I Saw It Coming

April 16, 2014

Ever been in a situation where you see the first incident that could lead to a decision, and then continue to observe and watch the situation degenerate into something bad?

I’m reflecting on a call I made in Sunday’s men’s soccer match. Score 3-2. Team with 3 is attacking down at the opponent’s goal. Defender puts his body against the attacker with the ball. That’s the point of decision. The point that really captures my attention. Instead of denying the attacker access to the goal by that means (legal), defender decides to start pushing against the attacker with his body. I could see it coming. He must have moved the attacker five yards. Then the attacker went down.

This is the “moment of truth.” Do I have the courage to make the call? Because of the situation with the two teams and the level of play, I called penalty kick and the score was 4-2 with one minute to play.

But the thing is, I saw it coming. And I waited to see which decision the defender made.

Same thing can happen in our relationships. Have you seen a friend, colleague, or relative find themselves in a situation and then make a small decision? And then another? And another until someone calls Foul? And you said, “I saw it coming.”

I’ve been in too many conversations where the Christians around me are calling Foul on others when they saw it coming.

What about with you? Remember Jesus’ exaggerated comparison of seeing a mote in someone else’s eye and missing the log in your own? Do you recognize when you are in a situation and making that first small decision?

Maybe it’s relationship, maybe fitness and health, maybe ethics. And someone could say, “I saw it coming.” It would be best if we saw it coming to ourselves and diverted. Or if we were kind to a fellow human and tell them we see it coming and can we help them divert.

This week the Christian community remembers Jesus’ final week. When he and his closest followers went from triumph to despair to defeat to final victory. He saw it coming. Tried to prepare the others. They didn’t understand for days. Same can happen to us.

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I Do What I Don’t Want To Do and I Don’t Do What I Want To Do

April 15, 2014

The title might sound reminiscent of something Paul wrote when he was letting himself get complicated again. But did you ever notice that one part of your brain knows something and another part of your brain does something different?

I know about warming up before exercise. I know about staying warm between bursts of exercise. I know about stretching afterward.

But, did I do that Sunday? Nooooo.

Last weekend was the first weekend I spent mostly outdoors this spring. I was out in the sun and wind Saturday as a timer for the pro soccer referee fitness tests. Then out again for yard work in the afternoon.

Then Sunday, I refereed two adult men soccer games. It was warm and windy. The field was slightly soft. It was my first outdoor running of the year. I met one of the other referees and we chatted. Then the third came. Then it was time to inspect the players and get the game going. No warmup.

Between games, we stood around for 15 minutes or so, then took off to do the second game. I needed to do a sprint right away. The legs said, No you don’t. Took some time to get loosened up again.

After the games, I got in the car and headed to McDonalds for some carb replenishment. But no stretching. Two phone calls instead.

I know better. I teach it. But I didn’t do it.

We are like that often in our lives. We know and we don’t do. Our brains can hold both thoughts simultaneously and never see a contradiction. Heck, I’ve seen politicians (nameless for this post) who could say something to one group, something totally different to another and never personally appear self-contradictory. Their brains could hold two dissimilar political ideas yet convince the person that there was no contradiction. The person appeared whole.

Like Paul, I know I need to learn to do what I know is right. It’ll save me much grief.

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Facing Conflict

April 11, 2014

Facing conflict in a positive manner is a skill that many of us fall short of possessing in sufficient amount.

The situation most often arises when you have teenaged children. Work situations are full of situations where conflict can fester and grow. Conflicts within groups in your church or other non-profit volunteer work are often difficult.

Some of us shy away from conflict for fear of making things worse or rupturing a relationship or out of regard for the feelings of others.

Some people, on the other hand, love creating conflict. These are abrasive, pushy, argumentative types.

Thinking about this, both of these types are self-centered approaches. Neither is healthy.

I’m reading in the Gospel of John these days. John builds his story around conflict. Almost every scene shows Jesus in some sort of conflict with the authorities (Jewish, not Roman). What can we learn from John’s description of how Jesus dealt with the constant conflict.

  • Strong resolve that the direction you’re going is right. You must have confidence that you’re doing the right thing and moving the organization ahead in a positive manner.
  • Understand the Other. Aren’t we often guilty of ascribing motives to other people that they, in fact, do not have? We assume facts not in evidence. Some of us are very good at reading people’s motives. Others of us need to ask a few more questions.
  • Understand yourself. Understand your own strengths and weaknesses. Know where you need help–and ask for it.
  • Speak softly, firmly, with confidence. I would say speak clearly, but if we follow Jesus’ example, we’d speak in riddles at times. But for us, clear communication spoken with a firm but quiet voice is most effective.
  • Don’t doubt your own authority. If you have the authority that comes with leadership, then use it. But don’t abuse it.

The world needs good leaders. Be one.

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Pay It Forward

April 9, 2014

There was a couple that I knew at a restaurant that I frequent. Got the idea that I’d pick up their check. Too late. They picked up mine.

They paid it forward.

Next time I picked up the check for some people I knew. Then again for a random group. Just told the server to tell them that someone was paying forward.

We had a pastor who would pay for the next person in line at the gas station.

