Archive for the ‘Attitude’ Category

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It’s Christmas–Forcing Hate To Surrender

December 25, 2015

Pete Seeger was a major influence of mine during my formative adolescent years. Pete and the folk singers who followed in his footsteps drove Dad crazy, but I guess as an adolescent, that was OK by me.

We visited the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame last weekend. After I drug my wife from the Elvis exhibit, we hit this exhibit.

Makes me wonder why I quit singing those old folksongs.

Think on the sentiment and enjoy the day, if you can. If not, the Bible tells us there’s a time to laugh and a time to weep. If it your time for weeping today, don’t hide it. Weep well.

Meanwhile perhaps we can think about Pete’s saying on his banjo head, “This machine surrounds hate and forces it to surrender.”

Pete Seeger Banjo Head

Pete Seeger Banjo Head

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Why Is It So Hard To Listen?

December 14, 2015

Why is it so hard to listen?

I walked into the President of the company’s office. I was head of marketing and engineering at the time.

“Gary, nobody listens to me,” he moaned.

“Huh?” I tactfully replied.

“Nobody listens to me.”

“Huh?”

“Gary, nobody listens to me,” he tried again.

“Huh?”

I finally broke his mood, and we got productive.

OK, what I was trying to do was break through his “woe is me” mood and move on. Problem was, the team of vice presidents (including me, too) just didn’t listen to him. He had lost us.

One reason people don’t listen is that either you don’t have much to say, or you say it way too frequently.

More often the problem is with the listener. We just don’t practice active listening.

Some are trapped inside a narcissistic personality. They are so focused on themselves that they don’t hear other people. Ask a narcissist if they are, and they’ll tell you. “You seem to think about yourself first.” “Well, yes, of course.” (As in, doesn’t everyone?)

Narcissism is a major problem in society right now. But not everyone is narcissistic.

Some just have problems of their own. Like my boss, they just can’t break out of the cycle of despair to even see other people.

Some people are easily distracted. They may be talking with you, but their attention keeps drifting elsewhere. Smart phone notifications anyone?

How about caring? I should have known about the Baby Boomers’ self-centeredness way back in my senior year in college. I was tutoring a guy in German so that he could graduate and accept a good job. I said something about having empathy for a professor. “I don’t have time for someone else,” he replied. Well, at least his wife smiled and thanked me when he passed and graduated.

Why is it so hard to listen? Probably because we just don’t try.

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Attitude Says It All

December 9, 2015

It’s all in the attitude.

How do you say, “Merry Christmas”?

Americans, especially us rural ones, are struggling to understand how to live in a diverse community. As recently as 20 years ago, most communities outside the cities would count greater than 90% of their populations as Christian. As recently as 10 years ago a local small city not only had no residents of color (either African or Asian Americans). Not only that, black people routinely warned their out of state relatives to pray their cars didn’t break down in that area at night.

In my area, there are still a few villages that are white, German people only. Outsiders not welcome. But most of us live in areas with white people, black people, east Asians, south Asians, Africans, people from the Middle East. There are now a variety of religions.

Add to this retail businesses that wish to be inclusive.

So, the greeting “Happy Holidays” prevails in many venues.

One of our pastors got up Sunday and had people practice saying “Merry Christmas.” Now, she said, you can go out and say that and not happy holidays.

Back to attitude. How do you say that?

Is it joyous greeting among those in the community? Or, is it an “in-your-face” command? Kind of like a challenge. Sort of, “I dare you to disagree.”

Then I thought why make such a big deal?

I’m secure in my faith. I don’t need the validation of someone else. You can say whatever, if said with a smile and a sense of generosity, it conveys a proper meaning.

Or, you can get the words right, but miss the feeling. Sort of like the Pharisees who got the religion part (sort of) right, but missed that heart thing.

It’s all in the attitude.

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What Happened To The End of Racism?

November 16, 2015

Many people in my all-white home town gave me some grief over my civil rights views in the 1960s. But it was mild, if pointed. And I survived driving through Mississippi a couple of times in 1970 with equal rights decals on my car.

But I thought momentum was building behind the idea of judging a person by their character rather than the color of their skins or other external differences.

There has been progress. Almost all laws in the US are now color-blind (and gender-blind–that was a problem, too). Most police no longer are a serious threat to the well-being, and even lives, of people of color.

The goal remains elusive.

We can change laws (good). Train people (good). Heighten awareness and provide peer pressure (good).

But we can’t change people’s hearts that easily.

Reports from Missouri suggest that the University of Missouri race relations have changed little since 1969. We still have too many incidents.

