Posts Tagged ‘growth’

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Gratitude Even When You Don’t Feel It

April 29, 2014

Some days, I just don’t feel grateful.

A long, long time ago when I first got into supervision in manufacturing, my boss told me that it would not be technical problems that ate your time and energy. It would be people problems. And it’s true. Everywhere I look recently, it seems that there are people problems blocking my path. Have several now.

I try to teach people about the value of mindfulness. When I sat in my chair this morning to meditate on this post, my thoughts went everywhere. No focus. No mindfulness. I’d come back to the present and then suddenly realize I was off thinking about something else.

There is a recurring to-do item in my Nozbe Getting Things Done planner (affiliate link) to make a list of people and things for which I’m grateful. I often ignore it.

That makes it even more important to my mental/emotional/spiritual well being to stop and contemplate all the blessings which deserve gratitude.

  • People who’ve come into my life
  • A meaningful ministry that can bring spiritual growth to many
  • Choices that led to a simple lifestyle that reduces financial worry
  • The ability to think and write
  • The ability to listen to God when He metaphorically kicks me in the pants and tells me to get over emotional despair
  • Opportunities beyond which I could never even dream as a kid in a very small town in a very rural area

Thanks for listening. What’s your list? Even just writing that list brought to mind many thoughts and prayers for each item. It’s good to make yourself stop in the midst of mental and spiritual distraction and make a list.

Now to go tackle those people problems.

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I Saw It Coming

April 16, 2014

Ever been in a situation where you see the first incident that could lead to a decision, and then continue to observe and watch the situation degenerate into something bad?

I’m reflecting on a call I made in Sunday’s men’s soccer match. Score 3-2. Team with 3 is attacking down at the opponent’s goal. Defender puts his body against the attacker with the ball. That’s the point of decision. The point that really captures my attention. Instead of denying the attacker access to the goal by that means (legal), defender decides to start pushing against the attacker with his body. I could see it coming. He must have moved the attacker five yards. Then the attacker went down.

This is the “moment of truth.” Do I have the courage to make the call? Because of the situation with the two teams and the level of play, I called penalty kick and the score was 4-2 with one minute to play.

But the thing is, I saw it coming. And I waited to see which decision the defender made.

Same thing can happen in our relationships. Have you seen a friend, colleague, or relative find themselves in a situation and then make a small decision? And then another? And another until someone calls Foul? And you said, “I saw it coming.”

I’ve been in too many conversations where the Christians around me are calling Foul on others when they saw it coming.

What about with you? Remember Jesus’ exaggerated comparison of seeing a mote in someone else’s eye and missing the log in your own? Do you recognize when you are in a situation and making that first small decision?

Maybe it’s relationship, maybe fitness and health, maybe ethics. And someone could say, “I saw it coming.” It would be best if we saw it coming to ourselves and diverted. Or if we were kind to a fellow human and tell them we see it coming and can we help them divert.

This week the Christian community remembers Jesus’ final week. When he and his closest followers went from triumph to despair to defeat to final victory. He saw it coming. Tried to prepare the others. They didn’t understand for days. Same can happen to us.

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Cultivate A Powerful Mind

April 7, 2014

Twenty minutes of quiet meditation daily rewires your brain to tap into and grow the regions responsible for a more positive outlook on life.

How many people do you know that just can’t settle down? They can’t take time to focus on just one idea at a time. Their thoughts are scattered all over and their anxieties multiply.

Is that somewhere that you’ve been? Or are now?

Brain researchers are discovering that the brain need not harden and weaken as it grows older. It can, in fact, continue to grow, add “wiring”, become more integrated. It just needs new experiences to keep it malleable and growing.

True confession–I have never read any of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes novels. I own one in paperback that I don’t think I ever read. But I’ve gotten hooked on the CBS series Elementary, the Sherlock Holmes movies and the BBC adaptation mini-series on PBS. I’ve been learning about Holmes’ thought process.

Maria Konnikova has written a well researched book on Holmes’ thought process intertwined with the latest on brain research. The book is Mastermind: How to Think Like Sherlock Holmes. I recommend it.

Toward the end of the book, she says, “If you get only one thing out of this book, it should be this: the most powerful mind is the quiet mind. It is the mind that is present, reflective, mindful of its thoughts and it’s state. It doesn’t often multitask, and when it does, it does so with a purpose.”

