Archive for the ‘Living’ Category

I Want What She’s Having

September 25, 2023

The scene in the movie When Harry Met Sally when the title characters are at lunch and Sally fakes the sounds of having sex and the two older ladies at the next table put down their menus and tell the server, “I want what she’s having.” That little throw-away joke stuck with me. 

“I want what she’s having.”

Almost 50 years ago a small group of people set out to build “a church that unchurched people would like to attend.” Willow Creek Community Church started a movement across America, and perhaps the world. It was OK to play rock music in church. Before long it was disparaged as a “rock concert followed by a TED Talk.” But thousands still attend this type of church. I’ve even attended one in Mexico. Lively. Enthusiastic. Some places have been just pure performance, though. Professional musicians with a teacher with an ego.

What has been the impact on individuals, though? Inquiring minds would like to know.

I have been imagining, “What if we built a community that people outside said, ‘I want what they have.’ “

It wouldn’t have to be thousands in one location. That would probably be self-defeating, since it would be so easy for someone to be anonymous, to get lost in the crowd.

Maybe smaller gatherings that spread? People just meeting Jesus, studying what Jesus taught, practicing the life that Jesus exhibited for us. The enthusiasm of serving one another and the community. Has that been done before?

Well, yes. Read the first few chapters of the Acts of the Apostles.

Media celebrates big numbers. Fantastic growth. But what if we got the growth part backwards? What if our job is building community? I don’t know. Just wondering.

Fail Well

September 18, 2023

Seth Godin, entrepreneur and acute observer of life, wrote, “I’ve been doing it wrong all along This is one of the great benefits of learning. It’s also a common challenge. When we get better at something, it is preceded by a moment of incompetence. In that moment, we’re not exactly sure how to do it better, but we realize that the way we’d been doing it wasn’t nearly as useful.”

Often we humans are resistant to acknowledging we have been wrong and that change would be a good thing. Reading Thomas Merton this weekend, I saw, “A humble man is not afraid of failure.”

Godin proceeds with an example: It can be something prosaic–I learned last week that I’d been preheating my dosa pan for too long, and that’s why (paradoxically) they weren’t becoming crispy. Years of consistent behavior overturned in one moment. Or it can be something more profound, changing our perceptions of others and ourselves. If you need to be proven right, learning is a challenge. If you’re eager to be proven wrong, learning is delightful.

This fits with a podcast I heard last week from Guy Kawasaki’s “Remarkable People.” He talked with Harvard Business School Professor Amy Edmondson. Her latest book ‘Right Kind of Wrong: The Science of Failing Well,’ describes three kinds of failure. 

  • The good kind of failure, which I call intelligent failure. We can call a failure intelligent when it is genuinely novel territory. We are in pursuit of an opportunity. We’ve done our homework, we’ve thought about what might happen, and we’ve designed a test of that hypothesis and finally, the failure is as small as possible to still be able to learn from it. You don’t want to make bigger bets than you have to in uncertain territory.
  • The other two kinds of failures we do want to prevent. The simplest kind of failure I call a basic failure, and it’s basic because it has a single cause. That single cause is usually human error. I put the milk in the cabinet instead of in the refrigerator and the milk spoils, so that’s a basic failure. That’s one that’s pretty trivial, but it’s one that happens because we’re not paying attention or we’re not maybe trained in an activity that we’re trying to do, we haven’t had enough training, we haven’t done our homework, what have you. Those are obviously not worth celebrating.
  • The third kind is what I call complex failures and they are, as the title suggests, multi causal. They generally happen because of a complex mix of factors. Some of them external, some of them internal. They come together in just the wrong way to produce a bad outcome. A supply chain breakdown during a global pandemic is a complex failure. The supply chain has struggled to deliver the goods and services that needed to because of a combination of things, people sick and not able to come to work, a shipping route’s being disrupted, storms that might happen and exacerbate the whole thing.

Are you leading an organization or only your life. You try something, it fails, you learn and move on. Some you are just not paying attention. Maybe more training would help. Some are from a system. You must periodically review your systems and see if they are still your servants—or are you their servant.

In Pursuit of Virtue

September 8, 2023

The realization hit me squarely in the face. Recent reading seems to return to the theme of virtue. Christian reading. Reading from the Stoics. General reading.

Virtue.

I’d like to believe I lead a life of virtue. Don’t you? Wouldn’t it hurt if someone told us, “What you just did was not virtuous.”

Me, being me, wondered, what does it mean to be virtuous?

One of my bosses told me many years ago that everyone knew who the good teachers in the school were even though you couldn’t quantify it. He was an engineer. That’s an amazing statement from a numbers-driven person.

Perhaps virtue is similar. We all know a virtuous person even if we can’t really define it.

But, that doesn’t help us. When we leave our beds in the morning (or whenever you happen to rise), how are we going to behave starting then in a way that could be described as virtuous?

