Archive for the ‘Living’ Category

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Those Who Love To Tell Others What To Do

November 12, 2013

There are two types of people–there are always two types of people, I guess. The two I thought I’d talk about today are those who love to tell other people what to do and those who do not like to be told what to do.

I’m proudly in the second camp.

I don’t know how that came about. Maybe I was born that way. Or maybe because neither of my parents were self-confident enough to order us around. I’m not positive about my brothers, but I think they are not the ordering around type either.

When I teach, I prefer to guide. When my kids were growing up, I preferred to guide and suggest rather than order them around (after that early stage of discipline where you have to set the limits and provide strict guidance).

That is some of the problems that Jesus initiated with his message. Since the time of Moses, the Jewish religion was primarily a religion of laws–people ordering other people to do certain things in order to be right with God. There were exceptions, of course, but this passing on of strict laws was the norm.

Jesus came along and said the important thing is not simply obeying a set of laws made up by other people who loved telling others what to do. Jesus said what matters is what is in your heart–that is, what matters is your own attitude and motivation.

Paul tried to explain this, but his explanations often became a little complicated. Then other people came later who tried the first method of developing laws out of Paul’s words and then ordering people around. The whole process started again–this time under the guise of being Christ-followers.

Let’s just go back to where Jesus was. If your attitude and motivation are to live with God, then you will naturally live a good life (allowing for the sins that come through the fallibility of being human). Jesus came to redeem us from a life of being bossed around, and from a life of guilt and shame from our shortcomings (sins), and to release us with love to live with-God and for others.

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Trying Too Hard

October 14, 2013

Do you find yourself trying too hard?

Maybe it’s your expectations for your children. Maybe it’s a message that you are trying to get across to others. Maybe it’s an organization that you are trying to move. You sense resistance and you try harder. But the harder you try, the less response you perceive.

I’ve seen this and experienced this. The very first management conference I ever attended, in the mid-70s, featured one of those motivational speaker types. I’ll never forget his core message, though, “Try Easy.”

Of course you should try to accomplish things. You should try to show the way for your children. You should try to move your organization forward. Just don’t overdo it. I’ve seen sales people fail miserably because they press too hard. I’ve seen people burn out because they try so hard they lose perspective.

Jesus said, “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, or about your body, what you will wear…. But strive first for the dominion of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” (Matthew 6)

I have a picture of Jesus as an intense man. I bet people sensed his intensity from a long way off. And I think there was also a sense of urgency.

Nowhere do I get the picture of Jesus as pressing forward rapidly. He traveled with intention, but never seemed rushed. He seldom lost his temper.

And, he accomplished his mission.

We can also. Know your goal, your strengths, your reality. Just keep moving with intentionality. But don’t go overboard with worry and effort. Try…Easy.

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In Old Age They Still Produce Fruit

October 9, 2013

“If you keep on living, you’re gonna get old.” from a blues song.

Someone asked me once where I get ideas for posts. Well, from what I read, listen to, and observe. Recently I have been listening to “Bluesville” on Sirius XM when I’m driving and not otherwise listening to podcasts. This line from a song caught my attention.

There was a restaurant our staff frequented in the early 80s in a north suburb of Dayton, Ohio, where the slogan was, “If I’d have known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.” I think that’s the implied message of the song.

From the time I was quite young, I pictured myself as one of those old guru type of guys, wise and calm and focused on God. It’s weird for an adolescent to think that, I guess, but it must have come from all the philosophy and theology I was reading even back then.

Where do you see yourself as you grow old?

Psalm 92 has an interesting picture:

The righteous flourish like the palm tree,

and grow like a cedar in Lebanon.

They are planted in the house of the Lord;

they flourish in the courts of our God.

In old age they still produce fruit;

they are always green and full of sap,

showing that the Lord is upright;

Those who are rooted in God will flourish in old age (if we keep on living, as the song says). Always green, bearing fruit.