I have struggled with overcoming the busy mind, anxieties, lack of focus on my life. I’m sure many others have. I’ve also spent almost 50 years researching and experiencing and reflecting on this topic. She nails it.

And every time I drift, something calls me back to a quiet mind, focus, being present in the moment.

Here are a few things I’ve discovered:

  • Start the day with quiet time, maybe a cup of coffee or tea, just relaxing and focusing on breath. (remember that in the Hebrew and Greek of the Bible breath, wind and spirit are the same word)
  • Take a break during the day at times to move around to break the momentum of stress
  • Become aware of yourself and your thoughts that reside in the background, when they are not helpful, stop and take a few deep breaths
  • Turn off email and phone when you need to concentrate on reading or work
  • When you listen, listen; when you read, read; when you meditate, mediate–become fully aware of only the present moment

Peace.

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Tricks Our Minds Play on Us

April 2, 2014

Why is it that we hold some beliefs so firmly in the face of overwhelming evidence against them?

I notice this in religion, where people are convinced of the truth of a passage in the Bible, except that there is no such passage. Take a look at political discourse, that is, if you can with a measure of objectivity. Mostly it’s just a parroting of a mixture of opinion and fact–usually with precious little fact–held firmly as fact.

Pondering this question years ago led me to study brain science–at least from the standpoint of an educated layperson. My favorite works were by Antonio D’Amasio.

The current book open on my Kindle reader is Mastermind: How to Think Like Sherlock Holmes by Maria Konnikova. One chapter on deductive reasoning really delves into findings on how our brain tricks us. It is well known in many circles that the mind will believe anything we tell it to believe. Well, it can also tell us we saw something that we never saw with our eyes. It is now legendary in legal trial circles that the worst evidence is eyewitness evidence.

I try to remember this research often as I trust my memory. Sometimes the memory is good. I interview many people for my day job. I’ve only had one instance where I misquoted the intent of my source in the past 16 years.

The secret is focus, paying close attention to the speaker, concentrating. The conversation comes back with only a few notes for important points.

There are things that happen where you didn’t have such focus. You thought you read it, when maybe you only heard it somewhere. You thought you saw the incident, when maybe your attention was elsewhere and only diverted over to the incident and then returned.

This means that we need to intentionally sharpen our awareness of what is around us. Be mindful of what we see, do and read. Go back and read again. Question our assumptions and test them.

Live with intention, not as if in a dream.

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How Did You Get Where You Are

March 31, 2014

Are you doing now what you thought you’d be when you started out?

I loved science as a kid. Electronics, especially, fascinated me. I learned about circuits. I learned math that was way beyond what they were teaching in school. Enough so, that I always tested well in standardized tests on math. I learned a lot of science that is still with me.

This was all outside of school. I think I learned some things in school, but to this day most of my education is outside the walls of Academe. (Note to educators 😉

Writing always had an attraction to me. So, after working in engineering-related jobs for many years, I started writing (which requires thinking, by the way).

Jesus, John, Peter and the rest of the original group must have been somewhat similar. They were very smart, and they knew a lot. But several times in the Gospel accounts they are referred to as “uneducated.” I think that is because they were educated outside of the “Ivy League” of the day. They weren’t part of the establishment.

As an aside, I looked into studying in a seminary a long time ago. It wasn’t attractive. The course of study was weird to me. And, I viewed it as just an apprenticeship toward getting into the “club” so to speak–being an official pastor. Not an attractive option to me then–or now.

Take a look at John, whose Gospel I’m studying right now. He wrote in Greek. His logic is somewhat complex. I think the same person wrote the Gospel, the three letters and the Revelation because the logic is the same and the vision is consistent–although you can see growth.

John probably came from a wealthy family. Learned the family trade of fishing. Became an intimate disciple of Jesus. Became a leader of the early movement. Probably Peter being the organizer and John being the intellectual visionary. Then he moved to Ephesus and taught a community. Was exiled to an island. And became a writer.

I think what John did was a mixture of intentionally learning and following the proddings of God. I think that’s how I’ve wound up where I am.

So, how did you get where you are? There is, of course, still time to follow the little whispers of God suggesting things you should be learning and doing.

