Change Your Personality

March 27, 2014

Know anyone who was once addicted to something–sex, drugs, alcohol, TV, gaming–and then “got converted” and became addicted to Jesus (or some other religion or pseudo-religion)?

They had the same personality. It was just directed in a different manner. Hopefully less personally destructive, although not always.

Can you really change your personality?

I have witnessed personalities change over time. Mine certainly has–considerably. Sometimes that’s good. Sometimes not.

You can take the Myers-Briggs Types Indicator and see where you fall as one of 16 personality types. Some things don’t change. I’m “Thinking” rather than “Feeling” rather strongly. (My Extrovert/Introvert type is just borderline E–could go either way, for example.) My whole life if you give me information, I’ll analyze it. Think about it. I tend to go with thinking rather than how I feel about it.

Sometimes an analytical personality will drive people crazy–especially the feeling types.

Looked at another way, there are controlling types of people. They actually can change, learn to let go and loosen up a little. Become more aware of others and gain a broader perspective.

I grew up with a worrier and anxious type. It rubbed off on me, of course. But I learned skills to cope. 45 years of meditation also helps bring down anxiety and controlling tendencies–you can become at once more mellow and more focused.

Knowing personality type helps you understand why you like certain types of worship rather than others. You can learn it isn’t good or bad–some people just are more comfortable with one type.

Knowing when your type drives other people crazy can be the first step toward toning down the negative parts of a type and enhancing the positive–thus getting along with other types.

I have seen personalities change over time. Beware of sudden personality changes in yourself or someone you know. That could be a symptom of a problem. But it probably helps all of us to mellow out the extremes of our personality type and learn to get along.

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Willpower Is Key To Success

March 26, 2014

There was a child, a marshmallow, a closed room, and a promise.

This was an experiment a couple of decades ago where a researcher curious about willpower brought a child into a room. A marshmallow was placed on a table. The researcher stated he would have to leave the room, but he would return in 15 minutes. The child could eat the marshmallow, but if the child did not eat the marshmallow, then he/she would get two marshmallows upon the return of the researcher.

Some ate the marshmallow. Some didn’t.

A follow up on as many of the children as they could find after some 20+ years revealed that the children with the willpower to delay gratification were generally more successful in life than those lacking that one strength.

Daniel Goleman writes about this research in one chapter of his latest book, Focus. It turns out that willpower is more effective a predictor of a young child’s (ages 4-6) success in life than is social class or IQ.

How did the children who succeeded in resisting the temptation do it? They diverted their minds. Those whose thoughts dwelled on the marshmallow, ate it. Those who started singing a song to themselves, or talking to themselves, or played make-believe–in other words, those who diverted their thoughts from the marshmallow–were able to resist it.

Two takeaways.

If you are a parent or grandparent or otherwise can influence a child. Teach them to divert their thoughts to something else instead of continuing to focus on the errant behavior.

Or, for you…when your thoughts start to focus on something you’d rather not think about–be it that donut that is now staring at me as I write this or some worry or anxiety–start to think about something else. The willpower lies in intentionally (yesterday’s topic) choosing to think about something different from the negative thought. I first noticed that I did this myself over 40 years ago. I testify that it works.

Help a kid. Help yourself. Learn how to develop some willpower.

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What Was Your Intention

March 25, 2014

There is s guy I know who often talks about living with intention—pray with intention, decide with intention, live with intention.

While driving home after a weekend get-a-way Sunday, I rather absent-mindedly set the cruise control on my car. A scenario flashed through my mind in an instant:

Stopped by a Highway Patrol officer, “what was your speed?” “I don’t know. I set the cruise control.” “At what speed did you intend to set it?”

Intention. That was the word.

I shouldn’t just push the button to set the speed when I sort of felt like it was time. I should have given the matter a little thought and then set the speed with intention. OK, so it was 7 over the speed limit…

When you leave home today, is it with intention? Do you intend to meet new people? Help someone? Be kind? Be loving?

