Posts Tagged ‘Love’

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Love Language of Receiving

January 20, 2015

He then realized that his wife’s “love language” was receiving. So he decided to give her something every day for a week, and then to give her something every week for a year.

John Ortberg mentioned as an example this story from a book called “Five Love Languages” or something like that. Disclaimer: I have not read the book.

But that example really threw me. A love language of receiving? I suppose that everyone likes to receive a gift. Even me, although I have few wants or needs. But, as a way of life?!

I have another word or two for that “language” or life attitude. Spoiled. Self-centered. Self-absorbed.

Maybe I’ve taken the illustration too far. Maybe there is a nuance I missed or that Ortberg didn’t mention.

It seems to me through observation and reading that one of the major problems of our times–and this isn’t only America–is just that self-absorption or self-centeredness. I’m amazed at the number of times in a day I can observe examples of people thoughtlessly unaware of others around them. (Oh, and you can tell a self-centered person by asking them–they’ll think that there is nothing wrong in the example I just cited.)

But there is a spiritual gift, agape, that entails giving. I don’t know what we learned about the wife, really, from Ortberg’s example. It is obvious that at least one person made the leap from self-centered to thinking of someone else.

For that, the apostle Paul would rejoice. He taught that many times.

Receive as a blessing; give to be a blessing.

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Posted in Compassion, Learning, Service | 3 Comments »

Why Are There So Many Different Christians

January 14, 2015

I have a friend who was born overseas and was raised as, and still is, a Sikh. I will not try in a couple of hundred words to describe what a Sikh believes, but in crude shorthand, it teaches a certain tolerance of all religions.

My point is not to critique the faith or the people within that faith. My point is a question he asked me once. This was at another of those times of bickering amongst the various Christian denominations.

“Gary, can you explain why there are so many kinds of Christians?” he asked. “And why are they so different and dislike each other so much?”

I took a few minutes to describe 2,000 years of religious revelation, geo-political differences, politics within the religions, and personalities.

He replied, “Didn’t Jesus say that you’d know his followers by their love for one another?”

Ouch.

The denomination I attend presently is always on the brink of disintegration over the status of homosexuals. The problem with the status of women was finally settled by acknowledging women as people (duh!).

We could look at the world and point fingers. There are many varieties of Judaism. Not to mention the huge differences within Islam (reminder, not all Muslims are terrorists, just as not all Christians are terrorists–and we’ve had a few).

Many differences are simply either cultural or personality. Some are charismatic; some meditative. Some like pipe organs; some like rock ‘n’ roll.

But the Acts 2 churches attracted people by how they lived. There was something different about those people, and other people wanted some of that.

Today? How are we known? Let’s find a little of that love.

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Posted in Christianity | 2 Comments »

Leadership Example Speaking Truth With Love

August 22, 2014

Ever have a boss who was ever eager to speak the truth (at least as she or he saw it? They were always ready to point out flaws, failures, something they didn’t like?

How did it feel? Especially if they were emotionally unpredictable? There is probably nothing worse that a leader whose emotions are on a roller coaster and you have no way to predict what the day/hour/minute may bring.

Ever have a boss who refused to speak the truth? Refused to speak up? Made you wonder if they were disconnected? Or interested? Could not present their point of view or confront someone who needed pulled back into the fold?

In the first case, you are probably living in fear. Or at least great uncertainty.

In the second case, if you have initiative, then you just go your own way. Each team member goes their own way. There is no semblance of team unity or focus on mission. If the team members get along with each other, then things will survive for a while. If a team member senses a power vacuum and tries to take over–then there could be critical problems.

I’ve been writing about the apostle John lately. He started out as the first type of leader. Fiery. Combative. The team member in example two who senses the power vacuum and wants to step in.

But John was mentored to speak the truth with Love. Not mushy, sentimental love. But the love that looks at other people and meets them where they are. They give the truth (or instruction or mentoring) aimed at where the other person is in life. Guides them. Mentors them. Reminds them.

A leader firm in vision yet understanding of others in the organization/committee/company leads well.

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Sometimes Talking With Someone Is Better

August 20, 2014

John, writing some advice to his church in his second letter, concludes by saying, “There is much I have to write to you, but I would rather not use pen and ink.”

Sometimes talking is better. Today we use electrons flowing through a wire and projected upon a screen rather than the much simpler pen and ink. And that is often worse than any other means. How often have we written hurriedly about some random emotion, pressed “send”, and then lived to regret it? For me–way too often.

I was just on the receiving end of one of those emotional tirades. No thinking through the implications or the reality of the situation. Just a reaction based upon half-truths and then a reputation shot by hitting send.

The appropriate response is to use John as a guide–speak truth in love in person not with pen and ink (or electrons on a screen).

