Archive for the ‘Awareness’ Category

« Older Entries
Newer Entries »

The Discipline of Self Awareness

June 29, 2016

3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. — Matthew 7:3-5 New International Version (NIV)

Our conversation must have wandered not having a lot of news to share. I had made my daily call home as is my practice when I’m on the road. Since I’m in Las Vegas, she’s probably insisting on a call just to check up.

Anyway, we got to talking about how hard it is to see your own sins and difficulties. It’s so easy to see what’s wrong with others. Although many people (most? all?) have sins hidden from public  view, many seem to live out their sins in public. Makes for good conversation, I guess. Or interesting Facebook posts. (I have cut way back on the amount of time I scan Facebook posts, by the way.)

It is easy for everyone to fall into this habit. But Jesus reserved his anger (it sure sounds like anger, doesn’t it?) for a specific group of people. These were the Pharisees.

These people made a detailed study of the Law. They memorized it. They interpreted it. To their credit, they tried to live it.

Unfortunately, living the letter of the Law usually means a bad attitude. It breeds contempt. It breeds the attitude that “I’m better than you–here, I can prove it.” Yet, their sins are hidden  somewhere in the depths (we’ll let Freud have a field day on uncovering those). And they act (put on a mask to assume a different persona–therefore a “hypocrite”) as if they are perfect. And they love to point fingers at others who are not so conscientious about following the Law.

Paul picked up this theme in the beginning of Romans. “For all have sinned and fallen short.”

Even if we have trouble identifying where we each fall short, we must remember this instruction before pointing at others.

Tags:, , , ,
Posted in Awareness, Disciplines | Leave a Comment »

Stop My Mind From Wandering

June 7, 2016

I’m fixing a hole where the rain gets in
And stops my mind from wandering. Where it will go.– The Beatles

Listening to The Beatles for a while on the drive back from vacation Sunday. I’m not sure what they meant (John and Paul may not have known either). The words seemed to fit my vacation reading that focused on, well, focus.

Sometimes we have a hole in our consciousness that lets our mind wander where it will go.

Ever sit down to read the Bible or a study book on a Biblical theme, or again sit down to pray or contemplate on the words? And your mind wanders to things you need to do, conversations left undone, worries about what might happen tomorrow?

Or, worse, your smart phone attracts your eye. “I’ll just check Facebook or Instagram quickly and see if I’m missing any important news from my ‘friends’,” you think. Oops, there went a good 20 minutes and it’s time to go somewhere and opportunity to think missed.

I’m helping with the marketing for small coffee shop with a mission. You can “like” High Grounds Cafe on Facebook. I post messages regularly on the Facebook page (it is a great marketing media for local business). But…I’ll go to Facebook to post a message and my news feed pops up. Side note: they call it news, but there is no news–some updates on what people are doing and a stream of thoughtless political shots at someone. Anyway, a photo catches my eye. 15 minutes gone, poof, wasted.

Deep thinking and concentration are skills that must be developed and practiced.

Usually you need a ritual. For example, get up in the morning (early), fix a cup of coffee or tea, gather your reading material with a pen and paper, and sit in your favorite chair in a quiet location. Do it regularly.

Be aware of your mind. When it starts to wander, don’t panic. Just fix the hole gently and return to concentration. You will find that you can spend 15-30 minutes totally immersed in your reading and prayer.

If your job, like mine, requires thinking and writing, you can build up to 90 minute stretches of time, short break, and another 90 minutes of real work.

Fix that hole in the roof that allows your mind to wander. See how richer your life will be.

Tags:, ,
Posted in Awareness, Disciplines | Leave a Comment »

To See Myself As Others See Me

February 16, 2016

I was in a queue. Complaining with others about something. Then my consciousness shifted. It was as if I were floating above the situation. I witnessed myself. It was painful. I shut up. Calmed down. Became more pleasant.

Roberto Assagioli developed a school of psychology–back when psychologists were discovering interesting things about mind and soul and not mindlessly arguing over what causes ADHD–called psychosynthesis. I read his books some 40 years ago. If you can find them, check them out.

He describes this process that I described from a life experience. It is a technique we can develop as a step toward self-awareness.

Yesterday’s note concerned being aware of what triggers our anger or temper. This is a technique we can use in the moment to help guide us back to a Jesus-centered life instead of a me-centered life.

We can expand this use from helping us relate to others or even understanding others in greater detail.

