Posts Tagged ‘attitude’

How Far Can I Go Before?

June 6, 2014

How far can I go before it’s a foul? I teach the Laws of the Game of “The Beautiful Game” (soccer). My students are almost always people who wish to become referees. Sometimes it’s parents and players who wish to know more about the game.

Once I gave a presentation before a group of parents and players at a high school that was just starting a soccer program. There was very little experience among the entire group.

The boys kept saying, “All we want to know is how far can we go before it’s a foul.”

That statement reveals an utter lack of understanding about the game.

Christians can be the same. How far can I go before it’s a sin? How much sin is too much before God gets really mad?

Andy Stanley is re-running his “Guardrails” series on his “Your Move” podcasts. The idea of guardrails is that there are situations that occur in your life that should remind you to stay on the road.

Maybe I get myself into the wrong situation with the wrong people. Then that “uh, oh” feeling visits. That is a guardrail. I’ve gone almost to far off the road and I have been given a reminder to get back on the road before it’s too late and I get into big trouble.

In soccer, the referee watches the challenge for the ball. The two players are fending each other off. Then one gains an advantage by giving a push. “Tweet” goes the whistle. Everyone looks while the referee points the direction of the free kick that is given as the result of a foul.

In life, we don’t necessarily have that immediate referee (unless it’s a good parent or partner). We seemingly get away with a little foul. Then another. Then it’s our way of life. And we’re thrown out of the game.

We need to establish our guardrails to help us not get off into the danger beyond the road.

It’s Hard To Focus On the Distant Future

June 2, 2014

Much Christian preaching involves the idea of “repent and someday you’ll inherit eternal life.” One of the study groups I attend has been working its way through the book of Revelation for the past eight months. They are trying to come to grips with the “someday the world will end” interpretation of the writing.

Daniel Goleman brings a wealth of science research into his writing and makes it both informative and approachable. “Emotional Intelligence” is my guidebook to emotionally healthy growth, right along with “The Ladder of Divine Ascent” by John Climacus, and early Desert Father of the church. Goleman’s latest book, “Focus: The Hidden Driver of Excellence”, includes a chapter discussing climate change and the trouble people have trying to be concerned about something where the results are far in the future.

It seems that our brains are wired to help us survive–but only from immediate danger. That would be the “fight or flight” response you’ve heard about. This is the most likely reason why public discussion about the climate has degenerated into polarized opinions rather than rational looks into the data.

I think some of the same brain physiology is at work in the “repent or someday you’ll go to Hell” evangelizing. That’s a someday thing that does not relate to our immediate survival.

It’s also a misreading of John, the apostle and writer. John is clear in his Gospel that eternal life comes to you the moment you believe. That moment is when we begin living in eternal life. Eternal life is not someday, it’s now.

We just acknowledge, “I was living like that, then I became aware that that life was not fruitful, so I decided to live in a different way as a follower of Jesus.”

How They’ll Know Us

May 30, 2014

How do the people outside the church know who the people inside the church are? Can they tell that there is a difference? When the church gathers, is it much like a Rotary meeting?

I’ve been reading in John’s Gospel for some time recently. There is a part toward the end where Jesus is instructing his followers on life after he’s gone. And he looks around at his ill-assorted group of followers, and he tells them, “This is how they’ll know you, by how you love one another.”

The church as described in Acts 2–long before it got so over-organized–grew rapidly because the people lived differently than people in the area. And that difference was good. And that difference is contagious.

And that difference has all-to-often gone away.

On bad days, one wonders if the whole life-style of love among Jesus-followers has evaporated completely.

The practice of Spiritual Disciplines is not an end in itself. The practice should lead us toward an attitude of love towards others. Love in such a way that others are attracted to this man called Jesus. Love such that others want to join together to celebrate and worship and participate in acts of service.

We can read the history of the church and see the immense divisiveness leading to bloodshed during the past 2,000 years. But we can also see those acts of love that kept the fire burning.

If we sense divisiveness in our groups, it’s time to practice loving others. They will know us by our love.

Who Brings You Energy

May 28, 2014

When you enter a room, what do you bring with you?

Yesterday I was meditating on how to restore energy when you relate to people who seem to suck energy out of you.

