Posts Tagged ‘attention’

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Don’t Be Anxious

June 17, 2014

Twice the other day the subject of anxiety was raised. This is something with which I have some experience. My mom passed the ability to worry to my siblings and me. She worried about everything. She would worry if there was nothing to worry about because something might happen to cause worry.

Both times the question arose while discussing Yoga. The practice of Yoga is supposed to help one cope with or even overcome anxiety. And indeed, it does.

Dealing with anxiety begins with the awareness of being anxious. During Yoga practice, students are encouraged to continually use their minds to scan their bodies and emotions looking for things that are not right. Are you holding stress somewhere? I ask during almost every pose.

The technique that has worked best for me is to consciously divert my mind to something pleasurable. Focus on that and eventually the negative feeling fades away. Do this often enough and you begin to stop getting the feelings in the first place.

Another thing is something I brought up the other day that Jon Swanson pointed out. Concentrate on other people Don’t dwell on yourself, your feelings, your wishes, your desires. Focus on others. What do people close to you need? How can you help? Pray for other people.

Anxiety is still something I occasionally deal with. But far, far less than 30 years ago. And I know how to divert myself in time. Now, I have other problems 😉

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How Far Can I Go Before?

June 6, 2014

How far can I go before it’s a foul? I teach the Laws of the Game of “The Beautiful Game” (soccer). My students are almost always people who wish to become referees. Sometimes it’s parents and players who wish to know more about the game.

Once I gave a presentation before a group of parents and players at a high school that was just starting a soccer program. There was very little experience among the entire group.

The boys kept saying, “All we want to know is how far can we go before it’s a foul.”

That statement reveals an utter lack of understanding about the game.

Christians can be the same. How far can I go before it’s a sin? How much sin is too much before God gets really mad?

Andy Stanley is re-running his “Guardrails” series on his “Your Move” podcasts. The idea of guardrails is that there are situations that occur in your life that should remind you to stay on the road.

Maybe I get myself into the wrong situation with the wrong people. Then that “uh, oh” feeling visits. That is a guardrail. I’ve gone almost to far off the road and I have been given a reminder to get back on the road before it’s too late and I get into big trouble.

In soccer, the referee watches the challenge for the ball. The two players are fending each other off. Then one gains an advantage by giving a push. “Tweet” goes the whistle. Everyone looks while the referee points the direction of the free kick that is given as the result of a foul.

In life, we don’t necessarily have that immediate referee (unless it’s a good parent or partner). We seemingly get away with a little foul. Then another. Then it’s our way of life. And we’re thrown out of the game.

We need to establish our guardrails to help us not get off into the danger beyond the road.

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It’s Hard To Focus On the Distant Future

June 2, 2014

Much Christian preaching involves the idea of “repent and someday you’ll inherit eternal life.” One of the study groups I attend has been working its way through the book of Revelation for the past eight months. They are trying to come to grips with the “someday the world will end” interpretation of the writing.

Daniel Goleman brings a wealth of science research into his writing and makes it both informative and approachable. “Emotional Intelligence” is my guidebook to emotionally healthy growth, right along with “The Ladder of Divine Ascent” by John Climacus, and early Desert Father of the church. Goleman’s latest book, “Focus: The Hidden Driver of Excellence”, includes a chapter discussing climate change and the trouble people have trying to be concerned about something where the results are far in the future.

It seems that our brains are wired to help us survive–but only from immediate danger. That would be the “fight or flight” response you’ve heard about. This is the most likely reason why public discussion about the climate has degenerated into polarized opinions rather than rational looks into the data.

I think some of the same brain physiology is at work in the “repent or someday you’ll go to Hell” evangelizing. That’s a someday thing that does not relate to our immediate survival.

It’s also a misreading of John, the apostle and writer. John is clear in his Gospel that eternal life comes to you the moment you believe. That moment is when we begin living in eternal life. Eternal life is not someday, it’s now.

We just acknowledge, “I was living like that, then I became aware that that life was not fruitful, so I decided to live in a different way as a follower of Jesus.”

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Listening Actively Using Your Heart

April 30, 2014

For some reason, this morning I’m thinking about listening. I keep running into people who listen only to hear what they want to hear. They pick up something that satisfies their feelings and go with it.

This thought goes along with the brain research that has shown that our brain is capable of believing whatever “we” tell it to believe. Leading a reflective life, we can think about our thinking and hopefully see when that happens to us and make a course correction.

I turn to examples of people who listened. One comment I overheard recently (they weren’t talking to me, but I was listening 😉 was that Jesus listened with his heart to what people said with theirs. He heard not only the words, but also the feelings, motivations, needs, desires, fears that were all part of the message.

I thought about the powerful Persian emperor who heard Nehemiah completely when he asked what was bothering him and then listened as Nehemiah explained his pain and his hope. And then the emperor provided all that Nehemiah needed to fulfill his dream of restoring the walls of Jerusalem.

Active listening means placing our complete attention on the speaker. We think nothing. We observe. What are the words? What is the tone of voice? What is the posture of the body? Where are the eyes looking? What is the context, history? Are we looking at the person? Perhaps nodding our heads as a sign that we are listening and hearing?

