Posts Tagged ‘growing’

Save Yourself

August 3, 2015

My dad used to have a phrase, “It’s like the blind leading the blind.”

Did you ever follow a leader who had no clue?

OK, you can quit laughing–or cringing.

Did you ever seek help from someone only to discover that they needed more help than you? It’s worse when they offer advice. Then you realize they need to live the advice first.

I often listen to “Coffee House” on Sirius XM when I’m driving. The channel features acoustic music. Since I play folk guitar (when I get it out), the channel is appealing.

There’s a song that keeps repeating in my head:

You’ve got to save yourself…so you can find a way to save…someone else.

This wisdom is ancient. Yet, we still need to discover it daily. When I’m tempted to open my mouth and interject in a conversation, there is a pause. In that pause, I reflect on how much I resemble just what I’m about to contribute.

Sure, you can learn a lot by reflecting upon failures. But I wouldn’t listen very long to business advice from someone who has taken multiple businesses into bankruptcy.

Similarly, I respect people who may not have it all together, but they have been living out the struggle for years. They know how hard life change is. Yet, you can see the change in their lives. I listen to them. And meditate on their words. And reflect on their lives. And contemplate how that change would look in my life.

These may be Celtic saints from my current reading in the Celtic Daily Prayer book. They may be people I’ve met over the past few years, months, days.

Don’t go theological on me. Just consider the practice: If you are seeking, seek those who have “saved themselves”. If you are “saved yourself”, then you need to “find a way to save someone else.”

Jesus put it, “Go into all the world making disciples….”

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Travel Makes You A Better Leader

March 20, 2015

From the blog of Kevin Roberts, executive chairman of Saatchi & Satchi: 

Those who have traveled will understand that it provides much more than an escape from daily routine. Roman philosopher Seneca said “travel and change of place can impart vigor to the mind” and how right he was, and continues to be.

Bruce Poon Tip, founder of G Adventures, is a full believer in the value created by travel both personally and professionally, to the extent that he lets his employees travel for free. An article by Lisa Evans on Fast Company highlights the wisdom gleaned by Tip through his globe-hopping, and in particular the profound effect it has had on his company’s operations and his leadership style.

He recalls a trip to Tibet that taught him about decision-making based on spirituality, obstacles and karma, which influenced his approach to decision-making in business. Instead of relying on data like he always had, he started making decisions based on his gut instinct, recognizing that a big part of business is emotional. Big decisions with heart; little ones with head. 

Organizing and leading an international mission trip is a further example of Roberts’ post about learning leadership from travel–especially with a group.

You know where you are going and why. In our case, an orphanage ministry in Tijuana with guidance from Isaiah 58: 7, “is it  (proper fasting) not to share your bread with the hungry, and bring the homeless poor into your house?”

  • recruit a team around their hearts and the tasks you hope to achieve.
  • plan the logistics of travel down to the minute–flights, ground transportation, meals, projects, downtime.
  • budget the trip and raise funds.
  • hold team building meetings to prepare for the trip
  • provide guidance through the travel.
  • make decisions on the spur of the moment as situations change.
  • keep the budget in the back of your mind as you make decisions on spending the money as the trip unfolds.
  • keep the needs, desires, and vulnerabilities of each team member in mind as part of the decision process.
  • remind the team why we are where we are.
  • rejoice at moments when God breaks through the fog; grieve for situations people find themselves in.
  • make decisions based on grace

There are probably more. My travel has certainly broadened my understanding of the variety of peoples, yet also their similarities. I’ve learned to think quickly and with my gut rather than waiting for data to eventually filter in. I’ve learned when you just have to “go with the flow” when situations change. In other words travel helped me grow up. How about you? I hope not like many people in my county who rarely travel more than 50 miles even today.

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Love Language of Receiving

January 20, 2015

He then realized that his wife’s “love language” was receiving. So he decided to give her something every day for a week, and then to give her something every week for a year.

John Ortberg mentioned as an example this story from a book called “Five Love Languages” or something like that. Disclaimer: I have not read the book.

But that example really threw me. A love language of receiving? I suppose that everyone likes to receive a gift. Even me, although I have few wants or needs. But, as a way of life?!

I have another word or two for that “language” or life attitude. Spoiled. Self-centered. Self-absorbed.

Maybe I’ve taken the illustration too far. Maybe there is a nuance I missed or that Ortberg didn’t mention.

It seems to me through observation and reading that one of the major problems of our times–and this isn’t only America–is just that self-absorption or self-centeredness. I’m amazed at the number of times in a day I can observe examples of people thoughtlessly unaware of others around them. (Oh, and you can tell a self-centered person by asking them–they’ll think that there is nothing wrong in the example I just cited.)

But there is a spiritual gift, agape, that entails giving. I don’t know what we learned about the wife, really, from Ortberg’s example. It is obvious that at least one person made the leap from self-centered to thinking of someone else.

