September | 2023 | Faith Venture

Archive for September, 2023

Build the Life You Want

September 29, 2023

Arthur C. Brooks teaches a happiness class at Harvard Business School. Students line up to take the class. Probably because the place is filled with people looking for happiness in all the wrong places (to paraphrase a song).

Oprah Winfrey read his bestseller, From Strength to Strength: Finding Success, Happiness, and Deep Purpose in the Second Half of Life, contacted him and invited to her home in California. They hit it off and agreed to collaborate on this book just out this month, Build the Life You Want: The Art and Science of Getting Happier.

This book is readable and practical. Much of this I know and practice. Many will not have heard of this research and story. This will help you and/or someone you love.

Let’s begin with “Happiness is not the goal, and unhappiness is not the enemy.”

Philosophers from ancient times have known that happiness is a byproduct of living, not the goal of living. Yet, each generation must learn the lesson anew.

The first chapters discuss managing our emotions.

The four pillars are discussed in detail in the remainder of the book:

Family
Friends
Work
Faith (Find Your Amazing Grace)

I leave you with two takeaways.

Augustine of Hippo (St. Augustine) gave a student three pieces of advice.

The first part is humility; the second, humility; the third, humility; and this I would continue to repeat as often as you might ask direction.

Another takeaway.

We need to detach ourselves and become free of sticky cravings. We honestly examine our attachments. What are yours? Money, power, pleasure, prestige—the distractions we sought to be free of with greater emotional self-management? Dig deeper. Just maybe they are your opinions. The Buddha himself named this attachment and its terrible effects more than twenty-four hundred years ago when he is believed to have said, “This who grasp at perceptions and views go about butting their heads in the world.” More recently the Vietnamese Buddhist sage Thich Naht Hanh wrote in his book Being Peace, “Humankind suffers very much from attachment to views.”

Posted in Attitude, Awareness, emotions, Wisdom | Leave a Comment »

Beating Fear of the Other

September 28, 2023

Fear of other humans—those outside our immediate tribe—may be a built-in human trait. Maybe we translate that fear into emotions such as anger or loathing or snobbery.

A great antidote is to get outside your tribal boundaries—geographical or social.

I think of this when I attend conferences. Even just being in California from the Midwest I learn that there are many nice Californians who are not all whacko.

But I have three new friends, better term than contacts I suppose, from Chennai in India. Engineers and business people. Friendly. Talking technical and business opportunities.

There are always interesting people to meet from many countries of South America and Europe. Talked with a couple of people from Australia.

But even the guys from Mexico who repaired my patio were interesting to talk with and learn how they live and where they are from.

I can look to Jesus for inspiration. He and his closest followers were Galilean. Whereas people from Judah, the southern desert, were more insular, Galileans were on the major trade route. They saw people of many races and tribes passing through. There was Jesus and the Samaritan woman. And Jesus and the Syro-Phoenecian woman. And others. And from a teacher who was supposed to (by tradition) remain aloof from any non-Jew.

People to be feared do exist. Exploring outside your comfort zone can open your eyes to good people of many cultures with whom deep conversations can happen. Experience enriches your life.

Posted in Compassion, Grace | Leave a Comment »

Remaining Calm When Forces Conspire

September 27, 2023

I don’t often write about personal experience. Sometimes it gets me into trouble. Mostly, I’m just pretty boring.

I had a flight to Sacramento yesterday morning in order to attend a business technology conference. I use a driver service. This service has been superb for the two plus years I’ve used it since we moved to the outskirts of the Chicago metropolitan area.

The car was due at 7:15 am. They are always a little early. No car. By 7:30 I was concerned and called. You cancelled the trip the owner said. I said, no I didn’t. Miscommunication. They texted a confirmation which returned a “don’t need a car” message.

I use my same mobile number that I’ve had for years. It is a Sidney, Ohio number. They typed a 6 instead of an 8. So, if someone from Sidney is reading this and declined a ride from Huntley Hills, thank you 😉 Huntley is the village just north of where I currently live.

But the owner gave me a shot. He picked me up 40 minutes late. I allow for time, but I don’t anticipate 40 minutes. Oh, well. Then there was unusual congestion on Interstate 90 around Schaumburg. The GPS said arriving at O’Hare at 8:55. My flight was 9:15.

The driver asked, how can you remain so calm. You haven’t even been checking your phone constantly for flight updates. I told him I know my way through the airport, have the CLEAR system that speeds me through plus TSA Pre-check. I also had my running shoes on.

He dropped me off. I got to CLEAR. Great. Then they said you’ve been “randomly” selected for additional screening. They had to check my ID. But that went quickly. On to the security line. It was short. I walked through the metal detector like I have a thousand times. It beeped. I had been “randomly” selected to go through the other x-ray detector. Oh, joy. One thing after another.

No problem. I got through. Security is close to the tunnel connecting B and C terminals. My gate was the one directly across from exiting the tunnel. I ran all the way through that way. Got to the gate area. The door was still open. Two gate agents were chatting. I made it.

