Are We Really What We Think We Are?

February 19, 2016

Sometimes in our head we say that we do certain things regularly. Then we wake up and see–No we aren’t.

I like to think that I have meditated regularly over the past 45 years or more. But…there are times where life gets hectic and I don’t take the 15 minutes to slow down. I study the Bible regularly…except when I’m traveling and things are hectic and I don’t find 15 minutes to sit and read.

How many things do we tell ourselves that we do or are, but in reality we’re nowhere close to that?

Are we just kidding ourselves? Or trying to deceive ourselves?

The rich young man came to Jesus and said, in so many words, “I’m perfect.” And Jesus seeing into the heart said, “Oh, no, you’re not. Here is somewhere you fall short.” And the man couldn’t do it.

Or take poor Peter. He told Jesus he’d follow him anywhere, any time. Jesus said oh, no, even just tonight you will deny you ever knew me.

Yet, Peter went on to be a great leader. The young man with no name went away sorrowfully.

Maybe it’s not so much that we deceive ourselves. It’s when we get a realization–maybe someone says something about us and we think “What????”–and it’s what we do with that realization.

We start to set aside 15 minutes a day. We help the next person we see who needs help. We bite our tongue and refuse to say that mean thought that popped into our brain.

It’s the same with us as leaders. We think we’re including everyone. We think we have a vision and direction. We think we give clear instructions.

Except when we don’t.

It is not what we have done but what we do when we come to awareness that counts.

Tags: , , ,
Posted in Disciplines | 1 Comment »

Searching for the Authentic and Transparent

February 18, 2016

A couple of Christian musicians were discussing, well, music. One is a professor at a university. He remarked during the conversation that the young people going through university lately enjoy the music of the 70s. They hear songs about authentic relationships and transparent emotions.

I recently discovered the channel called The Bridge on Sirius XM. It plays the 70s folk rock and jazz-type pop music (Billy Joel, Elton John, etc.). I know–you’re aghast that I don’t listen exclusively to Christian music. Well, sorry.

Now, I lived through that era. I used to get my guitar out and sing those songs. But I’d forgotten. When you live through it, you don’t have the context of time. Now I listen, especially after another 4.5 hour drive to Chicago like I did yesterday. The music professor was right. There’s no “let’s jump into bed right away” lyrics. Or lyrics about angst and rebellion. It’s authenticity, transparency, relationship. It’s about real life.

I’ve heard the same thing about worship. “Contemporary praise” music became shallow. Repeat the same words over and over and simulate emotion by waving your hands like at a rock concert (except no lighters or later mobile phone lights). That’s when I quit trying to get the old, battered guitar out and sing praise songs. As Yogi Berra would have said, “There’s no there there.”

Young people, Millennials, are said to be seeking a more transparent, authentic experience in worship and in Christian life than their predecessors. Or, maybe we’ve always been seeking it and the fads of worship leaders took us down a different path.

Are the Christian leaders on the platform authentic and transparent? Or is it just show? I don’t mind guitars and drums. Or organ music. I can enjoy each. Or folk music.

But I feel like the millennials–I crave authentic speakers, leaders, relationships. There are too many glib speakers out there. I find ones who are real to listen to. And authentic service.

I like to say that I’m a Millennial in an aging Boomer body. I doubt that I’m unique. If you’re young, I hope you find your place. For us older people–what are we doing to share the authentic Christian life with that new generation?

Get real!

Tags: ,
Posted in Disciplines, Witness | 1 Comment »

The Power of the Individual to Disrupt

February 17, 2016

A grain of wheat remains a solitary grain unless it falls into the ground and dies; but if it dies it bears a rich harvest. — Jesus (John 12:25)

Did you ever notice the power of an individual to disrupt an entire family, church, or organization? One person, remaining solitary, attempting to impose their will on others causes much grief.

Had that person died to self a rich harvest of relationship and full life would have ensued.

Dallas Willard explores “life” in chapter 5 of The Spirit of the Disciplines. He talks about how life is living “beyond.” Jesus describes life beyond self in the saying I quoted.

We might think that we are solitary actors. “We have the right to do as we please” is the American mantra. Somehow we took the “Wild West” of what has been described as “rugged individualists” and translated it to the modern world. It’s Clint Eastwood as the man with no name in the Italian Cowboy movies translated to Dirty Harry. Many of my friends pack weapons and fantasize themselves as a version of Dirty Harry.

