Decisions Determine Our Life Story

August 21, 2014

God must be trying to tell me something. Three time this week so far the message “Your decisions determine your life story” has occurred.

What life story do you want to leave behind? Andy Stanley explored that in this week’s Your Move message. What do you want people to say about you years from now?

Every day you make decisions, large and small–mostly small, that determine your story. Did you decide to help or hinder? Did you decide to stir up trouble or to be a peacemaker?

Aristotle said that we are what we repeatedly do. He went on to say “Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit.”

Did you know that the word “decision” seldom occurs in the Bible? I just looked it up. In the NIV, there were 27 instances of the word, and all but 4 were in the notes. Proverbs only uses the word once. But the entire book is about the effects of our decisions.

I’ve made perhaps four major decisions in the past year. One was on the whole not good–a business decision that caused me some amount of grief. But most of them have turned out well. They have determined the direction of my life for the next few years. And I’m happy with that. And I think God is.

But I wonder–what other decisions am I facing big or small that God is warning me about by putting that message in front of me this week? Or, maybe I’m just supposed to pass along the wisdom.

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Sometimes Talking With Someone Is Better

August 20, 2014

John, writing some advice to his church in his second letter, concludes by saying, “There is much I have to write to you, but I would rather not use pen and ink.”

Sometimes talking is better. Today we use electrons flowing through a wire and projected upon a screen rather than the much simpler pen and ink. And that is often worse than any other means. How often have we written hurriedly about some random emotion, pressed “send”, and then lived to regret it? For me–way too often.

I was just on the receiving end of one of those emotional tirades. No thinking through the implications or the reality of the situation. Just a reaction based upon half-truths and then a reputation shot by hitting send.

The appropriate response is to use John as a guide–speak truth in love in person not with pen and ink (or electrons on a screen).

This is not my forte. I can present a speech. I can get by a little with idle chit-chat. But that is difficult. When I was young, I must have been somewhere on the autistic spectrum or something. I wanted to relate, but I couldn’t. Outside of a brief period in adolescence when I was argumentative, I was usually silent. The upside is that people thought I was smart. I remember in my second year of college that I could go entire days without ever speaking a word.

Confrontation is not within my comfort zone.

Recently I was in a situation with a guy who evidently loves argument. He’d get all mad and red-faced. Somehow mentally I’d step back and look at a bigger picture and see it didn’t matter in the long run.

But now there is a situation that the only way to handle is to speak the truth in love. That means confronting my own fears and realizing that I probably won’t be loved in return. But Henry Cloud, author and psychologist, would call that growing up.

Do we know when and how to confront others and when mere argument is just worthless exercise?

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Leaders Need To Know Their Place

August 19, 2014

Yesterday I taught on the positive side of 3 John. Gaius was a strong leader, and John had heard about it and complimented him.

But just as our good deeds get talked about and passed around, so do our bad. Diotrephes is singled out as the example of poor leadership in the organization. How would you like to be known and talked about 2,000 years after your death as the guy “who likes to put himself first.”

Diotrephes was the type of person who knew everything. He even knew more than the apostle who walked with Jesus himself! Just as I wrote the other day about if you are the smartest person in the room, you’re in the wrong room, so Diotrephes liked thinking he was the smartest guy in the room.

A leader needs to know the purpose and foundation of the organization. Even in leadership, the leader needs to know when to put herself or himself second to someone else. Jesus taught leaders serve. He also taught that leaders teach the truth.

We know this in business. It’s even more important in churches. Leaders must be humble–that is, putting God and others before themselves. The self-promoters are like the wheat on the poor soil in the parable that shoot up quickly but have no staying power. They wither and die.

In whatever we are leading, we must have the perspective of serving others–whether they are customers and employees, or people on our committees, or family members.

I just listened to Andy Stanley talk about how your decisions determine your life story. Do you want your story talked about for years after your death the way Diotrephes’ is?

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Your Faith and Witness Speak More Than You Know

August 18, 2014

In this era of the US NSA spying on everyone, we should be aware that people are watching us. All the time.

We had the grandkids for a week a few weeks ago. Their sharp little eyes pick up everything. They are watching.

But even 2,000 years ago, people were watching. John (the Elder) writes in the 3rd letter to Gaius that he has heard reports about how good and faithful to the truth he has been. And he talks about another faithful witness and one who is not a true follower.

John was the last of the apostles alive. He was always concerned with the Truth. As the Elder in the church, he was even more concerned that the essential truth was taught–Jesus lived as a human, Jesus died, Jesus rose from death to live again.

