Overcoming Our Reaction to Emotions

March 7, 2016

Emotions are not bad, or good, in themselves. They just are. They happen to us.

When we dwell in our emotions and let them dominate us, then it’s time to see a professional.

But that is hard. Very hard.

When I first started meditating regularly in the late 60s/early 70s, I was seeking an experience of God. In the East they talk of words such as nirvana or enlightenment. Sometimes in Christian history, the term used was ecstasy. (not the drug)

I’ve had  mystical experiences. Mostly I don’t talk about them. What I did learn was the truth of the old Zen phrase, “Before enlightenment, chop wood and carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood and carry water.”

You may have an intimate experience of God. But the next day, you must go back to work.

As I went deeper, I discovered the works of the Desert Fathers. They were a weird group overall. But there were many masters of faith among them. And they have much to teach a willing student.

Eventually I ran across John Climacus–St. John of the Ladder. He wrote “The Ladder of Divine Ascent.”

Bet you think that this would be a step-by-step guide to enlightenment. You’d be wrong–sort of.

John shows how one emotion leads to another one–worse usually than the preceding one. He was actually a psychologist. He studied and learned more about the human psyche than Freud.

What I learned more than how to meditate was how to recognize the emotions overtaking me. What their roots were. How to deal with them (admittedly not always successfully).

I probably started down this path of thought reading my facebook “news” feed. Lots of opinions. Almost no facts. Lots of emotional reaction. Almost no reason. Pretty much not what the Founding Fathers wanted to see in a new democracy–but what they were afraid of.

It reminds me of the utmost importance of observing ourselves. Recognizing our emotional reactions. Tracing them to the root. Dealing with our own problem first. Then maybe helping others fix theirs.

Sometimes we just have to chill out a bit.

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Ten Lessons for Long Life

March 4, 2016

I was at a conference last week, and one speaker led off with this slide. Well, actually, his first slide was in Chinese. This was the second slide 😉

10 Lessons For Long Life

These are excellent lessons for life and a healthy body. I’ve tried them all. They work. And when I’ve had health issues, it’s because of going the wrong way on a couple.

The result of having too much stress in our life has finally sunk in to me. I thought I handled stress well with meditation and Yoga. Not so much. You can do the practice, but if it is not deep and meaningful — and mindful — then it doesn’t alleviate all the stress.

Action rather than talking is good. Sometimes we’re good at talking about what we’d like to do–or what we’d like someone else to do–and never get around to doing.

Giving grows the soul. We all have too much stuff. I just threw out almost 1,000 lbs. of books from my library. That was about half. I still have four bookcases full. Some books I’d like to have for reference. Others, I’ll never read again. Like I told someone, I’ll most likely never program in C or C++ again, so why keep the books. Or the first version of Java. Programming and math books are the heaviest.

More chewing slows us down. I still have residual habits from working in manufacturing where we had 10 minute breaks and almost 30 minutes for lunch. You learned to eat quickly. Bad habit.

As for walking, never seek the parking spot closest to the door. Park at the end of the lot and walk.

I’ve been reading Dallas Willard’s “The Spirit of the Disciplines” again. He devotes much space to discussing Paul’s approach to the body–the body and its care is important to Paul, as it was for all the ancient peoples. We should learn from them.

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Achieve a Decent Existence

March 3, 2016

How do you become a great scorer in basketball?

You shoot a couple of hundred jump shots a day.

How do top golf professionals get there and stay there?

They hit a few hundred shots a day.

But it is not mindless repetition. It’s taking a shot. Thinking about it. Making slight adjustments. Practicing the same motion every time so that when they’re in the game it’s natural.

Same in our daily lives–both how we live and our spiritual life.

Why do you think Paul so often compares spiritual life to training in the gymnasium? Dallas Willard writes in The Spirit of the Disciplines:

But thoughtful and religiously devout people of the classical and Hellenistic world, from the Ganges to the Tiber, knew that the mind and body of the human being had to be rigorously disciplined to achieve a decent individual and social existence. This is not something St. Paul had to prove or even explicitly state to his readers.

We must discipline ourselves in the sense of developing those routines of daily life including prayer, study, gathering together with others such that they become natural. The difference is that we are not practicing for the game–we’re in the game and practicing at the same time.