And we need to listen to ourselves. Have we convinced ourselves of some truth. Maybe convincing ourselves that we listened to someone when we didn’t?

Yesterday, I listened to a podcast that is a panel of technology pundits discussing the latest company and technology news in the electronics field. One of the panelists is always an outspoken evangelist of the latest gadgets. He loved Google Glass. A year ago. Then nothing happened with the product. He explained on this latest discussion his disenchantment. Another pundit said, “Kudos to you, Robert, for not only having the courage to change your mind, but also to state it publicly.”

When you listen to others, listen completely. When you listen to yourself, listen completely. Have the courage to change your mind if you find yourself in error. That happens to the best of us.

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Gratitude Even When You Don’t Feel It

April 29, 2014

Some days, I just don’t feel grateful.

A long, long time ago when I first got into supervision in manufacturing, my boss told me that it would not be technical problems that ate your time and energy. It would be people problems. And it’s true. Everywhere I look recently, it seems that there are people problems blocking my path. Have several now.

I try to teach people about the value of mindfulness. When I sat in my chair this morning to meditate on this post, my thoughts went everywhere. No focus. No mindfulness. I’d come back to the present and then suddenly realize I was off thinking about something else.

There is a recurring to-do item in my Nozbe Getting Things Done planner (affiliate link) to make a list of people and things for which I’m grateful. I often ignore it.

That makes it even more important to my mental/emotional/spiritual well being to stop and contemplate all the blessings which deserve gratitude.

  • People who’ve come into my life
  • A meaningful ministry that can bring spiritual growth to many
  • Choices that led to a simple lifestyle that reduces financial worry
  • The ability to think and write
  • The ability to listen to God when He metaphorically kicks me in the pants and tells me to get over emotional despair
  • Opportunities beyond which I could never even dream as a kid in a very small town in a very rural area

Thanks for listening. What’s your list? Even just writing that list brought to mind many thoughts and prayers for each item. It’s good to make yourself stop in the midst of mental and spiritual distraction and make a list.

Now to go tackle those people problems.

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I Saw It Coming

April 16, 2014

Ever been in a situation where you see the first incident that could lead to a decision, and then continue to observe and watch the situation degenerate into something bad?

I’m reflecting on a call I made in Sunday’s men’s soccer match. Score 3-2. Team with 3 is attacking down at the opponent’s goal. Defender puts his body against the attacker with the ball. That’s the point of decision. The point that really captures my attention. Instead of denying the attacker access to the goal by that means (legal), defender decides to start pushing against the attacker with his body. I could see it coming. He must have moved the attacker five yards. Then the attacker went down.

This is the “moment of truth.” Do I have the courage to make the call? Because of the situation with the two teams and the level of play, I called penalty kick and the score was 4-2 with one minute to play.

But the thing is, I saw it coming. And I waited to see which decision the defender made.

Same thing can happen in our relationships. Have you seen a friend, colleague, or relative find themselves in a situation and then make a small decision? And then another? And another until someone calls Foul? And you said, “I saw it coming.”

I’ve been in too many conversations where the Christians around me are calling Foul on others when they saw it coming.

What about with you? Remember Jesus’ exaggerated comparison of seeing a mote in someone else’s eye and missing the log in your own? Do you recognize when you are in a situation and making that first small decision?

Maybe it’s relationship, maybe fitness and health, maybe ethics. And someone could say, “I saw it coming.” It would be best if we saw it coming to ourselves and diverted. Or if we were kind to a fellow human and tell them we see it coming and can we help them divert.

This week the Christian community remembers Jesus’ final week. When he and his closest followers went from triumph to despair to defeat to final victory. He saw it coming. Tried to prepare the others. They didn’t understand for days. Same can happen to us.

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Cultivate A Powerful Mind

April 7, 2014

Twenty minutes of quiet meditation daily rewires your brain to tap into and grow the regions responsible for a more positive outlook on life.

How many people do you know that just can’t settle down? They can’t take time to focus on just one idea at a time. Their thoughts are scattered all over and their anxieties multiply.

Is that somewhere that you’ve been? Or are now?

Brain researchers are discovering that the brain need not harden and weaken as it grows older. It can, in fact, continue to grow, add “wiring”, become more integrated. It just needs new experiences to keep it malleable and growing.

True confession–I have never read any of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes novels. I own one in paperback that I don’t think I ever read. But I’ve gotten hooked on the CBS series Elementary, the Sherlock Holmes movies and the BBC adaptation mini-series on PBS. I’ve been learning about Holmes’ thought process.

Maria Konnikova has written a well researched book on Holmes’ thought process intertwined with the latest on brain research. The book is Mastermind: How to Think Like Sherlock Holmes. I recommend it.

Toward the end of the book, she says, “If you get only one thing out of this book, it should be this: the most powerful mind is the quiet mind. It is the mind that is present, reflective, mindful of its thoughts and it’s state. It doesn’t often multitask, and when it does, it does so with a purpose.”

I have struggled with overcoming the busy mind, anxieties, lack of focus on my life. I’m sure many others have. I’ve also spent almost 50 years researching and experiencing and reflecting on this topic. She nails it.

