You Teach Others How To Treat You

June 20, 2014

It was a rude introduction to college life. Band camp at a major university. We were away at some state park. Assigned to cabins. The drum major was in this cabin. Upper class. Arrogant. Assertive.

He was a quiet trumpeter. Freshman. The drum major instantly, probably instinctively, started picking on him. I’ll never figure out what it was that attracted the wrath of the leader. But life was miserable for that guy.

I was a quiet kid, too. Just glad that they ignored me.

Some people just seem to attract that sort of behavior toward them. It’s like they are born with a “kick me” sign on their back. Other people can walk into a room and instantly attract positive responses.

Browsing through my reading lists the other day, I ran across this phrase, “You teach others how to treat you.”

Maybe that drum major was just a bully. Preying on weaker people. But often we invite the treatment we get. Someone says something and we don’t stand up for ourselves. Or we overreact. Or we come across as aggressive and invite aggressive responses.

It is said that you can’t love others if you don’t love yourself. How you think of yourself influences how others treat you. Holding strong core beliefs and ethics is a start. Thinking of others continues the process. A smile and firm greeting works wonders.

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Physical Exercise As A Discipline

June 19, 2014

Physical health is a foundation to productive living. As long as we are able to move, we should be moving. Meditation and study require attention and an alert mind. Physical exercise as a discipline impacts all the other disciplines.

There are two men who are regulars at the gym I frequent (when I’m in town). I started there in 2000 and they were already regulars. One just turned 84, the other is 86. The first walks every day. He rides his bike for an hour or two during summer evenings. The other one still runs marathons–yep, the 26 mile variety. He just won his age group (OK, not tons of competition there, still…) three weeks ago in one. He did a couple of triathalons after he turned 80 (biking, swimming, running).

I began running in the mornings in the late 1970s when one spring I discovered that I was terribly out of shape. Mostly I run with the goal of being able to referee soccer rather than run in competitions. But it keeps me moving.

My “Getting Things Done” mentor and developer of the Nozbe productivity application, Michael Sliwinski, just wrote on his blog about running–✔ Born To Run by Christopher McDougall – (audio) book of the week. He discovered what I discovered a year ago–modern running shoes are bad for you.

I heard about minimalist running shoes and thought those would be great to pack on my trips (lighter, less space). Then I discovered that this is actually a movement. You shouldn’t have to beat yourself up and wind up in pain from running. Our ancestors could run for miles a day chasing their next meal.

Running may not be ideal for you given physical restrictions. But keep moving to the extent your body allows. It sharpens the mind, improves your outlook on life, and helps you make new friends. Physical activity improves your spiritual life.

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Prayer as an Action Verb

June 18, 2014

Prayer rightly understood and practiced is the most potent instrument of action. Gandhi.

Did you ever think of prayer as an instrument of action? Prayer seems so passive. You sit or you kneel and talk to God.

Maybe you’ve heard of the early Chrisitan mystics who also prayed while walking or preparing dinner. But that still seems passive.

Think about Gandhi. He led a revolution that freed a huge nation from the imperialism of another country. He did it without forming a guerilla army in the mountains and fighting a prolonged and bloody war. Essentially he did it through prayer.

Jesus said that prayer could move mountains. Is your prayer so feeble that you ask for something and then say, “If it be your will”? Jesus taught us to pray boldly.

Jesus prayed for his followers. They started a revolution that captured an empire. Without starting a war. I would say without bloodshed, except the blood of the followers was often shed.

Prayer toppled a godless Roman nation converting it to an officially Christian one.

What are you praying for? Make it a bold one! Change the world.

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Don’t Be Anxious

June 17, 2014

Twice the other day the subject of anxiety was raised. This is something with which I have some experience. My mom passed the ability to worry to my siblings and me. She worried about everything. She would worry if there was nothing to worry about because something might happen to cause worry.

Both times the question arose while discussing Yoga. The practice of Yoga is supposed to help one cope with or even overcome anxiety. And indeed, it does.

Dealing with anxiety begins with the awareness of being anxious. During Yoga practice, students are encouraged to continually use their minds to scan their bodies and emotions looking for things that are not right. Are you holding stress somewhere? I ask during almost every pose.

The technique that has worked best for me is to consciously divert my mind to something pleasurable. Focus on that and eventually the negative feeling fades away. Do this often enough and you begin to stop getting the feelings in the first place.

Another thing is something I brought up the other day that Jon Swanson pointed out. Concentrate on other people Don’t dwell on yourself, your feelings, your wishes, your desires. Focus on others. What do people close to you need? How can you help? Pray for other people.