But our actions go beyond us. If we actually shoot and kill someone, that impacts a wide range of people.

Last week in Dayton, Ohio, a man drove the wrong way on the freeway and crashed head-on into another car. Five people were killed. It is suspected that the man was suicidal. If true, he was living in his solitary grain of wheat but four other people lost their lives and hundreds of lives were deeply affected.

However, Jesus describes other people who die to themselves and create a rich harvest. This is not describing some far off event in heaven or something. Developmental psychologists have described how a normal person develops from the “me” of a 2-year-old into a mature human who recognizes the needs and desires of others outside the body.

Jesus didn’t say what we ought to do in that saying directly. But the development is clear. Some mature people die to themselves and create a rich harvest. Others are solitary. Our question–which are we?

Tags:
Posted in Disciplines, Relationship | Leave a Comment »

To See Myself As Others See Me

February 16, 2016

I was in a queue. Complaining with others about something. Then my consciousness shifted. It was as if I were floating above the situation. I witnessed myself. It was painful. I shut up. Calmed down. Became more pleasant.

Roberto Assagioli developed a school of psychology–back when psychologists were discovering interesting things about mind and soul and not mindlessly arguing over what causes ADHD–called psychosynthesis. I read his books some 40 years ago. If you can find them, check them out.

He describes this process that I described from a life experience. It is a technique we can develop as a step toward self-awareness.

Yesterday’s note concerned being aware of what triggers our anger or temper. This is a technique we can use in the moment to help guide us back to a Jesus-centered life instead of a me-centered life.

We can expand this use from helping us relate to others or even understanding others in greater detail.

Perhaps we’ve expanded our level of consciousness so that we can see ourselves as actors in a larger context–that is, not just us and our wants but others, too. Perhaps we shift awareness to those close to us. We notice that certain things set off their alarms. We notice that other things make them feel better. Maybe we could even develop our interaction with the other person by becoming aware of them, aware of what they like, and then respond appropriately.

Some people are naturals at this. Others of us must develop the focus on others. Some can peek through their narcissistic shell just long enough to notice others, but they lack the will to respond.

I learned from Jesus and then from his brother James that feeling nice doesn’t count. It’s feeling and doing. Maybe even doing first to achieve the feeling (yes it works in reverse that way).

Or, as Robert Burns said so eloquently

O, wad some Power the giftie gie us

To see oursels as ithers see us!

Tags: , ,
Posted in Awareness, Disciplines | Leave a Comment »

Do You Know What Pulls Your Trigger?

February 15, 2016

Jesus was annoyed by a fig tree that had no fruit. He cursed it. It died.

Jesus was angered by how the Temple had been converted from a holy place of worship into a commercial marketplace where apparently people gouged gullible pilgrims with high prices. He overturned tables scattering money and “souvenirs”.

In a way, I don’t feel so bad about the times I’ve lost it–except I wasn’t nearly so righteous.

Do you know what pulls your trigger?

I haven’t had a bad one for years. The incident is embedded in memory. It recurs in a flash. It’s a blend of insecurity and attitude. I hold great dislike for arrogant and condescending attitudes. Especially from someone less experienced or knowledgeable who tries to teach.

There are warning signs I need to remain aware of. Sometimes I see it coming. Sometimes they sneak up on me and catch me asleep, so to speak.

  • When I’m tired.
  • When I’m overworked and frazzled.
  • When I’m stressed.

There were a couple of seasons of life over the past 10 years or so when stress buried itself deep within me. Meditation and Yoga–no help. Awareness and mindfulness–no help. I know all this stuff, yet, a mild but persistent living with stress took a toll on my health and response to others at times.

Recognition is a great first step. Probably talking with others would help–if they the helpful sort, not the enabling sort.

A recent talk from a person with a similar experience was enlightening. He tried mindfulness. Meditation–trying to be still and focus on breath was more stressful than his original stress.

He discovered curiosity. He rather toyed with the thoughts. Was curious about them. Asked questions of them. Explored what their hold was. By treating the stressful thoughts as an object of curiosity, he was able to move them from the dominant place of consciousness that gripped him.