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Willpower Is Key To Success

March 26, 2014

There was a child, a marshmallow, a closed room, and a promise.

This was an experiment a couple of decades ago where a researcher curious about willpower brought a child into a room. A marshmallow was placed on a table. The researcher stated he would have to leave the room, but he would return in 15 minutes. The child could eat the marshmallow, but if the child did not eat the marshmallow, then he/she would get two marshmallows upon the return of the researcher.

Some ate the marshmallow. Some didn’t.

A follow up on as many of the children as they could find after some 20+ years revealed that the children with the willpower to delay gratification were generally more successful in life than those lacking that one strength.

Daniel Goleman writes about this research in one chapter of his latest book, Focus. It turns out that willpower is more effective a predictor of a young child’s (ages 4-6) success in life than is social class or IQ.

How did the children who succeeded in resisting the temptation do it? They diverted their minds. Those whose thoughts dwelled on the marshmallow, ate it. Those who started singing a song to themselves, or talking to themselves, or played make-believe–in other words, those who diverted their thoughts from the marshmallow–were able to resist it.

Two takeaways.

If you are a parent or grandparent or otherwise can influence a child. Teach them to divert their thoughts to something else instead of continuing to focus on the errant behavior.

Or, for you…when your thoughts start to focus on something you’d rather not think about–be it that donut that is now staring at me as I write this or some worry or anxiety–start to think about something else. The willpower lies in intentionally (yesterday’s topic) choosing to think about something different from the negative thought. I first noticed that I did this myself over 40 years ago. I testify that it works.

Help a kid. Help yourself. Learn how to develop some willpower.

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Set Your Path For the New Year

January 2, 2014

New Year’s Day coming on Wednesday really screws up a week. Normally there are several days strung together where I do year-end analysis (of myself and my businesses), prepare for tax season, and think about my direction for the new year.

This year, I worked on Monday and most of Tuesday. Here it is Thursday morning, and I’m going to spend most of the day on normal work.

I just read Andy Stanley’s book, “The Principle of the Path,” and my small group is studying the letter of James. As I contemplated these this morning, I found some parallels as I often do.

The principle of the path, to unjustly summarize, basically builds from the idea that you do something (consciously or re-actively chosen) and that starts you down a path of life. It may guide future decisions.

James follows a lineage of thought that is sort of, “to be is to do.” That is, the word “faith” does not mean a principle to which I agree with in my head (logically) or feel is write in my heart (emotionally). Faith is more of an action verb than it is a noun.

Back in my days of singing folk songs and campfire songs with my beat-up classical guitar, there was a song we sang called “Love is Something You Do.” Same idea.

Jon Swanson asked his readers for goals or words for the year. I don’t really choose goals in the usual sense or have a theme word for the year. But thinking about his question, I decided this year should be one of focus and energy. I got too diverted into too many things in 2013 and my energy sapped at times.

But as a disciple of Jesus, I feel more like it’s a “put one foot in front of the other” sort of thing. Where faith is choosing the path and assuring that each decision and action continue me on the path this year. Living consciously and intentionally.

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Your End-of-Year Spiritual Review

December 31, 2013

We are always in need of the discipline of pause and reflect.

Each week, best on Sunday evening, it is good to check your next action and review notes and compile a to-do list of the most important things you need to do during the week.

Each month, pause and reflect on the previous month. Did I accomplish the things I needed to get done? What were the distractions? What do I need to focus on this month to move me toward my goals?

Each year, take at least a full day and pause and reflect on the preceding year and the next year. What was the state of my spiritual health over the past year? Was I diligent in my Spiritual practices? Prayer, meditation, study, service, worship, teaching? Was I the kind of person that I want to be?

What things did I habitually do that helped me grow? What things did I habitually do that hindered my growth?

Aristotle, writing in the Nicomachean Ethics, said, “Some thinkers hold that it is by nature that people become good, others that it is by habit, and others that it is by instruction.” He thought habits were the thing. “The behaviors that occur unthinkingly are the evidence of our truest selves.”

“However, to modify a habit, you must decide to chant it. You must consciously accept the hard work of identifying the cues and rewards that drive the habits’ routines, and find alternatives,” wrote Charles Duhigg in “The Power of Habit: Why we do what we do in Life and Business.”