Remain calm?

You have to recognize when worry just gives no benefit. You work out the problems one thing at a time. One obstacle at a time.

And if I hadn’t made it? Well, there are alternatives, I’m sure. But I’m typing this from my hotel in Folsom, California. Had a good day yesterday at the conference. Looking forward to meeting even more geeks today. And, just chillin’.

Posted in Attitude | Leave a Comment »

Injured

September 26, 2023

I seldom follow American-style football anymore. Maybe part of the reason is that I grew up a Browns fan. They’ve been pathetic for years. Maybe someday an owner will come along who has a clue. Another part of the reason is due to style of play. They stopped tackling in the 80s in favor of the NFL-promoted “big hit.” The career expectation of a running back, for example, is less than six years.

I see guys around town with obvious after-effects of having played football in high school. Let alone college. The injuries place a toll on the body that outlasts playing age.

Of course, injuries can happen in any athletic endeavor. I even tore my quadriceps by doing something awkward following an intense game as a referee.

There were at least two prominent career-ending injuries in the National Football League in the first couple of weeks of this season.

Athletics are not the only human endeavor leading to possibility of injury.

Just today during my brief five minutes on Facebook I saw several instances of intent to injure with words on posts. Do people not take a few minutes to consider the effect of words before hitting send?

When you put yourself in leadership or service you are now open to injuries from unthinking or uncaring or even bad people. I have seen career ending injury through words even in church settings.

We have also seen injuries caused by church and other organization leaders.

When a player goes down injured in a sporting event, a team of medical experts rush to the player to diagnose, triage, treat the injury. Afterwards there may be a team of people who help rehabilitate and restore.

We need more of those type of people in everyday life to come to the aid of the hurting. Although many times I’m at a loss for how to react. It’s something to continue to learn.

Posted in healing, Wisdom | Leave a Comment »

I Want What She’s Having

September 25, 2023

The scene in the movie When Harry Met Sally when the title characters are at lunch and Sally fakes the sounds of having sex and the two older ladies at the next table put down their menus and tell the server, “I want what she’s having.” That little throw-away joke stuck with me.

“I want what she’s having.”

Almost 50 years ago a small group of people set out to build “a church that unchurched people would like to attend.” Willow Creek Community Church started a movement across America, and perhaps the world. It was OK to play rock music in church. Before long it was disparaged as a “rock concert followed by a TED Talk.” But thousands still attend this type of church. I’ve even attended one in Mexico. Lively. Enthusiastic. Some places have been just pure performance, though. Professional musicians with a teacher with an ego.

What has been the impact on individuals, though? Inquiring minds would like to know.

I have been imagining, “What if we built a community that people outside said, ‘I want what they have.’ “

It wouldn’t have to be thousands in one location. That would probably be self-defeating, since it would be so easy for someone to be anonymous, to get lost in the crowd.

Maybe smaller gatherings that spread? People just meeting Jesus, studying what Jesus taught, practicing the life that Jesus exhibited for us. The enthusiasm of serving one another and the community. Has that been done before?

Well, yes. Read the first few chapters of the Acts of the Apostles.

Media celebrates big numbers. Fantastic growth. But what if we got the growth part backwards? What if our job is building community? I don’t know. Just wondering.

Posted in Leadership, Living | Leave a Comment »

It Rains On Everyone

September 22, 2023

We had six weeks of drought. Now it seems the rain will not stop (since we are waiting for dry weather in order to complete the sealing of our patio pavers).

So, I thought of the Peanuts cartoon where Linus tells Charlie Brown who is once again in the depths of despair, “It rains on the just and the unjust alike.”

Turns out that is an actual quote from Jesus unlike so many sayings we toss around.

This one took me to the Gospel of Matthew chapter 5, the beginning of the Sermon on the Mount.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

What’s the point of this teaching? So that you may be children of your Father in heaven. And again, Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

It pays dividends to look beyond the aphorism. To look at what Jesus is trying to tell us. Beyond a simple “it rains on everyone” is that we are to treat people the same regardless of anything. That does not mean treat everyone equally poorly. It means treat everyone as a perfect person just as God is perfect.

That, friends, is a high bar.

Posted in Attitude, Grace | Leave a Comment »

Looking Inside

September 21, 2023

I began the contemplative journey before I left high school. There was the Zen influence from the Beat Generation (I identify more there than the Hippies who came later). Then I read St. John of the Cross and Thomas Merton. And I was off.

Like many, I began searching for enlightenment. Of course, I didn’t know what that was.

Enlightenment is comprised not merely in the seeing of luminous visions, but in making the darkness visible. The latter procedure, however, is more difficult, and therefore, unpopular.
Carl Jung

Recently re-reading New Seeds of Contemplation by Merton I was reminded that there is contemplation through the dry periods after enlightenment. The times when I sit and nothing comes. God? Who’s she? The contemplative continues to sit through those times.

