Archive for the ‘Attitude’ Category

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You Will Know Them By Their Love

February 21, 2014

It is unfortunate that in English common usage we only have one word–love–that expresses such a wide variety of actions and emotions.

Some people think of love as a squishy, sentimental sort of emotion. That dreamy state of thinking of a person constantly.

Another definition is of an emotional high. Greetings include hugging and lots of smiles. When Jesus said that you will know his followers by their love, these people think we should always be happy and hugging and feeling good toward others.

Then there’s the “act” of making love. Surely a weird euphemism if ever there was one. I’ll let that one slide by.

When you look closely at the New Testament, you discover that love is not an emotion. In fact, much of the teaching of the New Testament concerns overcoming emotions with growing maturity. We take charge of our emotions, not the other way around.

Love is something you do. You may not always feel it. Sometimes you just don’t feel like doing something good for another, but you do. That’s one think Jesus meant.

Love means considering others when we’re about to act or respond. We may do good, even when the other person may not recognize it–as in interventions attempting to stop destructive behaviors.

Even in tough business decisions when you might have to terminate the employment of an associate, you can still do it in a considerate manner. You can be tough and still love. Once again, look at Jesus. Nothing sentimental in him.

Sometimes you don’t know when you’ll be in a situation to act in love rather than hate or anger. I received an alert this morning at 4:30 that my 6:00 am flight was delayed 4 hours. Well, I’m driving. Too late to do much. Saw a long line at the ticket counter. Thought I’d go to the gate and see if I could get the other early flight. I could, but the connection available still got me to my destination too late to do any good.

So, I waited for a clearing in the line to get a cancellation at no charge and then go home. While I’m waiting, I hear an older woman cursing the gate agent with some of the most vulgar words. Couldn’t believe my ears.

Well, the woman gave up. The gate agent, who was quite patient with her, began serving another customer. I walked over and started a conversation. Thought I might as well try to calm her down and explain that when there’s bad weather in the country, the effects are wide ranging.

My little act of love for the day. At 6:30. Where can the day go but up from now?

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It’s Not Where We’re Going, It’s What We Do

February 19, 2014

My study is in a period of John. One of my small groups is reading the Gospel, another the Revelation. I’m more interested in the Gospel.

I’ve been reflecting on all my readings of the Gospels over the past 50 years or so. The thought popped up some time ago–the message of the Gospels and indeed the message of Jesus rarely had anything to do with heaven and hell.

Many of my friends devote many cycles of their brain functioning worrying about who is going to heaven and who is going to hell.

Mostly the message is all about our relationships. Primarily our relationship to God. That determines our relationships to money (often a topic) and to others. That may be why thinkers such as Richard Foster and Dallas Willard talk so much about the “with-God” life.

I started to meditate in my late teens. The theory was that you meditated to achieve “enlightenment” or a God experience. Many contemplatives have written about their revelations and experiences. I have also on occasion.

But this old Zen proverb just came to my attention again–“Before enlightenment, chop wood and carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood and carry water.”

It’s not about enlightenment, God experiences or who’s going to heaven. It’s about what we do and how we do it and our motivations in the next minute. I often ask my students, “When you leave this room, what will you do? How will you act? What will be your attitude?”

Am I living with-God minute-by-minute? It’s the relationship.

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Walking in Faith

January 22, 2014

Do you ever wonder about the people the writers in the Bible were addressing? Especially the New Testament letter writers?

One of my small groups is reading James. A marvelous little letter. But I started thinking–just what was that gathering of people like that caused James to write this letter to them?

His teaching included:

  • treating poor people just like you’d treat rich people
  • act out your faith, don’t just sit back and say you believe
  • watch what you say
  • be careful not to judge people as to their salvation
  • pray powerfully expecting results
  • if you’re rich, don’t hold it over other people

Picture this gathering of people. When they got together, they separated themselves among cultural lines just as if they were out in society. When things got tough, they whined. They were critical of each other, often saying mean things.

How many of these traits do we exhibit?

I remember long ago talking with a woman about coming to my church. She said, “I just wouldn’t fit in there.” What a powerful condemnation. She didn’t think our little Baptist church filled with middle class business people and teachers would accept a working person.

