Posts Tagged ‘attitude’

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Having Civil Discussions In A Church Setting

June 30, 2015

Someone says something in a church setting. Someone else gets upset. Angry even. Threatens to leave. Or, worse, starts spreading misinformation in an attempt to put the other at a disadvantage.

Or a church or non-profit organization beginning to discuss a business item. Emotions rise. Lines are drawn. Feelings are hurt. Totally lost in all the non-discussion is one of the last commands of Jesus to his followers–This is how they will know you, by your love.

I’m in the middle of reading a leadership and creativity book. More will come later. The book talks about the creativity process at Pixar studios. “In a healthy culture, all constituencies recognize the importance of balancing competing desires— they want to be heard, but they don’t have to win.”
People discussing in a healthy culture focus on the problem. Not on people. Not on theology or philosophy. The discussion is how do we fix what is broken, or how do we solve the problem. An attack on a person is quickly silenced.

Reading this book, Creativity, Inc., brought back memories of when Dave, Jane and I sat in the conference room in the 24th floor of the IBM building in Chicago discussing what a new magazine with the title, “Automation World” would be. The discussion often was loud and full of energy. The magazine developed from the discussions was born, grew, and led the industry for several years. 

Those discussions were all positive. We fed each other’s creativity.

Then we know of other types of people. They sit at the far corners of the conference room. They listen to enthusiastic people full of ideas. They like to shoot arrows at the ideas, and sometimes even at the person. From the book, “Negative feedback may be fun, but it is far less brave than endorsing something unproven and providing room for it to grow.”

I am by nature analytical. I can tell my level of engagement in the topic by my reactions. If I’m totally engaged, the N and P of the Myers-Briggs comes out, and I can bat ideas around with the rest. If I am less engaged, then the T part shows itself and I instinctively analyze and then look for holes in the argument.

I have to intentionally catch myself and change my thinking in these situations. 

In many meetings I’ve endured, my wish was for others to do the same!

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I Too Am A Sinner

June 29, 2015

Reading my Facebook “news” stream is a trip into a world of bitterness, hate, and cynicism.

Not everyone, of course, is this way. But most of the Americans are. Interestingly none of my European, Middle Eastern, or Latin American friends.

The attitude I continually perceive is “I’m right, and you’re wrong.” 

Reading in the sayings of the Desert Fathers, those early Christians (not all men, by the way) who dedicated their lives to the pursuit of living holy lives continually aware of how they fell short. The communities sprang up in the late 100s and survived until the 400s AD (or CE to the modern historians).

Their sayings should be read annually along with Proverbs to remind us of how to live.

It is said that a priest ordered a brother who sinned to leave the community. Abbot Bessarian also got up to leave, saying “I, too, am a sinner.”

When a brother praised another brother to Abbot Poeman saying he hated evil, the Abbot asked what he meant by hating sin. Confused, the brother asked for guidance. “That man hates evil who hates his own sins, and looks upon every brother as a saint and loves him as a saint.”

Someone posting such negative things will back down when called out on it. But calling people out for their hypocrisy is the job of a prophet. Prophets are usually killed. 

When we find we have this spirit of bitterness, hate, cynicism, or self-righteousness, we need to be open to the correction of the spirit who will remind us that we, too, are sinners. In a perfect world, none of us is perfect.

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Top Ten Leadership Commandments

June 26, 2015

Organizers of the conference a couple of weeks ago gifted us with some books. One of mine was “The Top Ten Leadership Commandments” by Hans Finzel, President and CEO of WorldVenture.

The book itself is fairly autobiographical, but the list is good as lists go. The sub-theme of the book is taking leadership lessons from Moses and extrapolating to present day problems.

The Top Ten:

  1. Thou Shalt Cling to the Vision
  2. Thou Shalt Not Serve Thine Own Ego
  3. Thou Shalt Practice Servant Leadership
  4. Thou Shalt Be Opposed, Resisted, and Misunderstood
  5. Thou Shalt Have a Life
  6. Thou Shalt Sweat the Small Stuff
  7. Thou Shalt Spend Time in the Tent (get away and meditate)
  8. Thou Shalt Lead to Leave
  9. Thou Shalt Never Give Up
  10. Thou Shalt Keep Thine Eye on the Prize

Those of us who have been a leader of something during our lives can look at this list and cringe in remembrance of things we missed. Maybe getting a little too full of ourselves. Maybe ignoring details. Maybe not taking time to refresh.