This is not my forte. I can present a speech. I can get by a little with idle chit-chat. But that is difficult. When I was young, I must have been somewhere on the autistic spectrum or something. I wanted to relate, but I couldn’t. Outside of a brief period in adolescence when I was argumentative, I was usually silent. The upside is that people thought I was smart. I remember in my second year of college that I could go entire days without ever speaking a word.

Confrontation is not within my comfort zone.

Recently I was in a situation with a guy who evidently loves argument. He’d get all mad and red-faced. Somehow mentally I’d step back and look at a bigger picture and see it didn’t matter in the long run.

But now there is a situation that the only way to handle is to speak the truth in love. That means confronting my own fears and realizing that I probably won’t be loved in return. But Henry Cloud, author and psychologist, would call that growing up.

Do we know when and how to confront others and when mere argument is just worthless exercise?

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Posted in Relationship | Leave a Comment »

Your Faith and Witness Speak More Than You Know

August 18, 2014

In this era of the US NSA spying on everyone, we should be aware that people are watching us. All the time.

We had the grandkids for a week a few weeks ago. Their sharp little eyes pick up everything. They are watching.

But even 2,000 years ago, people were watching. John (the Elder) writes in the 3rd letter to Gaius that he has heard reports about how good and faithful to the truth he has been. And he talks about another faithful witness and one who is not a true follower.

John was the last of the apostles alive. He was always concerned with the Truth. As the Elder in the church, he was even more concerned that the essential truth was taught–Jesus lived as a human, Jesus died, Jesus rose from death to live again.

John was also concerned with love–a lesson taught to him by Jesus. A lesson that it took John a few years to learn and incorporate into his life.

You see both in the three letters. And you see both as John writes in love to his friend and compliments him on his work and his life.

Paul also was aware that people are always watching. He writes that he is concerned that he might do something because he is free in the grace of God, but that freedom to do that thing (say eat “unclean” food) might corrupt another who is watching him and who has not yet experienced grace.

I’m always surprised when I hear reports back to me that others are talking about me. Happens professionally all the time–“I heard that you….” I think, “Whoa, am I that important that people talk about me?” I just go on my way daily with no thought that people are watching. But they are.

I hope I’ve been good 😉

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Posted in Disciplines, Ethics | Leave a Comment »

A Living Contradiction

July 24, 2014

When you think of the Apostle John, you know, the one who wrote a Gospel, three letters and an apocalypse, what is your vision?

Is he the messenger of love? Or a Son of Thunder?

John MacArthur wrote in his book on the apostles, Twelve Ordinary Men that John grew from a strong, opinionated, ambitious person to someone who could also embody the type of love Jesus pointed to.

MacArthur says that John learned to temper his passion for Truth (one of John’s favorite words) with Love (his other favorite word).

How often are we as young people, perhaps freshly educated (or semi-educated) from the university, so full of truth and ourselves that we just want to command everyone into the proper ways?

Then we grow up at some point in our lives and learn that this truth needs to be tempered by patience, empathy, joy, grace (love). Then we are a complete person.

John has always been my favorite, but not so much for either truth or love, but because he seemed the most “spiritual” whereas Peter seemed the most “practical” of the apostles. Paul also was more of a practical preacher than a spiritual teacher.

MacArthur rightly points out that being a walking contradiction is not a bad thing. Strongly defending truth yet showing love to our neighbor–they go together.

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Love As A Way of Being

July 18, 2014

Jesus said that this is how his followers would be known–by their love.

English much to the poverty of its ability to define expression only has one word–love–that means so many things. The Greeks, at least, had three. No wonder we become confused.

We make love–meaning having sexual intercourse which all to often has nothing to do with love.

We say “love you” to end conversations leaving the other person wondering if that is just a phrase like “honey” or “darling”.

We tell another “I love you” when what we really mean is we want something from them.

We use the term to refer to the rush of hormones.

Love rightly understood in the context of the New Testament is the direct opposite of the world view of the Romans, which was the world view of all the societies Rome ruled.

The Roman view, which led to a state of being, thinking and acting, was that of power and authority.

For Jesus, love was the opposite. If you follow Jesus, you are the opposite of a follower of Rome. Love is first of all a state of being–that’s just what you are. You live not in a world of power thinking only of yourself but in a world of thinking of others first.

Love is an attitude we carry with us. It is a way of looking at ourselves and others.

It comes from our relationship with God carrying over from that strength to always being aware of the needs of others and aware of how we can help (serve) them.

In this way, Jesus turned the Roman Empire on its head.

The early Christians added to their groups many just because they actually lived differently from others in the same city and society.

This has not always been the case with Christians. Or people. Even today we have such bitter conflict with the taking of many lives. We ignore or worse punish many who have deep needs. And we say we are Christians.

