Archive for the ‘Attitude’ Category

Notes on Being a Man

November 3, 2025

Observing the growing diversity of genders and races at engineering conferences over the past 20 years has been gratifying. I’ve been a “perp” at times over the years. When I had leadership responsibilities, I promoted unlikely people into strategic roles looking at their skill sets and social maturity. I had a female project manager and a sales engineer in the 1980s when many men were uncomfortable with that. They were good.

Melinda French Gates (Bill’s ex) recently appeared on a podcast. While celebrating the advances women have made, she noted the importance of bringing men along. I applaud the setting aside of an “us vs. them” mentality. I’m with Martin Luther King, Jr. when  he asked that we judge people by the strength of their character, not by external factors.

I have watched for years how some boys and men have not been brought along with the progress of women, people of color, and privileged white men. I would see the woman of the family driving the car, going into the bank to do business, running other errands, while the guy sits slumped in the car playing a video game.

Sometimes parents have not been a help. Sometimes no coach or teacher or neighbor has come forward to offer guidance. They’ve heard that if you don’t go to college, you’re nothing. And their talents are not in that direction.

My last podcast discussed building a workplace that respects people. We need to help bring everyone along for the ride. We cannot sit back and expect other to do this.

[Note: the linked blog post contains language and situations that some will find offensive. The message is clear, though.]

Tim Ferriss writing about Scott Galloway on his blog discusses disturbing statistics about young (and a little older now) men. They need guidance. OK, maybe sometimes a metaphorical kick in the pants. Check out Tim’s post and the discussion about Galloway’s new book.

What can we do either individually or through business to help bring these disaffected people along—all the while not forgetting to enable everyone?

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See More Clearly

October 31, 2025

John Fischer wrote recently in his The Catch newsletter, “Your job is not to shout louder. But to see clearer… Eyes wide open. Heart tuned in.”

People trying to communicate with someone who speaks a different language invariably speak more loudly as if volume would overcome the language barrier.

People living within different political or religious systems also have this trait. If you don’t seem to understand me, I’ll just scream louder.

Hot tip: that does’t work.

Fischer talks of seeing clearer. That is part of the equation. Better is seeing the other more clearly. And listening. And deciding not to assume the other is simply stupid or ignorant or cynical.

Reminds me of this wonderful song from Godspell, Day by Day.

Oh Dear Lord

Three things I pray

To see thee more clearly

Love thee more dearly

Follow thee more nearly

Day by day

Explore and Experiment

October 28, 2025

The book lies before me on the desk,

I’ve often read those chapters of the famous sermon.

In the spirit of those before me,

I open and scan the pages with an explorer’s mind.

Open, curious, I know nothing, 

Exploring the story, thoughts, teaching, responses.

I experiment, trying my thoughts against the text.

Explore, experiment. Finding nuggets of gold

In the stream of words from The Teacher.

This, then, forms the foundation of study.

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Who Are You?

October 24, 2025

No, I’m not leading into the song by The Who.

You sense a desire to change.

Perhaps you looked into a mirror and thought you wanted to look better. Lose weight. Be more fit.

Perhaps you look with envy at those people who look so happy serving at a food pantry or making meals for people in shelters or just being kind and generous.

You make a list of habits that you will certainly develop.

It fails.

Better this.

I am an exerciser.

I am a person who exercises portion control at meals.

I am a meditator.

I am a generous person.

I am kind.

Decide with intention who you are. You will find that you do the things that come naturally to that sort of person.

And you won’t have Pete Townshend and Roger Daltrey asking who are you!

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Because They Want To Live Like That

October 20, 2025

The early gatherings of Jesus followers grew in numbers and influence because people around them saw the way they lived and wished to live like that. They saw people kind and generous. When plagues rolled through the cities, they saw Jesus followers out ministering to the sick and grieving.

I picked up this thought from an Arnold Schwarzenegger newsletter, “When your actions consistently align with your principles, you don’t need to convince anyone of who you are. You become the evidence. That’s why the most powerful teachers rarely lecture; they live in a way that makes people want to follow. Integrity isn’t built in speeches — it’s built in habits, sacrifices, and how you treat others.”

