lies before me on the desk,

I’ve often read those chapters of the famous sermon.

In the spirit of those before me,

I open and scan the pages with an explorer’s mind.

Open, curious, I know nothing, 

Exploring the story, thoughts, teaching, responses.

I experiment, trying my thoughts against the text.

Explore, experiment. Finding nuggets of gold

In the stream of words from The Teacher.

This, then, forms the foundation of study.

Enter email address on the right and click follow to receive updates via email. I will never spam you. I’m not in that business! Thank you.

Posted in Attitude, Disciplines, Study | Leave a Comment »

Performance or Listening

October 27, 2025

Sometimes I am quite slow in the realization department. I went to a church service one time where the preacher was getting quite worked up, raising his voice, slamming his fist on the pulpit. 

That’s not my personality type. I said something to someone around me. “It’s so important,” they said. Yes, I thought, but is that effective? I realized later that that was just part of the schtick. Performance.

One of the original megachurches started with an idea that didn’t work out as intended. Let’s start a church that attracts people who don’t want to go to church. Let’s have rock music. Lights. Fog machines. A polished speaker who wears $200 shirts. We’ll call it a Seeker service. Then we’ll have member’s evening on Wednesday for teaching. And small groups for depth and encounter.

The Seeker Service caught on. People like to be entertained. It’s the modern version of the schtick. 

Really changing and helping people, though, is harder work. It involves listening. Listening with the whole mind. Then responding to the needs—expressed and unexpressed. It’s not glamorous. You won’t make headlines. But one person at a time will live a better life.

(I forget the chain of thinking that got me to this post. I think it is in a book I’m reading about the history of assembling and interpreting a Christian scripture where the author gently suggested that people of the different traditions should try listening to each other. I thought—what a revolutionary idea.)

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Posted in Evangelism, Listening | Leave a Comment »

Who Are You?

October 24, 2025

No, I’m not leading into the song by The Who.

You sense a desire to change.

Perhaps you looked into a mirror and thought you wanted to look better. Lose weight. Be more fit.

Perhaps you look with envy at those people who look so happy serving at a food pantry or making meals for people in shelters or just being kind and generous.

You make a list of habits that you will certainly develop.

It fails.

Better this.

I am an exerciser.

I am a person who exercises portion control at meals.

I am a meditator.

I am a generous person.

I am kind.

Decide with intention who you are. You will find that you do the things that come naturally to that sort of person.

And you won’t have Pete Townshend and Roger Daltrey asking who are you!

Enter email address on the right and click follow to receive updates via email. I will never spam you. I’m not in that business! Thank you.

Posted in Attitude, Intention | Leave a Comment »

Jesus the Cardiologist

October 23, 2025

I consulted with my cardiologist today. Good check up. He’s been beneficial to my health. We’re on an annual checkup plan.

I consulted with my other cardiologist this morning during my daily meditation. This cardiologist and I are on a daily, sometimes hourly, checkup plan.

Jesus was always concerned with the status of the heart of people he met.

Have you consulted with your cardiologist lately to assure continued health?

Have you consulted with Jesus, the cardiologist, about the status of you other heart health?

Enter email address on the right and click follow to receive updates via email. I will never spam you. I’m not in that business! Thank you.

Posted in Faith, healing | Leave a Comment »

Engaging Doubt

October 22, 2025

Sometimes circumstances drive us into wondering what it’s all about. God seems somewhere between distant and uncaring. We say we follow Jesus, but his words don’t reach into us like they once did.

Our soul is enveloped in a cloud of doubt.

I think this is the moment Jesus waits for. I think he appreciated the honesty of the man who shouted, “I believe, help me in my unbelief.” Jesus realizes that in doubt, we are now open to discussion. This is exactly the time to meet with him. Our minds are no longer filled with untruth and lies and cultural manipulations. It’s almost like beginner’s mind.

Now, in our doubt, Jesus words can begin to slice through the fog like the beam of a lighthouse along the ocean’s shore. Sometimes barely noticeable; sometimes penetrating.

This is when we are open to new ideas. New beginnings. If only in our doubt, we can still see.

Enter email address on the right and click follow to receive updates via email. I will never spam you. I’m not in that business! Thank you.

Posted in emotions, Faith, Wisdom | Leave a Comment »

Static or Growth Mindset?

October 21, 2025

I first learned about and studied the Enneagram 30 years ago. Different from the Myers-Briggs Types Indicator giving you a static personality type, the Enneagram is dynamic. It means that if I’m self aware, then I can see when I am slipping into the negative parts of the type. And I can know what I should do to reclaim the positive aspects. Delving deeply, I can work toward a more balanced life.

The total misuse of the Enneagram is to use it like the MBTI or the signs of the Zodiac. “Oh, you’re so 7,” or “You’re acting out your 1, being too perfectionist,” or whatever simplistic attitude you develop. It’s perhaps even worse than applying vernacular psychological descriptions supposing a diagnosis…she’s so OCD, he’s a narcissist, what a bipolar person, etc.

Arthur Brooks, the professor of happiness suggesting seeking growth, wrote in this week’s newsletter about an Aristotelian versus Platonic:

  • Find the person you want to be. 
  • Identify the characteristics of that person you seek to emulate. 
  • Make a plan to practice the virtues you want to cultivate. 

Our culture today is likely to push you to define yourself as being a particular sort of person, with a fixed, permanent character (Platonic). This is certainly convenient for businesses and political parties: It makes you a repeat customer, a reliable voter, a faithful donor. Having such an immutable identity can be appealing if it also gives you a sense of belonging as “one of us,” not “one of them.” But it can also leave you stuck in circumstances that you might not like, and that will make you less happy than you could be. Instead, become more of an Aristotelian, and that can set you free.

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Posted in Awareness, Growth | Leave a Comment »

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