John was also concerned with love–a lesson taught to him by Jesus. A lesson that it took John a few years to learn and incorporate into his life.

You see both in the three letters. And you see both as John writes in love to his friend and compliments him on his work and his life.

Paul also was aware that people are always watching. He writes that he is concerned that he might do something because he is free in the grace of God, but that freedom to do that thing (say eat “unclean” food) might corrupt another who is watching him and who has not yet experienced grace.

I’m always surprised when I hear reports back to me that others are talking about me. Happens professionally all the time–“I heard that you….” I think, “Whoa, am I that important that people talk about me?” I just go on my way daily with no thought that people are watching. But they are.

I hope I’ve been good 😉

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Getting Outside Yourself

August 15, 2014

When I was younger, I tried writing poetry. There was a recurring theme that just happened. It wasn’t planned, necessarily. The theme was getting outside yourself to get to know yourself.

Leo Babauta, in a recent blog post, talked about living in a little personal bubble and how we need to get out of that bubble.

What was it, 30 or 40 years ago, when Time magazine labelled my generation as the “Me Generation”? Books have been written over the past few years about the age of Narcissism. I recently counted more than 10 recent books on living with or relating with a narcissist.

I don’t think that “me first” is unique to this generation, though. When I reflect on literature of every age even into the most ancient texts, I read men and women full of wisdom teaching about getting out of that “personal bubble” and living first for God and then for others.

One of the top goals I had for leading people into missions is to get them to see the plight of others and perhaps get outside their personal bubble and begin to think of others first instead of themselves.

One of the reasons to practice Spiritual Disciplines such as study, prayer, celebration and service is to put yourself on the track of placing your attention on God and others.

One of my small groups is studying Twelve Ordinary Men by John MacArthur. The author takes us into the personalities of Jesus’ inner circle of disciples and look at how he changed them. Regarding Phillip, he writes that Phillip was the sort of person who needs a list. But Jesus gave guidelines. Jesus gave him the freedom from lists to go out and concentrate on other people.

Jesus guidelines? Love The Lord your God with all your soul, and heart, and mind and strength. And love your neighbor as yourself.

It’s all about getting out of your bubble and living for others. What actually happens is the joy and satisfaction and fulfillment you were seeking from within your personal bubble doesn’t arrive until you get out of your bubble.

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Pride Or Wisdom

August 14, 2014

I, Wisdom, live with prudence,
and I attain knowledge and discretion.
The fear of The Lord is hatred of evil.
Pride and arrogance and the way of evil
and perverted speech I hate.
–Proverbs 8:12-13

So many things that we do in life that separate us from God have their root cause in pride and arrogance. Solomon knew this 3,000 years ago.

As we grow older, we often begin to attain knowledge and discretion. Some don’t. And young people (we’ve all been there) think they have already attained knowledge. But living with God, eventually you look at people in their 30s and 40s who are striving against others for wealth and power–if even only on a relative scale.

Then we look back at those years and those who are there now and understand.

Where does pride leave self-assurance and go too far? Some of us are brought up in households of insecurity and low self-esteem. Where is it that we gain confidence and then where when we go too far and become filled with pride.

It is where you stop living with-God. It is where you put yourself first. Thinking only of yourself. Your desires. Your comfort.

How do you know that you are not in that place of separation from God? It’s when your heart and actions are for the benefit of others. When you listen to what God wants you to do–and then you do it. Humbly–that means thinking of others with no thought of your own gain.

When we arrive at that place, it is like a great weight has disappeared from our shoulders. We live free.

Maybe for some of us, this is a life-long struggle. We have been living in an age of Narcissism. It is all around us. Messages from advertisers and news reports and peers all whisper that we exist only to satisfy our own desires. Breaking free of that is not easy. But it is necessary to achieve the with-God life. And be free.

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Seek Out Advisors

August 13, 2014

If you are the smartest person in the room, you’re in the wrong room.

Yesterday afternoon I was at a table in the local Tim Horton’s drinking my tea and researching for an article. A couple of young women were talking at the table beside me. One of them had a problem, and I guess I looked sympathetic or something. So, they turned and asked my “advice” about it. They are college students making major decisions and buffeted by conflicting desires and forces.

Then they told me they were “Millennials”. I never get a chance to talk with that demographic (as marketers would call it), so I asked what defined a Millennial. And I learned something.