This is a good day to pause and reflect. I have done this “religiously” for more than 30 years. Some years it’s only smaller things that come to mind. Some, like last year, precipitated major life changes.

For today, look at yourself as an objective observer would. What did I do habitually that was detrimental to my becoming the kind of person I want to be? The first step of change is to decide to do this work of identifying them.

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I’m Doing a Great Work

December 30, 2013

I’m Doing a Great Work

“I am doing a great work, and I cannot come down.”

What is your great work for 2014? Can you see it in your mind?

Nehemiah saw a problem that troubled him greatly. His brother returned to Susa in Persia where Nehemiah was an official in the Emperor’s office with disturbing news about the state of affairs in Jerusalem–the ancient capital of his people.

He prayed and meditated on the problem for several months and came to focus on fixing one big thing–rebuilding the walls of the city. In those days, cities of any importance at all had walls. Jerusalem’s walls had been in shambles ever since the Babylonians had conquered the city some 100 years before.

One day while he was supervising the rebuilding of the walls, his enemies sent a message requesting a meeting in a village down on the plain. Nehemiah responded, “I am doing a great work, and I cannot come down.”

This year’s work

This is the time of the year for reflecting upon the past year and resolving to do better next year. I will adjust my schedule at the gym to allow for an influx of optimistic people next week. My Yoga class will double in size for the month of January.

People will make resolutions to lose weight, get fit, be healthier. But they won’t focus on the great work, and they’ll quit.

What is your great work for the coming year? Define it. Write it down and keep it in a place you’ll see daily. For in the coming time, every day you must make decisions–almost hourly–that will determine the outcome of your great work.

Do you need to have a better relationship? Deal with an alcohol or other addiction problem? End a toxic relationship? Start a new ministry? Define it, pray and meditate on it, ask God to bring people into your life that will help you.

My great work

Last year at this time, I heard Andy Stanley of North Point Ministries teach on this verse. I also read Henry Cloud’s book “Necessary Endings.” A friend had advised me to pray intentionally for God to bring people into my life.

Also last year I had been praying for God to open up some sort of ministry and to deal with a toxic relationship that I had found myself in. And to bring new people into my life.

It was an interesting year. I ended the toxic relationship, started a new business, accepted a request to re-start a ministry at church and started the process of turning around another business and to buy it.

My great work this year is to digest all that, achieve focus and purpose on each, and make them all successful. At the core, I pray to become a better communicator.

What’s yours? Are you stepping out in faith?

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Learn By Copying First, Then Creating

December 26, 2013

I’ve had several days with the grandkids over the past five weeks. They are old enough, especially the oldest who is six, to start playing with a little more sophisticated toys.

Have you noticed how some of the “creative” toy companies have come out with more structured toys? Specifically Legos. You used to get a box with maybe a couple of examples on the lid and then you just let the kid start creating. Now, there are specific toys. I’ve been helping Wyatt build Nijagas (or something like that–I’m afraid that I’ve lost touch with kid culture).

Originally I’d have had a negative attitude about such structure. But I’ve discovered that he’s learning some tremendous lessons that are appropriate to his age.

He is learning to follow instructions on how to build something. In so doing, he’s learning about the different types of blocks and what they do. As he masters these, then, if he is so inclined, he’ll move on to creating his own masterpieces.

Every artist I’ve ever studied has begun by mastering all the techniques that came before. The great ones then extend the practice by adding their own insights and techniques.

Leaders study other leaders. Practice what they learned. Study some more, and become eventually great leaders.

Even spiritually. I think a lot about the very short scene we have about Jesus’ life where he was 12 (which was “older” than today’s 12 in developed nations) and studying with the greatest teachers at the time in his culture. Even Jesus didn’t just drop in a spiritual master. He was human, too, and had to learn. He was just predisposed to focus on the right questions.

That is the value of learning and practicing the traditional spiritual practices. You practice, and practice, and practicce.

Almost no one is born a master craftsman or spiritual guru. But we can all become a master at something. Just by spending 15 minutes first thing in the morning developing the practice of study and meditation will, over a lifetime, bring you to spiritual maturity.

Start by learning the basics and copying someone or something good. Then add to the practice and become a master–even a spiritual master.

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