Perhaps we’ve expanded our level of consciousness so that we can see ourselves as actors in a larger context–that is, not just us and our wants but others, too. Perhaps we shift awareness to those close to us. We notice that certain things set off their alarms. We notice that other things make them feel better. Maybe we could even develop our interaction with the other person by becoming aware of them, aware of what they like, and then respond appropriately.

Some people are naturals at this. Others of us must develop the focus on others. Some can peek through their narcissistic shell just long enough to notice others, but they lack the will to respond.

I learned from Jesus and then from his brother James that feeling nice doesn’t count. It’s feeling and doing. Maybe even doing first to achieve the feeling (yes it works in reverse that way).

Or, as Robert Burns said so eloquently

O, wad some Power the giftie gie us

To see oursels as ithers see us!

Tags:, ,
Posted in Awareness, Disciplines | Leave a Comment »

Do You Know What Pulls Your Trigger?

February 15, 2016

Jesus was annoyed by a fig tree that had no fruit. He cursed it. It died.

Jesus was angered by how the Temple had been converted from a holy place of worship into a commercial marketplace where apparently people gouged gullible pilgrims with high prices. He overturned tables scattering money and “souvenirs”.

In a way, I don’t feel so bad about the times I’ve lost it–except I wasn’t nearly so righteous.

Do you know what pulls your trigger?

I haven’t had a bad one for years. The incident is embedded in memory. It recurs in a flash. It’s a blend of insecurity and attitude. I hold great dislike for arrogant and condescending attitudes. Especially from someone less experienced or knowledgeable who tries to teach.

There are warning signs I need to remain aware of. Sometimes I see it coming. Sometimes they sneak up on me and catch me asleep, so to speak.

  • When I’m tired.
  • When I’m overworked and frazzled.
  • When I’m stressed.

There were a couple of seasons of life over the past 10 years or so when stress buried itself deep within me. Meditation and Yoga–no help. Awareness and mindfulness–no help. I know all this stuff, yet, a mild but persistent living with stress took a toll on my health and response to others at times.

Recognition is a great first step. Probably talking with others would help–if they the helpful sort, not the enabling sort.

A recent talk from a person with a similar experience was enlightening. He tried mindfulness. Meditation–trying to be still and focus on breath was more stressful than his original stress.

He discovered curiosity. He rather toyed with the thoughts. Was curious about them. Asked questions of them. Explored what their hold was. By treating the stressful thoughts as an object of curiosity, he was able to move them from the dominant place of consciousness that gripped him.

He was right. When you finally realize the stressful thought and stop to analyze it, just the stopping helps. Then the curiosity and the calmer exploring of the situation brings peace–or at least a plan of action.

What do you find that works?

Tags:, ,
Posted in Attention, Awareness, Disciplines | Leave a Comment »

The Mote In Your Eye

October 12, 2015

The mote in your eye could be larger than you think.

Jesus warned us that the mote you see in someone’s eye is far less important than the beam in ours. We may think it is the other way around–that we are seeing a beam in their eye and only a mote in our own.

What he meant, of course, was that we waste a lot of time looking for the sins and shortcomings of other people. Our time would be better spent thinking about our own sins and shortcomings. We need to set our own hearts right. Worrying about others is what we call a non-starter.

In many conversations I’ve heard over the past several months, I think I’ve observed something interesting and instructive. Often when we are noticing the shortcomings or personality “flaws” of someone else, what we are really seeing are our own sins and shortcomings in others.

I wonder if that is borne out by research. Maybe that’s a good topic for an enterprising grad student.

The instruction I receive is to observe myself as well as others. You can, in a meditative state, actually project yourself outside your body and see yourself acting. Have you ever been in a situation where your temper got the better of you and then you see yourself from the outside and see the effect you’re having on others? I have. It is not pleasant.

It’s not pleasant because it is going to lead to a feeling and thought that I’m going to have to change. Not the others. Me. And I, like many people, hate to change–especially when I’m involved in some sort of self-righteous display of juvenile behaviour. 

Tags:, ,
Posted in Awareness | Leave a Comment »

We Are So Self-Deceiving

September 14, 2015

“People are masters of self-deception.” Andy Stanley during a recent podcast.

I was talking with a guy I know last week. He calls a group of friends. Several times a week. But he’s OK. Never talks longer than 10 minutes–except last week I really got him into a conversation.

You see, he has Aspergers (or he slides somewhere on the autistic spectrum, or whatever the phrase du jour of the DSM is). He is a bright individual. He knows more about country music than anyone I know. But he lacks much in the way of social skills. 

