Posts Tagged ‘attitude’

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Try Easy to Find Happiness

January 28, 2015

The very first time I was introduced to the “personal development guru” genre was in the late 1970s. The guy (I forget his name, now) “gave” us all Day-Timers for organizing our tasks, goals and time, taught us Transcendental Meditation (“ram” the sound of the third chokra, or energy center in the body, the seat of power), and left us with a thought, “try easy.”

By that he meant try to achieve, but take it easy. If it doesn’t happen, so be it. Work hard, but allow space for the unexpected.

Someone recently wrote about chronically unhappy people. One contributor was attempting (or thinking you can) control your life.

Ever notice people who are “control freaks?” They try to control all the outcomes of their life. They will be successful, the boss, rich, happy. They write goals and then try to micromanage the effort to control the outcome.

Many not only try to control every outcome of their life, they also try to control your life. They like to tell everyone else how to live second-by-second. They are a joy to have around—not.

Do you know controlling people—either aggressively so or passive-aggressively so—who say they aren’t? They say things like, “I know God is in control,” yet their lives betray their lack of confidence in that statement.

Life goals are good. Although writing a goal such as “I’ll lose 15 pounds this year” is laudable. But if you try controlling the achievement of that goal through will power, you’ll wind up unhappy.

If you see yourself as becoming fit, trim and 15 pounds lighter, and then look at your lifestyle and change some habits, then you’ll find yourself changing and maybe achieving that “try easy” frame of mind. You have established a habit of not snacking on high calorie junk. A habit of going to the gym. A habit of the group exercise class. If you miss one? So what, I’m in the habit of going and I return next day.

Same with deepening your spiritual life. There are so many people who talk about “loving the Lord” or “being a Christian”, yet they seem so unhappy.

Maybe just deciding to drop the burden of trying to control themselves and others that they may not even realize they are carrying will be the first step of freedom from their own self-imposed control. Maybe a new habit develops of thinking about others first. Not to control what they do, but to understand what they need and be there to help.

A change in attitude toward control will change the permanent orientation of your life from unhappy to joyful.

Try easy.

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Leadership For Tense Meetings

January 23, 2015

“The challenge of leadership is to be strong, but not rude; be kind, but not weak; be bold, but not bully; be thoughtful, but not lazy; be humble, but not timid; be proud, but not arrogant; have humor, but without folly.” — Jim Rohn

Have you ever participated in a meeting where decisions must be made to move an organization (department, business, church, association) forward? And there are at least two strong points of view regarding the direction of the decision. Sometimes these decisions are so important that the outcome will determine the direction of the organization for years to come. And the goal is to not let the organization splinter.

Have you ever had to lead such a meeting?

This quote from author/consultant Jim Rohn hit a couple of items that directly affect the successful outcome of such a meeting.

Let’s tackle thoughtful. The leader beforehand must understand the necessary outcome of the decision. She must also understand the competing points of view. The leader must be able to fairly summarize for the group the issue and each side. This starts the conversation on a level platform focusing on results, not personalities.

Then there is strong. Taking control of the meeting means taking control of speakers in the sense of encouraging people to speak, but to speak civilly and orderly. The strong leader intervenes to keep the conversations focused. She assures that while only one person at a time speaks all sides are heard and all questions asked.

The leader is not rude. The meeting will take its tone from the leader. A weak leader relinquishes control of the meeting to the loudest voices. Meanwhile, a rude leader cuts off people in mid-sentence, makes cutting comments, ignores some perspectives. On the other hand, he is courteous. Has a firm but gentle voice. Treats every member with respect. So this category also includes kind and not weak.

There are times when humor is not only appropriate, but also it lightens the tension and, like a deep breath, allows everyone space to calm and refocus.

I’ve seen these discussions go downhill in a hurry where just about everyone goes away angry. I’ve seen these meetings go well.

This is a lot like the work of a professional soccer referee who successfully orchestrates the game, but in the end all the focus is on the players. And the players determine the outcome. The focus of a successful leader is on everyone else, not on themselves.

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Diversity Is Good Celebrate Difference

January 19, 2015

Have you noticed how often on Facebook that there are many people who talk about being individualist and celebrate political comments of individuality, yet they are all the same? They conform to common thoughts and opinions. Pretty much dress alike, too, depending a little upon age.

I heard Dr. King speak once. He was a classmate of our campus chaplain at Ohio Northern University. Dr. Udy invited him, and he came and spoke. We were almost all white. We were almost all Republican–in an era where that was becoming a code-word for being against civil rights. But he spoke well.

And, I, too, shared that dream that all people would be accepted for their character, not for their race, gender, religion. It has been a long process. It’s been 50 years. We’re closer, but, as you can see from Facebook postings where evidently people feel free to spout off about anything, we’re still far away.

Here is yet another study that shows why you should promote diversity and legitimate sharing on your teams–whether at work, church, civic organizations. The article discussing it is called, Sensitivity, Women, Sharing: What Makes Teams Smart, by Orion Jones. This one dealt more with women, but it shares results with other earlier studies that include race and ethnic diversity along with gender.