Anxiety is still something I occasionally deal with. But far, far less than 30 years ago. And I know how to divert myself in time. Now, I have other problems 😉

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A Little Good Leadership Pays Dividends

June 16, 2014

A friend recently posted on Facebook a note about how hard it is to be a teacher these days. Public education has become so political that education policy is driven by the latest whim. Everyone is critical of teachers, yet very few know anything about what really goes on in the classroom. Yes, we’ve all been students. But things are always different on the other side of the desk.

During my time on the local school board, I discovered that programs were faddish that everyone was trying to find the latest nirvanna yet neglecting the fundamentals of good instruction. Management was also sorely lacking. Leadership was often nonexistent. Control was the keyword—teachers were expected to control classrooms, principals to control teachers (and parents), superintendents to control principals (and parents and school board members).

Principals would complain that they couldn’t fire incompetent teachers because of contracts and tenure. Nonsense, we replied (a board composed of business managers and leaders). There are procedures. Follow them. Observe, document, offer corrective suggestions, terminate if no improvement is observed. It was possible in 1985, it’s possible today. It’s work, but it is the work principals are expected to do.

This applies not only to teachers, but everywhere.

But this all implies inheriting problems. If you can develop an area with your own hires, you can avoid these problems with astute hiring (finding motivated, adaptable people) and team building. Inspiring a team to work together is a great experience. I’ve had the opportunity to do that a few times. Watching people grow and succeed is among the most satisfying experiences you can have.

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When You’ve Lost That Zen State of Being

June 13, 2014

Thirty-five years of meditation changes your personality and state-of-consciousness. You can become more relaxed. Open to the flow of life. To the reality of other people–more of observer less of judge.

But what do you do in the times that you’ve lost that “Zen feeling.” (Sorry Righteous Brothers.)

Sometimes stresses get to you. Sometimes worries get to you. Sometimes other people get to you.

Reflecting back on myself over the years, I can identify times where I’ve lost that state of being.

Here are some examples from the recent and not-so-recent past.

  • I took some “herbal” weight loss tonic (OK, I’ve already been yelled at for that–when you’re 5’10” and 175 lbs, you’re hardly overweight) several months ago that brought on anxieties.
  • I’ve struggled with quite a number of people to get some things accomplished. That’s not within my normal personality.
  • Then, do you ever notice the impact of food on your body and emotions? Yesterday’s lunch left me lethargic all afternoon. I didn’t regain full energy until evening. No more Bob Evans Pot Roast Sandwich Platter for lunch for me 😉

This morning I read Jon Swanson’s 300 Words a Day post and he nailed it. It’s when you stop thinking at least 90% of the time about others.

I mean, when we read that Jesus says,

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.

we do it.

Yes, if we go back to the basics of the faith, that helps. Focus outwardly–God, ideas, others. We must be reminded of this constantly lest we slip into old, bad habits.

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Why Priests

June 12, 2014

Garry Wills has always been a thoughtful and intelligent writer. His OpEd pieces in the 60s were always worth reading. [Side note: I stopped reading editorials and OpEd pieces in the Dayton Daily News almost 30 years ago. Give me the name of a writer, the topic, and I could tell you what they said. Can you say, boring? Now, I don’t even buy the paper anymore. Get my news from Web sources.]

Wills studied to be a priest. Not only just a priest, but a Jesuit. But he dropped out before ordination. The reason I mention that is that I picked up his latest book while browsing the local bookstore, “Why Priests?: A Failed Tradition”. I’ve only just begun the book, but when I sit in the morning to meditate the past two days, his opening  background has captured my mind.

I’m born and raised protestant–a Methodist. So, I have always been taught that when Jesus said, “This is my body,” the definition of the word “is” means “represents”. However, if you are of other traditions, you were taught that the word “is” means “literally the same thing”.

Wills is taking us down the logical path of what it means in the life of the church and as a true reflection of the early church when somehow it became common to vest in a group of men the power (magical? mystical?) to turn ordinary bread and wine into the literal body and blood of Jesus. This led to all manner of “mental gymnastics” and logical leaps.

I don’t know if I’ll write any more on this, since to me it’s just an intellectual exercise. To some people it’s the foundation of their faith. Read with care.