I’ve learned the hard way, never tease him. Actually, don’t joke. He’s always serious. Even worse than me (sometimes I think that I had a touch of that–the two readers who knew me in elementary and high school would probably vouch for my almost total lack of social skills).

But we talked about his bouts of depression. I don’t know to what degree he’s still in therapy. But he is quite aware of himself. He asks why he gets into those depressions. Last winter he was in a dip and I suggested it might be the weather. Told him that often people get depressed toward the end of the winter season. He remembers that. But the temperature was 90, and he was beginning to feel depressed.

I’m impressed.

There are many people I have known in my life who have conditions. Everyone knows they have something. Often it’s something that would warrant a diagnosis and treatment. But they have no clue.

One of the prevalent conditions of our time is narcissism. People who exhibit those tendencies never see a problem. They are somewhat aware that they think first of themselves before others, but they don’t see that as a problem. They think it’s just natural. Trust me, I’ve asked the question of several. 

Paul addesses how to live your life in the last third of the letter to the Romans. After laying a theological and psychological foundation about sin and redemption, he continues to answer the important question–after believing that God raised Jesus from death to life, now what.

Paul essentially quotes Jesus–love God and love your neighbor. Read chaper 12. It’s a wonderfully succint guide to life. 

On the road to self-awareness and seeing through your self-deception, it is useful to have a means of measurement. Chapter 12 of Romans provides one of those measures.

Are you loving? Or, are you deceitful? Do you try to understand and help people? Or, are you more concerned with getting what you think you deserve? Are you in a loving, supportive community?

How do you measure up? What can you do to change your life direction such that you do?

Tags:, , , ,
Posted in Awareness, Living | Leave a Comment »

Self-Criticism or Self-Justification

June 23, 2015

From the sayings of the Desert Fathers: We have abandoned the light yoke of self-criticism and put on the heavy yoke of self-justification.

How often do we read a proverb or a parable of Jesus and think, “This does not apply to me. I am OK. Never do that.” 

Worse, we read something and think, “Yes, I’ve done that, but….”

Criticism does not necessarily mean negative. It does mean dispassionate evaluation. The ability to put our mind outside ourselves, so to speak, and look at ourselves.

There was a time in my life where I think I had anger issues. I’d don’t remember clearly except for one incident. Maybe I was 10 or 11. I was fighting another kid in the neighborhood. Suddenly I saw myself from outside. It was a moment of epiphany. “What the heck am I doing?” I thought. I got up, quit, and became a personal pacifist from that moment forward.

Although the temper bred from insecurity still showed up from time to time. I can still remember the last time. With great shame, by the way. It was maybe seven or eight years ago. Maybe more. There’s a guy who can get under my skin. He did. I exploded. 

When I should have showed some anger I chose to look at the big picture and let it pass. There was no win.

That thought process is self-criticism. I’m not justifying by saying that person was at fault. I was aware. I didn’t act appropriately. It’s all on me.

Do you know people who have no concept of self-criticism? Especially people with narcissistic tendencies have trouble looking at themselves.

Ask a narcissist, “Don’t you seem to think of yourself first?”, and they will reply, “Yes, of course” as if to say, “Duh.”

I have met these–and even asked the question. And received the answer.

According to a recent study, the best way to get beyond this attitude is to listen–really listen–to others. Hemmingway once said, “When you listen, listen completely. Most people don’t listen.”

As I teach Yoga, I remind the class to listen to their bodies and minds. I want them to become self-aware. That is the first step toward developing the ability to look at ourselves critcally and reward ourselves for steps in the right direction and pull ourselves back onto the right track.

Put on the light yoke of self-criticism. Check your mind and body frequently.

Tags:, , , ,
Posted in Awareness | Leave a Comment »

Reflection Empowers Your Day, Your Life

June 19, 2015

Life requires a rhythm. Almost all successful people rise early and get important thought work done. They are in bed by 10.

I usually am up by 5:30. Make coffee and a piece of toast. Read from various sources, meditate & pray, plan the day. Usually I write this blog. Then I am off for a workout–run in the park (or a treadmill), weights 3x per week, short Yoga series. Then off to the coffee shop to write.

There are three pauses that can make all the difference in your effectiveness, balance, and outlook. They are daily, weekly, monthly. I also set aside a couple of days between Christmas and New Years to think about the coming year.

The monthly pause comes easier for me. Take a Sunday evening at the end of a month. Gather you to do lists and notes. Review your lists and notes–checking what you’ve done, not done, and wish you had done. Take a longer view of what you wish to accomplish this year and where your focus should be for the month. Perhaps take a note card and write six things that you wish to devote energy toward in the coming month. Carry this card and refer to it daily. This period of reflection could last an hour or two. Probably no more.