One of the hardest, at least for me, would be number 4. “I’ve thought this out, what do you mean that you don’t think it’ll work????” Or, worse, when a clash of personal agendas takes everyone’s eyes off the prize.

In the end, Finzel is optimistic and encouraging, even when acknowledging the pain. Go forth and lead!

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When Words Become Meaningless

June 25, 2015

Upon becoming a CEO, a former research scientist turned to obsessive reading of management books to help make the transition.

He found lots of memorable phrases (my favorite–“focus, focus, focus”) but very little actual help. The author of the focus phrase neglected one very important piece of the puzzle–just what should the manager focus on!

Some phrases were repeated so often and regularly misused that the words–for example quality and excellence–had lost meaning.

Sometimes I wonder if we do the same think as Christians (or Jews or Muslims, too). We repeat phrases that lose their original meaning and their impact. They become just words. Sometimes just words that we can use to self-justify (remember my recent post) our actions or lack of action.

I’ve witnessed people who have a favorite phrase (“praise the Lord” or “I love Jesus” or “I’m saved”) and then flagrantly commit adultery. Or even worse, pick up a weapon and injure or kill someone.

One of the original “God is dead” theologians whom I read probably 50 years ago was merely trying to explain that when the word “God” loses its power and impact on people–when it just becomes a word that is repeated–then it is as if to those people God is dead. Indeed, He is dead to them.

The word is there, but the spirit is missing. Or, as we used to say, the lights are on, but nobody’s home.

When we use words without power or spirit, we devalue the word, the thought, the spirit.

And remember, adverbs are not your friend. And adjectives should be acquaintances who seldom visit. And yes, when I wrote that last sentence I paused and scanned to count adverbs. I think one too many. What do you think?

God is a real spiritual being who desires a relationship. Jesus was a human being who, being the pioneer of our faith, died and then returned to life. Real beings, not just words.

Words have power, use them wisely.

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Being Humble Explained

June 24, 2015

When pride comes, then comes disgrace; but wisdom is with the humble. Proverbs 11:2

I have a friend who always brings up pride as the sin that lies at the foundation of most other sins. Perhaps he has become aware of himself and repented of past pride that almost proved his undoing.

Think about it a little. When are the times when pride has gotten between you and God? When pride has injured a friend or family member? When pride has stopped you from learning something new?

According to this proverb, humble is the trait juxtaposed to pride.

Humble is often misrepresented by those who think they do not want to lead a self-disciplined life. Or by those “social Darwinists” who believe in “survival of the fittest” and power is a virtue. They have led generations to believe that humble means weak.

But it is actually the opposite. Pride evolves from weakness. It is usually a compensation for the perceived lack of power or strength of the person. How many are they, who puff up with pride only to be deflated later. It’s only the true narcissists who continue in pride oblivious to the wreckage of the people around them.

It takes strength to be humble. One must be strong to put others ahead yet retain the strong spiritual core of a relationship with God. It takes someone strong in spiritual discipline who practices daily the spiritual disciplines of study, prayer, meditation, service, simplicity.

The other strength comes from putting aside the pride of believing that they know everything and acknowledge gaps in knowledge that can be filled through study or through the guidance of a mentor.

To be humble just means to put others ahead of yourself. It is a willingness to learn and grow every day.

I read this saying of a Desert Father that I wholly agree with, “I’d rather have a man who has sinned and repented than a man who has not sinned and thinks he is righteous.”

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Self-Criticism or Self-Justification

June 23, 2015

From the sayings of the Desert Fathers: We have abandoned the light yoke of self-criticism and put on the heavy yoke of self-justification.

How often do we read a proverb or a parable of Jesus and think, “This does not apply to me. I am OK. Never do that.” 

Worse, we read something and think, “Yes, I’ve done that, but….”

Criticism does not necessarily mean negative. It does mean dispassionate evaluation. The ability to put our mind outside ourselves, so to speak, and look at ourselves.