When teams of professionals are composed of more women, share ideas in equal part, and are emotionally perceptive, they make better decisions and find better solutions to problems.

As part of an emerging science of effective teamwork, researchers at MIT and Carnegie Mellon University have been asking why some teams, like some individuals, are measurably smarter than others.

The smartest teams were distinguished by members which contributed more equally to the discussion, were better at reading complex emotional states in lab settings, and were composed of more women (possibly because women are better at identifying emotion).

I try to the best of my ability to treat all people the same. I give them a chance to prove whether I should continue to associate with them, trust them, or do business with them all on an individual basis. Let’s celebrate the memory of Martin Luther King, Jr. by just quietly accepting others and quietly promoting diversity in our teams and groups.

 

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Nice People Do Finish First

January 15, 2015

“27 Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due,
when it is in your power to do it.
28 Do not say to your neighbor, “Go, and come again,
tomorrow I will give it”—when you have it with you.
29 Do not plan harm against your neighbor
who lives trustingly beside you.
30 Do not quarrel with anyone without cause,
when no harm has been done to you.”
–Proverbs 3

It is said, “Nice guys finish last.”

I know people who call themselves Christian who are Darwinists. Oh, no, not the evolutionary scientist ones. The ones who subscribe to a late 19th Century philosophy derived from Darwin’s theory of survival of the fittest–Social Darwinists.

There was one of those who worked with me for years. At least, he was the most blatant of the philosophy. These are people for whom life is a “zero-sum game.” There are winners and there are losers. And you know the winners by how much wealth they’ve accumulated, the size and location of their house(s), the size of their salary. Losers? Well, they should just get lost. Who cares about them?

Like narcissists (are they cousins?), many can be charming at times. But the in-your-face attitude often comes out.

Scientific evidence

Scientists have discovered ways to simulate all manner of situations on powerful computers. This article in Lifehacker reports on a computer simulation of a game called Prisoner’s Dilemma.

Researchers set up a “game” where the players get two cards (options) which are basically to cooperate or compete to win the game. Humans playing the game typically choose to compete.

This latest research set up a computer simulation of the game that could be iterated many times. The results–it is better for both players to cooperate rather than compete.

Biblical wisdom

I guess Biblical wisdom is really, er, wise.

While maintaining your core strength gained from God, treat your fellow humans nicely, with dignity and respect. In the end, you’ll win.

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Practice Active Listening

January 12, 2015

We are in a series of practices to start off your 2015 and deepen your spiritual and relational experiences.

Today, let’s consider listening.

“When you listen, listen completely. Most people don’t listen,” said Mark Twain.

“You can hear a lot just by listening,” Yogi Berra added.

When you are in a conversation, what are you doing?

Most people are thinking about what they are going to say when there is a pause. Or they are talking over the other person. Arguing, even.

When you are at a conference or in church listening to the message, what are you thinking? Dozing off?

We need to engage with the speaker. The practice is active listening. The first thing is where you’re looking. Focus your eyes on the speaker. What is the posture, eye contact (or lack), gesture? Communication is a “full-contact” sport.

In a personal conversation, focus on an eye. If there is much ambient noise, I alternate focus on eyes and mouth so that I can “see” the words coming, too. I’m listening to the person with all my senses.

Rather than trying to come up with a better story, try to think of questions to draw out more information and engagement.

In a large setting, take notes. You may never refer to the notes again. The very act of note taking, though, keeps you alert and focusing on the speaker.

For 2015, let’s develop our active listening skill.

 

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Might As Well Relax

December 24, 2014

It’s finally here. Christmas Eve. All the worrying about did I get the right present for someone (or did I get presents for everyone I should have). The stress of coordinating family visits. It might as well be over. It’s too late now to worry anymore.

If you have little children around, just relax and enjoy their anticipation. They will be past that soon enough.

I have already gone to my Christmas church services. Maybe you’re heading out for Midnight Mass (I assume Catholics still do that–the church who ran the school I taught in one year was known throughout the area for its beautiful one). Back home, they’ll have a candlelight service with much singing.

If so, just relax and enjoy.

There’s a scene in Christmas Vacation where Clark’s dad says he got through the dysfunctional family gatherings “with a little help from Jack Daniels.”

Perhaps you can get by with just a few deep breaths.

There are readers of this blog who live in areas where the greater stress is not just family bickering but personal safety. I pray that your celebration is safe, as well as meaningful. It’s amazing to me what Christians in the US think is persecution which is so insignificant when compared to so many other countries of the world.

One of the titles for Jesus is Prince of Peace. As followers, let us all work toward fulfilling that promise of peace.

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The Glory of God Shone Brightly

December 23, 2014

Remember when Moses saw the glory of God? His face shone so brightly reflecting that glory that the Hebrews could not stand to see it. So they asked that Moses hide his face behind a veil.

The Glory of God was said to inhabit the Ark for years. At some point, evidently, the glory sort of faded away.

Solomon built a Temple so that the Glory of God could “rest”, that is inhabit, with the people. It was said that God’s Glory filled the Temple.