My friend suggested praying with intention for things to happen. I once listened to a teacher on a podcast (I think it was Bill Hybels) who said to pray spcifically and with expectation. Pray intentionally that God willl lead the right people into your life.

Sometimes I see people. Look at their demeanor. Look into their eyes. They are lost. Not just in the salvation sense, but just lost. No direction. No motivation. No intention. Just drifting through life. Lost.

Then I see people with living with intention. Living with purpose. Friendly, helpful, doing good.

Choose life with intention, or wind up lost.

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Three Types of Focus

March 21, 2014

Can you maintain focus long enough to read a book in the Bible? A chapter? A story? Can you read a book?

Many people feel that a combination of today’s information deluge and our attachment to the instant gratification of smart phones with email, Facebook, Twitter, and so on are ruining us of our ability to sustain focus on a task.

This problem can affect relationships, career, and a living a good life.

My current reading is Daniel Goleman’s Focus: The Hidden Driver of Excellence. You may have heard of Goleman through a previous book, Emotional Intelligence. If you have not read that one, grab it today.

Focus can be described as placing one’s attention on one task/event. When you are at a reception and talking to someone, do you focus on them? Or on everything else? Or have an urge to pull out the old iPhone and check for texts?

Focus affects ability to study, pray, even worship.

Goleman says that leaders especially, and everyone eventually, need to cultivate three types of focus.

  • Inner–keeping you in touch with intuition, values, reflection, making better decisions
  • Other–building relationships with others, connecting with others, being aware of other people
  • Outer–lets us navigate in the greater world around us

As that Star Wars Sage, Yoda, says, “Your focus is your reality.”

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Watching and Overcoming Your Emotions

March 20, 2014

I am carrying an idea that I need to lose 10 lbs. People look at me and ask why, but I am at the top of “good” on the Body Mass Index. I think I’d be healthier if I were down in the middle–or about 10 lbs. lighter.

I make poor food choices at times and get lazy at the gym and drop to a brisk walk rather than run. The problem is really me. Like many people, I look for shortcuts. I used to drink an herbaI concoction called BrainTonIQ that was supposed to enhance brain functions and banish what the Desert Fathers called the “noon day demon” or that lethergy after lunch. The company developed TrimTonIQ that was supposed to promote weight loss. It is herbal, but that does not mean harmless.

My body started feeling different at times. What I really noticed was feelings almost like paranoia–people were against me. (Heck, maybe they really were, but that’s beside the point.) It was more akin to anxiety attacks.

I read a blog post recently about ways to start your morning like successful people do. The writer suggested one thing is to journal. In this way you think about feelings. That’s a good thing to do. You don’t need Freud or Jung or James. The Desert Fathers discovered much during their times of solitude the first two centuries after the founding of the Christian church.

They recognized that feelings can interfere with a Spiritual life. They categorized them. Arranged them into hierarchies. They talked about how to put them behind you so that you could concentrate on God.

I don’t remember what I was reading and taking notes on when it occurred to me what was going on. Immediately my mind went to diet. What had changed. Ah, the tonic. I poured out close to $50 worth of the stuff right then. Down the drain.

I know people whose emotions have been stirred by medications. I know people who just live mired in their emotions. I get lost into emotion at times. After all, it is a physical/mental response of the body.

Do as the Desert Fathers taught. Find space to contemplate what is going on in your self. What feelings have changed? What feelings are dominant. Are they interfering with prayer, study, meditation and relationships? Find the cause. Overcome emotions in order to truly live in the Spirit of God.

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The Truth About You

March 19, 2014

John Ortberg, senior pastor of the Menlo Park Presbyterian Church, is teaching a series now on “The Truth About You.” He says, “The truth about you is that you don’t know the truth about you.”

The most famous phrase on this subject is the inscription at the Temple of Delphi, home of the so-called Delphic Oracle, which says, “Know Thyself.” Christian theologians have picked up that phrase over the centuries–including Clement of Alexandria, Augustine, John Calvin.

