Posts Tagged ‘attitude’

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You Can Choose Your Attitude

July 31, 2014

Are there people who annoy you, but it is impossible to disassociate yourself from them?

Did life just hand you a setback?

Do you feel that other people get all the luck?

Humans have know for thousands of years that what you have power over is the power to choose your attitude in these and all other incidents.

Often people reflect back to you the attitude you show. If your attitude is always negative, you’ll attract negative people. You can all sit around and complain to each other. That’s because people with a positive attitude are out creating their “luck” and avoiding you.

I’ve discovered that you cannot force other people to change. You can only change your attitude toward them. If someone you must see regularly is self-centered for example, then you won’t be able to get them to change to becoming more others centered. At least not quickly. But you can change your attitude toward them so as not to reflect back their negative attitude. You can reflect back to them the humble (other-centered) life attitude that Jesus taught than revolutionized the world.

Your attitude will see you through tough times and you’ll be an inspiration to others. Your attitude will keep you studying and praying through whatever happens.

Your attitude will bring you success–maybe not riches, but success in life which is more important.

Maybe you need a reminder taped to your bathroom wall, or the wall paper on your computer, or a “reminder” notification that pops up on your iPhone at various times to check your attitude and make sure it is the right one.

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How Can I Help

July 30, 2014

How can I help you?

These are the most powerful words of leadership.

I first read about this style of leadership in the 80s and practiced it at a company I was at. I would bring in my direct reports who were project managers (engineers) to get updates on the status of a machine we were designing and building. Then I’d ask if there were something I could provide from my position to help them get their job accomplished.

Long ago I interviewed for a job. They asked about management style. I don’t know what the right answer was, but thankfully I didn’t get that job–a better one came along. But I told them, “If I have to tell the employees what to do every step along the way, then I have failed to recruit and train the right people for the jobs. The group is a team with each having roles. My role as leader is to set the direction of the ship and assure that we are all going the right direction together. That we all know what the ‘win’ is.”

Andy Stanley, in his last “Your Move” podcast, talked about such leadership. Stanley has studied and practiced leadership at a level I’ll never reach. He came to the same conclusion.

And this models Jesus’ teaching on leadership. Remember, Jesus biggest threat to the status quo of the time was to totally invert the leadership style of the Romans (and the Jewish hierarchy).

He said that the Romans lord it over the people, but you shall lead as servants.

The prevailing leadership style was to build up the leader at the expense of the led. Jesus’ leadership style was to build up the followers in pursuit of a common “win”. That “win” was to spread the good news of the Kingdom of God and to live a life pleasing to that King.

We humans keep falling back into the imperial, director type of leadership. But more and more often we are seeing examples of Jesus’ type of leadership.

By the way, this is not weak leadership. The leader must be firm and strong about the vision and direction of the group. But she must also be an enabler of the rest of the team.

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Love As A Way of Being

July 18, 2014

Jesus said that this is how his followers would be known–by their love.

English much to the poverty of its ability to define expression only has one word–love–that means so many things. The Greeks, at least, had three. No wonder we become confused.

We make love–meaning having sexual intercourse which all to often has nothing to do with love.

We say “love you” to end conversations leaving the other person wondering if that is just a phrase like “honey” or “darling”.

We tell another “I love you” when what we really mean is we want something from them.

We use the term to refer to the rush of hormones.

Love rightly understood in the context of the New Testament is the direct opposite of the world view of the Romans, which was the world view of all the societies Rome ruled.

The Roman view, which led to a state of being, thinking and acting, was that of power and authority.

For Jesus, love was the opposite. If you follow Jesus, you are the opposite of a follower of Rome. Love is first of all a state of being–that’s just what you are. You live not in a world of power thinking only of yourself but in a world of thinking of others first.

Love is an attitude we carry with us. It is a way of looking at ourselves and others.

It comes from our relationship with God carrying over from that strength to always being aware of the needs of others and aware of how we can help (serve) them.

In this way, Jesus turned the Roman Empire on its head.

The early Christians added to their groups many just because they actually lived differently from others in the same city and society.

This has not always been the case with Christians. Or people. Even today we have such bitter conflict with the taking of many lives. We ignore or worse punish many who have deep needs. And we say we are Christians.