Even today, I can look across the 20 or more protestant churches in our town of 17,000 and see how often they are divided among income, cultural or racial lines. There is only one Catholic church in town, but there are several rural ones close by if people want to stay in the faith (protestants don’t seem to care about denomination very much any more, they just hop from church to church) and attend with people they feel comfortable with.

Wherever you are, do you try to live out some of these words of James?

  • make everyone feel equally welcome
  • speak kindly in the Spirit
  • perform acts of service in humility
  • pray powerfully with great expectation

I need reminding at times. Bet we all do.

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As You Speak, So Is Your Heart

January 10, 2014

For some time in my youth, I could go entire days without speaking. I know, people who know me now would not believe that. It’s true.

James (from the book bearing his name) discusses the tongue as the revealer of the condition of one’s heart. I wonder what it means to speak seldom, if at all. People do think you’re smart. I know that.

I heard a man talk of a dinner when he and his wife had invited another couple that they didn’t know well. Both the man and his wife were tired after a strenuous week, so they didn’t talk much during the dinner. That meant that they listened much. Eager to know what the couple thought about them, they rushed to a window when the couple left and heard them say, “What an entertaining couple.”

James teaches that we can get into great trouble with our tongues. I wonder if he was just passing along Wisdom teaching, or if he knew from personal experience. He grew up with Jesus. Ever wonder if he said things during adolescence that he later regretted?

Since I am introverted by nature, I can sit here (doing it now) and remember the many times I said stupid or hurtful things. I remember with a pang of guilt. Surely in those moments, my heart was not living in the Spirit. It was rather captured by some feelings that needed to be dealt with–anger, frustration, insecurity, envy.

I used to put a little reminder in my planner to talk less and listen more. Ask more questions. Reduce my answers. That is a worthy goal for the year.

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Set Your Path For the New Year

January 2, 2014

New Year’s Day coming on Wednesday really screws up a week. Normally there are several days strung together where I do year-end analysis (of myself and my businesses), prepare for tax season, and think about my direction for the new year.

This year, I worked on Monday and most of Tuesday. Here it is Thursday morning, and I’m going to spend most of the day on normal work.

I just read Andy Stanley’s book, “The Principle of the Path,” and my small group is studying the letter of James. As I contemplated these this morning, I found some parallels as I often do.

The principle of the path, to unjustly summarize, basically builds from the idea that you do something (consciously or re-actively chosen) and that starts you down a path of life. It may guide future decisions.

James follows a lineage of thought that is sort of, “to be is to do.” That is, the word “faith” does not mean a principle to which I agree with in my head (logically) or feel is write in my heart (emotionally). Faith is more of an action verb than it is a noun.

Back in my days of singing folk songs and campfire songs with my beat-up classical guitar, there was a song we sang called “Love is Something You Do.” Same idea.

Jon Swanson asked his readers for goals or words for the year. I don’t really choose goals in the usual sense or have a theme word for the year. But thinking about his question, I decided this year should be one of focus and energy. I got too diverted into too many things in 2013 and my energy sapped at times.

But as a disciple of Jesus, I feel more like it’s a “put one foot in front of the other” sort of thing. Where faith is choosing the path and assuring that each decision and action continue me on the path this year. Living consciously and intentionally.

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I’m Doing a Great Work

December 30, 2013

I’m Doing a Great Work

“I am doing a great work, and I cannot come down.”

What is your great work for 2014? Can you see it in your mind?

Nehemiah saw a problem that troubled him greatly. His brother returned to Susa in Persia where Nehemiah was an official in the Emperor’s office with disturbing news about the state of affairs in Jerusalem–the ancient capital of his people.

He prayed and meditated on the problem for several months and came to focus on fixing one big thing–rebuilding the walls of the city. In those days, cities of any importance at all had walls. Jerusalem’s walls had been in shambles ever since the Babylonians had conquered the city some 100 years before.

One day while he was supervising the rebuilding of the walls, his enemies sent a message requesting a meeting in a village down on the plain. Nehemiah responded, “I am doing a great work, and I cannot come down.”

This year’s work

This is the time of the year for reflecting upon the past year and resolving to do better next year. I will adjust my schedule at the gym to allow for an influx of optimistic people next week. My Yoga class will double in size for the month of January.

People will make resolutions to lose weight, get fit, be healthier. But they won’t focus on the great work, and they’ll quit.

