Gary Mintchell

Author Archive

Forgive Anyone Who Offends Us

May 26, 2023

On Wednesday I considered how the word forgiveness stood out when I glanced at the transcribed copy of Dallas Willard’s paraphrase of the Lord’s Prayer.

This morning I looked more deeply at Willard’s paraphrase, “as we are forgiving all who in any way offend us.” This phrase hits me harder than “those who trespass against us.” This is more personal.

Pondering those things that others do that annoy, indeed offend, us reveals much about ourselves.

For example, I do not follow rules religiously. You could say (and some in the family do say) that I am not a rule follower. However, our Homeowners Association (HOA) told us that the driveways in our neighborhood will be seal coated. The driveways will not be useable for 24-48 hours afterward to allow the seal coat to dry and harden. We had to move our vehicles from the garage and were granted temporary leave to park on the street.

One of our neighbors parked his car on the street in front of the mailboxes. The “rule” expressly said to not block the mailboxes. I walked home from the fitness center and saw the car, I was annoyed. Later, I closed my eyes to meditate before beginning the day’s work and it came to me to relax. Not to worry. The mail delivery person here will get out of his vehicle and deliver to those four boxes.

Why was I annoyed? Offended? That’s crazy.

I can forgive the neighbor, the annoyance that really wasn’t mine (not my mailbox) and in so doing find a kind of forgiveness for me. I can relax and move on.

That is one of the many benefits of forgiveness.

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Throw Out The Bad

May 25, 2023

Do you catch yourself rummaging through drawers looking for your “good” knife? Or, patting your pockets searching for your “good” pen?

That means you have “bad” ones. Throw those out.

[Note: I picked up this idea from a new book from Kevin Kelly, Excellent Advice for Living: Wisdom I Wish I’d Known Earlier.]

This thought can extended. Do you find yourself sitting thinking bad thoughts about someone or something? Do you catch yourself in a bad habit? Are you associating with people who lead you into bad attitudes?

Throw also those out along with the knives and pens. Clean house of bad tools, thoughts, relationships, habits. Simplify life. Live cleanly.

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Forgive Others As We Would Like To Be Forgiven

May 24, 2023

One afternoon this week I chatted with a neighbor. We began discussing some local churches. As we ran through a list, I mentioned one larger (but not mega) church a bit of a drive from us. I told her I would likely avoid that one, because I knew a family that was a big contributor there. A guy in the family had lied and cheated and trashed a business deal. I would just as soon avoid contact.

Every morning as I sit at my desk preparing to meditate for a while, I see two note cards. One has what NT Wright calls “Paul’s Shema;” the other one Dallas Willard’s paraphrase of the Lord’s Prayer (the Our Father). Every morning the word forgive seems to be highlighted for me.

I guess I have confidence in God’s forgiveness. It’s me. Can I forgive all the many injustices I’ve faced? But my experienced injustices are nothing compared to those faced by black people in America, or gay people everywhere, or Muslims in India, or Christians in many countries. If they can forgive, what stops me?

Mostly, I just move on. I process it, forgive completely, then mostly boot it out of my mind. Sometimes something happens that brings recollection. But the emotion is gone. Long since dealt with.

I have learned and evidently practiced the virtue of focusing on the things within my control and pushing aside those that I cannot. That ability has made my life so much better.

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To Whom Are You a Slave?

May 23, 2023

Anyone capable of angering you becomes your master.
Epictetus

You open Facebook (or Twitter or email or whatever). You see a post from someone you know. The facts are completely wrong. The words are skewed to achieve maximum emotional impact. Your emotions are triggered. You immediately reach for the keyboard to respond.

You are a slave to that person.

You are in a conversation. The other person says things that seem like a personal attack. You respond personally. You attack. Your personality buckles into angry responding.

You are a slave to a new master.

I have learned the pause—that moment before my fingers reach for the keyboard. That pause that lets me scroll past the nonsense.

I’ve talked of the pause before. It is one of the hardest things I’ve learned to do. Of course, the best way is to avoid needing the pause at all by simply realizing that I can control most of what I see. I can refuse to spend time in Facebook and Twitter. I can choose those people with whom to meet.

There are things in life that I cannot control But those I can control, those I had better exert effort to control.

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Finding A Consistent Time

May 22, 2023

Research into when the best time in your day for strength training popped into my morning reading. Morning? Midday? Evening?

It turns out that it doesn’t matter. The best time of day for your strength training is that time that fits best into your lifestyle. It’s that time of day when you can consistently go to the gym or basement and face your weights.

Some people insist that you must rise from bed early in the morning for your meditation and prayer time. You must have a thick pillow upon which to sit. Perhaps light candles or incense. Play a chime.

The best time is the time that you can consistently find some quiet space in your day. The best place is where you are. If you have a ritual, fine. If not, great. You can sit anywhere not too comfortable. You can lie on your back or side. You can walk (keeping your eyes open, of course).

