Archive for the ‘Attitude’ Category

Fail Well

September 18, 2023

Seth Godin, entrepreneur and acute observer of life, wrote, “I’ve been doing it wrong all along This is one of the great benefits of learning. It’s also a common challenge. When we get better at something, it is preceded by a moment of incompetence. In that moment, we’re not exactly sure how to do it better, but we realize that the way we’d been doing it wasn’t nearly as useful.”

Often we humans are resistant to acknowledging we have been wrong and that change would be a good thing. Reading Thomas Merton this weekend, I saw, “A humble man is not afraid of failure.”

Godin proceeds with an example: It can be something prosaic–I learned last week that I’d been preheating my dosa pan for too long, and that’s why (paradoxically) they weren’t becoming crispy. Years of consistent behavior overturned in one moment. Or it can be something more profound, changing our perceptions of others and ourselves. If you need to be proven right, learning is a challenge. If you’re eager to be proven wrong, learning is delightful.

This fits with a podcast I heard last week from Guy Kawasaki’s “Remarkable People.” He talked with Harvard Business School Professor Amy Edmondson. Her latest book ‘Right Kind of Wrong: The Science of Failing Well,’ describes three kinds of failure. 

  • The good kind of failure, which I call intelligent failure. We can call a failure intelligent when it is genuinely novel territory. We are in pursuit of an opportunity. We’ve done our homework, we’ve thought about what might happen, and we’ve designed a test of that hypothesis and finally, the failure is as small as possible to still be able to learn from it. You don’t want to make bigger bets than you have to in uncertain territory.
  • The other two kinds of failures we do want to prevent. The simplest kind of failure I call a basic failure, and it’s basic because it has a single cause. That single cause is usually human error. I put the milk in the cabinet instead of in the refrigerator and the milk spoils, so that’s a basic failure. That’s one that’s pretty trivial, but it’s one that happens because we’re not paying attention or we’re not maybe trained in an activity that we’re trying to do, we haven’t had enough training, we haven’t done our homework, what have you. Those are obviously not worth celebrating.
  • The third kind is what I call complex failures and they are, as the title suggests, multi causal. They generally happen because of a complex mix of factors. Some of them external, some of them internal. They come together in just the wrong way to produce a bad outcome. A supply chain breakdown during a global pandemic is a complex failure. The supply chain has struggled to deliver the goods and services that needed to because of a combination of things, people sick and not able to come to work, a shipping route’s being disrupted, storms that might happen and exacerbate the whole thing.

Are you leading an organization or only your life. You try something, it fails, you learn and move on. Some you are just not paying attention. Maybe more training would help. Some are from a system. You must periodically review your systems and see if they are still your servants—or are you their servant.

Multiple Points of View

September 15, 2023

The thoughts began with a discussion about Affirmative Action and the US Supreme Court’s decision effectively eliminating it because it discriminates against white men. 

So, I suggested that we just step back and look at the issue from various points of view. Not every white male is rich and powerful. Not every female person is the same as others. Not every black person is the same. Just try sometime to list a number of different people. Then say, what if I were that person. How would I feel? What would I want? Then go to the next person on the list.

This is also a great study technique. Maybe to study the stories Jesus told. Or study other stories in the Bible. Perhaps a good way to study history.

Works for relationships. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. What would they need or want? How would they feel if I …?

I hate to be the one to tell you [no, wait, I don’t hate that] that the world and all its people do not exist to serve you. You’re worried about what other people think about you? Don’t! They aren’t.

Two Important Characteristics

September 14, 2023

Many times I see the same teaching and wisdom passed on. Two important characteristics of successful (not necessarily rich, that’s another thing) people are curiosity and imagination.

And I wonder…

What does it mean when it says in the Bible he worshipped…?

What does it mean when God says I will be with you?

Why does the Apostle Paul throw in so many weird, seemingly out of context, sentences?

Why did Jesus say so many things to his followers assuming they knew what he was saying when they hadn’t a clue?

Or, why did those followers write all that down making themselves look foolish?