What is your great work for the coming year? Define it. Write it down and keep it in a place you’ll see daily. For in the coming time, every day you must make decisions–almost hourly–that will determine the outcome of your great work.

Do you need to have a better relationship? Deal with an alcohol or other addiction problem? End a toxic relationship? Start a new ministry? Define it, pray and meditate on it, ask God to bring people into your life that will help you.

My great work

Last year at this time, I heard Andy Stanley of North Point Ministries teach on this verse. I also read Henry Cloud’s book “Necessary Endings.” A friend had advised me to pray intentionally for God to bring people into my life.

Also last year I had been praying for God to open up some sort of ministry and to deal with a toxic relationship that I had found myself in. And to bring new people into my life.

It was an interesting year. I ended the toxic relationship, started a new business, accepted a request to re-start a ministry at church and started the process of turning around another business and to buy it.

My great work this year is to digest all that, achieve focus and purpose on each, and make them all successful. At the core, I pray to become a better communicator.

What’s yours? Are you stepping out in faith?

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Copy The Right Master

December 27, 2013

Yesterday, I wrote about human development. How we learn from copying the master and then incorporate those learnings into our lives so that we can then create within our own personality.

What about choosing the right masters to copy from? That is important for art, but even more so in spiritual development.

Jesus is such a hard model to follow. He was so perfect. He could do things that we’ll never do. On the other hand, he taught in the tradition of creating disciples. These are people who follow the master and try to emulate him. In certain Jewish religious circles even today you will see men wearing clothing of a certain style. This is the style of clothing that their master (teacher) wears.

What do we do to look like our teacher–Jesus? I am more and more convinced that the main point of the Bible story is to teach us how to live your lives. Jesus spends very little time talking about heaven. He spends almost all of his instruction time on how to live.

He’ll answer such things as how we treat other people, upon whom do we focus when faced with decisions (hint: God), how we manage our resources, how to teach, what to teach, how to bring healing to people.

People will say, “I believe.” Maybe they will even say, “I believe in my heart.” Jesus would say, “Fine, but what about that decision to spend money on another new TV rather than provide help to the homeless?” Or, “How about the way you treated the people you met today?”

It boils down to whether we focus on what God would have us do or whether we settled for satisfying our own pleasures or wants. It’s whether we model our lives on the way Jesus lived or on a rock star.

Choose your master consciously with discernment.

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Learn By Copying First, Then Creating

December 26, 2013

I’ve had several days with the grandkids over the past five weeks. They are old enough, especially the oldest who is six, to start playing with a little more sophisticated toys.

Have you noticed how some of the “creative” toy companies have come out with more structured toys? Specifically Legos. You used to get a box with maybe a couple of examples on the lid and then you just let the kid start creating. Now, there are specific toys. I’ve been helping Wyatt build Nijagas (or something like that–I’m afraid that I’ve lost touch with kid culture).

Originally I’d have had a negative attitude about such structure. But I’ve discovered that he’s learning some tremendous lessons that are appropriate to his age.

He is learning to follow instructions on how to build something. In so doing, he’s learning about the different types of blocks and what they do. As he masters these, then, if he is so inclined, he’ll move on to creating his own masterpieces.

Every artist I’ve ever studied has begun by mastering all the techniques that came before. The great ones then extend the practice by adding their own insights and techniques.

Leaders study other leaders. Practice what they learned. Study some more, and become eventually great leaders.

Even spiritually. I think a lot about the very short scene we have about Jesus’ life where he was 12 (which was “older” than today’s 12 in developed nations) and studying with the greatest teachers at the time in his culture. Even Jesus didn’t just drop in a spiritual master. He was human, too, and had to learn. He was just predisposed to focus on the right questions.

That is the value of learning and practicing the traditional spiritual practices. You practice, and practice, and practicce.

Almost no one is born a master craftsman or spiritual guru. But we can all become a master at something. Just by spending 15 minutes first thing in the morning developing the practice of study and meditation will, over a lifetime, bring you to spiritual maturity.

Start by learning the basics and copying someone or something good. Then add to the practice and become a master–even a spiritual master.

