Those Who Are Centered Upon Themselves

August 23, 2024

Narcissism is the shame-based fear of being ordinary.—Brené Brown.

We commonly toss the word narcissism to label those who seem annoyingly self centered. Usually we are describing someone we tire of easily due to their one-sided conversations.

There is a disorder listed in the psychologist’s diagnostic manual. Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a personality disorder characterized by a life-long pattern of exaggerated feelings of self-importance, an excessive need for admiration, and a diminished ability to empathize with other people’s feelings.

If you have met someone with the disorder and especially if you must work with this person, my suggestion is to run. Remove yourself from the situation.

Short of disorder, though, we should all reflect upon our own behaviors. How much do we wish to not appear ordinary such that our conversations tend to focus not only on ourselves but especially upon our exploits that make us appear extraordinary?

If as a follower of Jesus we incorporate his teachings into our lives to first love God and then also love those around us (our neighbor), then we are focusing our thoughts and lives on others. Sort of the opposite of common narcissism. 

Perhaps in being ordinary followers, we actually wind up being extraordinary as a byproduct!

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Stuck

August 22, 2024

Stuck

Clowns to the left of me

Jokers to the right

Here I am

Stuck in the middle with you.

I’ve heard that song by the Scottish group Stealers Wheel at least ten times the last week. Restaurant, coffee house, radio station at home. Someone is telling me something.

Sometimes we are stuck.

We can’t decide. This one or that? This way or that? A project that just doesn’t move. Writing that doesn’t start.

Robert Pirsig wrote in Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance about being stuck. You are trying to disassemble a part. The screwdriver slips. The screw’s head is stripped. You’re stuck. You can’t proceed.

First you must recognize that the problem changed. Then tackle the new problem to get unstuck.

It’s like spiritual formation. First the realization. Then the focus and intention. Then the new work to overcome being stuck.

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Celebration of Discipline

August 21, 2024

Humans have long discovered a set of practices that help change lives for the better and orient the heart toward God. Over time a set of them were known as Spiritual Practices, Spiritual Disciplines, or even Means of Grace.

Richard J. Foster published a seminal book approachable by all called “Celebration of Discipline.” Somewhat later, Dallas Willard published “The Spirit of the Disciplines.” Foster was a Quaker pastor. Willard was a professor of philosophy. For a time, Willard was a member of Foster’s congregation. (I would have loved to have been there at the time.) You can tell the difference in orientation by reading the two books.

The disciplines (others say practices) do not bind one as in a straitjacket. They are meant to be incorporated in the routines of life that lead to the sort of freedom that Jesus taught or that Paul tried to explain especially in his letter to the Galatians.

Foster narrowed his topic to a “Top Twelve” disciplines or practices. My writing at this blog and my other teaching has a root in these. Probably too much on meditation and study along with service (my strengths, I guess). Submission and confession probably reside at the bottom of my list. (Note to self: something to work on.)

I offer this list of disciplines that Foster describes in some depth in the book. They are worthy of reflection regarding where we are on this journey. And as a reminder of where we should shore up our personal practices.

Inward Disciplines

  • Meditation
  • Prayer
  • Fasting
  • Study

Outward Disciplines

  • Simplicity
  • Solitude
  • Submission
  • Service

Corporate Disciplines

  • Confession
  • Worship
  • Guidance
  • Celebration

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The Toy Is Broken

August 20, 2024

My coat is at school.

Children have a way of wording a statement to avoid responsibility. The proper subject of the sentence, of course, is “I”. 

Accepting responsibility, the child would say, “I broke the toy” or “I left my coat at school.”

How many times do we as adults do the same thing?

“The work is not finished, because he didn’t …”

“The conversation did not happen.”

A subtle change in language leads to major change in attitude.

“I didn’t…,” “I failed to…,” “I accept responsibility for…”

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Character Inferred From Actions

August 19, 2024

A high school department existed long ago, maybe it still does for all I know, called Home Economics. The curriculum included how to prepare meals, how to eat the meals, how to sew clothes, and the like.