During the course of years of my meditating, there have been periods where recurring images would come to me. I’d explore the images during meditation. Sometimes reflecting on them. Then some conclusion would happen, and I would never revisit that image again. Doesn’t mean that I forgot them. I just never went back to that experience.

Paul begins his letter to the Romans talking about how sinful we are. Those can be just words. In my meditations many years ago, there was an image that recurred over the course of many months.

One day during meditation, I opened a door and came face-to-face with all of my sins and all of the sins that I was (am) capable of committing. It was a a shocking experience.

Later, I could understand Romans. And other such works. Forget that I’m so good. I know that within me is the power if unchained has great capability for committing evil deeds.

I’ve said that I’m not really a “Lent” person. It was just never in my heritage and I’ve not picked it up very much. If we take it as a time of reflection of how much bad we have done and how much we are capable of doing, then the release from all that sin and evil (a subsequent experience in that series of meditations) is all the more sweet. That would be the climax of Lent–the celebration of Easter and the Resurrection.

Know yourself. It’s hard. It’s necessary.

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Finding Focus In a Busy World

March 18, 2014

Over the weekend, I compiled a list of topics for this blog. Yesterday morning during my quiet time, I pulled up the list an contemplated what I’d write about.

First on the list was “focus.” Then I scanned the remainder of the list. Then I went back to focus. But I couldn’t.

So, I didn’t write.

After my workout, I had a phone call. Lasted an hour. Then answered email and another call and it was lunch. Another call. A little preparation, and conference calls from 2 until 5. I had dinner alone at my favorite little Italian place (I’m not aware of any good Irish taverns in the area, so my Gannon ancestors were probably reprimanding me) scanning my news feeds.

A day totally without focus. Maybe it’s the full moon.

So much busy-ness. I guess I focused on each call, but there was no focus on Getting Things Done.

Remedies

  • Usually when I have trouble with focus, I get up and move. Often the movement is taking a brief walk through the neighborhood. A little fresh air and exercise is a great reset.
  • Another good thing is to pull up my Nozbe next action list. Check out what I should be working on and do the next action.
  • Or, return to the open document and decide to finish it. Read what I’ve done thus far and then just start typing. Just writing the next words draws me into the task.
  • Sometimes I look at a task that I’ve been putting off and consciously decide to start working on it. Two hours later (as in last Saturday), it’s done and I can check it off. A great feeling.
  • If I’m tired, I push back and just close my eyes and meditate for a few minutes. Then I return to the task refreshed.
  • A cup of Tazo Zen tea is a great refresher.

What works for you? A life without focus is a life lost.

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Meditations on Meditating

March 14, 2014

We are in the Christian season of Lent. As I’ve said previously, I grew up in a tradition where we did not really recognize Lent. As a kid, I knew that the Lutherans and Catholics chose something from which to abstain during Lent. I don’t even remember going to any special Ash Wednesday services.

I wonder if we practiced Advent mostly because of the commercial hype around gift giving. We had Advent calendars that marked off the days until Christmas. We had Christmas programs at church. We had Christmas programs at school (when approximately 100% of the school’s population is Christian, you could do that).

I’m meditating on Lent this year. Maybe because there is another movie out that, like the one by Mel Gibson several years ago, seems to focus on the death of Jesus. In some traditions, the “way of the Cross” is commemorated bringing to the front of mind the steps of Jesus from Pilate’s residence to the place of crucifixation.

We know the point of Christmas. It is that Jesus came into the world. For Lent, as it leads up to Good Friday and Easter there are two events. Death and resurrection. Tradition has us concentrating for 40 days (plus Sundays) on the death. We have one quick day celebrated by pastel colors and candy to remember the resurrection. And then it’s over.

Read Acts again. Read Paul’s letters. The first followers of Jesus did so because of the resurrection. That was the single most important event in our religious heritage.

Jesus said that he pointed the way to eternal life. John always uses the term in the present tense. Eternal life begins when you choose it. It also carries on to life with-God after we die–physically.