How is it that these disparate and scattered Christian fellowships survived without a single written comprehensive document (Bible) and creed for 300 years? Why do we fight over that now?

What did it feel like to be part of the crowd on that hillside sloping down to the Lake when Jesus preached his Sermon?

What was it like walking with Jesus and his many companions as we journeyed through Galilee and into Judah? Did we sing songs? Did people jostle for position close enough to Jesus to hear him?  How many conversations happened along the way? Relationships formed?

Some people live within the belief passed on to them when they were eight years old? Some of us wonder—what if? What happened? What was it like?

Gentle on my Mind

August 25, 2023

Glen Campbell was a popular singer/songwriter in the 1960s and 1970s. He recorded a John Hartford song in the 60s about memories of a former love who was “gentle on my mind.”

We don’t often hear about being gentle. Maybe in our macho cultures we worry about being gentle as a form of weakness. Just as it takes inner strength to be humble, gentle is also a sign of strength.

We are strong enough to lift an infant or small child. Yet, we are gentle with them. Even when they frustrate us to no end. That is strength.

We are strong enough to dig in the soil to make a flower bed, yet we are gentle in picking a flower to present to a friend or lover.

We can be gentle when dealing with others, yet we have the strength to be helpful.

Today would be a great time to practice being gentle. Toward the things around you. Toward the people you meet. Toward even to yourself.

Childlike or Childish?

August 24, 2023

I may have written before about how I loved to take woks with my grandson when he was a toddler. We weren’t trying for distance. He would stop and explore leaves and bugs and worms and little lizards. Everything was fresh and new. He was filled with child-like wonder of things.

Perhaps that was the picture Jesus had in mind when he suggested that we should become like little children. Take in new experiences with eyes open with wonder. Accept whatever people came our way with the same anticipation and joy.

The rare times I turn on TV news or scan news on the internet, I’m shocked by the realization of how adolescent and childish so many of these people are.

We need to look at ourselves. The daily Examen. Morning and evening reflect on the day. Where did we delight in someone or something with childlike wonder? Where and when were we acting childish like a 2-year-old?

When To Quit and When Not To

August 7, 2023

The hardest decisions for the owners and managers of a successful athletic organization involves timing the retirement of its star athletes. The hardest decision for almost all premier athletes is knowing when time and age have caught them and they need to step down. 

The same can be said for politicians and business leaders. I’ve observed church leaders in the same situation. They stay too long. Lose their edge. Begin to make mistakes. Think they are not only above the law, but that they are the law.

The opposite holds true in the spiritual life. We can retire too early. We may have had a spiritual experience of oneness with God. Then spend our lives trying to recapture that moment.

Or we become convinced of a certain “truth” early on and never grow from that or re-evaluate in light of further study and experience.

Every day in the spiritual life we can sit in the first hour of the morning and open ourselves to God asking what new experience or opportunity will be shown us that day. And opening ourselves to making the appropriate response. Living a life of loving God and loving other humans only ends at death. There is no retirement.

See The Lord In Everyone

July 21, 2023

A phrase often heard commands, “Hate the sin; love the sinner.” I’ve mostly heard the phrase pointed at homosexual people. But it applies, of course, more broadly.

I thought, how can one separate the two?

Does repeating that mantra imply that we have no sin? Since I am not a sinner, or maybe just brush aside my few feeble sins, do I now have the ability to judge others’ sins?

One interesting lesson from reading books from different eras involves seeing how other people think of themselves. Literature from the 15th, 16th, 17th, and 18th Century European point of view often talked of hatred of self. They beat upon themselves about how great were their sins.

Contemporary American literature more often tells us how great we are and how we can be even better. Maybe that is supposed to help us “hate the sin, but love the sinner.”

And, yet, depression is almost pandemic among our people.

This writing came from an anonymous source, but its message resonates with me. I think we talk too much of other people’s sins and not enough of God’s grace.

For the same reason, we are required to hate other people’s sins, but love themselves. It is easy to say that, and to point [out] the distinction in words, but very difficult to do it. You cannot separate a person from his faults that perhaps hit you in the eye, as maybe yours do him. How then is it possible to hate the one, and yet to love the other? We have to “see the Lord” in all people.