I read about a guy who travels even more often than I. He always stops at the shoeshine stand whether he needs it or not and pays with a $20–no change.

I tip the housekeepers in hotels. They have a crummy job at low wages. I’ve heard about the condition many people leave behind. And I really appreciate their service. I don’t leave a lot of money (probably should leave a little more), but one day I came back to my room to pick up something and the housekeeper was down the hall. She thanked me profusely. It was just the recognition of doing a good job, I think.

Sometimes I send a gift card for a night out to someone at work who has performed extra work or has just been outstanding in some way and could really use the recognition of a job well done.

I think that I still can’t embed videos on this version of WordPress (I must remember to upgrade). But when I saw this video it brought a tear to my eye. I presume that it’s real–it was forwarded by a couple of people that I trust.

At any rate, watch this Best Shift Ever episode of Prank It Forward and enjoy.

Do you ever pay it forward?

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Cultivate A Powerful Mind

April 7, 2014

Twenty minutes of quiet meditation daily rewires your brain to tap into and grow the regions responsible for a more positive outlook on life.

How many people do you know that just can’t settle down? They can’t take time to focus on just one idea at a time. Their thoughts are scattered all over and their anxieties multiply.

Is that somewhere that you’ve been? Or are now?

Brain researchers are discovering that the brain need not harden and weaken as it grows older. It can, in fact, continue to grow, add “wiring”, become more integrated. It just needs new experiences to keep it malleable and growing.

True confession–I have never read any of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes novels. I own one in paperback that I don’t think I ever read. But I’ve gotten hooked on the CBS series Elementary, the Sherlock Holmes movies and the BBC adaptation mini-series on PBS. I’ve been learning about Holmes’ thought process.

Maria Konnikova has written a well researched book on Holmes’ thought process intertwined with the latest on brain research. The book is Mastermind: How to Think Like Sherlock Holmes. I recommend it.

Toward the end of the book, she says, “If you get only one thing out of this book, it should be this: the most powerful mind is the quiet mind. It is the mind that is present, reflective, mindful of its thoughts and it’s state. It doesn’t often multitask, and when it does, it does so with a purpose.”

I have struggled with overcoming the busy mind, anxieties, lack of focus on my life. I’m sure many others have. I’ve also spent almost 50 years researching and experiencing and reflecting on this topic. She nails it.

And every time I drift, something calls me back to a quiet mind, focus, being present in the moment.

Here are a few things I’ve discovered:

  • Start the day with quiet time, maybe a cup of coffee or tea, just relaxing and focusing on breath. (remember that in the Hebrew and Greek of the Bible breath, wind and spirit are the same word)
  • Take a break during the day at times to move around to break the momentum of stress
  • Become aware of yourself and your thoughts that reside in the background, when they are not helpful, stop and take a few deep breaths
  • Turn off email and phone when you need to concentrate on reading or work
  • When you listen, listen; when you read, read; when you meditate, mediate–become fully aware of only the present moment

Peace.

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Power of Imagination and Vision in Leadership

April 4, 2014

In “Mastermind: How to Think Like Sherlock Holmes,” Maria Konnikova discusses the power of imagination for solving problems. One of the traits of Holmes was to be able to separate facts from conjecture. Then, he used the power imagination to assemble and re-assemble the facts until he hits upon a solution.

Bill Hybels, founder and leader of the Willow Creek Community Church, discussed a couple of weeks ago his vision of a way to build community (or communities) among the 6,000 or so people who attend each of the three weekend services.

Backing up a little, when Hybels was in his early 20s, he was captured by a vision of how a church could be. Called an Acts 2 church, it was an organization that spread because of the changed lives of the people. As he executed the vision over the past 30 years or so, he continues to hold the vision and to try to keep it going.

Another vision came to him. People usually sit in the same section. Ever notice that even in large conferences, people will sit at the same table each day for the keynotes? Well, Hybels noticed it. Fact plus imagination plus vision.

Why not build communities of the people who always sit together, but who probably never interact more than to say, “Hi?” He imagined a gathering of the people in the group periodically. A leader of the section who would assume the leadership role of welcoming people, organizing short small group gatherings.

Then Hybels took the next step of leading the effort himself. He has a large staff. He could have delegated. He had a personal vision of the community he imagined.

They began to recruit section leaders. Every week, he teaches and interacts with them. This was how he implemented the vision.

Vision, imagination, action. A powerful combination.

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Being Compassionate

April 3, 2014

Do you notice that there are “memes” that run through Facebook? Someone starts a thought that gets repeated by many for a day or two.

A recent meme circulated by many of my “friends” on Facebook had to do with getting rid of “deadbeats”. They don’t say what they’d do with them; but they want them gone.

I wonder if any of these sheltered people know any poor people relationally. It’s easy. In America today, millions of people are just one illness away from bankruptcy.

What gets to me more than the politics is the attitude. When I glance through the posts–many from people I know personally–the cynicism, arrogance, and lack of empathy just totally strikes at my heart. Are these people really that heartless? Or are they just parroting the “party line?”

Willow Creek Community Church just began its annual three-weekend long Compassion series called Celebration of Hope. Last Sunday, Executive Pastor and Director of Compassion and Justice, Heather Larson, spoke on compassion. This message deserves a listen.