I write this and convict myself. At what points to I embody my principles of peace and justice and being kind and generous? And at what points do I fall short? How can I do better?

Perhaps you need to ask these of yourself.

The Less I Know

October 16, 2025

George Bernard Shaw said, “The trouble with this world is that the ignorant are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.”

A later interpretation of Shaw is the Dunning- Krueger Effect—the less you know about a subject, the more certain you will be that you are correct.

Jesus once said, “Unless you change and develop minds like children, you will never enter the Kingdom of Heaven.” This thought exists in many wisdom traditions. It’s called more simply (and I like simply) “beginners’ mind.”

Unless we empty our minds and soak up learning like children, we become fixed in our beliefs. And these beliefs could, and probably will, be completely wrong.

Journeying on the path to deeper learning, we will encounter friends and acquaintances who have not progressed beyond the beliefs and opinions of childhood. Certainly there exists a small, but thriving, online community that continues to believe the earth is flat.

Encountering such people, which we will daily, our only real response is compassion. Arguing is counterproductive only leading to strained relationships. Acquiescing is not being true to ourselves. Compassion, reflecting the frequent response of Jesus, becomes the way to health.

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Sleep—The Long Game

October 13, 2025

What stories do you tell yourself when trying to find better sleep. We’ve been told way too often about how beneficial good sleep is. And to get 6-8 good hours of sleep every night.

I’ve been a fan of Kevin Meyer, who writes at Evolving Excellence, for years through his honest and insightful manufacturing and Lean Thinking writing. He’s retired and pursuing new avenues of thinking.

He had told himself the story that a glass of wine before bed would be relaxing and slide him into deep sleep.

Not so.

He eliminated alcohol for 3-4 hours before bedtime immediately realizing a sleep improvement.

My wife needs almost total darkness for optimum sleep. I don’t think that I notice. Meyer invested in a quality sleep mask creating a dark environment. It helped him.

I am a creature of routine. Intentionally. I am in bed plus/minus 15 minutes of 10 pm and up at 5:30 am unless we’re at a concert or traveling. Consistent timing helps the body prepare for both sleep and wake. The only times I use an alarm are when I have an early car to the airport.

We sometimes have a light snack about 2 hours prior to bed time. Meyer also found ceasing eating 2 hours or more prior to bed to be helpful.

I have taken a number of supplements for years. I have not yet taken magnesium l-threonate for relaxation and sleep. Meyer finds the research is compelling with his personal results aligning with the clinical findings.

Trust and Openness

September 30, 2025

Trust and Openness

You meet a person

She casts a suspicious glance,

A guarded posture.

And another,

His furtive glance,

Filled with distrust.

You look at a mirror,

Perhaps it’s me,

Not them.

Perhaps if I smiled

With my eyes

As with my lips.

Projecting kindness and caring

Reflects back

Fading the suspicion and distrust.

Laws and Hearts

September 29, 2025

I’ve read the New Testament—the story of Jesus and the beginnings of his movement. Many times.

One of the many lessons I learned from Jesus’ story was the futility of changing people’s hearts through laws.

Think through the stories of his interactions with religious people of his day. He would poke at the religiosity of their following their myriad of laws, yet the hollowness of their lives. Think of the cup brilliantly clean on the outside yet dirty inside.

The Civil Rights Movement of the early 60s formed my social and political thinking. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s  speech about judging people by the strength of their character and not the color of their skin struck a harmonic chord with my early lessons about Jesus. It’s what’s inside that counts most—for me as well as you.

The Movement led to many necessary changed laws in the US.

Observing today’s social environment, the changed laws led to very few changed hearts.

The other day I observed that if all the spiritual study in the world doesn’t change the way you live, then that time was wasted.

What does it take to change a person’s heart?

Social Media, Enough Is Enough

September 17, 2025

These posts are always 300 words or fewer. I’ve thought so much and read so much on this topic that I’ve written more of an essay than thought.

Wisdom from my friend James (the Apostle) who writes words of wisdom.

“You must understand this, my beloved: let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger;”

And again, 

“How great a forest is set ablaze by a small fire! And the tongue is a fire. The tongue is placed among our members as a world of iniquity; it stains the whole body, sets on fire the cycle of nature, and is itself set on fire by hell. For every species of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by the human species, but no one can tame the tongue—a restless evil, full of deadly poison.”

