Faith Venture

Yesterday I wrote, “And I wondered, what holds us back? What negativity, cynicism, bitterness, or even pride and ego cover our innate vibrant self? What do we need to start shedding in order to show our true colors?”

Thinking this over, I realized what I missed. 

Forgiveness.

Not for others. Many sermons are preached about forgiving others (surely that is important). Mostly we need to forgive ourselves.

Be kind to everyone—including yourself.

Forgive—including yourself.

Your life will be better for it.

When you talk to yourself, what do you say most often?

Maybe a random thought comes recalling a past incident where you did or said something stupid? Or perhaps when you were wrong or made a bad decision?

Maybe you say things to yourself such as “you’re so stupid” or “you’ll never make it” or similar comments?

Maybe you hurt someone in some way. Your thoughts return to that.

You can’t forgive yourself.

We have been taught since childhood about forgiving others. And we should. Forgiveness is a helpful way of life.

It is not selfish to forgive ourselves.

In our nightly recap of the day where we reflect on where we were helpful and where we missed the chance, forgiving ourselves our shortcomings needs to be included. In that way, we can begin a new day fresh and ready for new adventures.

The first step toward living a fulfilling life is to forgive yourself. Forgiving others, the next essential step, is truly impossible until we face ourselves.

We just finished a week of watching season eight of the English drama Grantchester. It is billed as a crime drama. That is only a setting for the real drama. At some point during the season’s eight episodes, the major recurring characters had to face situations of emotional turmoil that persisted until forgiveness came from within themselves before they could reconcile with others.

Truly seeing inside to the sources of my own emotional turmoils took a long time. Even prior to that resolution, I had learned to get past the wrongs perpetrated upon me by others. After reconciling within myself, though, moving on from those wrongs was easier. It takes energy to even remember.

The Apostle Paul taught us,  “Get rid of all anger, wrath, malice, slander…” 

Develop self awareness recognizing these forces that we must shed. This leads to a life filled with the fruit of the spirit.

One afternoon this week I chatted with a neighbor. We began discussing some local churches. As we ran through a list, I mentioned one larger (but not mega) church a bit of a drive from us. I told her I would likely avoid that one, because I knew a family that was a big contributor there. A guy in the family had lied and cheated and trashed a business deal. I would just as soon avoid contact.

Every morning as I sit at my desk preparing to meditate for a while, I see two note cards. One has  what NT Wright calls “Paul’s Shema;” the other one Dallas Willard’s paraphrase of the Lord’s Prayer (the Our Father). Every morning the word forgive seems to be highlighted for me.

I guess I have confidence in God’s forgiveness. It’s me. Can I forgive all the many injustices I’ve faced? But my experienced injustices are nothing compared to those faced by black people in America, or gay people everywhere, or Muslims in India, or Christians in many countries. If they can forgive, what stops me?

Mostly, I just move on. I process it, forgive completely, then mostly boot it out of my mind. Sometimes something happens that brings recollection. But the emotion is gone. Long since dealt with.

I have learned and evidently practiced the virtue of focusing on the things within my control and pushing aside those that I cannot. That ability has made my life so much better.