And every time I drift, something calls me back to a quiet mind, focus, being present in the moment.

Here are a few things I’ve discovered:

  • Start the day with quiet time, maybe a cup of coffee or tea, just relaxing and focusing on breath. (remember that in the Hebrew and Greek of the Bible breath, wind and spirit are the same word)
  • Take a break during the day at times to move around to break the momentum of stress
  • Become aware of yourself and your thoughts that reside in the background, when they are not helpful, stop and take a few deep breaths
  • Turn off email and phone when you need to concentrate on reading or work
  • When you listen, listen; when you read, read; when you meditate, mediate–become fully aware of only the present moment

Peace.

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Tricks Our Minds Play on Us

April 2, 2014

Why is it that we hold some beliefs so firmly in the face of overwhelming evidence against them?

I notice this in religion, where people are convinced of the truth of a passage in the Bible, except that there is no such passage. Take a look at political discourse, that is, if you can with a measure of objectivity. Mostly it’s just a parroting of a mixture of opinion and fact–usually with precious little fact–held firmly as fact.

Pondering this question years ago led me to study brain science–at least from the standpoint of an educated layperson. My favorite works were by Antonio D’Amasio.

The current book open on my Kindle reader is Mastermind: How to Think Like Sherlock Holmes by Maria Konnikova. One chapter on deductive reasoning really delves into findings on how our brain tricks us. It is well known in many circles that the mind will believe anything we tell it to believe. Well, it can also tell us we saw something that we never saw with our eyes. It is now legendary in legal trial circles that the worst evidence is eyewitness evidence.

I try to remember this research often as I trust my memory. Sometimes the memory is good. I interview many people for my day job. I’ve only had one instance where I misquoted the intent of my source in the past 16 years.

The secret is focus, paying close attention to the speaker, concentrating. The conversation comes back with only a few notes for important points.

There are things that happen where you didn’t have such focus. You thought you read it, when maybe you only heard it somewhere. You thought you saw the incident, when maybe your attention was elsewhere and only diverted over to the incident and then returned.

This means that we need to intentionally sharpen our awareness of what is around us. Be mindful of what we see, do and read. Go back and read again. Question our assumptions and test them.

Live with intention, not as if in a dream.

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Willpower Is Key To Success

March 26, 2014

There was a child, a marshmallow, a closed room, and a promise.

This was an experiment a couple of decades ago where a researcher curious about willpower brought a child into a room. A marshmallow was placed on a table. The researcher stated he would have to leave the room, but he would return in 15 minutes. The child could eat the marshmallow, but if the child did not eat the marshmallow, then he/she would get two marshmallows upon the return of the researcher.

Some ate the marshmallow. Some didn’t.

A follow up on as many of the children as they could find after some 20+ years revealed that the children with the willpower to delay gratification were generally more successful in life than those lacking that one strength.

Daniel Goleman writes about this research in one chapter of his latest book, Focus. It turns out that willpower is more effective a predictor of a young child’s (ages 4-6) success in life than is social class or IQ.

How did the children who succeeded in resisting the temptation do it? They diverted their minds. Those whose thoughts dwelled on the marshmallow, ate it. Those who started singing a song to themselves, or talking to themselves, or played make-believe–in other words, those who diverted their thoughts from the marshmallow–were able to resist it.

Two takeaways.

If you are a parent or grandparent or otherwise can influence a child. Teach them to divert their thoughts to something else instead of continuing to focus on the errant behavior.

Or, for you…when your thoughts start to focus on something you’d rather not think about–be it that donut that is now staring at me as I write this or some worry or anxiety–start to think about something else. The willpower lies in intentionally (yesterday’s topic) choosing to think about something different from the negative thought. I first noticed that I did this myself over 40 years ago. I testify that it works.

Help a kid. Help yourself. Learn how to develop some willpower.

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What Was Your Intention

March 25, 2014

There is s guy I know who often talks about living with intention—pray with intention, decide with intention, live with intention.

While driving home after a weekend get-a-way Sunday, I rather absent-mindedly set the cruise control on my car. A scenario flashed through my mind in an instant:

Stopped by a Highway Patrol officer, “what was your speed?” “I don’t know. I set the cruise control.” “At what speed did you intend to set it?”

Intention. That was the word.

I shouldn’t just push the button to set the speed when I sort of felt like it was time. I should have given the matter a little thought and then set the speed with intention. OK, so it was 7 over the speed limit…

When you leave home today, is it with intention? Do you intend to meet new people? Help someone? Be kind? Be loving?

My friend suggested praying with intention for things to happen. I once listened to a teacher on a podcast (I think it was Bill Hybels) who said to pray spcifically and with expectation. Pray intentionally that God willl lead the right people into your life.

Sometimes I see people. Look at their demeanor. Look into their eyes. They are lost. Not just in the salvation sense, but just lost. No direction. No motivation. No intention. Just drifting through life. Lost.

Then I see people with living with intention. Living with purpose. Friendly, helpful, doing good.

Choose life with intention, or wind up lost.

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