Archive for the ‘Attitude’ Category

Distraction Blocks The Heart

June 17, 2015

A brother came to visit Abb Sylvanus at Mt. Sinai. When he saw the brothers working hard, he said to the old man: “Do not work for food that perishes, for Mary has chosen the good part.”
The brother was shown to a cell, and when the time had passed for the meal, he came out and asked the father if the monks had eaten. “Of course we did,” was the reply. “Why didn’t you call me?”
“You are a spiritual person, and do not need that type of food; but since we are earthly, we want to eat, and that’s why we work. Indeed, you have chosen the good part reading all day long, and not wanting to eat earthly food.”
The brother heard these words and repented. (from the Sayings of the Desert Fathers as told in The Celtic Prayer Book.)

Some time ago, I taught on the story of Martha and Mary. My friend wrote to say she hated that story because pastors taught from the point of view of that brother. Surely, she wrote, they all ate the food that Martha prepared.

Yes, they did. With great appreciation, I’m sure.

One thing that disturbs me about modern America concerns the large number of uneducated people running around with university degrees–indeed, even advanced degrees.

Any reading of the story must assuredly come to the point that Jesus said, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and distracted by many things.” What’s the key concern? Worry and distraction.

Have you ever attended a family gathering or a dinner party where the hostess has prepared a great meal, and yet, she is focused on serving the guests? She involves people, sometimes, in the preparation and setting out. She makes time to acknowledge everyone.

Martha lost her focus. On the other hand, the brother in the story above thought of himself as superior. “I’m spiritual; you’re not.” He is Mary gone bad.

Both attitudes detract from our spiritual formation. We work, we serve, we do it all focused on what is important. The people I met last week doing business as mission know the meaning of work as service. They are not worried and distracted by many things. They are working and serving with the right attitude. A great example.

Every Day Is a New Day

June 10, 2015

She wakes up in the morning already tired. The cares of yesterday already dragging her energy. One day just proceeds in dreary succession after the previous.

We have been there. We lose hope for anything better. God? We used to be aware of his presence.

A saying of a Desert Father who said that every  single day he made a fresh beginning.

How can we break that cycle of despair and make a fresh beginning of each day? We still have those old problems.

One thing we can do is breathe. In the Greek (actually as in other languages) the word for breath is either the same or similar for spirit. Ancient people have consistently paired intentional breathing with inculcation of the spirit.

We arise early. it is a dicsipline–also can be made a habit. 

We find our favorite chair or maybe floor pillow. We sit. Breathe. Deeply inhale. Slowly exhale. We focus our mind on our breath. We relax.

That is one way to begin a morning fresh.

Then we can read. Read in the Bible. Read a devotional book. Read a motivational book. Something for the restoration of the soul and nourishment of the mind.

With the perspective we gain, we can look at yesterdays problems with fresh eyes. We can look at what we can change and what we can ignore and what we can live with.

Every single day we can make a fresh beginning.

From Optimism To Disillusionment

June 9, 2015

The Stages of a Project:

  • Enthusiasm,
  • Disillusionment
  • Panic and hysteria
  • Hunt for the guilty
  • Punishment of the innocent
  • Reward for the uninvolved.

All of us who have done project work have seen a variation of this joke. Unfortunately, many of us have seen some variation of this in real life. We thought this was a modern thing.

In the sayings of the Desert Fathers, an Elder used to say:

In the beginning when we got together we used to talk about something that was good for our own souls, and we went up and up, and ascended even to heaven.
But now we get together and spend our time in criticizing everything and we drag one another down into the abyss.

How often do we do this? We join an organization. We start a new company, committee, church, project full of enthusiasm. Then someone starts criticizing. Something about criticizing causes it to spread like an invasive weed.

How often I have witnessed its destructive force on people and organizations.

How often I have caught myself crossing the line from analysis to criticism only to say to myself, “Fool, what have you just said?”

There exist at least two problems. One is leadership. Somewhere the leader lost focus or allowed the group to lose focus of the vision. The other that it is easier to criticize than create.

We run into an obstacle–that fearful thing that happens when we take our eye off our goal according to Henry Ford–and instead of saying this is a problem where we need to find a solution we throw our hands up in dismay and wail and cry and criticize.

Those whom you gather around you are important to your own well being. Gather those who talk about something good for your souls. Leave as quickly and decisively as possible those who spend time criticizing.

What If I Change My Mind

June 4, 2015

But, what if I change my mind?

The flight attendent last night asked the mandatory question of those in the exit row of the airplane. The guy beside me said yes, as we all did because we wanted the extra leg room. Then he said, “But what if I change my mind?”

He was joking, but I found the question appealing.