On the other hand, who brings energy to you? God also brings those people into your life. I know many.

What can we learn by studying that type of person? How can we grow? After all, energy, like love, grows as it spreads.

Some are people with passionate interests. Even if I don’t share the same interest, I’m affected by their energy, enthusiasm, and passion. But it’s even better if they share a personal vision that I can participate in–maybe a passion for serving children and women in far off places. Or a passion for feeding the homeless here in Sidney.

Some ask questions. They seem genuinely interested in you by asking about how you’re feeling and what you’re doing.

Some love discussing ideas. A deep discussion always results from meeting these people–even if it’s only for a few minutes, something insightful occurs.

They are positive people. Unless discussing a problem to be solved, they have stories about triumphs, growth, passions of others.

It usually starts with a smile.

Do we bring any of that into a room with us?

Finding Energy Amidst Dysfunction

May 27, 2014

For reasons I fail to fathom, God has placed a number of dysfunctional people into my life over the past few years. I’m not sure what’s going on there. One thing is true–relating with dysfunctional people drain my energy.

The essence of our being is energy. We need to keep our energy up to function effectively.

What to do when our energy sags? For sure, our practice of Spiritual Disciplines is deeply affected by our energy level.

The first thing is to be aware of our energy level. Do you feel the ebb and flow of your energy level?

Notice what you eat. When I eat a heavy meal in the evening, my evening studies or work are shot. Too much fat in the morning breakfast can bog you down for the entire day. There is a saying in German that is a play on words that translates to English, “Man is what he eats.”

When you notice energy lagging during the day, get up. Take a short walk. Get outside. The best way to work if you do thought work is to work in 25-45 minute bursts of concentration followed by a short break.

Meditation is a good energy booster. Sit back, close your eyes, focus on breathing. It’s a great way to refocus.

Many famous people have sworn by afternoon naps. A few years ago the concept of “power napping” became popular.

Keeping the body fit and healthy is a foundation for generating energy.

Thinking about things we are grateful about refocuses our mind and generates energy.

Then watch our attitudes. As we think, so we become. Where are our thoughts? Change our thoughts and attitudes, change our energy level.

Just Stubborn or Unwilling to Grow

May 22, 2014

A trait in successful leaders is the willingness to continue growing as a person. It’s something we should all work at our entire lives.

I think about all the people who came to Jesus for advice and went away sad because they could not do what he advised. Just think, the person best fitted to help people grow, the person filled with the Spirit of God, gave personal advice and often the other would walk away sad.

I’ve come across people–leaders–who seem to have no capacity for growth. Some don’t even seem to acknowledge that there is even any room in them for more growth.

Just had dinner with a man from Scotland. He said he was from up north, not the south like Robert Burns. His comment reminded me of the famous line in a poem, which I will not give in the vernacular, that went Oh what a gift he gives us, to see ourselves as others see us.

Do you ever, like me, walk away from a situation thinking, God, what a jerk I was? I’ll reflect and swear I’ll change. Which I don’t enough. I’m just a work in progress.

So, I wonder. Are some people just stubborn? They refuse to listen to others or acknowledge the need to change? Or, when the Clue Train stopped, did they just fail to accept a delivery?

Share The Wealth With A New Generation

May 21, 2014

Yes, I am traveling again. This week two conferences in two cities. Actually, I found two additional conferences at the Houston Hilton Americas and the George R. Brown Convention Center. So three so far. Today driving to San Antonio for another conference. Then home for a little while (most of a week).

Last weekend I recruited and organized referees for a youth soccer tournament. For the first time in my career I heard the vast majority of coaches actually giving instructions to their players. Usually they just scream at them from across the field to do things that I bet they had not practiced.

As far as referees, I had a mixture of experienced adults and beginning youth. I had an opportunity to work with a young lady who had a grand total of one game of experience. She was great. There were opportunities for me to chat with her and give her encouragement. Then I could write to the referee leaders in her area to suggest they work with her to bring her along.

I heard several of the young referees talk about how much they learned during the two days.

That’s why I’m involved. I love the sport, of course. But I love to see people develop. I teach the skills of soccer refereeing, but I also teach life skills about decision making, being strong, getting into physical shape, working with a team.