Would Jesus say of us, “I know you are my followers because of your love”?

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How They’ll Know Us

May 30, 2014

How do the people outside the church know who the people inside the church are? Can they tell that there is a difference? When the church gathers, is it much like a Rotary meeting?

I’ve been reading in John’s Gospel for some time recently. There is a part toward the end where Jesus is instructing his followers on life after he’s gone. And he looks around at his ill-assorted group of followers, and he tells them, “This is how they’ll know you, by how you love one another.”

The church as described in Acts 2–long before it got so over-organized–grew rapidly because the people lived differently than people in the area. And that difference was good. And that difference is contagious.

And that difference has all-to-often gone away.

On bad days, one wonders if the whole life-style of love among Jesus-followers has evaporated completely.

The practice of Spiritual Disciplines is not an end in itself. The practice should lead us toward an attitude of love towards others. Love in such a way that others are attracted to this man called Jesus. Love such that others want to join together to celebrate and worship and participate in acts of service.

We can read the history of the church and see the immense divisiveness leading to bloodshed during the past 2,000 years. But we can also see those acts of love that kept the fire burning.

If we sense divisiveness in our groups, it’s time to practice loving others. They will know us by our love.

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Posted in Attitude, Disciplines | Leave a Comment »

Expecting People to Change Before We Befriend Them

March 4, 2014

Do you expect people to change before you will associate with them? People often think that their husband/wife will change after marriage, but people in church often (usually?) say, “Change, and then you can join us.”

John (the disciple, apostle, writer of the Gospel) is an excellent writer. To call him “uneducated” is a slander. He just didn’t attend the “right school.” He packs so much into a story that we give it a disservice by reading it quickly.

The story about the man healed by the Pool of Bethesda that I discussed yesterday is such a story. The point of the story was to show that Jesus was the Son of God. The subpoint was that the Jewish religious establishment hated him and wanted to kill him.

Why such animosity? Because Jesus threatened their very way of life. He threatened their superiority. They had set themselves aside with the vocation of being good. The studied scriptures and laws all day and followed every law. They were good.

And, they said that if you’ll change and be good, then maybe you can be one of us.

Jesus said to people, follow me and then you’ll change.

Jesus told the man to get up, pick up his mat, go and sin no more.

Oops, that violated a law. It was the Sabbath. The Lord said, don’t work on the Sabbath. The lawyers had to define work. One of the many detailed what you could carry before it was considered work. This man violated that rule.

Do we react to people we meet in the way of the Pharisees? Instead of rejoicing, we look for reasons to disapprove. We tell people that if they become like us, then they can be our friends–maybe, instead of welcoming other people and leading them to a life in the Spirit.

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You Will Know Them By Their Love

February 21, 2014

It is unfortunate that in English common usage we only have one word–love–that expresses such a wide variety of actions and emotions.

Some people think of love as a squishy, sentimental sort of emotion. That dreamy state of thinking of a person constantly.

Another definition is of an emotional high. Greetings include hugging and lots of smiles. When Jesus said that you will know his followers by their love, these people think we should always be happy and hugging and feeling good toward others.

Then there’s the “act” of making love. Surely a weird euphemism if ever there was one. I’ll let that one slide by.

When you look closely at the New Testament, you discover that love is not an emotion. In fact, much of the teaching of the New Testament concerns overcoming emotions with growing maturity. We take charge of our emotions, not the other way around.

Love is something you do. You may not always feel it. Sometimes you just don’t feel like doing something good for another, but you do. That’s one think Jesus meant.

Love means considering others when we’re about to act or respond. We may do good, even when the other person may not recognize it–as in interventions attempting to stop destructive behaviors.

Even in tough business decisions when you might have to terminate the employment of an associate, you can still do it in a considerate manner. You can be tough and still love. Once again, look at Jesus. Nothing sentimental in him.

Sometimes you don’t know when you’ll be in a situation to act in love rather than hate or anger. I received an alert this morning at 4:30 that my 6:00 am flight was delayed 4 hours. Well, I’m driving. Too late to do much. Saw a long line at the ticket counter. Thought I’d go to the gate and see if I could get the other early flight. I could, but the connection available still got me to my destination too late to do any good.

So, I waited for a clearing in the line to get a cancellation at no charge and then go home. While I’m waiting, I hear an older woman cursing the gate agent with some of the most vulgar words. Couldn’t believe my ears.

Well, the woman gave up. The gate agent, who was quite patient with her, began serving another customer. I walked over and started a conversation. Thought I might as well try to calm her down and explain that when there’s bad weather in the country, the effects are wide ranging.

My little act of love for the day. At 6:30. Where can the day go but up from now?

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Posted in Attitude | Leave a Comment »

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