My orientation toward life is one of always trying to learn something new. And I’m interested in a lot of things. In this case, these young women were smarter than I about what it means to be 20 today. And they were articulate. In fact, they seemed normal in every way, but they blew away the stereotype. Just giving them the ability to be heard allowed them to teach me things.

The phrase I opened with has popped up in a couple of leadership books I have read recently. It makes a lot of sense.

Do you know everything? Or, try to show everyone that you know everything?

Has that ever cost you the chance to learn something new?

Do you surround yourself with people who can’t (or won’t) teach you anything new?

I attend a small study group early Tuesday mornings when I’m in town. Every one of the men in the group has a different education and strength. After an hour of discussing the book we’re reading, I come away with many new insights.

One of those twisted phrases attributed to baseball player and coach Yogi Berra goes, “You can hear a lot just by listening.”

He was right. Surround yourself with people smarter than you and then listen to them.

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You Give Christians A Bad Name

August 11, 2014

Shot through the heart.
And you’re to blame.
Darling, you give love a bad name.

Apologies to Bon Jovi, but I heard a comment recently describing several people known to the commenter. He basically said, “They give Christians a bad name.”

While always ready with a supposedly Christian moral platitude or accusatory word, the private lives of many of that type of Christian often reveals that all-too-human gap between what we believe and how we live.

I mentioned before that I’m studying (with a small group) a book by John MacArthur called Twelve Ordinary Men about how Jesus trained the various apostles. Tomorrow, I’m leading discussion on John.

Have you read the gospel of John? He is one of those “truth-tellers” who divide everything up into black/white, light/dark, right/wrong, spiritual/earthly. John was ready to call down fire on a town that had rejected Jesus. He was one of those people.

MacArthur traces through the Gospels to show how Jesus gradually taught this fierce, fiery, politically tapped-in leader to temper truth telling with love. Not a mushy, sentimental love. But a love that understood people and sought to meet people not to talk at them but to talk with them.

That is something we all need to learn and incorporate as a Discipline–the ability to relate to others and meet them where they are. It’s not about us. It’s about them.

That is the lesson John learned–and taught.

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You Become What You Worship

August 8, 2014

“You become what you think about.”

Earl Nightingale, a writer and radio broadcaster, researched what made people successful in life for his entire life. His thought had a great impact on me.

After many years of reading the world’s greatest thinkers, it occurred to him that over and over he read that our thoughts determine our actions. We become what we think about.

The Menlo Park Presbyterian Church is replaying “Best of…” messages this summer. This week I listened to a conversation with theologian N.T. Wright. I’ve only read one of his books, but he’s now on my shopping list for more.

He dropped this comment into the conversation, “You become like what you worship.” Sound familiar?

Jesus taught that you cannot worship both God and money. Do you worship power (Mars in the ancient world)? Love/sex (Aphrodite)? The ancients knew psychology.

If your thoughts, like the prevailing worldview of the Romans, dwell on power and how you can obtain power over others, you may or may not become powerful in the eyes of the world, but you will become shallow, cynical, not liked, and apart from God.

Many of the objects we worship–even if we don’t call it worship exactly these days–lead us to personal places of loneliness, despair, unhappiness. We just go from experience to experience looking for the next high.

Focusing on God through the disciplines of study, prayer, meditation, service, and so on lead to a personally fulfilling life.

We become like God.

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Fear or Faith

August 7, 2014

Yes, I’ve been traveling again. Conferences start too early in the morning for me to keep up my daily routine. But I’m in Austin, Texas and enjoying my early morning runs along Town Lake like I’ve done for the past 16 years at this conference.

A remark was made Sunday that people can react to circumstances with fear or faith.

Psychologists who study such things have noticed for years that people have fears they may not even recognize.

People in business often fear, not failure, but success. For some reason, they are uncomfortable with success and do something to screw it up. It’s worth thinking about in your own life. Are there projects or ministries or businesses where you reacted with fear of the unknown that comes with success or with faith in the future?

I’ve been contemplating the horrors of the Middle East with this latest invasion of Gaza by Israel. So much of that conflict is where fear meets resentment. And it seems like a vicious circle. I’ve been to Israel. I’ve sensed the underlying fear. I’ve been around poor people and talked to a few Palestinians. I also sensed this in Egypt several years ago. The resentment. Even educated people with no prospects.

Fear and resentment played a part in US history–remember the summer of riots in the late 60s.

Both sides in all these cases claimed a faith. But the reactions are fear.

And what of us? Do we step out in service in faith? Or do we shrink from helping others from fear?

Time for a personal check up?

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