There was a time in my life where I think I had anger issues. I’d don’t remember clearly except for one incident. Maybe I was 10 or 11. I was fighting another kid in the neighborhood. Suddenly I saw myself from outside. It was a moment of epiphany. “What the heck am I doing?” I thought. I got up, quit, and became a personal pacifist from that moment forward.

Although the temper bred from insecurity still showed up from time to time. I can still remember the last time. With great shame, by the way. It was maybe seven or eight years ago. Maybe more. There’s a guy who can get under my skin. He did. I exploded. 

When I should have showed some anger I chose to look at the big picture and let it pass. There was no win.

That thought process is self-criticism. I’m not justifying by saying that person was at fault. I was aware. I didn’t act appropriately. It’s all on me.

Do you know people who have no concept of self-criticism? Especially people with narcissistic tendencies have trouble looking at themselves.

Ask a narcissist, “Don’t you seem to think of yourself first?”, and they will reply, “Yes, of course” as if to say, “Duh.”

I have met these–and even asked the question. And received the answer.

According to a recent study, the best way to get beyond this attitude is to listen–really listen–to others. Hemmingway once said, “When you listen, listen completely. Most people don’t listen.”

As I teach Yoga, I remind the class to listen to their bodies and minds. I want them to become self-aware. That is the first step toward developing the ability to look at ourselves critcally and reward ourselves for steps in the right direction and pull ourselves back onto the right track.

Put on the light yoke of self-criticism. Check your mind and body frequently.

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Where There Is Hatred, Let Me Sow Love

June 22, 2015

Make me a channel of your peace…where there is hatred let me sow love… –prayer of St. Francis

Sometimes it seems we are living in the old Wild West. Everybody is carrying weapons. It feels as if violence exists everywhere.

Part of the reason is that we get news from all over the world, now. Once news was mostly local with a smattering of regional, national, and international news. TV now brings us, indeed floods us, with instantaneous news produced and directed for maximum emotional impact.

Still, how could a young man sit in a Bible study for an hour with a peaceful group of spiritual seekers, then coolly pull out a handgun and kill nine people. A quote I saw had him saying that they were such nice people he almost hated to do it.

All because they were born with a different color skin than his.

Yes, there is evil in the world. I had a deeply spiritual conversation with a friend a couple of weeks ago who denied the existence of evil. But, it exists. Where else would someone learn to hate?

I had hoped that the civil rights work of the 60s would have yielded much more progress. I went to graduate school in the south in the early 70s. My Southern classmates all thought that with the new generation racial relations would be improved.

Overall, we treat people of other races, religions, and nationalities much better than we used to.

When it comes to healing the hearts of humans, though, sometimes it looks as if we’ve made no progress from the earliest times written in the Bible.

But we have. Despite all the fear-mongers and incessant media attention we are much safer in much of the world than we used to be. There are substantial places where peace needs to come.

Mostly we need to work and pray to heal people’s hearts.

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Reflection Empowers Your Day, Your Life

June 19, 2015

Life requires a rhythm. Almost all successful people rise early and get important thought work done. They are in bed by 10.

I usually am up by 5:30. Make coffee and a piece of toast. Read from various sources, meditate & pray, plan the day. Usually I write this blog. Then I am off for a workout–run in the park (or a treadmill), weights 3x per week, short Yoga series. Then off to the coffee shop to write.

There are three pauses that can make all the difference in your effectiveness, balance, and outlook. They are daily, weekly, monthly. I also set aside a couple of days between Christmas and New Years to think about the coming year.

The monthly pause comes easier for me. Take a Sunday evening at the end of a month. Gather you to do lists and notes. Review your lists and notes–checking what you’ve done, not done, and wish you had done. Take a longer view of what you wish to accomplish this year and where your focus should be for the month. Perhaps take a note card and write six things that you wish to devote energy toward in the coming month. Carry this card and refer to it daily. This period of reflection could last an hour or two. Probably no more.

The weekly pause comes less easy. Sometimes Sunday evening comes with a sigh of relief, and I unwind and go to bed. But even 15-30 minutes to review the coming week’s calendar and to do lists before you go to bed will feed information into your unconscious mind and help you start the week productively.