Those of us who meditate deeply understand the distinction of body and soul. We’ve experienced it.

We need a celebration to remember the resurrection all the time beginning with Easter and leading to Advent. It is our life now and our hope for the future.

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Living With Diversity Or Dealing With Outcasts

March 13, 2014

Jesus and his followers for the next 300 years or so understood that they lived in a multi-ethnic society. They did not expect that the whole neighborhood, city, country were just like them. They had a message about how to live life in the Spirit and wanted to share it.

I grew up Methodist in a Lutheran town (pop. 1,000). We were taught there were vast differences between us. So, go figure when the first “hillbillies” moved into town. Wow, the old women started talking. (I spent time with my great-grandmother, so that’s the group I heard.)

Now, look at the New Testament. Jesus, Paul, and the rest. They dealt routinely with people from a variety of cultures. Of course, there were people who “kept to their own kind.” But not these people.

Our politicians in Washington are debating immigration again (still?). Politics is one thing, and I don’t care to discuss it. But much of the argument comes from attitude. That, I’ll discuss. They’re not like us. They speak a different language. Have a different culture. Eat different foods. We still have people who wish to keep to their own kind.

Look at the example of Jesus (recorded in John 4). In two quick stories, back-to-back, John tells about Jesus talking with a woman (gasp) alone by a well outside the city. Oops, she’s also from an outcast part of the area (Samaritan). That’s two strikes. What is he up to?

Then he stays two days in the Samaritan town. Remember, Jews at the time would walk for miles to go around the area of Samaria rather than even walk through it. Can you imagine Jesus’ disciples? What were they thinking when Jesus said, “OK, let’s spend a couple of days here.”

The very next story concerns a Roman. Even worse than a Samaritan. Jesus heals his child.

The Samaritans believed. The Roman believed. There are no comments in the text. It’s just business as usual for Jesus.

Just so for us. Many of us in the Midwest grew up in homogeneous towns. Many others grew up among the same type of people even in cities. Some still live apart from others.

Following the example of our pioneer leaders in faith, we need to learn to live with diversity. Understand that others are also human, with the same needs and desires. We all need to live in the Spirit of God.

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Leaders Take Care of Themselves First

March 12, 2014

The Bible tells the stories of many interesting and powerful people. Daniel has long stood out as one that I admire as much as any. He was a leader in two empires. He had to be good to survive the conquest of the Babylonians by the Persians and be a top leader and advisor to the kings of both.

One of the first things we learn about Daniel is that already as a young man he was focused and grounded. When he and his friends were chosen for the management intern program under the king of Babylon, he refused the diet of the royal household. They chose to eat a simple diet, low in fats and alcohol.

I have a friend who, the last time I saw him, was on the “Daniel diet.” We know even today that a diet filled with fruits and vegetables is healthy. Reduce the amount of fats and “bad carbs” in your diet and you will feel much better.

An acquaintance told me this week that she is practicing the Blood Type Diet to lose weight. I was curious, so I Googled it. Many years ago, a book became popular in Japan that did personality type by blood type. I am B+. Supposedly that’s one of the best (according to the secretary of the president of the company I worked at then, who told me to tell Alex right away to get on his good side). I’m not going to follow that diet necessarily. but it had interesting stuff. I’m not to eat corn and wheat and also avoid chicken. Whew, that’s a good thing. I haven’t eaten poultry since a bad experience around 60 years ago.

Daniel also took time out to pray three times a day. Some people today practice taking an afternoon nap. But I find, like Daniel, that taking regular times out to meditate helps both energy and focus.

Speaking of focus, I don’t think the ancient writers used that term, but I have to believe that Daniel was one focused individual. As Qui-gon said to Anakin Skywalker in Star Wars Episode I, “Remember, your focus determines your reality.”

When you choose to do something, give it the benefit of your focus. We cannot really multi-task, but we can practice like a microprocessor–time slicing. We can juggle many things, but we have to give focus to each in small bursts.

Focus, diet, quiet. Three keys to taking care of yourself.

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