I know people who retire in order to essentially do nothing–or to just wallow in self-absorption. I do not see that in my future. I am always looking for new ideas, new ministries, new things to learn, new ways to serve.

“They are planted in the house of the Lord” means that we are rooted in the Word and the Spirit of God. And along with James we live out our faith refusing to become lazy in self-indulgence.

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Are You In Charge of Yourself?

October 8, 2013

Rule your mind or it will rule you. — Horace

Who’s in charge? Horace was an ancient writer of much wisdom. Firmly in the wisdom tradition of discovering how to live a successful life, he pondered these essential truths.

You actually have a choice in what your mind dwells on. You can decide to allow your mind to dwell on self-pity, negativity, jealousy, aggression. Or, you can choose to focus on things of God’s Kingdom, as in “Seek ye first the Kingdom of God.”

This is both an awesome burden and an fantastic power. You can choose to be free–much as Paul wrote in his letter to the Galatians. Left to its own devices, our minds will be swayed by changing emotions, perceived slights, the last advertisement we see. It is up to us as full-functioning human beings to choose what we think about.

It is a little weird to talk about ruling your mind in a Christian context if you have misconceptions about what it means to be a Christ-follower. I’ve certainly read enough philosophy and theology to see how so many people misinterpret words such as submit, be a slave, a prisoner of God, and so on.

But Jesus, our teacher whom we seek to emulate, while submitting to the will of God also was a strong person. There were times he had to fight internally to achieve power over his mind–as so eloquently told in the Garden of Gethsemane story. But he also was quite in charge of his mind during his 40 days of temptation following his baptism both by John and by God.

Most often the meaning behind submit and serve is putting other people’s needs before our needs. Or, God’s need before our need. Sorry, Boomers*, it is Not all about you.

It’s wonderful and scary to realize that we have so much power over what we become. I’m in awe. But I accept the challenge.

*Technically, I’m a Boomer, too.

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Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life

September 13, 2013

I almost always meet the nicest people. This week I have been traveling to conferences. Two days in San Antonio and then two in New Orleans. I’m at the Courtyard by Marriott by the convention center in New Orleans right now. The woman who runs the restaurant is a jewel of a person. Just like everyone I’ve met at Courtyards.

Wednesday evening I arrived in town with enough time to check in and then get over to the conference I’m attending. Got back to the Courtyard not having had dinner. She had just closed up the restaurant. But she could get me a glass of wine and rustled up some pita chips and hummus. Just what I needed. I sat in the lounge area yesterday from about 4 pm until almost 9 working. Had dinner and a little wine. She was just the nicest person with everyone.

I’ve met the greatest gate agents in airports, sales clerks, people I do business with. The guy I sat beside on the way from SAT to MSY (San Antonio to New Orleans for those who don’t speak “airline.” Great conversation.

There is a story that I’m told came through Carl Sandburg about a farmer who was asked by a couple of strangers about the type of people who lived around there. He asked them what sort of people there were where they were from. One person replied negatively, the other positively. He told them each, “I suppose you’ll find the same sort of people here.” It’s all in your thinking.

This blog post from Leo about changing your thinking started me thinking. I have had a lot of challenges and changes this summer. Quit a job that paid well in order to gain peace of mind and in order to be creative again. Started a new business. Wound up joining another business to turn it around. Took on a new ministry at church. Then my doctor thought I had some major heart problems, but after 6 weeks of some uncertainty and testing, discovered not much was going on that we didn’t already know about. (I feel great, by the way. Thanks for asking.)

What Leo said in his blog post about being grateful resonated. I found that I intentionally connected with God more often than the preceding few months. I found that in pausing daily to remember all the things I’m grateful for, I gained perspective. I found that by encouraging my natural attitude to believe the best of people, greet people with a smile, be kind all contributed to meeting the nicest people–and finding great joy and peace.

My advice–pause, look at all the things for which you should be grateful, check your thinking and change as necessary.