He was right. When you finally realize the stressful thought and stop to analyze it, just the stopping helps. Then the curiosity and the calmer exploring of the situation brings peace–or at least a plan of action.

What do you find that works?

Tags: , ,
Posted in Attention, Awareness, Disciplines | Leave a Comment »

Quitting My Facebook Addiction

February 12, 2016

I am not one given to hate. I don’t hate specific ethnic, racial, or gender groups. There are individual people I don’t particularly like. But hate…that’s way too strong.

What I do hate is distraction–mine–when I allow myself to get distracted from what’s important. I hate unfounded, uneducated, prejudiced opinions. Not the person, most of whom I don’t know. (I guess it’s easier to hate people you don’t know, though.)

So, why do I get sucked into reading Facebook posts? And the comments? Many of those hateful or ignorant (meaning uneducated and not thought out) opinions are from people who also describe themselves as Christian. I have to imagine when they meet God and explain themselves, He’ll pull out all these posts and say, “What were you thinking????”

So, I read them–sometimes. Then my nice, usually calm, outlook gets agitated like when you stick your hand in an aquarium.

It’s worse when I actually make a comment. I know that there is no such thing as a true conversation on Facebook. It’s more like ping pong. Batting opinions back and forth to no useful purpose.

I was on AOL back in the early 90s. It was supposed to be about conversations. I never saw one. It was much like today’s Facebook–except that the opinions have become more strident and violent.

It’s nice to stay in touch with friends and family, but golly the whole conversation has degenerated. And I’ve even muted dozens of people.

Anyone want to have an honest conversation even if you disagree. It is said that Ronald Reagan and Tip O’Neil were the best of friends even though they disagreed on many policies. Try that today in our political discourse. Please.

As for me, if I miss your post on Facebook, sorry. I have to narrow my reading. We have to choose what we fill our minds with–that determines our character.

Tags: , ,
Posted in Attention, Disciplines | Leave a Comment »

Why You Do The Things You Do

February 11, 2016

“You’re doing it for all the right reasons,” he said to me.

That remark made me pause. I’m still thinking about it.

When I take on a leadership role, what is my inner motivation?

Do I have a need to feel important?

Do I have to be the boss?

Am I just contributing from my set of skills?

Especially in my church work, but also in my profession, does the work bring me closer to God? Or does it bring me closer to my narcissistic self?

Do I lack the ability to say no?

Do I just have a passion for that work?

In my professional leadership role, I work with other visionaries who are sincerely trying to move the industry forward with no other self interest. None will become exceedingly wealthy. But we care about the advancement of manufacturing and production. There is no room for an overly large ego.

In my church role, I can look inside and say that I really care about the spiritual development of other people. If I can get them involved, it could be life changing. It’s a missions role. Going outside the walls of the church building and helping others, even if it’s just through painting, building walls, constructing a wheelchair ramp so a person can more easily get inside their homes, these all have a deeper meaning.

When you focus on others and work in tandem with God, you actually succeed no matter the results or your personal gain.

Your motivation determines your reward.

Tags: , ,
Posted in Disciplines, Intention | Leave a Comment »

Lent For Non-Lent People

February 10, 2016

Today begins the season that we call Lent. The season traditionally calls for sacrifice, introspection, and focus on God.

I grew up in a family and church that did not really call for much difference after perhaps an Ash Wednesday service. I have a virtual friend, Jon Swanson who writes a very good blog called 300 Words a Day and wrote Lent for Non-Lent People. He comes up with very good questions to ponder during Lent.

Lent points us toward Easter. Christmas gets huge society play as non-christians also celebrate with gift giving, food, and parties.

Easter gets less society play–although the “Easter Bunny” and candy are popular sales items in stores.

Do you give up things for Lent? As a Methodist in a Lutheran town (if you’re from a city you wouldn’t understand, but if you are also from a village, well), we sort of made fun of, or at least chuckled about, what the Lutherans gave up for Lent. I’ll never forget the guy who gave up watermelon. You couldn’t buy a watermelon in February if you wanted it in those days! Then last week I heard about another guy who is giving up watermelon.

That, of course, is not taking the season of life seriously.