If we are not routinely embarrassed by how we behave, the journey to self-knowledge hasn’t really begun.
Alain de Botton

Who, me? I am certainly routinely embarrassed by my behaviour. Maybe I’m on the way.

Those who are unconscious of themselves find their own shadows coming to meet them.
Carl Jung

I have been shown the universal kinship of all humans in peace and love for all. I have also been shown all the sins and evils I am capable of within me. Maybe Jung would be satisfied.

Life lived looking inward and at the same time serving outward is well lived.

Posted in Disciplines, Meditation | Leave a Comment »

The Path of Least Resistance

September 20, 2023

The window of my study faces west. This morning in contemplation I watched a thunderstorm move across the prairie over me and on toward Lake Michigan.

We try to outwit lightning sometimes. Coaches of teams in outdoor sports downplay the perils of lightning at great risk. We don’t know whether the lightning will stay in the clouds or whether it will strike somewhere. And that somewhere we are powerless to predict.

For lightning is electricity in its pure form. It will flow where it meets the least resistance.

I have read a philosophy of seeking the path of least resistance as we live out our lives. While I do not advocate our looking for resistance to overcome, it is true that electricity channeled through capacitors and transistors power our computers to do useful work.

As Jesus said in an age before we channeled electricity about paths of least resistance, “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.”

Beware walking through a thunderstorm. You may be on the path of least resistance.

Beware also of walking through life always seeking the easy way. The easy path is wide and smooth. Channel rather your energy through the way Jesus mapped out for us.

Posted in Attitude | Leave a Comment »

Forgive Yourself

September 19, 2023

When you talk to yourself, what do you say most often?

Maybe a random thought comes recalling a past incident where you did or said something stupid? Or perhaps when you were wrong or made a bad decision?

Maybe you say things to yourself such as “you’re so stupid” or “you’ll never make it” or similar comments?

Maybe you hurt someone in some way. Your thoughts return to that.

You can’t forgive yourself.

We have been taught since childhood about forgiving others. And we should. Forgiveness is a helpful way of life.

It is not selfish to forgive ourselves.

In our nightly recap of the day where we reflect on where we were helpful and where we missed the chance, forgiving ourselves our shortcomings needs to be included. In that way, we can begin a new day fresh and ready for new adventures.

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Fail Well

September 18, 2023

Seth Godin, entrepreneur and acute observer of life, wrote, “I’ve been doing it wrong all along This is one of the great benefits of learning. It’s also a common challenge. When we get better at something, it is preceded by a moment of incompetence. In that moment, we’re not exactly sure how to do it better, but we realize that the way we’d been doing it wasn’t nearly as useful.”

Often we humans are resistant to acknowledging we have been wrong and that change would be a good thing. Reading Thomas Merton this weekend, I saw, “A humble man is not afraid of failure.”

Godin proceeds with an example: It can be something prosaic–I learned last week that I’d been preheating my dosa pan for too long, and that’s why (paradoxically) they weren’t becoming crispy. Years of consistent behavior overturned in one moment. Or it can be something more profound, changing our perceptions of others and ourselves. If you need to be proven right, learning is a challenge. If you’re eager to be proven wrong, learning is delightful.

This fits with a podcast I heard last week from Guy Kawasaki’s “Remarkable People.” He talked with Harvard Business School Professor Amy Edmondson. Her latest book ‘Right Kind of Wrong: The Science of Failing Well,’ describes three kinds of failure.

The good kind of failure, which I call intelligent failure. We can call a failure intelligent when it is genuinely novel territory. We are in pursuit of an opportunity. We’ve done our homework, we’ve thought about what might happen, and we’ve designed a test of that hypothesis and finally, the failure is as small as possible to still be able to learn from it. You don’t want to make bigger bets than you have to in uncertain territory.
The other two kinds of failures we do want to prevent. The simplest kind of failure I call a basic failure, and it’s basic because it has a single cause. That single cause is usually human error. I put the milk in the cabinet instead of in the refrigerator and the milk spoils, so that’s a basic failure. That’s one that’s pretty trivial, but it’s one that happens because we’re not paying attention or we’re not maybe trained in an activity that we’re trying to do, we haven’t had enough training, we haven’t done our homework, what have you. Those are obviously not worth celebrating.
The third kind is what I call complex failures and they are, as the title suggests, multi causal. They generally happen because of a complex mix of factors. Some of them external, some of them internal. They come together in just the wrong way to produce a bad outcome. A supply chain breakdown during a global pandemic is a complex failure. The supply chain has struggled to deliver the goods and services that needed to because of a combination of things, people sick and not able to come to work, a shipping route’s being disrupted, storms that might happen and exacerbate the whole thing.

Are you leading an organization or only your life. You try something, it fails, you learn and move on. Some you are just not paying attention. Maybe more training would help. Some are from a system. You must periodically review your systems and see if they are still your servants—or are you their servant.

Posted in Attitude, Living | Leave a Comment »

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