Change In Personality–It’s Inevitable

August 29, 2016

Don’t you understand, I’m never changing who I am. — Imagine Dragons

No, this song didn’t come from the rebellious, “us-against-them” Heavy Metal genre. It played on Sirius XM Coffee House–acoustic, folk, coffee house type of music.

But it reminds us of our rebellious teenage years. “I’m never changing.”

Do you recall your teenage years? I do–with deep regret and chagrin over my social and relational stupidity. Now, I’m only partially challenged relationally and socially.

Even that statement implies change over time.

My wife is not even close to the same person I married. She’s changed a couple of times. Then I think, “poor woman, I’m not even close to the guy she married.” It wasn’t some sort of bait-and-switch marketing. We just grew. That’s life.

I like to “joke” about some people of my acquaintance who used to be addicted to substances and now are addicted to Jesus. Sort of a fundamental addictive personality, but growth happened. Jesus is much better than drugs.

That’s the process of spiritual formation. We grow intentionally toward being (OK, here comes the M-word) spiritually mature. That’s not so bad.

A spiritually mature person grows to enjoy the fruit of the spirit. Paul, writing to the Galatians (5:22-23), tells us that a person mature in the spirit has the fruit of the spirit–But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. 

Really, now, do we want to remain selfish, anxious, obnoxious people? Adrift in life? Slave to every whim and emotion that buffets us?

We are designed to be free, strong, and caring. People who’ve never grown up may scoff at such people, but wouldn’t you rather be around people filled with such fruit? Wouldn’t you rather be a person filled with such fruit? The Proverbs tells us about scoffers and their inevitable end.

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Getting Things Done Takes Focus

August 26, 2016

I woke up Wednesday morning with many things on my mind. There was a 7 am international conference call followed by a 10 am international conference call. Then a 1 pm conference. Finally a 2:30 pm very important client call for which I needed to prepare.

There was enough focus enough for my daily marketing Facebook post for the local coffee shop. And then it was gone. No morning reading and meditation. How was I going to fit in the morning run? How was I going to continue working on a research project? Not to mention time for soccer referee assigning and straightening out the revised assigning Website that has so thoroughly cost me and my athletic director clients a ton of time this summer.

So, no Faith Venture post. And a day that began frazzled and uncertain.

There was my Getting Things Done app, Nozbe. The art of getting things done (by the way, the title of a book and a methodology of David Allen) begins with putting all the things you may have to do and relevant information or links into a trusted location. I use Nozbe linked to Evernote.

The method is to take a deep breath–or more. Clear the head. Then review the list and look at my calendar.

No way I could stay on the first call two hours. So, I listened for a while, got the gist of the conversation. There was nothing for me to contribute, so I dropped off and headed for the park. The next steps are just to review what needs to be done and focus on one at a time. By the evening reflection on the day, it had been pretty productive.

Part of the reason for the personal story is that all around me are things not getting done. There is the room where we have Yoga. We were moved a little over a year ago. They were converting a racquetball court into a Yoga studio. They began painting in January. Did a quick and temporary sound deadening, with the promise of more. And nothing has happened since. Getting Things Done.

There are other places around where there are things to get done, but the person just cannot focus. There is no weekly review and controlling the calendar (hour by hour) to assure that important things get done and that to the best of ability the person is controlling the calendar.

The very first personal development seminar I attended began with the challenge to avoid the dreaded “Tyranny of the Urgent” and work on the Essential things. Forty years later, we still need to work on that.

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Painting a Picture of a Functional Family

August 25, 2016

How do you read (study?) the Bible? Or other more challenging books?

Some seem to read through looking for a verse they agree with. Or perhaps a controversial one where they can speculate all day about what-ifs and could-bes.

I know a guy who was leading a discussion in Ephesians. Remember how at the end of Chapter 3, Paul prays for his listeners (readers) by asking three times that they be filled with God?

He proceeds then to talk about how to live this new life filled with God–or as it is called the “With-God” life.

Rather than talk about this new with-God life, he picked up on the verse which is a parenthetical statement about if Jesus ascended to heaven where all things would be under his feet then he must have descended to earth. Well, there is a theology about Jesus actually descending into Hell. They speculated on that for a while and considered the study of Ephesians done.

That’s a shame. What if we read chapters 4-6 not as a list of instructions (let’s just pull out the “wives submit to your husbands” to stand alone and build a philosophy?) but as Paul painting a picture of a spirit-filled person, a spirit-filled family, and a spirit-filled organization?

Read this section as a description of how I would be as a person Paul describes. How I would live. How I would live in community.

Imagine a family where everyone is looking out for the other person. There is no putting myself ahead of the others. No trying to be the “boss”. Yes, there is leadership, but not tyranny. Wow, what a great family.

Let’s take it another step–because Paul does.

What if we were in an organization where people developed their gifts with the encouragement of everyone else in the organization. And people, instead of competing against their fellow workers, worked to build up other people. Equipping them for ministry, as Paul said.

If it is a business, equipping them for developing products and services that serve the customer. If a church, preparing people to go out and serve and witness. If a non-profit, equipped to serve fulfilling the mission of the organization.

