Archive for the ‘Compassion’ Category

What Breaks Your Heart?

January 28, 2025

Homeless people? Young people needing a mentor? Orphans around the world? Women caught in sex trade—and their children? Grieving people? People caught in a care-giver role sapping all their time and energy?

Maybe there are other situations or events?

Maybe nothing?

Sit with this question in the early hours of the day.

If something or someone breaks your heart, a New Year’s Resolution for action lies right in front of you. Find out how to help. Do something.

If nothing breaks your heart, then much more introspection is necessary? Why? Have you no feelings toward others? Perhaps you are trapped in a cycle. Helping others is a great cure for many ills and pains you may have. Find something close and start doing. If you can’t get out, write letters. Handwritten notes are priceless to recipients.

[I picked this up from Andy Stanley’s current message series. Credit where credit is due. He makes me think. And that is a good thing.]

I Haven’t Learned That Yet

January 23, 2025

I Guess I Haven’t Learned That Yet: Discovering New Ways of Living When the Old Ways Stop Working, by Shauna Niequist.

How does one deal with the crash and burn of a famous father’s career (dragging down theirs)j along with the body beginning to act in strange and mysterious ways? Add a physical move to a completely different environment and way of life.

Shauna Niequist (NEE-kwist) blends fifty vignettes into a book that explores how she coped with the grief of sudden upheaval of life.

This is an excellent book club read for those groups not too timid to discuss dealing with painful real life.

Maybe you or someone you know currently deals with some shock of life and the resultant emotions and physical reactions. Don’t offer advice or ignore them. Buy this book and simply hand it to them. It would be like giving them a friend to walk along with them on the journey.

But the writing contains neither hopeless nor despair.

Oh, how do you deal with it? One day at a time. Seek out some joy—walking, cooking, gathering with friends over food and wine and conversation. Find a good therapist. In a weird way, it’s a celebration of life over pain.

Compassion

January 14, 2025

Hello, we’ve only just returned from a 17-day holiday to Australia and New Zealand. Not only are our bodies adjusting to the time zone but it is also 11 deg F outside after having been in summertime. It was a wonderful trip. Met many interesting people.

Even though I’m continuing a mental health break from incessant news cycles, I am aware of global events—including the California wildfires.

It’s not surprising, but still sad, to hear about how some people shout out on social media about how the people are wealthy or Democrat or liberal or something and, therefore, not deserving of our sympathy.

Some people emphasize the adjective (liberal, wealthy, black, white, etc.); I prefer to place emphasis on the noun (people).

The Germans have a way of building words to reflect complex ideas. Schadenfreude describes taking pleasure from others’ misfortunes.

Let us consider the Christian virtue of Compassion.

Rather, let us consider people as people. Particular weather conditions over the course of a year set up an ideal environment for sudden and intense fires. With barely enough notice to save themselves, people evacuated with what they could carry. They watched their houses destroyed. More than the belongings were the memories that went up in smoke. Their entire lives reset.

Other parts of our country, and indeed the entire planet, fall victim to natural disasters be it floods or tornadoes or earthquakes. These kill people. They destroy homes and villages. They erase physical memories and keepsakes.

They all deserve our compassion and our help.

Often overlooked are the thousands of people on the ground at these disasters helping others at personal peril and sacrifice. They also deserve compassion and help.

We belong to a United Methodist congregation. The United Methodist Church has a mission arm (UMCOR) that is often among the first on the scene providing assistance. If you belong to a Christian denomination, ask if they have this sort of mission. If yes, donate. If no, ask why not.

In response, pray and do.

Open Our Eyes, Lord

January 9, 2025

I got this story recently from Dan Millman’s Peaceful Warrior newsletter, but I’ve seen it before somewhere. Like a parable of Jesus, this should make us think.

Imagine walking along a sidewalk with your arms full of groceries and someone roughly bumps into you so that you fall and your groceries are strewn over the ground. As you rise up from the puddle of broken eggs and tomato juice, you are ready to shout out, “You idiot! What’s wrong with you? Are you blind?”      But just before you can catch your breath to speak, you see that the person who bumped into you actually is blind. He, too, is sprawled in the spilled groceries, and your anger vanishes in an instant, to be replaced by sympathetic concern: “Are you hurt? Can I help you up?” Our situation is like that — when we realize that our own ignorance is the source of disharmony and misery, we open the door to wisdom and compassion. -B. Alan Wallace

My Yoke Is Easy

October 8, 2024

Some Christians make being a Christian into hard work.

They try to be a “good” Christian.

That is a formula for constant frustration.

Jesus said, “My yoke is easy and my burden light.”

Why don’t we try taking him at his word.

It’s simple. Love God. Love your neighbor.

Yes, love can lead to hard work—sitting with someone in pain or helping someone move from one house to another.

But the idea is simple. Don’t get on the gerbil wheel of endless striving. Notice when someone needs some help and pitch in.

Pronouncing A Name

March 27, 2024

My last name is reasonably easy for Americans and most Europeans to pronounce. But, because there is an extra letter (I don’t know why, can’t trace beyond great-grandfather and grandfather said he preferred to be called Gannon, go figure), sometimes moderators have stumbled during introductions. We call it MIN-tchell. Telemarketers from the south of the USA will say, “Hello, Mr. Mint-CHELL.” I have an immediate clue that I’m not buying. My wife gave her third-graders a small candy chocolate mint on the first day of school to remind them it was MINT-chell.

People with eastern European or African or Asian last names run into more than my minor problems with pronunciation of their last names in America. And switching venues, I’m sure the problem is similar is every culture.