I have another friend who gives up his daily can of beer, fried foods, and desserts. He’s in his 80s. He wonders why he feels so good physically during that time and loses up to 15 lbs. (All of which he replaces on Easter Sunday!)

Right now, I’m at a conference. I’m usually very busy during these things, but this year seems to be crazy. Monday I was up at 3 am to catch a 6 am flight from an airport 90 minutes away. I arrived at the site at 11:30 and immediately began meetings which included dinner. Back at my room at 11 pm. Tuesday keynote sessions and meetings non-stop all day. Back at my room at, er, 11 pm. Today, 7 am breakfast meeting, maybe a little break to catch up on writing this morning, and meetings all day.

How do I find 15 minutes to remember God? To ask what he wants of me today? To ask him to help people I know and people I don’t. It recently dawned on me that I could also ask him to help me. No, I can’t do it all alone.

How about you? Have you found time to be alone with God, his word, his companionship? Maybe Lent gives you a good excuse to start.

Tags: , , , ,
Posted in Disciplines | Leave a Comment »

On Being Spiritual Without Being Religious

February 8, 2016

“I’m spiritual; not religious.”

This has been a mantra of many for at least 50 years. Maybe much longer, I’m not sure. Seems to me I heard it when I was in college.

This may be a reaction to “organized religion”, that is, belonging to a church or attending a church gathering usually meaning Catholic, Methodist, Lutheran, Presbyterian, Baptist, or other organizations.

It may also be an acknowledgement of lack of total involvement.

It’s easy to be “spiritual” because no one can know what it is. You can’t be held against a standard, because there is no real definition.

You could be in the Desert Fathers tradition of deep contemplation. Or you could be in the New Age movement of crystals, candles, auras. Or maybe it’s just a warm feeling that visits at times.

My latest morning study book is Dallas Willard’s The Spirit of the Disciplines. Willard was a brilliant and wise man. I’ve heard him speak. Such a calm and humble voice. And understandable, a fact that is remarkable given his profession–Professor of Philosophy.

He discusses why it is important to involve our bodies in our worship and spiritual life. It’s not enough to just have a “head” idea of God. A belief that is only that deep. Or just a warm feeling.

To Willard, who uses many examples but you can read the letter of James for a good starter, faith must be lived out in the real world with a real body. Believing and doing are actually two sides of the same coin.

He said, “To withhold our bodies from religion is to exclude religion from our lives.”

Andy Stanley has said that anyone can say they are a Christian, because there exists no good definition. But, to be a Disciple of Jesus, well, that’s hard. It is defined. We can see it in your life.

I’m not religious? It means I’m not committed. So, what good is the spiritual, then?

Tags: , , ,
Posted in Disciplines | Leave a Comment »

The Work of a Leader According to Paul

February 5, 2016

I have been contemplating this description of leadership that the Apostle Paul gave to the church in Ephesus (Ephesians 4:12).

Leaders are given for the equipping of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for building up the body of Christ until we all attain the unity of faith and of knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ.

We may need a little translation for our understanding for our growth as leaders.

“For the equipping of the saints.” By saints, Paul meant the people in the church–specifically believers. Very interesting thought–and it is listed first. What does that teach us about leading?

There are people we lead. Our first job is to equip them for success. We must provide training, tools, support. A key question a leader can ask of someone in the group is, “How can I help you?” I translated that in some jobs I’ve had as, “I have access to resources. Can any of those help you do your work successfully?”

“For the work of the ministry.” The group you are leading has a goal, a focus, a desired end result. We have work to do, otherwise why exist. So we are to equip others so that we can do the work that is set before us.

“For building up the body of Christ.” The body of Christ is the church–the organization. Our task is to strengthen and grow the organization. How? By equipping the people to focus on the work. As we focus on the work, we need unity of purpose. We need to be of one mind on the work. A strong and growing organization harbors no senseless arguing (see other writings of Paul). The leader assures that everyone know what the task of the organization is and is committed to its accomplishment.

The last part reads like Paul thought that the end result is actually the growth and maturity of the people in the group. We don’t work just to pass the time. We work on a specific task. But while working on the task, what we are really working on is ourselves. We mature and come to greater understanding.

In the end, the leader leads people to their own growth. A true leader breeds more leaders.

Posted in Disciplines, Leadership | Leave a Comment »

« Older Entries
Newer Entries »