The weekly pause comes less easy. Sometimes Sunday evening comes with a sigh of relief, and I unwind and go to bed. But even 15-30 minutes to review the coming week’s calendar and to do lists before you go to bed will feed information into your unconscious mind and help you start the week productively.

Benjamin Franklin kept a meticulous time planner. He asked himself daily two things. When he arose, he asked, “What good shall I do today?” At the end of the day he paused to reflect, “What good have I done today?”

Sometimes days and weeks get hectic. We fall into bed exhausted. We awake exhausted.

Sometimes we take that pause for reflection. It calms us and focuses us. And we are better prepared for the day.

Tags:, , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Awareness | Leave a Comment »

Distractions Steal Your Awareness

May 28, 2015

They had important guests. A bunch of guys they knew had dropped by for a couple of days of relaxation and conversation. These were friends. But still, one had to show appropriate hospitality.

Two sisters and a brother lived in the house. One sister was busy doing the right thing. She was being hospitable. She asked the guests what they wanted to drink. She scurried around assembling a dinner for 13 guests.

Like most women in the situation, she was a bit frazzled. And a bit upset. No, more than a bit.

What was that worthless sister of hers doing sitting there talking with the guests leaving her with all the work? Doesn’t she know that men sit around and talk. Women prepare the meal. That’s the way it was then. That’s the way it had been for 1,000 years before.

So, she goes to the head guy and asks him to tell her sister to go help.

“Martha, Martha,” Jesus replied. You know you’re in trouble when he repeats your name. “You are distracted by many things. Your sister Mary has chosen the better way.”

Mary was focused on learning and growing and on the relationship they had with Jesus.

There Martha was, a chance to learn from the world’s greatest teacher. Right there in her living room. And she was distracted.

The guests would have been happy with whatever they could pull together to eat.

Distraction steals from your awareness. It therefore steals from the future. Awareness leads to focus. Focus leads to becoming. By focusing on the right things, a person can grow to be all that God created them to be.

What is today’s distraction? Or, even what is the distraction of the minute?

I sometimes need noise around in order to focus better. I can sit for two hours at a noisy coffee shop and focus better than in the quiet of my office. There are all those opportunities for distraction that I can tune out. In the quiet of my office, I can glance up at a familiar painting or at my bookcase, and my mind can go off on some tangent. I’m distracted.

Then I remember, don’t let distraction be a thief.

Tags:, , ,
Posted in Awareness | 2 Comments »

A Call To Men To Be Clear

May 12, 2015

first published April 9, 2015

Adam should have spoken. He didn’t. We’re all screwed.

That is the problem statement of “Men of Courage” by Larry Crabb and others. Men are too often silent when they should speak up.

I had the privilege of working as part of a small team of local men who had an idea for a men’s conference. Call to Convergence was held this past weekend. We had no clue how many men would show, but we picked 75 as a good target number. 70 registered. It was a good weekend.

Our principle speaker used that book as the starting point of his talks. Men are called to speak up, to share. Maybe not sharing every emotion like women seem to be wired to do. But, as one person said after the Friday night talks, it’s all about transparency. Not hiding.

The solution part of the book calls men to mentoring. We are called to intentionally find someone who could use a mentor and take action. Invite someone for breakfast or lunch. Ask. Listen. Guide. Help them on their journey.

By the way, we live in a small county. Population of about 56,000. To have 70 people come out in the snow was a great blessing. We all felt that the event wasn’t about us, but about God. And God blessed the gathering. 

Men asked about what to do during the year until we have the second one. Always a great sign when people ask for action steps.

Reading the Bible

By the way, you might want to re-read the story of Adam, Eve, the serpent, and the metaphorical tree. 

When we read the Bible (or anything, really), often we let past memory guide us and fill in the blanks, so to speak. Did you realize that Adam was present during the whole episode? Not my memory either. When I read it later after learning about the story, my memory took over and I didn’t read the passage clearly.

The passage clearly implies that Adam was right there. It doesn’t say that Eve went to him sometime later. It says she turned to him and offered him the fruit. Adam heard the whole conversation. Surely he knew better. But he didn’t speak up.

Two lessons:

Speak up when you see someone going off the path.

When you read the Bible, clear your mind and read what it really says.

Tags:, , ,
Posted in Awareness | Leave a Comment »

« Older Entries
Newer Entries »