Would Jesus say of us, “I know you are my followers because of your love”?

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Practicing Humility

July 15, 2014

On United Airlines, I have many perks. Early boarding, TSA pre-check line, free checked baggage. We flew American.

At home, we eat a variety of fresh foods. In the desert we had tortillas and refried beans. Well, other food, too, but the staple was beans and rice.

At home we have toilets that we flush every time. In the desert with limited water supply, maybe the kids seldom flush the toilets. Not to mention hot water for showers.

We all prepared for our mission trip–intellectually. But some had more trouble than others with appropriate humility.

I started out grumbling that my TSA Pre-check went to someone else. But then I had one of those moments of realization. Here I am on a trip to serve an orphanage and I grumble about having to go through the normal security line. Wow, tough.

Most everybody adapted to the conditions quickly. But I had continual reminders about the need to be humble in all circumstances.

Being humble means to put others’ interests above our own. In whatever the circumstance, it’s not our desires that count.

I guess there exist people who are naturally humble. I know there exist people who seldom think of others. Most of us just need reminders at times to help us practice the discipline of humility.

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Life With God Is Life Grounded In Gratitude

July 14, 2014

Gratitude, the attitude of being grateful for something, is a way of life. It’s also something to pause occasionally to focus on. It’s been on my mind lately.

I’ve had many life changes over my adult years. Three in the last 18 months. Well, maybe four.

People could look and say how bad it is. Twice I’ve walked away from jobs that paid a very good salary. I undertook a ministry that was far from my mind at the time.

Yet, I’m sitting here in the early morning on my patio with the birds and squirrels (well, yes, even the ants) and feel grateful for all the experiences I’ve had. They have all formed me, and they’ve afforded opportunities that still amaze me.

On occasion I’ll be so enthused that I’m sure someone else may think that I’m conceited or something. But I live in amazement that a country boy with less education than I should have had has the opportunities that I have.

And, I live in gratitude.

Searching my Bible this morning (isn’t digital great!) I found a passage discussing the solitary life of David revealed in the Psalms and how he was close to God and lived in gratitude for all he had.

I’m using the Life With God Study Bible from the Renovare Institute. In the discussion, the writer quotes Richard Foster and Thomas Merton. In this case, Merton said, “Gratitude is the heart of the solitary life as it is the heart of the Christian life.”

Jesus was always interested in the state of our hearts. Where is our heart? Lately for me, basking in gratitude.

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The Tension Between What Should Be and What Is

July 10, 2014

In the old TV sitcom, Cheers, there existed a dynamic tension between Sam, the owner/bartender, and Diane, the waitress. Would they become romantically involved or not?

TV writers just can’t hold dramatic tension for long, though, and eventually Sam and Diane slept together and that tension was broken. Humans, it seems, cannot live in that sort of tension.

Jesus had no problem with dynamic tension.

Andy Stanley brings up the story of the scholars asking Jesus about divorce in this week’s “Your Move” message.

The scholars wanting to test Jesus to see if he is faithful to the tradition of Moses, asks him if a man can divorce a woman. (Note: it didn’t work the other way around at that time.)

Jesus answered by asking them if they had read (a direct hit on them) that when a man and a woman marry they become one flesh that no one can tear apart.

That is the “what should be” part of the problem.

Then why did Moses give us a method for divorce? Because our hearts are hard and we fall short of the ideal.

Jesus lived comfortably with the tension of what should be and what is. He understood that people are not perfect. That’s why he brought forgiveness.

The question is, can we live within that tension? Or, are we more like the Pharisees of his day or the “church lady” of Saturday Night Live fame–people who know rules and enjoy pointing out where others fall short of perfection?

I am painfully aware of what I should be. And what I am in reality. All I can do is ask for forgiveness for the gap.

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It’s All About Me

July 9, 2014

The sign on the message wall in the hallway of the Child Care area of the Y said, “It’s All About Me.”

Now, they may have meant, “I’m telling a biography about me.” But I took it differently–that life is “all about me.”

Many people pass through my life whose theme song is “It’s All About Me.” They seem to have no thoughts about others except for how others can fulfill their own needs and desires.