Benjamin Franklin kept a meticulous time planner. He asked himself daily two things. When he arose, he asked, “What good shall I do today?” At the end of the day he paused to reflect, “What good have I done today?”

Sometimes days and weeks get hectic. We fall into bed exhausted. We awake exhausted.

Sometimes we take that pause for reflection. It calms us and focuses us. And we are better prepared for the day.

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Christian or Follower of Jesus?

June 18, 2015

Most of the time I just like to teach. Or point out some interesting or ironic observations. Or share something that (I hope) helps  people in their spiritual formation.

Then, sometimes I get into controversial things that cannot be explained in 300 words or less 😉

This may be one of those.

How do I describe myself?

I’ve just returned from a conference with an international focus. I count people from many cultures and many countries as friends (OK, maybe that’s a bit of a stretch, but I hope they are). I am aware of history and its impact on perceptions people have even to today.

While contemplating a completely different subject for this post, my thoughts focused on the differences between the person I was going to quote (see a future post, I’m sure) and me.

He’s not expressly a Christian–or maybe not even consciously one.

But, I sometimes have a little problem identifying myself that way. I have absolutely no problem identifying myself as a follower of Jesus. His words have penetrated deeply into me for what seems like my entire life. I want to be like him (as a disciple should), although even while writing this, I’m painfully aware of how far from that ideal I am.

I know people from the Middle East. I’m aware of the connotation that “Christian” often has. Instead of describing someone who lives such an attractive life that people want to be like them, the term often recalls savagery, genocide, exploitation. Even in Europe, “Christians” massacred each other for hundreds of years. No wonder that so many throughout the world don’t care to identify with the name.

Attraction

The Acts 2 church grew because the people lived such extraordinary lives that they attracted those around them to Jesus.

Last week I met (English names, not theirs exactly) people like Daniel and Joe and others who are living that kind of life. They are in areas hostile to “Christians”, yet the example they set is so attractive that people from a diverse religious and cultural background are led to learn more about that unique person from 2100 years ago.

I’m little interested in knowing if you identify yourself as “Christian.” I am more interested in whether your life reflects how you are a disciple of Jesus. I just used a quote at the end of my Yoga class, “As I grow older, I am less interested in what men say. I just watch them and see what they do.”

At the end of every day we should ask, “What did I do today that proclaimed that I follow Jesus” and “What should I do tomorrow to show that I follow Jesus?”

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Distraction Blocks The Heart

June 17, 2015

A brother came to visit Abb Sylvanus at Mt. Sinai. When he saw the brothers working hard, he said to the old man: “Do not work for food that perishes, for Mary has chosen the good part.”
The brother was shown to a cell, and when the time had passed for the meal, he came out and asked the father if the monks had eaten. “Of course we did,” was the reply. “Why didn’t you call me?”
“You are a spiritual person, and do not need that type of food; but since we are earthly, we want to eat, and that’s why we work. Indeed, you have chosen the good part reading all day long, and not wanting to eat earthly food.”
The brother heard these words and repented. (from the Sayings of the Desert Fathers as told in The Celtic Prayer Book.)

Some time ago, I taught on the story of Martha and Mary. My friend wrote to say she hated that story because pastors taught from the point of view of that brother. Surely, she wrote, they all ate the food that Martha prepared.

Yes, they did. With great appreciation, I’m sure.

One thing that disturbs me about modern America concerns the large number of uneducated people running around with university degrees–indeed, even advanced degrees.

Any reading of the story must assuredly come to the point that Jesus said, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and distracted by many things.” What’s the key concern? Worry and distraction.

Have you ever attended a family gathering or a dinner party where the hostess has prepared a great meal, and yet, she is focused on serving the guests? She involves people, sometimes, in the preparation and setting out. She makes time to acknowledge everyone.

Martha lost her focus. On the other hand, the brother in the story above thought of himself as superior. “I’m spiritual; you’re not.” He is Mary gone bad.

Both attitudes detract from our spiritual formation. We work, we serve, we do it all focused on what is important. The people I met last week doing business as mission know the meaning of work as service. They are not worried and distracted by many things. They are working and serving with the right attitude. A great example.

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