I set up routines such that it is only natural that I do certain things–rise early, read, have my coffee, think, plan the day. I try to do these when I travel, too. I crave routine.

My “virtual friend” Jon Swanson wrote today about Solomon who built a great and magnificent house for God. But he forgot the daily life of walking with God. And, in the end, it all came apart for him and his heirs.

It’s not the temple we build, it’s the daily practices that eventually build the temple that matters–our lives in service with God toward other humans.

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Practice? I don’t need no stinkin practice

March 2, 2016

Daddy wrote to me, “Can’t you just send a badge (to referee)? She knows the rules better than anyone. She’s just too busy to come to a class.”

She took one class at 15 years old. I’ll guarantee you that she’d be lucky to get an 80 on a closed book exam of the Laws of the Game. (We don’t have “rules” in FIFA based soccer; we have laws. Except of course for the ex-president of FIFA who thought that both rules and laws were for other people.)

I’ve been the point person for referees in western Ohio for almost 30 years. I hear this several times every year. Worse, I’ll get 50 emails a year from parents–at least. I trust the kid to go out and referee a match, yet he/she cannot communicate with me. Daddy or Mommy must do it.

How am I supposed to help the kids grow up when they have parents like that?

I have one referee who is almost 20 (actually, I have four come to think of it) who still have difficulty with responsibility and commitment after having “helicopter” parents.

Talking with a piano teacher today. She says kids will drop the class (parent calls, of course)  for the slightest whim. Five minutes before class. The teacher is paid by the class. Now she has an unpaid void in the calendar.

Practices help us compete better, perform better, learn better.

Spiritual practices, done in the proper attitude, bring us closer to God. It’s no different than soccer or piano. We must discipline ourselves to stay with it. To learn the basics and then the advanced.

There is no shortcut to life in the Spirit. We must be open while we practice and learn to live every day.

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Relationships-With Yourself Too

March 1, 2016

Sometimes I’m a slow learner.

Lately I’ve been contemplating relationships among genders and among diverse cultural groups. I knew the last one wouldn’t get as many “likes.” It’s difficult for many people to comprehend.

I guess the reason I don’t share many of the attitudes of my western Ohio peer group is that I didn’t have a close peer group growing up. Pretty much  a loner, although not be (my) choice. But then also, I’ve traveled extensively and learned to work with people from all over the world. You should develop a sensitivity to other people doing that. I know some retain their prejudices. But I really didn’t.

When I pray, I pray for lots of people. Today I was praying for a family where one member faced a difficult surgery. That was special. There are many more.

One day not too long ago I suddenly realized that I could pray for myself. It would be OK. In fact, I think God likes that. Kind of like the guy in the Temple that Jesus talked about who looked down at the ground and asked God to have mercy–on himself.

It really never occurred to me to pray for myself. I’m always living in the world of ideas or thinking about other people.

It isn’t narcissistic to think of yourself. Just don’t dwell on it. Or forget about other people. Or put Jesus first.

Guess what? I felt better. Actually almost somewhat relieved. So many people have so much worse issue than I. It seems trivial. But then, it is me who has to live with me. And if I don’t take care of that, then I can make life miserable for people around me.

While praying for your list, it’s OK to stop and say, God, I’ve got this little problem that I’d like for you to fix or show me the way. It’s a good thing.

Good relationships with others begin with a good relationship with ourselves.

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Treating Our Fellow Humans Well

February 29, 2016

I have many friends and acquaintances who are followers of Islam. Not one is even remotely a terrorist. Or even a bad person.

One thing I have noticed while reading about how Jesus and Paul treated people–they treated people of all cultures with respect.

Jesus was watched very carefully by the ultra-religious among the Pharisees. Every little thing was commented on. Yet, even in the Jewish  areas where he mainly served, he treated “outsiders” with respect. Think of his healings of Romans. Or the Samaritan woman.

Paul’s ministry was explicitly to people outside the Jewish faith and culture. Yet, he too treated people of other cultures well. Think of his “debate” in Athens pointing out the statue to the unknown god. “I’m here to tell you about that unknown God you’re worshiping. He is real.”