Now, I am not going to touch the Baptist’s “once saved always saved” doctrine.

But what if we changed our mind?

“OK, God, you win.” Followed by, “What you are asking me to do is too tough. What if I change my mind?”

Or, change the other way. Moses thought he’d defend his fellow Hebrews, then changed his mind and fled to the wilderness. Then God changed his mind–with much reluctance on Moses’ part–but now Moses grew into the role.

Or Jeremiah. God asked him to speak, much like he asked Moses to speak. Jeremiah protested. God put the pressure on. Jeremiah changed his mind.

Elijah? God put the pressure on, and he changed his mind.

Paul the Apostle? Same deal. I believe this, oops, excuse me, I changed my mind, now I believe this.

I bet there is a book lurking in this phrase.

Where do we need to change our minds today?

Grace And Forgiveness Rule

June 3, 2015

Grace is the word of the day.

First from my daily reading from sayings of the Desert Fathers–It is said a brother came to the abbot and said that a brother insulted him and he wanted revenge. The abbot counseled to leave vengeance to God. The brother replied that he still wished vengeance. The abbot replied, OK, let us pray. “O God, we no longer need your help since we are going to take vengeance ourselves.” The brother said he would no longer quarrel with his brother. 

Later as I listen to the weekly teaching from Willow Creek during my 5:30 am exercise, Bill Hybels teaching on Matthew 18—the story of king who forgives much and the servant, once forgiven, who proceeds to physically accost his debtors demanding instant payment—teaches on grace. The complete forgiveness of the Father. He notes that the servant violated the etiquette of forgiveness.   

Hybels asked if you are moved by the singing of Amazing Grace. I know that my spirit is moved by the song. 

The question of the day for us is—Can we forgive others as God has forgiven us? 

I’ve had a number of conversations—even just today—where grace is needed and grace is given. But as we know, forgiving does not necessarily mean forgotten. That’s another problem. 

 And forgiving also does not mean accepting back as though nothing had happened. Perhaps someone who has betrayed you can be forgiven. That does NOT mean necessarily that you will trust them again. That trust must be earned back. And that is difficult. 

In my life, sometimes grace means that I forgive in my heart and mostly forget. But often it means that I no longer have those people in my life. I move on. Every day is new. Every day brings new people into my life. And some days, there are necessary endings of people whom I just need to remove from my life.

Maintaining a Tranquil Mind

April 20, 2015

Everyone felt the stress deep inside. A large group of people needed to stay together as they navigated an airport in a foreign nation. None had been through that airport recently. But navigate they must in order to board the next plane taking them home.

The first plane landed at one end of the airport. The plane carrying the group over the Atlantic was scheduled to depart 50 minutes later–from the other end of the airport.

Some people in the group were reasonably fit and could make a fast walk/run. Others were challenged by one of a variety of physical conditions that would slow them down.

Upon arriving at the gate, which no one really knew was the gate, the group was divided and then shuttled from one queue to the next and back again.

At times like this, one needs to have practiced the wisdom of Proverbs so that it is deeply imprinted on the soul–“A tranquil mind gives life to the flesh.” (14:30)

We made it, of course.

And then made the JFK connection and arrived home safely.

I was part of a group that vacationed on a Danube River cruise from Nuremberg to Budapest. Ten days. Tired at that point. That’s why I reposted 10 days worth of blogs–which I guess didn’t get picked up by the email app. I’ll have to check that out. I tried to write ahead, but ran out of time.

International travel is a growth experience, if you choose to approach it that way. You pick up pieces of new languages. Experience other cultures. Learn that people are people no matter where you go. Good, evil, mostly good.

And with a little stress at the end, you learn about your character in the response to it.

This is where self-awareness enters.

I know that I can mostly maintain the tranquil mind. When things are out of my control and I have no knowledge of the system, I get quite snippy about perceived lack of good policy and procedure–especially at airports. But then I can settle back into the state of tranquility.

Nice to be home again. But I do miss Nuremberg and Budapest–two of my favorite cities.

Energy Is Key to Productivity and Much More

April 10, 2015

Last week I was driven to complete a lot of work in preparation for leaving town for a week. My energy level shot up several notches in intensity.

Much important work was accomplished. Items disappeared from my to do list at a gratifying pace.

Physicists know that energy is the underlying physical force in the universe. We know that energy is an underlying force for success in our lives.

Time management skills are good. Especially when tied to thoughtful construction of to do lists. But those skills don’t get things done. They organize you. Doing gets things done. And to do requires energy.