I have taught on the method of Ignatius of Loyola, a founder of the Society of Jesus—the Jesuits—within the Roman Catholic tradition. His method included morning, midday, and the evening Examen. That’s fine if you live in a monastery. For some of us (most?), that is a difficult discipline within our lives.

Benjamin Franklin, the American philosopher and statesman, also had a routine asking of himself in the morning “what good shall I do today” and in the evening “what good did I do today.” That’s a good discipline.

What time should you meditate, pray, work out, exercise, read? That time during the day when you can consistently devote time mindfully to the practice.

Posted in Disciplines, Meditation, Physical, Prayer | Leave a Comment »

Planting Our Beauty

May 19, 2023

Spring has arrived in northern Illinois. The rains of April have produced the fulness of green in the lush grass and in the leaves of the trees and bushes. The flowering trees showed off their colors.

The women of my neighborhood are digging and buying plants (flowers and herbs) and planting. In those homes where there are men able to get out we see men toting bags of dirt and peat and mulch.

We have almost rapidly experienced Advent, Christmas, Lent, Easter, and now comes the time to live out those experiences. Have we checked our own beauty? Not Hollywood beauty. But that beauty of attitude that begins inside and radiates outward.

Perhaps you can think of someone who may not meet television standards of physical beauty but from whom you part after meeting and you think, “I like that person!” The joy, the empathy, the intelligence, the peace—whatever the quality—that just reaches and changes you.

The time has come to plant that beauty within ourselves.

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Perfection or Not

May 18, 2023

This nutrition information from the Arnold Schwarzenegger Pump Club newsletter actually fits a wider use. “If you fall off the wagon or just want the a nice meal out, eat, enjoy, and then return to your normal eating the next day. The way to better health is not accomplished by following a path of perfection and restriction. It’s about staying on a path of consistency.”

The same can be said about the path toward spiritual maturity. Much as the Pharisees of both Jesus’s time and our own time talk about holding others to a path of perfection and restriction, the better path is consistently (as Micah puts it), “To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.”

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Leadership Lesson From Fixing Coffee

May 17, 2023

I cleaned the filter of grounds after brewing my 6 am cup of coffee this morning. The thought came upon me from a book I read when I was perhaps 11. A history of the American Civil War. A southern general (I forget which one) was leading his troops toward Gettysburg, Pennsylvania where there would be a significant engagement with the enemy. It was a leadership lesson that has stayed with me all these years.

While soldiers were marching toward their next battle, often the column would halt. No one along the line knew why or for how long. When the call came to halt, the soldiers would gather twigs from around them, start small fires, and brew coffee. They would hope to get the process done and drink the precious liquid before the march resumed. If the order to march came too soon, they had to throw out the partially done coffee and the grounds.

The lesson: this general would always pass the word back through the ranks about whether there was time to brew coffee or not. Despite all that was on his mind, this general thought also of his men.

How do we consider those around us? Those for whom we have responsibility? Do we have empathy? Do we think it’s our job to tell them how to live, what to do, as if they are mere objects?

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Epidemic of Anxiety

May 16, 2023

Everywhere we look we are told there is an epidemic of anxiety. It makes people anxious reading about anxiety. Youth are seeing therapists because of anxieties induced from either expectations from parents for success or from hearing parents arguing usually from stressing over money issues.

Religious people do not help when they today, like the Pharisees of 2,000 years ago, tell us how to live in every detail of our lives. One almost thinks it is a sin to breathe, since seemingly everything we do and think is a sin.

Jesus often reprimanded those Pharisees for piling burdens on people. I have to believe that even the Pharisees were anxious underneath their veneer of superiority lest they be discovered in a sin.

Here is one thing Jesus taught as reported by Matthew in the “Sermon on the Mount”:

Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
Matthew 6

Step back from your cycle of thoughts (I’d suggest daily) and seek the greater perspective. Look first at the big picture of God’s kingdom and what he does for you. You can with this perspective tackle the things you can control and live with those you cannot. Not that this is easy. The suggestion is easy, the practice is hard. And if you need a therapist, by all means seek out one.

Posted in Attitude, Awareness, Disciplines | Leave a Comment »

Too Long, Didn’t Read

May 15, 2023

TLDR.

Web speak for an article—Too Long; Didn’t Read.

Several years ago an acquaintance who read this blog said, “You’re a pretty good writer. You should send posts to (a certain Christian website).”

I contacted them. They said, “You’re a pretty good writer. For us, just write a headline for search engine optimization. Then write in bullet points. Make it 7 steps to, or 5 things that, and the like.”

I don’t do that. I also try to avoid negativity (not always successfully…). That sells, too. So this blog never hit the big numbers.

The thing is—spiritual formation is both easy and hard.

The easy part is that there are only a few things you need to do.

The hard part is maintaining a right attitude and doing the few things every day.

And, if your attitude that morning sucks, well, do the few things anyway. The doing reminds you that you are the type of person who is growing toward spiritual maturity. And that adjusts your attitude.

It’s like a virtuous cycle.