The tension of holding two things in your head could lead to a headache. Or worse.
If you are grateful, you cannot be resentful at the same time.
Choose wisely.
Archive for the ‘Attitude’ Category
Grateful or Resentful
August 27, 2024Those Who Are Centered Upon Themselves
August 23, 2024Narcissism is the shame-based fear of being ordinary.—Brené Brown.
We commonly toss the word narcissism to label those who seem annoyingly self centered. Usually we are describing someone we tire of easily due to their one-sided conversations.
There is a disorder listed in the psychologist’s diagnostic manual. Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a personality disorder characterized by a life-long pattern of exaggerated feelings of self-importance, an excessive need for admiration, and a diminished ability to empathize with other people’s feelings.
If you have met someone with the disorder and especially if you must work with this person, my suggestion is to run. Remove yourself from the situation.
Short of disorder, though, we should all reflect upon our own behaviors. How much do we wish to not appear ordinary such that our conversations tend to focus not only on ourselves but especially upon our exploits that make us appear extraordinary?
If as a follower of Jesus we incorporate his teachings into our lives to first love God and then also love those around us (our neighbor), then we are focusing our thoughts and lives on others. Sort of the opposite of common narcissism.
Perhaps in being ordinary followers, we actually wind up being extraordinary as a byproduct!
The Toy Is Broken
August 20, 2024My coat is at school.
Children have a way of wording a statement to avoid responsibility. The proper subject of the sentence, of course, is “I”.
Accepting responsibility, the child would say, “I broke the toy” or “I left my coat at school.”
How many times do we as adults do the same thing?
“The work is not finished, because he didn’t …”
“The conversation did not happen.”
A subtle change in language leads to major change in attitude.
“I didn’t…,” “I failed to…,” “I accept responsibility for…”
Emotional Transitions
August 15, 2024The transition from tenseness, self-responsibility, and worry to equanimity, receptivity, and peace is the most wonderful of all those shiftings of inner equilibrium, those changes of personal center of energy. -William James, 1902
Matthew wrote in his story of Jesus that the ministry began with Jesus inviting people to repent. This was also the message of his predecessor, John (the Baptizer).
This observation from William James captures something of that joy and release of energy that comes from changing our life perspective. Something called repentance.
What Can We Do
July 24, 2024Ask not what your country can do for you, rather ask what you can do for your country. — John F. Kennedy
I was perhaps 14 when the new president included this phrase in his speech.
I don’t scroll Facebook much any longer (not that I ever did a lot). When I read the posts in my community in a effort to get some local news, it seems like for every one person following Kennedy’s precept there are five whining that others are not doing enough for them.
Christian churches attract many servants fulfilling in whatever way they can Jesus’ teachings about serving others.
But they also attract many more who whine that the speakers are too loud, the speakers are too muddled, the pastor doesn’t “feed” them, the coffee is bland, there aren’t enough parking spots close to the building, they always want money, and so on ad infinitum.
Yes, I’m glad I never became a pastor.
But seriously, isn’t it time we all listened to at least Kennedy if we aren’t going to listen to Jesus?
Or maybe Benjamin Franklin who asked of himself every morning “What good will I do today” and every evening “What good did I do today?”
Two Kinds of People, No, Three
July 23, 2024Reading from a philosopher today—it seems there are two kinds of people.
One type needs to be told things. They crave authority. “Tell me what to believe,” they clamor. “Tell me how to act.” In other words, tell me how to be in the cool kids group. Tell me how much I am better than “them.”
The second type goes their own way. They believe they think for themselves. “Don’t tell me what to do or how to think,” said I in my late adolescent years. Therein lies the Baby Boomer predicament. Many just either want to be contrarian or at least different.
But there is a third. My favorite pastime is finding alternatives from dichotomies. This person houses an infinitely curious intelligence. Maybe if I read enough, or listen to a wide variety of people, or think deeply on other issues, then I might find a better path. This person believes that no one knows everything, not even themselves.
Leadership
July 17, 2024There are leaders with vision who inspire people to do great things.
There are leaders filled with insecurities who create atmospheres of divisiveness, playing competing groups against each other.
Some follow the visionary leader and do great things.
Some follow the insecure leader burrowing into their group spreading divisiveness.
Remember the religious, business, political leaders of the first type. They are too few.
Think of the the religious, business, political leaders of the second. They are too many.
If you are a leader of any group, please be the first. It’s hard, but valuable. Like a diamond.
Two Kinds of Christians
July 16, 2024I’ve experienced two types of Christians.
Judgement
The picture that immediately comes to mind is the preacher who comes to No Name City in the play/movie Paint Your Wagon. Dressed in black, aggressive attitude, crazed look in his eyes. But that is a caricature.
Most judge like “death by a thousand paper cuts.” A critical comment tossed out here. A Facebook post hurriedly typed there. A focus on sins, foibles, failures—of others.
Grace
The popular song Amazing Grace describes the grace that can come to an individual. However Mother Teresa’s image popped quickly to mind. She symbolizes not my grace but the grace shared outward to others.
Grace shared outward can be a large focus of an entire life. It also lives in every small act of kindness toward humans and even animals. That’s because it emanates from who you are, from deep within the heart.
Bible Based
July 8, 2024Our church is Bible-based.
No, not yours, our church is Bible-based.
I wonder what the code is built into those statements.
All “Christian” theologies are based on the Bible in one way or another—even the wacky ones.
Maybe it all fulfills a human need—much like heavy metal rock. Us versus Them.
But where is “seek ye first the Kingdom of God and all these things will be added unto you”?
Debate to Win?
July 3, 2024Have you ever gotten involved in an argument? Did it go anywhere? Have you ever argued with someone who believed something different from you? Did you convince them that they were wrong?
I saw this thought on Rich Dixon’s Rich’s Ride blog, “Nobody’s ever been debated into an intimate relationship with Jesus.”
Want to know what works better?
Listening. Empathy. Curiosity about the other.
Gary Mintchell
Faith Venture 