I have referred before to the book, “The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in an Age of Entitlement” before. It raises many questions about us and how we’ve raised our children.

Meeting a person whose life orientation is to serve others is a blessing. Meeting someone who is always ready to learn from others is a joy.

We read in Proverbs (26:12)

“Do you see persons wise in their own eyes?
There is more hope for fools than for them.”

Solomon is never afraid to tell it like it is in his writing.

People who live a life in service to others no matter what their position are cherished. People who are in it for themselves often fall–hard.

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You Teach Others How To Treat You

June 20, 2014

It was a rude introduction to college life. Band camp at a major university. We were away at some state park. Assigned to cabins. The drum major was in this cabin. Upper class. Arrogant. Assertive.

He was a quiet trumpeter. Freshman. The drum major instantly, probably instinctively, started picking on him. I’ll never figure out what it was that attracted the wrath of the leader. But life was miserable for that guy.

I was a quiet kid, too. Just glad that they ignored me.

Some people just seem to attract that sort of behavior toward them. It’s like they are born with a “kick me” sign on their back. Other people can walk into a room and instantly attract positive responses.

Browsing through my reading lists the other day, I ran across this phrase, “You teach others how to treat you.”

Maybe that drum major was just a bully. Preying on weaker people. But often we invite the treatment we get. Someone says something and we don’t stand up for ourselves. Or we overreact. Or we come across as aggressive and invite aggressive responses.

It is said that you can’t love others if you don’t love yourself. How you think of yourself influences how others treat you. Holding strong core beliefs and ethics is a start. Thinking of others continues the process. A smile and firm greeting works wonders.

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Don’t Be Anxious

June 17, 2014

Twice the other day the subject of anxiety was raised. This is something with which I have some experience. My mom passed the ability to worry to my siblings and me. She worried about everything. She would worry if there was nothing to worry about because something might happen to cause worry.

Both times the question arose while discussing Yoga. The practice of Yoga is supposed to help one cope with or even overcome anxiety. And indeed, it does.

Dealing with anxiety begins with the awareness of being anxious. During Yoga practice, students are encouraged to continually use their minds to scan their bodies and emotions looking for things that are not right. Are you holding stress somewhere? I ask during almost every pose.

The technique that has worked best for me is to consciously divert my mind to something pleasurable. Focus on that and eventually the negative feeling fades away. Do this often enough and you begin to stop getting the feelings in the first place.

Another thing is something I brought up the other day that Jon Swanson pointed out. Concentrate on other people Don’t dwell on yourself, your feelings, your wishes, your desires. Focus on others. What do people close to you need? How can you help? Pray for other people.

Anxiety is still something I occasionally deal with. But far, far less than 30 years ago. And I know how to divert myself in time. Now, I have other problems 😉

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When You’ve Lost That Zen State of Being

June 13, 2014

Thirty-five years of meditation changes your personality and state-of-consciousness. You can become more relaxed. Open to the flow of life. To the reality of other people–more of observer less of judge.

But what do you do in the times that you’ve lost that “Zen feeling.” (Sorry Righteous Brothers.)

Sometimes stresses get to you. Sometimes worries get to you. Sometimes other people get to you.

Reflecting back on myself over the years, I can identify times where I’ve lost that state of being.

Here are some examples from the recent and not-so-recent past.

  • I took some “herbal” weight loss tonic (OK, I’ve already been yelled at for that–when you’re 5’10” and 175 lbs, you’re hardly overweight) several months ago that brought on anxieties.
  • I’ve struggled with quite a number of people to get some things accomplished. That’s not within my normal personality.
  • Then, do you ever notice the impact of food on your body and emotions? Yesterday’s lunch left me lethargic all afternoon. I didn’t regain full energy until evening. No more Bob Evans Pot Roast Sandwich Platter for lunch for me 😉

This morning I read Jon Swanson’s 300 Words a Day post and he nailed it. It’s when you stop thinking at least 90% of the time about others.

I mean, when we read that Jesus says,

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.

we do it.

Yes, if we go back to the basics of the faith, that helps. Focus outwardly–God, ideas, others. We must be reminded of this constantly lest we slip into old, bad habits.

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