For that, the apostle Paul would rejoice. He taught that many times.

Receive as a blessing; give to be a blessing.

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Change Your Personality

March 27, 2014

Know anyone who was once addicted to something–sex, drugs, alcohol, TV, gaming–and then “got converted” and became addicted to Jesus (or some other religion or pseudo-religion)?

They had the same personality. It was just directed in a different manner. Hopefully less personally destructive, although not always.

Can you really change your personality?

I have witnessed personalities change over time. Mine certainly has–considerably. Sometimes that’s good. Sometimes not.

You can take the Myers-Briggs Types Indicator and see where you fall as one of 16 personality types. Some things don’t change. I’m “Thinking” rather than “Feeling” rather strongly. (My Extrovert/Introvert type is just borderline E–could go either way, for example.) My whole life if you give me information, I’ll analyze it. Think about it. I tend to go with thinking rather than how I feel about it.

Sometimes an analytical personality will drive people crazy–especially the feeling types.

Looked at another way, there are controlling types of people. They actually can change, learn to let go and loosen up a little. Become more aware of others and gain a broader perspective.

I grew up with a worrier and anxious type. It rubbed off on me, of course. But I learned skills to cope. 45 years of meditation also helps bring down anxiety and controlling tendencies–you can become at once more mellow and more focused.

Knowing personality type helps you understand why you like certain types of worship rather than others. You can learn it isn’t good or bad–some people just are more comfortable with one type.

Knowing when your type drives other people crazy can be the first step toward toning down the negative parts of a type and enhancing the positive–thus getting along with other types.

I have seen personalities change over time. Beware of sudden personality changes in yourself or someone you know. That could be a symptom of a problem. But it probably helps all of us to mellow out the extremes of our personality type and learn to get along.

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Misplaced Focus

February 25, 2014

The kids were fascinated. Their attention and focus was on the simple black push button on the display. There was no label at the button. Just a push button.

I volunteered for some community service yesterday serving as a guide and teacher for one of seven displays at the Shelby County Historical Museum. Each year, the Museum has a display that all the schools in the county bring their 5th graders to tour.

I serve as a volunteer for a sorority (go figure). My wife is the president of the local educators’ sorority, Delta Kappa Gamma. Finding volunteers is a sorority project. Guess who gets to help?

So, as I guided the students around the 3-part display explaining about how and why people came to North America in the 17th and 18th Centuries, I got to the third panel about the group who didn’t choose to come–African slaves. Facing them was a picture of children who would have been on a ship. And the button.

They noticed right away. “What’s that button?” I had 14 small groups. At least half of the groups had kids that were poised to hit the button. A couple got into a contest of hitting the button over each other. I had to put a stop to that. Several just came close and sort of leaned toward it. They didn’t hear a word I was saying.

A couple of weeks ago, I talked about observing my grandson and how he had trouble controlling his urges–specifically to annoy his sister.

It’s the same thing. But these kids were 11, not 6. Most could restrain their urges (except for a couple). They were growing up.

But their attention and focus were completely diverted from the lesson.

Ever go to church or a lecture and notice something about a person in front of you? Maybe the tag is out on the dress or sweater? Maybe they didn’t get their hair combed in the back? Something that captured your focus to the detriment of hearing the speaker?

Part of growing up is noticing that our focus is on the wrong thing and intentionally bringing it back to where it should be. We conquer the urges and focus where it matters.

Throughout Scriptures, writers and teachers remind people to put their focus first on God. Then good things happen to your soul.

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Controlling Urges

February 14, 2014

Urges. That sometimes overwhelming feeling to do something. The moment before the brain kicks in and says, “Wait a minute. That’s a stupid idea.”

Ever been there? Oh, come on, remember being a kid? An adolescent? I do all too well. I never would want to go back there.

Paul talked about “when I was a child, I acted like a child, but when I became a man, I put away childish things.”

Last week I had meetings at my Chicago office and we stayed at our son’s house. Our 6-yr-old grandson would sit there occasionally and do things to his 4-yr-old sister. Just little things. Reach out and touch annoyingly. Hit her toy. Whatever.

We can yell at him for tormenting her (remembering that the reverse happens, too. But what are we trying to teach him? It is that a mature person controls those urges.

As we reach adolescence, the urges that bubble up within us multiply. And they can cause much more serious problems both for us and for others than simple annoyance.

When I look at society over the past 25 years or so, I see so many people who grow up physically, but who still act like a child (or adolescent). Some will blame media or parents. And they exacerbate the problem at times. Certainly role models of maturity are often scorned or ignored. They get into the way of “fun.”

We have 4,000 years of wisdom that teaches about how to live a mature life. Yet, we have to teach and remember it every day. Part is to just remind the little ones as they grow to recognize and control their urges.

We must also, as we grow, learn to recognize and control our urges.

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