I’m not a fan of lists. Especially lists of rules we need to follow. Sometimes, though, a list can spur our thinking. Beginning a list of 20 thoughts about a topic can lead to a breakthrough idea. I offer this list from Benjamin Franklin, yes that guy whose face adorns the 100-dollar bill. He was a fan of checklists and introspection. He had a checklist of these virtues that he would use to measure his day every evening.

This list comes courtesy of Wikipedia.

  • Temperance: Eat not to Dullness. Drink not to Elevation.
  • Silence: Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself. Avoid trifling Conversation.
  • Order: Let all your Things have their Places. Let each Part of your Business have its Time.
  • Resolution: Resolve to perform what you ought. Perform without fail what you resolve.
  • Frugality: Make no Expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e. Waste nothing.
  • Industry: Lose no Time. Be always employed in something useful. Cut off all unnecessary Actions.
  • Sincerity: Use no hurtful Deceit. Think innocently and justly; and, if you speak, speak accordingly.
  • Justice: Wrong none, by doing Injuries or omitting the Benefits that are your Duty.
  • Moderation: Avoid Extremes. Forbear resenting Injuries so much as you think they deserve.
  • Cleanliness: Tolerate no Uncleanness in Body, Clothes or Habitation.
  • Tranquility: Be not disturbed at Trifles, or at Accidents common or unavoidable.
  • Chastity: Rarely use Venery but for Health or Offspring; Never to Dullness, Weakness, or the Injury of your own or another’s Peace or Reputation.
  • Humility: Imitate Jesus and Socrates.

Why Do We Seek?

August 14, 2023

The topic of today’s fitness newsletter was the editor’s observation of the varying goals people have written to him about fitness and nutrition. He asked, Why do you work out? Why an hour a day on a fitness bike, or lift weights, or go out and run daily?

A friend told him once when asked why he spent an hour a day on the exercise bike, “To be lean and mean.” Really? “Well, actually to look good to women.” 

That may sound trivial, but not really. It was motivational to get him up and exercising every day. 

We grow from those first motivations into more mature and sustainable habits.

I ask you, “Why seek a spiritual life?” 

I think I was influenced by the Zen movement of the 50s. The Beatniks. I was more influenced there than by the later Hippie movement. The goal was enlightenment. We weren’t taught the Christian mystics way back then, only Zen Buddhism. Now my library is filled with the writings of Christian mystics.

But, is that really why? A famous Zen master once said, “Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.” Much of Eastern wisdom traditions I have read have less to do with enlightenment and more to do with living a full life.

Jesus never said the ultimate goal was a mystical enlightenment. I think his “biographers” (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John) only recorded a two or three mystical experiences. He didn’t talk about dying and going to heaven. He talked about how we could live a better life, now, in the “Kingdom of Heaven” now. It is near us, he said. Around us.

I had some inner drive for contemplation and enlightenment. Maybe I’ve had some enlightenment experiences. But, in the end, it was to calm my inner emotions driving anger and anxiety and low self esteem.

Think about your question. What are you seeking? Really? Once uncovered, then you can grow from it. And become a better human for it.

Distinguished By Behavior

April 12, 2023

Three days ago Western Christians celebrated Easter—Resurrection Day. I thought about living in a post-resurrection world. Luke documents the changes in Jesus’ followers when the implications of the resurrection sank in.

Sitting in contemplation this morning I saw a bird flying across the yard toward a large tree. A finch, I thought, I can tell by the way it flies. Hmm, I can distinguish among many species by their unique behaviors.

Those early Christians, those who lived in the first century, could be distinguished by their behaviors.

Today, I wondered, can we distinguish Christians by their behaviors?

What would be the distinguishing characteristic?

Would it be the peace, joy, and love of the first century Christian? The Acts 2 Christian?

Would it be a loud-mouthed US Congressperson or other politician US or elsewhere?

Perhaps the pastor and his congregation outside with a loudspeaker shouting epithets at people they don’t agree with or people who look different from them?

Or, perhaps the person who does not make news headlines quietly serving others and passing the peace and joy and love along?

Looking in a mirror, what behavior of mine do I see? What about you?

The Answer With The Fewest Possible Complications

March 2, 2023

Occam’s Razor guides us to seek explanations with the fewest possible set of elements. Often we paraphrase it as the simplest explanation is usually the best.

I went from one rabbit hole to another. First a discussion on LinkedIn where I thought the explanations missed the point. Which led me to a search for the meaning of Occam’s Razor. If you follow all the arguments by philosophers on the Wikipedia page I linked, you will find yourself in another massive rabbit hole. Funny that these philosophers take a maxim about simplicity or fewest elements and write paragraph after paragraph.

We do that when explaining Christianity, too. Or, too often.