I have read much and thought long about the event and aftermath of the shooting of political influencer Charley Kirk. I had no idea who he was having decided not to follow these political influencers of any ideology. I understand what happens inside me when my emotions are stirred. I prefer a broad and reasoned approach to learning.

Two people whose works I read published blurbs about a side of Kirk not aligned with his public persona. But it’s the public persona that counts. I have learned through study of history and through observation that people who exist by inciting base emotions in followers seldom end well.

But today we have something previous decades, centuries, and indeed millennia didn’t—the ability to spread opinions and videos widely and almost instantaneously.

Cal New port earned a PhD in computer science, has written several best selling books found on my bookcase (Deep Work, Digital Minimalism, Slow Productivity), and is faculty co-founder of the Georgetown University Center for Digital Ethics. He’s been writing on this topic for several years.

His recently  released a newsletter addressed many concerns that many have (including me).

Many of you have been asking me about the assassination of the conservative commentator Charlie Kirk earlier this week during a campus event at Utah Valley University. At the time of this writing, little is yet known about the shooter’s motives, but there have been enough cases of political violence over the past year that I think I can say what I’m about to with conviction…

This isn’t a one-off. It’s a situation encompassing some time.

Those of us who study online culture like to use the phrase, “Twitter is not real life.” But as we saw yet again this week, when the digital discourses fostered on services like Twitter (and Bluesky, and TikTok) do intersect with the real world, whether they originate from the left or the right, the results are often horrific.

He’s not pulling his punches here. And what do we learn?

This should tell us all we need to know about these platforms: they are toxic and dehumanizing. They are responsible, as much as any other force, for the unravelling of civil society that seems to be accelerating.

Since we know the evils of these platforms, why do they remain popular?

They tell a compelling story: that all of your frantic tapping and swiping makes you a key part of a political revolution, or a fearless investigator, or a righteous protestor – that when you’re online, you’re someone important, doing important things during an important time.

But the reality is…

But this, for the most part, is an illusion. In reality, you’re toiling anonymously in an attention factory, while billionaire overseers mock your efforts and celebrate their growing net worths.

What can we do?

After troubling national events, there’s often a public conversation about the appropriate way to respond. Here’s one option to consider: Quit using these social platforms. Find other ways to keep up with the news, or spread ideas, or be entertained. Be a responsible grown-up who does useful things; someone who serves real people in the real world.

To save civil society, we need to end our decade-long experiment with global social platforms. We tried them. They became dark and awful. It’s time to move on.

Enough is enough.

Arnold Newsletter

One of my sources for fitness and nutrition coaching comes from a team Arnold Schwarzenegger has assembled following his term as California’s governor. They publish the Pump Club newsletter and have an app. I use the app to track resistance training and nutrition.

Germane to this topic of social media is the carrier of said media—the smartphone.

They head one of the articles on this newsletter:

Having your smartphone nearby—even if you’re not using it—can reduce your brainpower.

Think that evil little thing is innocuous just lying on your desk?

Researchers examined if our phones drain more than just our attention when they buzz or light up. To test this, they conducted two experiments with nearly 800 smartphone users. Participants were asked to complete tests that required full attention and cognitive capacity—like problem-solving and memory tasks. The twist? Some participants had their phones placed on the desk, some had them in their pocket or bag, and others had them in another room.

I like the newsletter and app partly due to their reliance on real science.

Scientists found that the closer the phone was, the worse the performance. Those with their phones on the desk showed significantly reduced cognitive capacity compared to those whose phones were in another room. Even having the phone turned off and face down was not enough to prevent the drop.

It’s time for all of us, one-by-one, to leave the (un)social media behind. I deleted my Facebook and X (Twitter) apps a few years ago. I visit Facebook one time per day on my computer to wish friends a happy birthday and to see what’s happening in my community. I deleted the LinkedIn app. It’s getting almost as bad. I visit it once a day just to check in briefly—also on my computer.

We can all also be aware of the consequences of what we say—perhaps being a little kinder, more understanding, less vicious in our remarks.