A scene from my high school days. Lunch time. The tables crowded. A group gathered around the HomeEc teacher. I remember her words as clearly today as then, “Do as I say, not as I do.”

That thought haunts me as I observe people who profess to follow Jesus—well, maybe they label themselves Christian— whose actions belie their proclamations.

Epictetus was a slave in the early first century in Rome who became a revered teacher. One of his thoughts went, “no man should ever profess to be a philosopher, but that each should leave this character to be inferred from his actions.”

I think Jesus uttered a similar thought to conclude his teaching, “Whoever hears my words and does them is like the man who builds his house upon rock.”

Sometimes the thought sneaks into my awareness that prods me to consider if I am only full of words not backed up by action. How about you? A thought for the day

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Grace is Spiritual WD40

August 16, 2024

Writer Anne Lamott mentioned that in a recent interview.

I love that thought.

WD40 is an all-purpose lubricant.

It reduces friction.

It allows surfaces to slide freely.

It loosens stuck screws.

A little like John the Baptizer’s role was to make the path smoother for Jesus.

As our path of sliding toward God, Grace smooths the way reducing friction.

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Emotional Transitions

August 15, 2024

The transition from tenseness, self-responsibility, and worry to equanimity, receptivity, and peace is the most wonderful of all those shiftings of inner equilibrium, those changes of personal center of energy. -William James, 1902

Matthew wrote in his story of Jesus that the ministry began with Jesus inviting people to repent. This was also the message of his predecessor, John (the Baptizer).

This observation from William James captures something of that joy and release of energy that comes from changing our life perspective. Something called repentance.

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Choose This or That

August 14, 2024

Seth Godin writes, ““None of the above” is often the best option. We’re regularly confronted with multiple-choice questions. The foundation is already established, the options are already limited, do you want this or that? But the real questions lie in the assumptions that happened before you were even asked.”

When confronted with the choice of this or that I often look for a third alternative. Or a fourth.

Often when confronted with a spiritual question or Biblical “truth” it pays to ask for an alternative. What about this? Why is that? (Five Whys is a most powerful tool.)

Looking for growth in your spiritual formation? Try looking for what the book’s author leaves out. Try asking what or why? The author may be right. But you’ll feel better having explored the idea.

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Slow Down, You Move Too Fast

August 13, 2024

Slow down, you move too fast

You got to make the morning last

Just kicking down the cobblestones

Looking for fun and feelin’ groovy

Paul Simon, 59th Street Bridge Song

I tried getting things done as quickly as possible. I even tried doing two or three things at the same time.

Sitting in meditation during early mornings looking through my study window at the main street through our development, I’m reminded that the 25 miles per hour speed limit isn’t even a target for most drivers. They are in a hurry. 

Surely it isn’t only American culture (actually both urban and rural) where people are always in a hurry.

Let us pause and consider. Do we really need all that hurry? Slow down. Enjoy where you are. One of life’s many paradoxes consists of slowing down a little one task at a time and accomplishing more with less internal stress.

Slow down, you move too fast.

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Volunteering, Service, Happiness

August 12, 2024

You don’t want to believe what Jesus and James and Paul and Proverbs say about serving other people, helping them, mentoring them, volunteering at the soup kitchen?

Teams of psychologists have studied people’s actions. Real life. Just like you and me.

They’ve found that volunteering, performing acts of service for others, yes, even when teenagers are forced into it by parents, leads to happiness.

It’s true. It works. Wisdom written 4,000 years ago and 2,000 years ago—all true. 

Sometimes you must perform works of mercy and service to bring your heart around to the right direction. Better is to change the direction of your heart to where performing these acts, small and large, is simply a part of your life.

As Paul says in Galatians among other places against such works there is no law.

Be kind. If you get something from these meditations, share with a friend. If not, share with an enemy. 🙂

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