Last week I wrote a plea for more mature relationships among men and women. This week, I’m going even more off the deep end (at least as far as Americans are concerned) by commenting on relations with Muslims.

Someone asked me once about Muslims and Christians worshiping the same God. Certainly Muslims trace their lineage back to Abraham, just as we do. John Fischer on The Catch has been discussing this issue with great sensitivity and understanding.

I’m not going to give an answer to the question. But I know that most of the readers of this blog would be amazed to know just what is in the Quran. And that many Muslims are taught much more about Jesus than many who call themselves Christian.

I don’t believe that Muslims must suddenly become Baptist or Methodist. But I think that it is only a short step to go from their understanding of Jesus to the faith in the resurrection. We only need to present clearly the evidence that Jesus is even greater than they are taught.

My concern for people is not what “church” they call home–if indeed they even have one. My concern is to make disciples of Jesus. Maybe they are Samaritan. Maybe Greek. Maybe Muslim. Maybe Buddhist. Jesus is what is important. And sometimes we lose sight of the basics of the faith.

Humans are born with a longing. Jesus fulfills it. Those of us who are truly disciples try to tell others about that in such a way not to turn them off but to engage and encourage.

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Getting Along With the Opposite Gender

February 26, 2016

Do you do much traveling alone? Happens to me a couple of times a month. This week I’ve made a business trip to San Diego. Nice city.

Got into a conversation about guys we know who made a practice of making unwanted advances on women. I am so used to interacting with women professionally, that I don’t really give a thought to trying to get them into my hotel room–or the other way around.

No, honestly. I’m so naive that twice when women hit up on me, I actually realized they were prostitutes. But once (she was drunk), it was something like 12 hours later when the thought hit me that she was hinting strongly about following me to my room.

Americans still have some of that Puritan heritage (or is it just Calvinist?) about how we have to be so suspicious of relations. Any wink can send us spiraling into a sexual adventure.

Oh, grow up.

I think about Jesus. We don’t usually think about how scandalous it must have been that Jesus, a rabbi, had bunches of women followers. And friends. Yet he was single. No problems there.

But there are guys who just don’t seem to get it. They seem to think it’s like being at the grocery, and you’re looking to pick up the most attractive package. They don’t seem to realize that women are actually humans. Some times it works the other way around, too. It’s not always a man’s problem.

I guess I’m just making a plea to treat people of whatever gender as a human being with a personality, imperfect though we all might be. I’m sitting here in San Diego not 30 miles from one of the most notorious red light districts in the world. It services American men. The men never realize that those girls don’t really want to be there. That they don’t spend all day dreaming of the guy who is going to buy 15 minutes of pleasure.

What does it mean to be a disciple? One thing is to treat every human being as a child of God, loved by the Father.

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Keep Your Eyes On The Road

February 24, 2016

…And your hands upon the wheel…

OK, that’s an old song. But I was thinking about that today when I heard about a church where attendance is down 80%, the pastors are quitting, no one agrees on much anything.

That is what happens when people, especially leaders, take their eyes off the road. The organization goes off the road–a famous NASCAR driver once said you never look at the wall, because you’ll tend to go where you look–when no one is looking toward the goal. They go off the road, hit the wall, crash, and parts fly everywhere.

That is one reason Paul, the apostle, kept warning leaders and teachers about their responsibility.

We need to be all about service. And about sharing (not telling or screaming) our faith. Our friends may come from all manner of backgrounds. There’s nothing wrong with sharing about Jesus returning alive after having been killed. People have come to Jesus from backgrounds all over the map. Sorry, they don’t have to be Baptist, Methodist, or even Catholic first. Or last. It’s only about Jesus.

And we forget that. We take our eyes off our service, humility, sharing. We let other things cloud our sight and take us off the road.

That is why disciplines are so important. We go back to the Word. We go back to friends who worship and celebrate. We ignore the extraneous stuff. We focus on the important stuff.

I had lunch with a friend this week is is close to the end of his long path to a Doctor of Sacred Theology on Mary (the mother of Jesus). In my upbringing, there wouldn’t have been enough material to write a high school essay. He’s doing a dissertation on just one argument about Mary. Holy cow! It’s stretching my mind.