And now I expect my Facebook “news” stream to fill up with a reaction of hatred and verbal violence toward all people who are followers of Islam and/or of Middle Eastern descent because of the attacks by a few nihilists in Paris. (I quit reading most of that stuff  on Facebook. If you want to reach me in Facebook, you can use Messenger rather than just a post.)

I have some friends and many acquaintances among those groups. They are peace-loving people with a moral code not unlike many Christians (I wonder about the moral code of some).

It all makes me so sad. An entire adult life span, and we have actually progressed so little.

Can we take some time to watch what we say? Pray for those hurting? Pray for justice? Judge people according to character rather than this painting an entire religion and ethnic group with the same brush as brutal terrorists?

Thank you.

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Living With Theological Tension

November 12, 2015

“What happens when two groups of people hold opposite views on a subject, yet each can point to Scripture to back them up?”

That question came up Tuesday morning in a small group study session I sometimes attend.

It’s a good question.

One guy in the group is very hard-core. He’ll flip to 1 Corinthians in a flash to show how we should judge people within our church and not be afraid to kick them out.

He has a point. Allowing people in the congregation–which should be like a family–to flagrantly mock the beliefs of the group is akin to a cancer that can grow rapidly. Treatment–remove the cancer.

However, others (like me) point also to Galatians 6. When you confront that situation, do not do so with a spirit of vengeance, almost glee. Do so with a spirit of love. Bearing others burdens.

Jesus had a name for the former. He called them Pharisees. John (the apostle) called them children of the darkness. But we can take that analogy too far. Sometimes they are mere rule followers.

But they do have a point. And so do the others.

Think of other issues. Right now a hot topic is treatment of or acceptance of homosexual people. One side takes a verse from Paul. The other takes a broader look at more Scriptures. How do you handle that?

There is no other way that is beneficial and in keeping with Jesus’ commands to love one another than to live in theological tension. It is not all bad that one side cannot “win” the argument. Sometimes we are asking the wrong question. Then we draw the wrong lines. Our human nature seeks resolution. It’s like ending a song on the Dominant Seventh. That note is tension. We crave to hear the Tonic note. Sometimes it doesn’t come. Sometimes we need to live in that tension long enough to

As I told another guy about the Creation controversy (which I again think we’re arguing the wrong question), “If your faith depends upon God creating the world in six 24-hour days, then far be it from me to try to tear it down. I don’t agree. But in the end, it doesn’t matter.” He and I agree on the resurrection of Jesus and coming into a right relationship with God by accepting His grace through faith. Other issues are merely straw horses meant to divide us. Instead we should just be witnesses to our receiving grace through Jesus. Just keep it simple–we both agreed.

I can live in tension. I sort of like it. Life lived in tension leads to a creative life. If we have resolved all the tensions, then we are in danger of becoming fat, dumb, and lazy as the old country saying puts it.

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Grumbling in Their Tents

November 10, 2015

First published September 21, 2015

In Hebrew history there seems to be a recurring theme. As described in the Exodus story and the time in the wilderness carried forward into the Psalms, the people grumbled in their tents.

Americans are great grumblers. Check your Facebook feed. People are always complaining–unless you muted the grumblers. In that way they think they are still your friends, but you have ceased listening to them.

John Ortberg recently talked about quitting complaining. He identified two words used in the Old Testament–grumbling and groaning.

When the Israelites grumbled, the grumbled “in their tents.” They grumbled about God. I’m not getting mine. I’m not satisfied. I want more.

If that sounds familiar, well 3,000 years hasn’t meant much to the spiritual progress of humans.

I stand convicted as I think about the grumbling. I’m not immune. When I catch myself, I’m sorry for the thoughts or words.

Organizations typically are filled with grumbling. The greater the vision that leaders get members to buy into, the lesser the grumbling. When you’re working on a mission, time for grumbling diminishes.

On the other hand, when you are discouraged and wonder if God is with you, you go into a private place and groan to God.

I may be groaning now as I think of this.

Grumbler or Groaner. Which are we? Which do we want to be?

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Not For The Purpose of Quarreling Over Opinions

September 17, 2015

Yesterday I pondered what kind of church, indeed what kind of society, we’d have if we could incorporate Paul’s 29 definitions of love from Romans 12.

Then I glanced over a page and saw Romans 14: “Welcome those who are weak in the faith, but not for the purpose of quarreling over opinions.”

We live in a society of people filled to overflowing with emotional opinions that are shallow and not thought out. Just check the majority of Facebook posts. Or check the comments to blogs over the past 10 years.

