Archive for the ‘Attitude’ Category

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Pattern Recognition for Growth and Success

September 3, 2014

Our brains are excellent at pattern recognition. Except, that is, when we’re looking at the patterns of our own lives.

The premise of Henry Cloud’s latest book, “Never Go Back”, is that successful people come to a point where they see a pattern in their lives that is not working out. When they see that pattern “they go through a door and never go back.”

Or, to state the inverse, Proverbs contains a statement, “A fool returns to his folly.”

It seems like every time I’m in some sort of transition period, Cloud releases a new book that speaks directly to my condition.

It was four years ago this week when I found myself in the hospital for the first time since I was born with a painfully torn quadriceps muscle.

That event seemed to be the start of some necessary transformations, and Cloud released “Necessary Endings” which spoke directly to the situation. I needed to find a end game and start something new.

But then I repeated a pattern by getting drawn into another dysfunctional business relationship. Andy Stanley recently talked about decision-making–if you feel a tension stop and reflect. I felt the tension, but I didn’t stop. That was a pattern repeating. It had happened several times before.

I’ve gone through that door, hopefully to never return.

Sometimes the pattern is breaking a habit–more properly stated as replacing a dysfunctional habit with a new, healthier one.

There is a spiritual pattern we can fall into where we sort of “lose” the spirit. We can leave that situation through intentional spiritual practices–reading the Bible, prayer, join a small study group.

Others we break when we realize the dysfunction and never go back.

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When Confronted With Reality

August 25, 2014

Colin Dexter wrote a series of detective novels based on the character “Inspector Morse.” They were adapted by BBC (and shown on PBS as part of the Sunday Masterpiece Mystery summer series) and then used as the source for the latest series “Endeavor” showing Morse as a young man.

Morse puts the pieces together, comes to a logical conclusion, then discovers he’s wrong. Unlike Sherlock Holmes who was always right, Morse is seldom right–until the end.

He figures it out, discovers he’s wrong, puts the pieces together again with the new piece of information, and then he’s wrong again. This continues until the final few pages.

I just spent a half-hour this morning fruitlessly searching for the source of the observation:

There are two types of people when faced with reality: those who bend the facts to fit with their preconceived view and those who adapt themselves to the new facts.

Which are you? Do you even recognize that in yourself? Can you change if you need to?

I am instinctively like Morse. I will adapt to a new reality. It may take me some time. I may have to digest the facts. Sometimes it’s a shock to discover that you’re wrong. Or that you’re not the center of the universe.

Some people seem incapable of adapting. They tell themselves a story of how things were. Convince themselves of that version of reality (which wasn’t real). And continue on.

Is there any way to deal with such people when they remain obstinately convinced of reality the way it exists in their imagination?

Probably not.

But if that person is us, then we eventually need to come to the realization that we’ve interpreted the facts wrongly and that it is us–not the facts–that need to change.

It says in Proverbs “A fool returns to his folly.” The book was written to be like a mirror held up to our lives where we see that we are the fool, and that we need to change. I’m not sure we can change someone else, but you might ponder these questions. Where is it in our lives that we hold on to a view of reality that is wrong? What can we do to open our eyes and see?

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Pride Or Wisdom

August 14, 2014

I, Wisdom, live with prudence,
and I attain knowledge and discretion.
The fear of The Lord is hatred of evil.
Pride and arrogance and the way of evil
and perverted speech I hate.
–Proverbs 8:12-13

So many things that we do in life that separate us from God have their root cause in pride and arrogance. Solomon knew this 3,000 years ago.

As we grow older, we often begin to attain knowledge and discretion. Some don’t. And young people (we’ve all been there) think they have already attained knowledge. But living with God, eventually you look at people in their 30s and 40s who are striving against others for wealth and power–if even only on a relative scale.

Then we look back at those years and those who are there now and understand.

Where does pride leave self-assurance and go too far? Some of us are brought up in households of insecurity and low self-esteem. Where is it that we gain confidence and then where when we go too far and become filled with pride.

It is where you stop living with-God. It is where you put yourself first. Thinking only of yourself. Your desires. Your comfort.

How do you know that you are not in that place of separation from God? It’s when your heart and actions are for the benefit of others. When you listen to what God wants you to do–and then you do it. Humbly–that means thinking of others with no thought of your own gain.