Ramping up energy has amazing benefits. After three days of higher personal energy:

  • My weight finally dropped below the plateau
  • My meditations, being active, brought more insight
  • Things got done
  • A consulting session with a client was fruitful
  • I was able to work through a travel schedule crisis calmly and effeciently

I teach young (and old) soccer referees to show energy on the pitch. When the players see that you have energy, they respond. They respect referees who are working hard. When you exhibit great energy, you’ll be in better positions to make better calls. You’ll manage the game better.

Same with our life in general.

That was good yesterday. Now what about tomorrow?

The Love Language of Receiving

April 7, 2015

Her love language is receiving. She just loves to receive things. If you wish to fill up her emotional love tank, then continually give her things.

I heard a message on that subject and expressed shock. People told me to read the book by Dr. Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages.

I did.

It’s all about attitude. The spirit with which you give…and receive. Much like the teachings of the spiritual disciplines which say that practicing the spiritual disciplines are not “works” that lead you to salvation but practices that will help you get closer to God.

Still, I wonder.

We live in an age of narcissism. An age of entitlement. For so many people, it’s “all about me” and what I can get. “I’m entitled to everything I have–and more. Just because I’m daddy’s little princesses or mommy’s little boy.”

For those who aren’t on the entitlement side of narcissism, there is the empty part. Those for whom it’s all about me but I’m empty. I need things to fill it. Each thing I purchase or receive fails to fill the void. I need more. But the more I have, the emptier I feel.

What stands out for me is that receiving is passive. Quality time is active. Physical intimacy is active. Service is active. Receiving is passive. Giving, on the other hand, is active. That’s where I thought he was going in the beginning of the book.

I’m sure this item has helped many. I think it’s dangerous in today’s societies. Be careful about the love language of receiving. Is it a void that can never be filled?

Being the Church Not Necessarily Being At Church

February 24, 2015

For those of my readers who belong to a church, do you know the people who seem to always be in the building whenever the doors are open?

Some people have been so dedicated, or something, to their church that they feel they must be involved in everything. Committee meetings, choir practice, kitchen duty, fold bulletins.

There is a value to some of that. But, at some point you have to pause and ask why you feel the need to be away from the family that much. Or, maybe like me, you just feel a need to serve. That makes it difficult for me to say the “N” word–NO. I’m learning. I’ve been pushing things off on others in one form or another for years. I call it developing leaders.

When we were called to be the church, we were not called to be at the church at all times. The spiritual discipline of service should not be skewed into service within the four walls of your building. In fact, it’s hard to be the church when you are at the church building.

Being the church calls outside. To meet with those along the way. Heal, teach, help, listen. Do as Jesus did as he walked the land. He is master; we are disciple. We are called to practice as the master practiced.

Our congregation offers many ways for people to be the church locally, regionally, internationally. But even that should not be a limit. Wherever we go, there  we are the church.

Try Easy to Find Happiness

January 28, 2015

The very first time I was introduced to the “personal development guru” genre was in the late 1970s. The guy (I forget his name, now) “gave” us all Day-Timers for organizing our tasks, goals and time, taught us Transcendental Meditation (“ram” the sound of the third chokra, or energy center in the body, the seat of power), and left us with a thought, “try easy.”

By that he meant try to achieve, but take it easy. If it doesn’t happen, so be it. Work hard, but allow space for the unexpected.

Someone recently wrote about chronically unhappy people. One contributor was attempting (or thinking you can) control your life.

Ever notice people who are “control freaks?” They try to control all the outcomes of their life. They will be successful, the boss, rich, happy. They write goals and then try to micromanage the effort to control the outcome.

Many not only try to control every outcome of their life, they also try to control your life. They like to tell everyone else how to live second-by-second. They are a joy to have around—not.

Do you know controlling people—either aggressively so or passive-aggressively so—who say they aren’t? They say things like, “I know God is in control,” yet their lives betray their lack of confidence in that statement.

Life goals are good. Although writing a goal such as “I’ll lose 15 pounds this year” is laudable. But if you try controlling the achievement of that goal through will power, you’ll wind up unhappy.

If you see yourself as becoming fit, trim and 15 pounds lighter, and then look at your lifestyle and change some habits, then you’ll find yourself changing and maybe achieving that “try easy” frame of mind. You have established a habit of not snacking on high calorie junk. A habit of going to the gym. A habit of the group exercise class. If you miss one? So what, I’m in the habit of going and I return next day.

Same with deepening your spiritual life. There are so many people who talk about “loving the Lord” or “being a Christian”, yet they seem so unhappy.

Maybe just deciding to drop the burden of trying to control themselves and others that they may not even realize they are carrying will be the first step of freedom from their own self-imposed control. Maybe a new habit develops of thinking about others first. Not to control what they do, but to understand what they need and be there to help.

A change in attitude toward control will change the permanent orientation of your life from unhappy to joyful.

Try easy.