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Spiritual and Emotional Maturity

December 23, 2013

I was taught a management study early in my career that has always stuck with me. Let’s say there are two types of bosses and two other types. These fit in a 2×2 matrix (in management circles, everything fits in a 2×2 matrix). That yields a box composed of four squares. On one side you measure either good feel for people or poor feel for people. On the other you measure good intellectual control over emotions and poor intellectual control over emotions.

Best boss

There are four possible combinations of the two sets. When people were surveyed, which do you think came out as the best boss?

Turns out that feel for people did not matter. What mattered was intellectual control over emotions. People wanted a stable boss, not one whose emotions controlled her/him.

That one lesson led to a lifetime of learning about the topic.

Once again, early in my education I was studying meditation. What better place to study how meditation helps you see God than to study the early Christian “desert Fathers.” I found the book “The Ladder of Divine Ascent” by John Climacus.

Wonder what that book is about? Getting control over your emotions. You could read that instead of Freud and be much the wiser.

Today’s lesson

Last week I listened to a TED Talk by Sally Kohn. She is the “gay, lesbian Talking Head” on Fox. The point was about emotionally connecting to people even if you disagree with them on politics versus letting pure emotion drive combativeness, hate and anger. She called it being emotionally correct (riffing off politically correct). I call it emotional maturity (or you can take it as Emotional Intelligence after the title of a book).

Then I heard about some sort of scuffle about some guy who looks like an aging ZZ Top singer–I guess some sort of reality TV guy from Louisiana (I have no idea what Duck Dynasty is, and I don’t really care to learn) who spouted off with a bunch of emotionally charged opinions.

So, everyone goes off on their opinions. I finally decided to read what the guy said. It’s the same stuff I grew up with. Every white male (and most females) held the same opinions and considered themselves the model of Christianity. In fact, about half of the people I’m connected with on Facebook are still at that level.

What comes to mind in both cases is emotional maturity. Or lack thereof.

There are ways to say things that just stir up people. Or, there are ways to emotionally connect with people to show a more mature nature. People in general respond to the emotionally mature person, even if they don’t agree with everything.

I am trying to learn that sort of maturity. Sometimes I slip. Then I am convicted of my failure.

One last thought–don’t get all worked up about TV and terms like freedom of speech. TV is all about money. And people who are concerned first and foremost with money do not want to offend groups of people with money who might part with it to them. Ask a friend who similarly lost a job.

There is freedom of speech. Then there is the freedom to speak wisely.

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Giving and Receiving Appropriate Feedback

December 19, 2013

I can’t believe I had gone so many days without writing. Yesterday I tried out a new iPad app for WordPress. It published before I added categories and tags. Today, I’ll play around with it a little, but I’m far behind in my other two blogs–not to mention a feature article about using Ethernet networking in manufacturing and a column on automation standards.

These days much of my leadership seems to be behind the scenes guiding others into thinking through things so that they arrive at sound decisions and move their projects forward. In the midst of that, I forgot that others are constantly evaluating me.

Someone in a position of some authority offered some feedback that just seemed a little lame to me. So, I pondered the feedback and what sort of feedback is useful. Part of the feedback was that “I hear great things about you, encourage more people to tell me how good you’re doing.” Was that useful feedback? What sort of sample size was that? Was it just one or two off-hand comments?

Then it sounded like how we are trained to offer feedback to soccer referees after a match where we are assigned officially as an assessor–point out one or two strengths and one or two areas for improvement with guidance containing a strategy for improving that area.

The soccer feedback assumes that I as the assessor know what constitutes good officiating and that I have already proven myself so as to lend credibility to my feedback. In other words, if the feedback is given from a person whom I respect and given to help me improve my performance, that’s one thing; but if the feedback is superficial pointing out only superficial things that do not really guide me into a way to improve, then it just feels lame.

I spent the better part of ten years setting and developing the direction of a magazine and constantly asked people wherever I went for ideas on improvement. Starting from September, I’m doing that all over again. In this case, I didn’t start the magazine but rather have assumed leadership of one that is older but has been failing for several years. So, I want ideas on what I could do to improve the property. My ideas will be shown next month to the public. Then I start the feedback process again.

A few thoughts:
Solicit feedback from people affected or people with expertise
Offer feedback that is truly helpful
Consider the feedback, but neither be unduly uplifted by superficial praise nor discouraged with unthinking criticism
Take all feedback as a source of potential personal improvement

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