When we arrive at that place, it is like a great weight has disappeared from our shoulders. We live free.

Maybe for some of us, this is a life-long struggle. We have been living in an age of Narcissism. It is all around us. Messages from advertisers and news reports and peers all whisper that we exist only to satisfy our own desires. Breaking free of that is not easy. But it is necessary to achieve the with-God life. And be free.

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You Can Choose Your Attitude

July 31, 2014

Are there people who annoy you, but it is impossible to disassociate yourself from them?

Did life just hand you a setback?

Do you feel that other people get all the luck?

Humans have know for thousands of years that what you have power over is the power to choose your attitude in these and all other incidents.

Often people reflect back to you the attitude you show. If your attitude is always negative, you’ll attract negative people. You can all sit around and complain to each other. That’s because people with a positive attitude are out creating their “luck” and avoiding you.

I’ve discovered that you cannot force other people to change. You can only change your attitude toward them. If someone you must see regularly is self-centered for example, then you won’t be able to get them to change to becoming more others centered. At least not quickly. But you can change your attitude toward them so as not to reflect back their negative attitude. You can reflect back to them the humble (other-centered) life attitude that Jesus taught than revolutionized the world.

Your attitude will see you through tough times and you’ll be an inspiration to others. Your attitude will keep you studying and praying through whatever happens.

Your attitude will bring you success–maybe not riches, but success in life which is more important.

Maybe you need a reminder taped to your bathroom wall, or the wall paper on your computer, or a “reminder” notification that pops up on your iPhone at various times to check your attitude and make sure it is the right one.

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It’s All About Me

July 9, 2014

The sign on the message wall in the hallway of the Child Care area of the Y said, “It’s All About Me.”

Now, they may have meant, “I’m telling a biography about me.” But I took it differently–that life is “all about me.”

Many people pass through my life whose theme song is “It’s All About Me.” They seem to have no thoughts about others except for how others can fulfill their own needs and desires.

I have referred before to the book, “The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in an Age of Entitlement” before. It raises many questions about us and how we’ve raised our children.

Meeting a person whose life orientation is to serve others is a blessing. Meeting someone who is always ready to learn from others is a joy.

We read in Proverbs (26:12)

“Do you see persons wise in their own eyes?
There is more hope for fools than for them.”

Solomon is never afraid to tell it like it is in his writing.

People who live a life in service to others no matter what their position are cherished. People who are in it for themselves often fall–hard.

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Don’t Be Anxious

June 17, 2014

Twice the other day the subject of anxiety was raised. This is something with which I have some experience. My mom passed the ability to worry to my siblings and me. She worried about everything. She would worry if there was nothing to worry about because something might happen to cause worry.

Both times the question arose while discussing Yoga. The practice of Yoga is supposed to help one cope with or even overcome anxiety. And indeed, it does.

Dealing with anxiety begins with the awareness of being anxious. During Yoga practice, students are encouraged to continually use their minds to scan their bodies and emotions looking for things that are not right. Are you holding stress somewhere? I ask during almost every pose.

The technique that has worked best for me is to consciously divert my mind to something pleasurable. Focus on that and eventually the negative feeling fades away. Do this often enough and you begin to stop getting the feelings in the first place.

Another thing is something I brought up the other day that Jon Swanson pointed out. Concentrate on other people Don’t dwell on yourself, your feelings, your wishes, your desires. Focus on others. What do people close to you need? How can you help? Pray for other people.

Anxiety is still something I occasionally deal with. But far, far less than 30 years ago. And I know how to divert myself in time. Now, I have other problems 😉

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When You’ve Lost That Zen State of Being

June 13, 2014

Thirty-five years of meditation changes your personality and state-of-consciousness. You can become more relaxed. Open to the flow of life. To the reality of other people–more of observer less of judge.

But what do you do in the times that you’ve lost that “Zen feeling.” (Sorry Righteous Brothers.)

Sometimes stresses get to you. Sometimes worries get to you. Sometimes other people get to you.

Reflecting back on myself over the years, I can identify times where I’ve lost that state of being.

Here are some examples from the recent and not-so-recent past.