Calm and Courageous

July 6, 2023

I love reading about the early Jesus-followers in the New Testament and from the first three centuries of the Jesus movement. They didn’t know everything. They were trying to figure out the way. They experimented with ideas. Tried things.

When things went badly, watching their responses is instructive even for us today. They faced events calmly, with courage, and with an eye toward the common good.

Sometimes today I see self-proclaimed Christians whining at every small slight.

What if today we began trying more to emulate the early followers of Christ? What if we were open to discussion? What if we sought the truth without believing that we are the sole holders of it? What if we were infused with the fruit of the spirit exhibiting calmness, courage, trying to achieve the common good, with joy, peace, yes, and love?

Do You Have A Growth or A Fixed Mindset?

July 5, 2023

“How did I get into this situation?”

I’ve pushed myself into many situations over my lifetime where I would ask myself that question. There I was, the guy with the whistle, about to signal for the kickoff of the boys big school state championship soccer contest. “What am I doing here?”

Many times I’ve pushed myself only to subsequently wonder what I’d done to myself.

I thought of that last week with my grandkids.

My grandson is just back from a tour of five European countries with 600 of his closest friends—well 600 other high school student musicians from Illinois. They toured and performed in England, France, Germany, Switzerland, and Austria. He’s already an experienced international traveler, but he put himself into an entirely new experience at age 15.

Meanwhile his 13-year-old sister went off for a week at a swim camp (she’s a competitive swimmer) in another state. She put herself out for a new experience.

Psychology research suggests two primary types of mindset: growth and fixed. A fixed mindset happens when you believe there are restrictions on what you can accomplish. A growth mindset looks at possibilities. We all experience both types of thinking, but spending more time in the growth mode creates changes in your brain that can increase your likelihood of success.

​Studies suggest that those with more time in a growth mindset are better at goal-setting and decision-making. Additional research also appears to show that a growth mindset can build resilience that turns potentially frustrating moments into learning experiences.

It is often said that you are the sum of your six closest friends. You need to be around people who are more positive, encourage you to grow beyond what you think is possible, and provide specific positive feedback. So if you’re around too much negativity, it’s time to cut that loose.

Those with a growth mindset tend to be inspired by the success of others (rather than intimidated or defeated), and they focus on expanding their comfort zone. 

Stepping outside the comfort zone to learn, teach (best way to learn!), serve boosts your confidence and your physical, mental, and emotional growth.

What’s holding you back?

The Journey From Ego to Soul

June 28, 2023

If you’ve followed me long, you realize I’m an eclectic reader.  I’m like a sponge plus a filter when it comes to absorbing information and wisdom wherever I can. Steven Pressfield writes fiction, nonfiction, and screenplays. His The War of Art (a cute play on words from the classic Sun Tzu, The Art of War) talks about The Resistance that interferes with your creative process.

He writes a weekly newsletter. This morning he wrote about the memorial service for his old friend and mentor Norm Stahl. Norm’s son told the story of Norm and his cousin. The cousin called once and asked for $25,000 for an emergency (most likely a gambling debt). This was many years ago when that was really a lot of money. Norm had it, and he loaned it. The cousin never paid it back.

The entire family knew the situation. It was a constant source of tension at family gatherings. At one family holiday gathering the tension visited again. Norm got up and walked toward his cousin. He hugged him. It broke the tension. Everyone was released.

Pressfield writes, The change in Norm was he shifted from the ego to the soul. This is monumental. It’s the equivalent, if you ask me, of what the Buddha would call Enlightenment.

The ego holds grudges. The ego sees only its own self-interest. The ego hoards slights and grievances. The ego hates.

But the higher self sees soul-to-soul. It pierces the Little Picture and perceives what’s really important. It loves. It forgives.

Pressfield is spot on. That is why Jesus and the early Christian Desert Fathers (see John Climacus, for example) spent so much time on ego, pride, humility.

I sense that we (all of us) need to meditate and pray deeply about our own journey from ego to soul. Someone need a hug today?