If it is a first meeting, this can be expected. But if it is a colleague or employee or boss, a mispronunciation can go from embarrassing to career limiting. 

Elisa S.M. Fattoracci and Larissa R. Garcia recently published an article in the MIT Sloan Management Review with tips on pronouncing an unfamiliar name. I’ve included a link, but I think you must be a subscriber.

For me, it’s first listening and then catching the rhythm of the language. Here are some of their tips.

Ask. Various interactions afford you the opportunity to learn a name’s pronunciation. For example, upon meeting someone, ask how to pronounce their name. Even when the spelling of a name is consistent, its pronunciation can nonetheless vary.

Avoid unwanted nicknames. When you struggle to pronounce a name, do not resort to nicknaming the person without their permission. As a leader or manager, reflect on the potential message you might convey to an employee and their colleagues when using an unwanted nickname. 

Practice. As with most things that don’t come naturally to us, practice makes perfect. If you’re unfamiliar with the correct pronunciation of a name, it can be challenging to get it right. This is where practicing can go a long way. Write down the phonetic spelling of the name to help commit it to memory, or use mnemonic devices to help you remember the correct pronunciation. The key here is to keep trying and show respect by making the effort to get it right. Such efforts do not need to be advertised or used as a means of self-promotion.

Own your mistakes, and be open to feedback. When you misspeak, correct yourself and apologize. Again, modeling this behavior will foster a culture wherein employees feel comfortable voicing concerns and providing important feedback — such as how to properly say their name — and they feel welcome and valued. Research suggests that employees do not voice suggestions if they perceive that such efforts are futile.

Demonstrating care and dedication by actively practicing and remembering names is essential for helping employees thrive and feel included.

Set an example. When you learn how to pronounce a name properly, be sure to introduce the person using the right pronunciation for others to emulate. Similarly, correct any name mispronunciations, whether or not the person is present, to take the onus off of them. These actions will go a long way in establishing a high-quality relationship with your colleague and building an inclusive culture. If you are involved in planning a corporate event, business meeting, or any other type of gathering, consider providing name tags that include space for the phonetic spelling. Creating the opportunity to learn correct pronunciations and correcting others’ errors will take the burden off your employees.

Kind Hearts

December 27, 2023

Kind hearts are the garden,

kind thoughts are the roots,

kind words are the blossoms,

kind deeds are the fruits.

John Ruskin

We are approaching the end of a year and the beginning of a new one. Think not of New Year’s Resolutions or goals. Or even “I resolve to be a kinder person next year.” These never succeed.

No, rather, look at yourself. What sort of person are you? What sort of person would you like to be? Perhaps write in your journal or calendar (diary) a brief description of the person you would like to be. Here is a suggestion. Write, I will be the sort of person who

  • Cultivates a kind heart,
  • Redirects thoughts and feelings intentionally toward kindness,
  • Pauses before speaking then speaking with kindness,
  • Instinctively acts toward others with kindness.

At the conclusion of the year, people will say about me, “there went a kind person.”

Beating Fear of the Other

September 28, 2023

Fear of other humans—those outside our immediate tribe—may be a built-in human trait. Maybe we translate that fear into emotions such as anger or loathing or snobbery.

A great antidote is to get outside your tribal boundaries—geographical or social.

I think of this when I attend conferences. Even just being in California from the Midwest I learn that there are many nice Californians who are not all whacko.

But I have three new friends, better term than contacts I suppose, from Chennai in India. Engineers and business people. Friendly. Talking technical and business opportunities.

There are always interesting people to meet from many countries of South America and Europe.  Talked with a couple of people from Australia.

But even the guys from Mexico who repaired my patio were interesting to talk with and learn how they live and where they are from.

I can look to Jesus for inspiration. He and his closest followers were Galilean. Whereas people from Judah, the southern desert, were more insular, Galileans were on the major trade route. They saw people of many races and tribes passing through. There was Jesus and the Samaritan woman. And Jesus and the Syro-Phoenecian woman. And others. And from a teacher who was supposed to (by tradition) remain aloof from any non-Jew.

People to be feared do exist. Exploring outside your comfort zone can open your eyes to good people of many cultures with whom deep conversations can happen. Experience enriches your life.

Another Perspective on Perspective

June 9, 2023

Some people have a theory in their heads about the way life is supposed to be. Or the way society is supposed to be. Or an organization.

Theories lead to rules to enforce those theories. Rules lead to those who achieve power to force other people to live according to their theory.

There is a scene at the end of the movie National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation where the CEO comes to realization of the effects of his theory on people, “Some things look good on paper until you realize the effects on people. I now realize it’s the little people, like you, Clark, who really matter.” 

The world over has political and religious leaders who have a theory of how things should be and are trying to force people into the mold. I guess that’s a human thing.

It’s when we change perspective and realize the effects upon individual people that we come closer to the Spirit of God. The mission Jesus proclaimed from the very beginning was to bring people into the Kingdom of Heaven. Not by force—that was the Roman way. But by love—that was Jesus way.

A World of Complainers

May 10, 2023

Somedays it seems that everyone is a complainer.  Others are always wrong. They inconvenience me. “What?! It’s not all about me?”

I thought about a useless complaint on a Facebook group. I thought about the complainer. She has a Facebook badge for contributions to the group chat. The posts are always complaints.

I reread some of my daily meditations. The words seemed bold and 36 point. Practice compassion.

Perhaps people just complain as cry to be noticed? Perhaps replying with compassion will eventually soothe the troubled soul? And my own.