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God’s Logic

September 4, 2013

When we program computers or other digital devices, an essential logical statement is “if…then” or sometimes “if…then…else”. If the user taps the app icon, then open the app (else return to home screen).

This is akin to cause and effect. If you do something, then something will happen to (or for) you.

This logic is not new. 2,800 years ago Isaiah said these words to the people of his nation:

Is not this the fast that I choose:

to loose the bonds of injustice…

Is it not to share your bread with the hungry,

and bring the homeless poor into your house…

Then your light shall break forth like the dawn,

and your healing shall spring up quickly.

Isaiah 58 is written as poetry. One technique poets use is repetition of an idea using different images or words.

If you remove the yoke from among you,

the pointing of the finger, the speaking of evil,

if you offer your food to the hungry

and satisfy the needs of the afflicted,

then your light shall rise in the darkness

and your gloom be like the noon-day.

Didn’t get the idea? Then try a third time:

If you refrain from trampling the sabbath,

from pursuing your own interests on my holy day; …

then you shall take delight in the Lord,

and I will make you ride upon the heights of the earth…

Our actions have effects. They affect us. They affect others. Either for good or for bad.

Be careful what you do and say. Everyone is watching. Especially God.

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Getting Things Done and Keeping My Sanity

August 21, 2013

Getting Things DoneThis time of year is always the busiest and most hectic for me. In business, I’m gearing up for the fall travel season plus planning for the next year.

I’m very involved with soccer and have been the referee assignor for 25 years. Practice for teams start at the beginning of August. I have almost all my games assigned for the year by then. Suddenly plans change. Referees drop games. Schools add games. I just went from needing to fill only 6 games to 21 games in the past three days. (OK, to my friends in Toledo, Columbus and Dayton, only 21 games is almost heaven, I know.)

I try to research and find topics 4-5 days a week for this blog. I have a business blog–The Manufacturing Connection–from which I derive a little income. I have several writing gigs.

Not to mention a new ministry leadership position in the church.

Getting Things Done

At times the workload seems overwhelming.

Then I take a deep breath. Maybe a walk around the block. Then tackle the list one thing at a time. Soon, I’m back in control, and much work gets accomplished.

I follow David Allen’s Getting Things Done (GTD). And I use a Web-based application called Nozbe to help follow the methodology.

This approach of living only in the present (that is, not worrying about tomorrow–see Jesus for advice); taking a few deep breaths to relax, then tackling the to-do list from most important (not urgent!) down, is how I’ve survived over the years. Try it.

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Emotional Intelligence Requires Managing Relationships

August 9, 2013

I started thinking about emotional intelligence when I witnessed a nasty altercation that almost became physical in the waiting area of an airport this week.

We looked at acknowledging our own emotions and then managing them. That is a very hard step–especially when we are caught up in a deep emotion. It’s hard, but necessary to step back away from ourselves. There is a skill where you can mentally step out of your body and see yourself as others see you. That act can be very insightful.

Then we learn to look at others. Take notice of their emotional state. Listen to them. Ask questions or provide support to them.

We can see where this is going. First we see ourselves. Then we acknowledge others. Finally, we have the relationship among people.

I’m not sure that I’m the role model for relationship. I have been married (to the same woman) for more than 40 years. I guess that says something. I just returned home from a conference that I’ve attended for 16 years. Over that time, I’ve grown into relationships of another sort with many people I see every year. Those business relationships that merge over into somewhat personal are most gratifying. I’ve cheered their successes, empathized with challenges.

Sometimes relationships can be less healthy. Maybe there are ones where we just seem to feed some negative emotion of the other person. Maybe we just can’t help ourselves from annoying, provoking or enabling bad behaviour in certain other persons.

That’s where we need to go back to step one. Then step two. Then straighten out that relationship. Or–walk away from it. There are people with whom I’ll never get along. I just keep them out of my life as much as possible–like removing a tumor, I suppose.