He told me about the three dominant traditions about Mary among the early church leaders up through 200 AD. And about St. Jerome’s definitive essay about the time of St. Augustine (my favorite of the early fathers). It’s fascinating.

But that’s interesting to discuss, and some people may be staking their whole faith in God on their interpretation of Mary.

But we all agree on the birth, death, and resurrection of Jesus–the foundation of our faith. When we keep our eyes on the road and our hands upon the wheel, we all move forward toward the goal. It’s so good.

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Can We Work Hard Enough To Earn Salvation?

February 23, 2016

I have a friend who is greatly concerned with faith versus works.

Jesus constantly picked on those Pharisees who placed priority on following the letter of the law. It’s really a matter of attitude. The Law essentially takes the place of God. In their view, they could only approach God by perfectly following the Law.

And they tried. They tried hard. It was a stress. It was also a source of pride. When it’s all about you and what you do, then you can point fingers and compare. You can say, “I’m better than you.”

That doesn’t sound very spiritual, does it?

Jesus picked on those people.

Paul addresses this in his letter to the Romans. He takes a long way to the argument that there is no way we can possibly follow the laws so perfectly that we can be made right with God.

It is only through grace freely given by God alone that we can be made right with him.

So, there are the Spiritual Disciplines or Spiritual Practices.

My friend worries at times that I am falling into the works side of grace / works. Certainly one could look at the Disciplines as works. If I pray every day, worship at every opportunity, serve when I can, study daily, and so on, then I am right with God.

Wrong.

A study of 17,000 Christians who had drifted away from church and faith and then returned was quite revealing. Overwhelmingly they said that what brought them back were spiritual practices–mostly reading the Bible daily.

Dallas Willard says, “The disciplines are activities of mind and body purposefully undertaken to bring our personality and total being into effective cooperation with the divine order.”

A key word–purposefully. Another word is intentional. We are intentional that we’ll practice certain spiritual disciplines in order that we will be brought closer to God. The goal is not the practices. They merely are used intentionally to draw us close to God.

Intention and attitude determine if we are mired in works or actively participating in grace.

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The Power of Changing Our Minds

February 22, 2016

I was so smart. I knew the best distribution model for an electronics product  we had developed in the late 80s. It didn’t work.

Great leaders don’t always know everything and pursue the course originally set with no deviation until the end. Al Pittampalli, a management consultant, witnessed so many leaders delaying decisions through endless meetings that he concluded what was needed from leaders was single-minded consistency and pursuit of a way forward.

Then he discovered he was wrong. The best leaders today obtain constant feedback by whatever means it takes to get it. They honestly weigh the feedback, painful though it may be, and are prepared to change course if necessary to achieve the desired outcome.

His work is documented in Persuadable: How Great Leaders Change Their Minds to Change the World.

The small group is reading through the book of Acts of the Apostles. Reflect on the number of times Paul says he wants to do one thing or visit another city and then he changes his mind and goes elsewhere. New facts enter the picture, he considers them, prays about them, and is not too proud to change course and go another direction.

Pittampalli writes about a therapist who was working with an overweight, depressed teenage girl. He asked her to fill out a simple evaluation each session so he could get some feedback. The evaluations were always overwhelmingly positive, yet by the third session he could tell that they were making no progress.

He noticed that the score for “helping me achieve my goals”, although 86 out of 100, was much lower than every other score. He asked specifically about that. She said that he had ignored her goal of becoming a Miami Heat cheerleader.

Ah, breakthrough. He went back and started acknowledging her goal. No, she didn’t become a Miami Heat cheerleader. She did organize cheerleading and fund raising for the basketball team at the agency that sent her to counseling, though. A clear win for the girl.

As for me, that company went out of business before I could get enough feedback to change–even if I had wanted to. But I think I’d have gone with the flow if another avenue had opened. But we needed immediate sales. The computer board was already almost a year old when they hired me. I had about six months before the technology would need updating.

My boss didn’t understand the dynamics of the computer business almost 30 years ago. You needed updated products every six months to a year. Kind of like today. My iPhone 5s was getting pretty obsolete after 18 months. Now I have a new iPhone 6s 😉

The key to leadership, and probably to achieving your personal goals, is soliciting–yes, even demanding–feedback. And then making adjustments based on it.

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