When Jesus was pressed for an explanation, he cited his scriptures to love the Lord and he added from a different location to love your neighbor. At the end of his ministry he left one command for his followers–to love one another.

When the rich young man came to Jesus asking about eternal life, he said he’d followed all the commandments since he had been a child. Jesus saw still an impediment to his loving others and told him to give away all his wealth to the poor. He saw that this got in the way of the young man’s opening of his heart. Rule following and attachment to wealth weren’t enough.

I follow this line of reasoning simply to go to the argument with the fewest elements–Jesus clearly taught us to guide our lives by love. Why do we complicate things like the philosophers and theologians? Maybe because love is too hard.

Finding A Rhythm In Life Lived

January 27, 2023

Dad decided for whatever reason I don’t know to send me to a percussion teacher when I was about eight years old. I learned the variety of rhythms–marching, Bossa Nova, rhumba, waltz, and so on by the time I moved on to guitar at 20.

I thought of rhythms thanks to a new book I’ve begun reading this week, Attention Span: A Groundbreaking Way to Restore Balance, Happiness and Productivity, by Gloria Mark, PhD. She is a psychologist who has researched things such as focus.

I’ve only gotten through the first four chapters so far. She has gone through some research on flow, a topic popularized mostly in athletics but also in creative work. This observation is derived from that feeling you have when you are deeply immersed in something–a book, painting a picture, playing soccer–and time passes unnoticed.

She points out that much of our work, and indeed our lives, are not in flow. Rather there is a rhythm. Perhaps the daily circadian rhythm. There are points of a day where we are more alert and times when we need a break.

Reading through the Proverbs (my annual January refresher course) I sense rhythms. The wise person rises early, attends to the work to be done, helps other people, avoids fools. The fool’s rhythm depends on the whims of the moment, the vagaries of the moment, the suggestions of “friends.”

Our trick is to find our daily/weekly/monthly rhythms and live them out. Hopefully the rhythm of the wise and not that of the fool.

Ah, Now We Follow Jesus

December 26, 2022

We have now traveled through Advent. We have celebrated the birth of Jesus.

Now what?

Reading the “Christmas Stories” again for the hundredth time, something sank into my consciousness. There were just two predictions–Jesus would be filled with the presence of God; Jesus would be a new (and last) King (Hebrew Messiah, English Anointed One, Greek Christos).

Jesus message was in the basic form “repent and enter the Kingdom of God.”

And if we read carefully, we see that God’s Kingdom (where Jesus is King) totally upends the Roman way. And the way of probably every king before or since.

Rome was all about power. Ruthless. Bloodthirsty. Like Herod having every male child under two years old in Bethlehem killed so that the new King of the Jews told to him by the Magi would not live to take his (Herod’s) place. Like the way the Romans dealt with Jerusalem and the Jews around AD 70.

Jesus kingdom:

  • The leader must be a servant
  • The culture was love, not power
  • All are the same (see Paul–there is neither Jew nor Greek, male nor female, and so forth)
  • People are healed, not destroyed
  • People’s lives are turned around, no longer sinners, but free

When we sign on to follow, it isn’t just to say a prayer and feel good…for a while. It is to enter the new kingdom and live a new life.

Starting now.

Hence, one of my favorite old folk songs

I have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back, no turning back

Be Like Jesus

December 23, 2022

As Advent comes to an end and we celebrate the birth of Jesus, I’ve been contemplating the stories and legends surrounding Bethlehem and the shepherds and magi and escape to Egypt and all that. And we can speculate (fruitlessly) on what virgin birth means.

Then I asked Why?

Despite Luke going around the area interviewing people and compiling, we are left with sketchy information about what those first 30 years were like.

The birth was important. His ministry was more important–those stories fill the gospels and other writings. His death and resurrection was most important–without the resurrection the world would not have been changed and we wouldn’t be writing much about it.

Because of the resurrection, Jesus became more than a prophet or teacher. It makes his teachings all the more important to infuse into our lives. So, I remembered this list I’ve written about before.

This year I want to be more like Jesus:

  • Hang out with sinners
  • Upset religious people
  • Tell stories that make people think
  • Choose unpopular friends
  • Be kind, loving, and merciful
  • Take naps on boats

Merry Christmas, everyone.

Muscle Mass

November 3, 2022

Muscle mass is an indicator of health and longevity.

Therefore, resistance training with weights provides a tool and and a discipline to increase muscle mass for improved health and longevity.

We can view our heart as a muscle.

Jesus checked the state of our heart’s well-being–always.

Therefore, we must exercise our heart—not only from the point-of-view of our cardiologist, but also from the point-of-view of our spiritual cardiologist.

Perhaps resistance training for the heart consists of loving those whose views we disagree with. Or perhaps those whom we disdain. Say something nice to someone you wouldn’t normally socialize with. Perform a small act of kindness for the next person you meet. Exercise that muscle.

It’s an indicator of health and longevity.