  • I took some “herbal” weight loss tonic (OK, I’ve already been yelled at for that–when you’re 5’10” and 175 lbs, you’re hardly overweight) several months ago that brought on anxieties.
  • I’ve struggled with quite a number of people to get some things accomplished. That’s not within my normal personality.
  • Then, do you ever notice the impact of food on your body and emotions? Yesterday’s lunch left me lethargic all afternoon. I didn’t regain full energy until evening. No more Bob Evans Pot Roast Sandwich Platter for lunch for me 😉

This morning I read Jon Swanson’s 300 Words a Day post and he nailed it. It’s when you stop thinking at least 90% of the time about others.

I mean, when we read that Jesus says,

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.

we do it.

Yes, if we go back to the basics of the faith, that helps. Focus outwardly–God, ideas, others. We must be reminded of this constantly lest we slip into old, bad habits.

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How They’ll Know Us

May 30, 2014

How do the people outside the church know who the people inside the church are? Can they tell that there is a difference? When the church gathers, is it much like a Rotary meeting?

I’ve been reading in John’s Gospel for some time recently. There is a part toward the end where Jesus is instructing his followers on life after he’s gone. And he looks around at his ill-assorted group of followers, and he tells them, “This is how they’ll know you, by how you love one another.”

The church as described in Acts 2–long before it got so over-organized–grew rapidly because the people lived differently than people in the area. And that difference was good. And that difference is contagious.

And that difference has all-to-often gone away.

On bad days, one wonders if the whole life-style of love among Jesus-followers has evaporated completely.

The practice of Spiritual Disciplines is not an end in itself. The practice should lead us toward an attitude of love towards others. Love in such a way that others are attracted to this man called Jesus. Love such that others want to join together to celebrate and worship and participate in acts of service.

We can read the history of the church and see the immense divisiveness leading to bloodshed during the past 2,000 years. But we can also see those acts of love that kept the fire burning.

If we sense divisiveness in our groups, it’s time to practice loving others. They will know us by our love.

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Who Brings You Energy

May 28, 2014

When you enter a room, what do you bring with you?

Yesterday I was meditating on how to restore energy when you relate to people who seem to suck energy out of you.

On the other hand, who brings energy to you? God also brings those people into your life. I know many.

What can we learn by studying that type of person? How can we grow? After all, energy, like love, grows as it spreads.

Some are people with passionate interests. Even if I don’t share the same interest, I’m affected by their energy, enthusiasm, and passion. But it’s even better if they share a personal vision that I can participate in–maybe a passion for serving children and women in far off places. Or a passion for feeding the homeless here in Sidney.

Some ask questions. They seem genuinely interested in you by asking about how you’re feeling and what you’re doing.

Some love discussing ideas. A deep discussion always results from meeting these people–even if it’s only for a few minutes, something insightful occurs.

They are positive people. Unless discussing a problem to be solved, they have stories about triumphs, growth, passions of others.

It usually starts with a smile.

Do we bring any of that into a room with us?

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Finding Energy Amidst Dysfunction

May 27, 2014

For reasons I fail to fathom, God has placed a number of dysfunctional people into my life over the past few years. I’m not sure what’s going on there. One thing is true–relating with dysfunctional people drain my energy.

The essence of our being is energy. We need to keep our energy up to function effectively.

What to do when our energy sags? For sure, our practice of Spiritual Disciplines is deeply affected by our energy level.

The first thing is to be aware of our energy level. Do you feel the ebb and flow of your energy level?

Notice what you eat. When I eat a heavy meal in the evening, my evening studies or work are shot. Too much fat in the morning breakfast can bog you down for the entire day. There is a saying in German that is a play on words that translates to English, “Man is what he eats.”

When you notice energy lagging during the day, get up. Take a short walk. Get outside. The best way to work if you do thought work is to work in 25-45 minute bursts of concentration followed by a short break.

Meditation is a good energy booster. Sit back, close your eyes, focus on breathing. It’s a great way to refocus.

Many famous people have sworn by afternoon naps. A few years ago the concept of “power napping” became popular.

Keeping the body fit and healthy is a foundation for generating energy.

Thinking about things we are grateful about refocuses our mind and generates energy.

Then watch our attitudes. As we think, so we become. Where are our thoughts? Change our thoughts and attitudes, change our energy level.

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