Andy Stanley recently taught a series called “Christian” where he voiced general society’s view of Christians as a quarrelsome lot. He nailed it.

I long ago gave up on the idea of having an intelligent conversation based on well-thought-out ideas among people willing to listen to reason. Actually, I have had a few business dinners where that sort of good conversation broke out. But it rarely happens among Christians.

What if? What if those of us who identify as Christ-followers, those seeking to live a with-God life, what if we chose not to quarrel with those weak in the faith over opinions? What if we asked questions out of the depths of love? And then listened to their stories with the depths of love? And what if we could quietly share just what great things happen personally when we live a life with God?

John Lennon sang, “You may say I’m a dreamer. But I’m not the only one.”

I’d love to see more than a few of us. How about you?

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Discerning God’s Will

August 19, 2015

“You will win the election if it is God’s will,” the lady told a political candidate.

Subsequent conversations with others about God’s will centered on the question of how do you know and what do you mean.

Is it God’s will for whether the politician wins or not? Or, is the issue whether the politician is following God’s will–his calling–for his life? Maybe he sat in contemplation and God whispered that his talents would be best used as a politician. Although I have to say from personal observation (I’ve met him briefly, he’s my representative somewhere) that he probably had a better calling as a Navy SEAL than as a legislator. But, who am I to question God?

Psychologist Henry Cloud spoke the past two weekends at Willow Creek Community Church on that topic. God’s will for your life–not my legislator.

He talked about finding your passion. Getting your passion aligned with your talents. That will be a hint about following God’s will for your life.

But you need discernment. Is this a real passion or a momentary infatuation? Does it match my talents and skills with passion for service? Can you visualize a beneficial outcome?

He talked of two builders. Each made a pile of money developing tracts of land, building houses, and selling them.

One was tired and burned out. He found it boring to do the same old thing over again–even if he did earn millions of dollars.

The other was energized. “I just love what I’m doing. I fly over the undeveloped tract of land and visualize houses and parks and families grilling and kids playing. I just love this.”

One found his passion. His heart was in it, and his heart was in a right relationship. He made a lot of money, but his heart was on helping others.

This one, no doubt, had found God’s will for his life. And many benefited. The other merely found a job he was good at.

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You Can’t Manage Change

August 6, 2015

Getting Things Done–it’s a book by David Allen and a method of organizing your thoughts, to-do lists, projects, plans. I am a GTDer.

He discusses a perennial hot topic in management circles and sometimes in personal development circles–management of change.

We are taught to “manage change.” Allen says in his recent monthly newsletter to subscribers that he always avoided that thought because he never really came to grips with it. Then he discovered his uncertainty with the concept. You can’t really manage change.

Change happens. Often you can’t anticipate it. Stuff comes at you suddenly from seemingly out of nowhere. You’re just cruising along and then something happens. The world is changing.

What we know is that we can manage albeit sometimes with great difficulty how we manage ourselves and our teams or family through the change.

This is especially important to recognize in our spiritual formation. We aren’t “unspiritual” just because change hits us. But working through change has the power to strengthen our spiritual life. There may be times when it doesn’t seem like it. But it does.

I have changed so much in my life that looking back it seems unreal. But each step was a growth. I removed myself–or got removed–from several situations that were either going nowhere or actually detrimental to my health.

Don’t get frustrated by trying to manage change. Manage yourself through the changes.

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Who Influences Your Mood?

July 16, 2015

Do you remember when Facebook researchers wanted to see if what you read in your “news” stream influences your mood?

They wanted to see what you posted after being exposed to either a stream of negative posts or a stream of positive posts. There was a huge uprising against their methodology–they essentially manipulated your news feed for research (not that they don’t manipulate it now).

They did find a correlation between what you were exposed to and what you posted.

Negative people can drag you down emotionally. Positive people build you up.

Both Paul and Proverbs warn us to be aware of whom we hang out with. Other people can influence us in ways we may not even realize.

Doesn’t it feel great to hang out with energetic, positive people? I was working at a coffee shop this morning and two women who exhibited those characteristics were involved in an animated conversation. I have no idea what they were discussing, but I think that they lifted my whole day. This was one of the most productive days I’ve had for a while.

This leads me to ponder two different things.

First–how do I become aware of the effect of someone? How quickly do I discern the attitude of the other? How quickly and decisively do I extract them from my life?

Second–how often am I the positive, energized person spreading light and energy to others? How often am I the doom-and-gloom person who drags people down? How quickly do I realize that in a conversation?

Perhaps a good practice would be to establish a trigger that makes us stop and consider our attitude and our words. We can modify them on the fly if we are only aware.

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