Mostly, I’ve found that listening, empathy and a smile go a long way towards promoting many types of healthy relationships–from gate agents at the airport to people who are closest. Doesn’t mean I’m perfect. Far from it. And I tend to avoid confrontation when that might be the best response in a situation. But try my three little tips. See if you don’t get along better.

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Motivating Yourself Toward Emotional Intelligence

August 7, 2013

I thought I’d just continue down the Emotional Intelligence path for a couple of days. This was triggered by the airport incident I talked about yesterday where a little emotional intelligence would have been a great thing.

In their book, Lennick & Kiel discussed five areas under emotional intelligence and then four under moral intelligence. We talked a little about knowing your own emotions and then managing your emotions. We’ll add to that today with some thoughts on motivating yourself.

Seems to fit that I’m in Austin, Texas for a conference put on by a company called National Instruments. This is a pretty high technology conference. But everything they do pretty much boils down to measuring things, analyzing things and then doing something with that knowledge gained. There are almost 4,000 people here who were motivated to pay the conference fee, pay for travel and a hotel, and take a week away from family and work to learn how to do this better.

The first step toward emotional intelligence is to know your emotional state. That’s the measure stage of using this technology. We may not have a measurement grade, but we can relate  emotional state to temperature. There’s normal. Then there’s too cool–as in depression. Then there’s too hot–as in anger. You can calculate the many different emotions similarly.

When we know what the state is, if it is out of balance, we can work to restore balance. We need that motivation to study what is going on and maybe how other people have managed emotions in order to grow.

I have found that certain spiritual practices are of great help in this process. Especially meditation and prayer. These practices slow you down. They help put a gap between emotion and response. I wish I could say they work perfectly. But even so, given time you will notice a change.

The motivation comes from many sources. But mostly it comes from a recognition that “I am this sort of person” but “I’d like to be that sort of person.” I want to change who I am. I see myself as calm and calming.

Interestingly, toward the end of my soccer referee instructor training last weekend, we were just chatting and I related something to teaching Yoga. One of the guys said, “I can totally see you teaching Yoga.” That is another calming practice. I had no idea I came across that way, but obviously I’ve started becoming the person I set out to be.

But the journey is far from over.

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Emotional Intelligence

August 6, 2013

I was just pacing off some energy before the next four-hour plane ride in the area in front of Gate A24 in Newark. Then I noticed loud voices very close to me. They were not saying kind things.

A belligerent middle-aged guy wearing a cowboy hat had accosted a younger guy. Seems that the older guy was just wandering, weaving as he walked and the younger guy was rushing to what he thought would be a close call to make his flight. I take it he said something about getting out of my way. (But, it’s Newark, flight was delayed 35 minutes.)

As it happened, I was directly behind the cowboy. I am not trained or knowledgeable about martial arts. I had these thoughts about how I could grab his arm if he decided to swing. The younger guy just kept saying, I was just trying to get past you, why don’t you just go get on your plane.

Emotional Intelligence

I had just been looking over some old notes and saw my notes from the book “Emotional Intelligence,” by Lennick & Kiel. The first two steps toward gaining emotional intelligence are:

  • Knowing one’s emotions
  • Managing emotions

These are much harder to do than to read–and even to understand. Can you feel it when your temperature starts to rise? Do you know your various emotions and how they affect you? Sometimes make you angry. Sometimes depressed.

The second step goes beyond recognizing. It’s acting. I can still remember, to my great embarrassment, the last time I exploded. Almost 10 years ago. But I knew how I react when I’m threatened. Especially by super aggressive people. I knew the emotion. I was unable to manage the emotion.

I’m glad the cowboy picked up his things and wandered away. The other guy and his friend were like “what the heck just happened?” I was relieved that there was no physical altercation.

But I thought, airports can be a stressful environment. When you bring baggage of not the “roll-aboard” kind, you can spread unpleasantness.

Or, you could smile.

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