I’m not the kind of liberal who arose especially in the late 60s who is optimistic that government can be a tool to eradicate all poverty and injustice. Neither am I the type of conservative prevalent today that seems to reflect the attitude of self-centeredness and condescension.

I would rather challenge everyone whatever their social status to have compassion toward everyone and especially those who have suffered misfortune. That is one of the things we do to live like a disciple of Jesus.

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Tricks Our Minds Play on Us

April 2, 2014

Why is it that we hold some beliefs so firmly in the face of overwhelming evidence against them?

I notice this in religion, where people are convinced of the truth of a passage in the Bible, except that there is no such passage. Take a look at political discourse, that is, if you can with a measure of objectivity. Mostly it’s just a parroting of a mixture of opinion and fact–usually with precious little fact–held firmly as fact.

Pondering this question years ago led me to study brain science–at least from the standpoint of an educated layperson. My favorite works were by Antonio D’Amasio.

The current book open on my Kindle reader is Mastermind: How to Think Like Sherlock Holmes by Maria Konnikova. One chapter on deductive reasoning really delves into findings on how our brain tricks us. It is well known in many circles that the mind will believe anything we tell it to believe. Well, it can also tell us we saw something that we never saw with our eyes. It is now legendary in legal trial circles that the worst evidence is eyewitness evidence.

I try to remember this research often as I trust my memory. Sometimes the memory is good. I interview many people for my day job. I’ve only had one instance where I misquoted the intent of my source in the past 16 years.

The secret is focus, paying close attention to the speaker, concentrating. The conversation comes back with only a few notes for important points.

There are things that happen where you didn’t have such focus. You thought you read it, when maybe you only heard it somewhere. You thought you saw the incident, when maybe your attention was elsewhere and only diverted over to the incident and then returned.

This means that we need to intentionally sharpen our awareness of what is around us. Be mindful of what we see, do and read. Go back and read again. Question our assumptions and test them.

Live with intention, not as if in a dream.

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Facing Conflict

April 1, 2014

Do you like conflict? Like confrontation? Like to make someone else angry?

How do you deal with it?

I hate it. My basic life orientation is toward peace, calming people, making people feel good. Yet, sometimes I get into situations where I need to face conflict and confrontation. A mentor told me once, “The trouble is you’re a change agent.” Yes, if you try to make changes, you’ll upset someone. Then you have to face it.

There are at least two of those situations in my life right now…no, maybe three.

There’s a story in the Gospel of John that has double brackets around it in my translation. This story was not universally included in ancient transcripts of the Gospel. It even appeared in Luke in some ancient manuscripts. But it is a story within Jesus’ character.

This is the story of the woman caught in adultery. Jesus was teaching in the Temple. The Temple leaders brought a woman caught in the act of adultery to Jesus. Since Jesus had healed someone on the Sabbath in defiance of their interpretation of Moses’ Law. They wanted to test him according to the Law–which mandated stoning the woman (but the man was also to be punished, and he was not caught).

This is the famous “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” Then he looked down at the ground and wrote (we don’t know what).

Think of the psychology. He was confronted by an angry and suspicious mob. He confronted them with a statement that made them think. But he did not stare at them accusingly. He just looked down and let them decide individually.

What a model. I’m sure something for me to learn from that. Be strong, but not provocative.

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How Did You Get Where You Are

March 31, 2014

Are you doing now what you thought you’d be when you started out?

I loved science as a kid. Electronics, especially, fascinated me. I learned about circuits. I learned math that was way beyond what they were teaching in school. Enough so, that I always tested well in standardized tests on math. I learned a lot of science that is still with me.

This was all outside of school. I think I learned some things in school, but to this day most of my education is outside the walls of Academe. (Note to educators 😉

Writing always had an attraction to me. So, after working in engineering-related jobs for many years, I started writing (which requires thinking, by the way).

Jesus, John, Peter and the rest of the original group must have been somewhat similar. They were very smart, and they knew a lot. But several times in the Gospel accounts they are referred to as “uneducated.” I think that is because they were educated outside of the “Ivy League” of the day. They weren’t part of the establishment.

As an aside, I looked into studying in a seminary a long time ago. It wasn’t attractive. The course of study was weird to me. And, I viewed it as just an apprenticeship toward getting into the “club” so to speak–being an official pastor. Not an attractive option to me then–or now.

Take a look at John, whose Gospel I’m studying right now. He wrote in Greek. His logic is somewhat complex. I think the same person wrote the Gospel, the three letters and the Revelation because the logic is the same and the vision is consistent–although you can see growth.

John probably came from a wealthy family. Learned the family trade of fishing. Became an intimate disciple of Jesus. Became a leader of the early movement. Probably Peter being the organizer and John being the intellectual visionary. Then he moved to Ephesus and taught a community. Was exiled to an island. And became a writer.

I think what John did was a mixture of intentionally learning and following the proddings of God. I think that’s how I’ve wound up where I am.

So, how did you get where you are? There is, of course, still time to follow the little whispers of God suggesting things you should be learning and doing.

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