How much time, emotional energy, grief would we avoid if when we lived together in family, church, and business we approached it as spirit-filled people?

You can pull out all your little philosophies you want by parsing Paul’s words to suit your purposes. But go back and read this as a picture–a vision of how to live.

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Compassion and Confession Go Together

August 23, 2016

We read in the letter of James to confess our sins to one another and pray for one another so that we may be healed.

Confession–a spiritual discipline I may never have discussed. It consists of the admitting to trusted others and to God the thoughts we have dwelled upon or actions we have done or not done that brought us farther away from God and others.

If we confess, then we are healed. Before we confess, we must recognize. When we see ourselves in those things and realize it, then we can tell others in a trusted atmosphere and seek healing. Just ask a therapist. Or an experienced pastor.

What started this line of thinking, believe it or not, was the serious lack of compassion that I see in our society. I hear or read so many callous remarks describing other people. It is so easy to dismiss people who are not like us by grouping them together and then trying to sound either funny or wise by describing them in sometimes very nasty terms.

This, by the way, is not an American phenomenon. I’ve seen it pop up in many cultures. It’s a human problem.

I’m not a “welfare state” liberal who believes I can absolve myself of responsibility for compassion by passing it on to the government. Can you imagine the power in society if all the congregations that call themselves Christian lived out Jesus’ teachings about compassion and helping the poor? Wow!

Some can be found helping others while remaining with a superior attitude. “I’ll toss them a couple of dollars,” they think. This is arrogance and condescension. Not compassion.

Compassion is not “bleeding heart liberalism” like many conservatives used to label people (or maybe still do, I don’t know). Compassion is controlled emotion. It begins with recognizing our own shortcomings. Realizing with gratitude the grace that has come to us. Wanting from the heart to share that grace.

Confession and compassion–a lifestyle of grace turned outward.

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You Are Who You Are

August 22, 2016

“You are who you are.”

Weird phrase. Sounds like a truism.

Psalm 139 opens with, “O Lord, you have searched me and known me.” Later it says, “For it was you who formed my inward parts; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.”

Paul writing to the Ephesians tells us to be worthy of our calling.

So, I was thinking about these weird little phrases, such as “you are who you are.”

Few things are sadder when someone tries to be what they are not. A short kid thinks he’s an NBA star. A tone-deaf person thinks she’s a great singer. A person short on vision and unable to connect with people thinks he’s a leader.

Maybe we dream of being a great speaker and in reality our calling and gifts point toward teaching and mentoring.

Worse still, are the hypocrites. Jesus once said (I bet in reality he said it a lot), “Woe to you hypocrites.”

Hypocrites means someone who wears a mask. They present a persona to the world that is not even close to what they are.

They pretend to be godly.

They pretend to be wealthy.

They pretend to pray.

They pretend they are compassionate.

Yet, their hearts are hardened. They are actually insecure, or angry, or greedy, or self-absorbed, and so on.

Paul prays that we are not like that. That we truly are filled with the spirit of God. That we find our true calling in life and live it out.

The psalmist concludes 139 with, “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts. See if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”

Those are challenging words. They might make us change direction.

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Leader’s First Response To Decline

August 19, 2016

You’ve been appointed to head an organization. Could be a business, church, nonprofit. Wherever you are in life.

The organization is thriving. All indicators were up. People affiliated with the organization are enthused. Good things are happening all over. Leadership teams are planning expansions.

Then a change happens. Imperceptibly at first. Few, if anyone, notice. But growth stopped. No real decline, yet. But a couple of staff leaders left, leaving behind some leadership gaps. You, the overall leader didn’t move quickly to fill the gaps. They just slid by.

Eventually the decline is in progress. At first only key people in the organization notice. Then more people notice. A key top staff person notices and brings to your attention. Conflict erupts. Now there is another key gap in the leadership team.

This is a situation I’ve seen several times in my career. I did try to salvage a couple. In one I was actually “president” for a short time while my partners tried to raise money for a takeover. They didn’t, we failed, now I’m writing here.

But back to our fearless leader. The one who seems oblivious to the by now obvious to everyone decline. If you were in that position, would you

  1. Call an emergency staff meeting of the perhaps dozen top leaders to address the problem; or
  2. Gather together a larger group–say greater than 25–and begin a month’s long vision planning exercise, or
  3. Do nothing and either ignore the situation or hope it reverses?

I have never been in the situation (and I can think of at least four I’ve been in) where the leader chose number 1.

Mostly I have seen the non-choice choice of number 3. Either the leader is totally out of their league and just flounders, or their narcissism makes them ignore the situation. Perhaps even degenerating into blame.

Then, I’ve actually seen number 2. All attention is diverted from important and immediate tasks while the entire leadership team squanders its attention on dreaming of what might be.

What should you do? I’d suggest steps such as:

Gather the top leadership team and get them to acknowledge the problem

Gather facts and stories about the situation

Perform root cause analyses (5 why’s, as we say)

Tackle one main problem as quickly as it is identified

If one of the issues that pops up is that “no one understands what we stand for”, then the messaging both internal and external has become muddled. In that case, it is time to go back to the vision statement of the organization and sharpen it. Then make sure that all messaging is consistent.