It’s June 12, 2014. Two auspicious events of the day. The World Cup football (soccer) championship playoffs begin. Oh, and it’s the anniversary of my wedding. I’d have to say that my parents were greatly relieved when I called them some 44 years ago and said I was getting married–to a normal middle-class girl. I was about to enter graduate school studying philosophy and publishing poetry. Not the goals of normal, middle-class parents. I caved. Went back to my technology roots and became middle class. It’s all worked out for the best, even though Bev is still working on making me dress and act like a normal middle-class, Midwestern person.

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What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up

June 9, 2014

Do you have long-term goals? Can you visualize yourself twenty years from now?

How does the long-term goal that you have set for yourself or for your organization affect your daily life?

I’m reading and reflecting on Daniel Goleman’s latest book, “Focus: The Hidden Driver of Excellence.” Goleman presents and discusses a wealth of research into brain functions and resulting human behaviors.

Self-help and motivational gurus have told us for at least the past 30 years to set long-term goals for ourselves and for our organizations in order to be successful.

Yet for most of us, it’s hard to get past today’s goals–or even today’s to-do list. Let alone think about this month’s goals, or this year’s goals, or our goals for five years out.

If you are in business or leading an organization, it’s hard to think even a quarter out. Thinking this month can be a challenge.

Goleman points to research about the human brain. It is still wired to respond just as it did for our ancestors on the savannahes of Africa–totally focused on immediate threats. There is nothing in our brain that is wired to respond to distant threats of which we may be aware. Therefore the lack of concern about climate change–it’s too far away.

The successful leader and person is one who is able to keep the future in mind, though, and can juggle the immediate while also working on the future.

In terms of Spiritual development (which Goleman does not discuss), this involves understanding not what we want to be, but who. The purpose of pursuing intentional Spiritual practices such as prayer, meditation and study is to mold us into the kind of person we wish to be. We are building our future selves.

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How Far Can I Go Before?

June 6, 2014

How far can I go before it’s a foul? I teach the Laws of the Game of “The Beautiful Game” (soccer). My students are almost always people who wish to become referees. Sometimes it’s parents and players who wish to know more about the game.

Once I gave a presentation before a group of parents and players at a high school that was just starting a soccer program. There was very little experience among the entire group.

The boys kept saying, “All we want to know is how far can we go before it’s a foul.”

That statement reveals an utter lack of understanding about the game.

Christians can be the same. How far can I go before it’s a sin? How much sin is too much before God gets really mad?

Andy Stanley is re-running his “Guardrails” series on his “Your Move” podcasts. The idea of guardrails is that there are situations that occur in your life that should remind you to stay on the road.

Maybe I get myself into the wrong situation with the wrong people. Then that “uh, oh” feeling visits. That is a guardrail. I’ve gone almost to far off the road and I have been given a reminder to get back on the road before it’s too late and I get into big trouble.

In soccer, the referee watches the challenge for the ball. The two players are fending each other off. Then one gains an advantage by giving a push. “Tweet” goes the whistle. Everyone looks while the referee points the direction of the free kick that is given as the result of a foul.

In life, we don’t necessarily have that immediate referee (unless it’s a good parent or partner). We seemingly get away with a little foul. Then another. Then it’s our way of life. And we’re thrown out of the game.

We need to establish our guardrails to help us not get off into the danger beyond the road.

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It’s Hard To Focus On the Distant Future

June 2, 2014

Much Christian preaching involves the idea of “repent and someday you’ll inherit eternal life.” One of the study groups I attend has been working its way through the book of Revelation for the past eight months. They are trying to come to grips with the “someday the world will end” interpretation of the writing.

Daniel Goleman brings a wealth of science research into his writing and makes it both informative and approachable. “Emotional Intelligence” is my guidebook to emotionally healthy growth, right along with “The Ladder of Divine Ascent” by John Climacus, and early Desert Father of the church. Goleman’s latest book, “Focus: The Hidden Driver of Excellence”, includes a chapter discussing climate change and the trouble people have trying to be concerned about something where the results are far in the future.

It seems that our brains are wired to help us survive–but only from immediate danger. That would be the “fight or flight” response you’ve heard about. This is the most likely reason why public discussion about the climate has degenerated into polarized opinions rather than rational looks into the data.

I think some of the same brain physiology is at work in the “repent or someday you’ll go to Hell” evangelizing. That’s a someday thing that does not relate to our immediate survival.

It’s also a misreading of John, the apostle and writer. John is clear in his Gospel that eternal life comes to you the moment you believe. That moment is when we begin living in eternal life. Eternal life is not someday, it’s now.

We just acknowledge, “I was living like that, then I became aware that that life was not fruitful, so I decided to live in a different way as a follower of Jesus.”

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