Andy Stanley (on this podcast) talks about “Sharing the Wealth.” What are we doing to help the next generation take our place–and do it better? Teaching, mentoring, encouraging, providing experiences are some things we can do.

We are not here to live only for ourselves like so many unfortunately believe and preach. We are here to help other humans develop and grow. What are you doing?

Value of a Smile

May 15, 2014

When you walk into a room, what do you bring with you? Cheer, or gloom?

I recently met a woman. I know when I see her again that I will recognize her. Yet, I cannot really picture her in my mind. What I remember is her smile. It is so friendly.

Last night at dinner, I noticed that when I dealt with my server or the hostess with a smile, it seemed contagious. My server was OK, but she seemed to become nicer and smiled, too.

Maybe these are contagious. Maybe like they say about love, the more you give away the more you receive.

Then there are the people who seem to spread gloom or discord wherever they go. They talk about other people’s problems and faults. They scowl. (Ever look at an older person’s face and see how it is set–either in a permanent frown or smile?) The just seem to deflate the atmosphere.

There is a line in a detective novel I’ll never forget. Someone is describing a man and says, “He smiles, but his eyes don’t seem to match the smile.”

The smile must be part of your person, or people will feel the masquerade.

On the other hand, maybe you don’t feel on top of the world. Things are weighing you down. Yet, when you meet someone, if you can smile a greeting not only do they feel better, but so will you.

I don’t think Richard Foster listed smiling as a Spiritual Discipline. I think it fits.

Kindle a Fire in Your Mind

May 7, 2014

“The mind is not a vessel to be filled, but a fire to be kindled.” – Plutarch

I have seen variations of this quote from other ancient philosophers–you know, those who sought wisdom instead of argument like most today.

We treat education in all of its forms from school education to Christian education to sometimes even those cool (you’d think) robotic and engineering competition teams for youth all as filling the empty minds of the student. Except that the minds are not usually empty. They are full of something. I spent most of my elementary school daydreaming in class. I picked the subject up quickly and then I was bored. As a result I view school as boring.

Learning, on the other hand, is something that excites me. I’m getting older now and still live with curiosity and a passion to continue learning.

When we teach others–youth or adults–are we trying to kindle the fire for learning more and deeper about the subject? Or, are we merely trying to get them to repeat what we said?

I just spent an entire day with a couple of consultants in a small segment of manufacturing. I may not have agreed with everything they said, but their passion for their subject was undeniable. And it transferred to a few others in the room for whom this topic was new. That’s cool.

We were talking about going to conferences where we saw who the speaker was and where he/she was from and really looking forward to it. Then the speaker read PowerPoint slides without much emotion. How disappointing.

Let’s pray that when we are teaching others about important things, whether formally or informally, that we exhibit some passion so that we transfer that enthusiasm to the student. In that way we can kindle the fire for learning in the next generation.

Are You Emotional or Rational or Both

May 6, 2014

Just watching people in a group setting recently, I noticed a large emotional response to a situation about which no one has facts. That started me thinking about three kinds of people–or rather three types of ways of relating to the world and to others.

As humans develop and grow, they begin as emotional beings. Responses to situations are driven by emotions. When our growth and development proceeds normally, we gradually develop the ability to reflect, think and apply reason.

Have you noticed that some people even as adults react with emotional responses untempered by using the thinking part of themselves? Many times these people quickly regret their response (eventually some sort of thinking/reflection sets in) and then they must apologize.

I’ve noticed that these people quite often exhibit a sort of narcissism–in their hearts, it’s all about them.

I work with engineers–a lot. Engineers are trained thinkers. Got me thinking of the opposite trait in people. They develop the thinking part while burying the emotional part (Jung, among others, had much to say about the effects of this). These people can be maddening to the emotional type of people. They can appear cold and aloof. They can also exhibit a sort of narcissism–it’s all about me and my thoughts.

What we really need to do to develop fully as humans is to recognize the emotional part of us, apply some controls over those to keep us stable through our thinking capability, and then seek to be filled by the Holy Spirit which will move us beyond both and let us experience others.

It’s important that we not just get carried away with a solely emotional response. That leads to instability, conflict, alienation from others. We need to be united with God and with others in order for us to be healthy and for our local organizations and societies to be healthy.