Maybe the customer experience is not good. Then a team can tackle that problem.

Notice that by doing this, the leader focuses the leadership team and infuses new energy. The new energy should spread throughout the organization as teams form and more people are involved.

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Why Are We So Offended?

August 18, 2016

Why are we so offended? Constantly, it seems. Do we go out of our way to seek offensive people or  statements?

Many people seem to think that everyone should be just like them. If they aren’t, these people are offended. And they voice it in their little groups. And complain.

Everyone to whom Paul  wrote (actually Peter, John, James, Luke, too) lived in a society where some of the most offensive practices were carried out openly. They wrote to help people live a good life amongst all of that.

I wonder at times whether we are so thin-skinned that any remark sets us off. Are we possessed of so little faith that it can be shaken by a remark? Or an act by someone?

That is why we practice spiritual disciplines. Constantly refreshing our minds with the proper thoughts and centered on God, helps us grow in faith and confidence.

Confidence–there’s a word that Paul frequently uses that is seldom heard. Can we move forward confident of the triumph of Go?

Offended? Maybe by living a life that is so enticing to others, we can show a better way. We turn being offended into an excuse to help someone grow.

That would be cool.

 

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A Change Of Scenery

August 17, 2016

IMG_2955

 

Sometimes a change of scenery is just what you need. This is looking over Green Bay from my lodge in Door County, Wisconsin. I grew up where there was no water. No stream. The lake was 20 miles away. A little stream we called a river was 7 or 8 miles away. When you’re a kid on a bicycle, that is a long way.

It’s 6 am and no one is out save the crows. Last night’s thunderstorm cleared the air and left a little mist rising from the woods.

I seldom read the Psalms. Don’t know why. I like poetry–even published some a long time ago.

But you get the feeling like David must have. In the still of the morning or evening after one of his high-tension days, he sat and meditated looking over the landscape. And his thoughts focused on God.

He thought about his needs and worries. Then he thought about God’s graciousness. How if you just trust God, it’ll work out somehow.

And whatever will be good for the soul.

I have projects piling up. Need to wrap up about three of them before Labor Day.

But for today. It’s just you and me, God. Right?

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Receiving Grace, Giving Grace

August 16, 2016

It was the end of a group meeting. It’s where we pray for each other and go home.

The study for the day was the part of Ephesian 4 where Paul is describing Christian life. About speaking the truth in gentleness and love. About focusing on others.

Then out of nowhere someone erupts in anger, “The church is going to hell. It accepts homosexuals.”

I thought, “Huh? Where did that come from?”

Well, it came from the depths of the things he dwells his thoughts in. He’d never admit hatred, but the tone of his voice betrayed him.

It was a shocking end to a study of grace.

It just shows the distance between your head and your heart. You can “learn” things but it may not change your heart.

I was affected by John Fischer’s latest Catch newsletter:

Grace doesn’t just stop with my receiving it; it goes on in the way I give it out. The way we are treated will affect the way we treat others.

This is an important part of receiving from God; it changes us. You can’t receive God’s grace without giving it out to others. You can’t receive what you don’t deserve and then go out and make everyone else pay.

I know it’s hard to live a life full of grace. And it’s hard to offer grace to other people. And I know that anger is an honest emotion. But anger also often betrays the condition of our heart. It reveals insecurities, prejudices, ignorance.

Those are the moments when I am grieved. What hope is there when people who receive grace refuse to give it on to someone else.

And, wow, our society could use a big dose of grace right now! From everyone.

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Power To Decide What You Say

August 15, 2016

Garbage In, Garbage Out. — Ancient Computer Science Wisdom

God In, God Out. — Eileen Hix, pastor

What food do we feed our bodies?

Does this reflect in how we look and how much energy we have?

With what do we fill our minds and our attention?

Does this reflect in our attitudes?

Are we perpetually angry or bitter or envious or sarcastic or negative or hateful?

Or, are we perpetually helpful, gentle, kind, gracious, filled with joy, peaceful?

What we fill our minds and attention with will relate directly to our outlook on life.

But our outlook on life determines what kind of person we are. And that determines what fruits come out of our lives. And often to what we say to others.

I think all of us have experienced those two lines of computer code (since we began with that topic):

100 Open Mouth

200 Insert Foot

I’ve seen people commenting in places like Facebook or Instagram about how they should be able to have the freedom to say anything they please. This “political correctness” where they can’t speak derogatorily about groups of people “cramps their style.”

Then I think (like I think about ALL the freedoms of the US Bill of Rights), with a freedom or right comes a responsibility. If you have a freedom to speak, you have a responsibility to do so properly.

Paul is all the time describing what a person should be. In Ephesians 4 he says, “living a life worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love.”

Between the thought and the voice (or fingers on a keyboard) is an instant. In that moment of time we determine what we are going to present to the world as our being. The type of person we are. In that moment, we have power. The power to choose what we say.

This will reflect what we’ve been feeding our awareness. Will we spit out garbage? Or speak in a way to help and uplift people? We have that power.

Or maybe we need another line of computer code:

300 Beg Forgiveness

We need a lot of that!

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