If there is one overarching theme to the Old Testament, it is that the people of God draw close to God and then abandon Him. This theme recurs often continuing over centuries.

Then with the destruction of the Temple by the Babylonians and the second major exile of the Jewish people, God’s Glory was withdrawn from the land. Even with the building of the second Temple, there is no talk of God coming to dwell in it. This temple was not built with God’s blessing and instruction.

The conclusion of that cycle of glory and disengagement ended when God decided to “build” His own Temple. He revealed His glory, not through a stone building, but through a human being–Jesus of Nazareth.

Paul even calls our own bodies temples of God’s Spirit. That was, and is, a pretty radical statement. No wonder the Jews at the time beat him and stoned him.

Even so, we celebrate the return of the Glory of God to Earth at this time of the year. We participated in a wonderful celebration of the Advent Sunday with music, story, sharing.

Merry Christmas.

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Posted in Christianity, Worship | 2 Comments »

Measure Your Priorities in Life

December 22, 2014

Jesus told us to watch what we do with our money, wealth and possessions. Their use is an indicator of the status of our heart.

This is probably a good time of the year to pause our hectic holiday activities and search out what our priorities are.

Where are your priorities? How can we know? This time of year, commercialization grabs center stage. Yet, also, there are opportunities to donate to any of seemingly a million causes. Do you pick some causes important to you or your understanding of mission? Do you donate? Or is your spending ruled by yourself?

Christmas is a boom time for luxury car sales. Those must be presents for oneself.

You can apply this to other areas of life. Take a look at a church budget and divide into two buckets. Take a look at your personal overall budget and put into two buckets. Check out your Christmas budget. Yep. Divide into two buckets. One bucket is for your personal (or the church’s internal) use. The other is for outreach/mission/evangelism/other-focused. What is the proportion of one bucket to the other? If it is greater than 50/50 weighted toward inward/personal, what does that say about you?

Pause, reflect, take appropriate action. Don’t be a Grinch. Help others have a happy Christmas time.

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Listen For Healing

December 18, 2014

Trait of listening to people for healing; listening to God in preparation.

This comment just popped up in some notes I was reviewing. I have no idea where it came from. No idea what the context was. But, it’s interesting, isn’t it?

We’re in Advent, so preparation is on my mind. Much had to be prepared for Jesus arrival. Before conception, Mary had to be prepared. She had to listen to God’s messenger and pay attention.

After conception, Joseph had to be prepared. He, also, had to listen to a messenger of God.

This was listening in preparation. They each had to listen and then act.

But in the story, Zechariah and Elizabeth also had to listen and act. They were important, too. And their son, John, had also to listen (to his parents we presume) and then act.

Our challenge this week is to also listen. What words or thoughts are God whispering into our consciousness?

Then I thought about the healing part.

Who listens? Who talks?

Perhaps we need someone to listen to us. This is a time of year of great stress. There are all the holidays–gifts, parties, family. Also winter is coming on (here in the Northern Hemisphere). That stresses many.

Who do we have that will listen to us? Who will give a comforting word?

Or turn it around. Who needs us to listen to them? Do we realize just how much healing we can do by listening? That would be active listening, paying attention to the words, the feelings, the thoughts between the words. Understanding. Empathizing. Comforting. Praying.

Listening. Preparation. Healing. Comforting. Valuable Spiritual Disciplines.

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They Don’t Tell The Story Anymore

December 17, 2014

“Fewer and fewer people tell the story of Advent anymore.”

Perhaps I listen to the Pastor too carefully. Sort of like a professor in college rather than as a professional speaker whose aim is not to enlighten but to move emotions.

This may have been just a rhetorical device. Build up a “straw man” only to tear it down later in the talk.

More likely it is the lament of a person (most of my contemporaries in west central and northwest Ohio) who grew up in a village of perhaps 1,500 or fewer population. Everyone in the village was the same. Christian. White. Worker.

That is not the way it is anymore. We live in a multi-cultural time. Even within my Yoga class, not only do I have the “usual suspects” of white Christians, but we have had class members who are Jain, Sikh and Hindu. Oh, also Islam. Probably a few “pagans”, too. That is in a town of fewer than 20,000 people.

The majority in town most likely are those without a god. They live life day-by-day according to the whims of their emotions. “Sinners” as Paul the Apostle would say. People not only not trying to live a moral life, but actually deriding those who do.

Is the problem that fewer people are telling the story of Advent these days or that we in the church are doing such a poor job of it?

One of our pastors has a great heart for children. I wish some of her empathy could be siphoned off into other vessels of human flesh who could use some of that. But she has said every year at this time, “I was worried that the kids would not have Christmas.”

Let me translate for all of you non-Americans who read these words. She means, “I’m afraid that the kids will not get presents.”

Even devout followers of Jesus equate Christmas with receiving presents!

Circling around to the pastor’s comment–I was immediately reminded (as I sat there listening to the rest of his talk) of the Acts 2 church. They added daily to the number of followers–by the way they lived.

We added four people to our membership Sunday. But they all came from other churches. How many people in your groups have been added because they have see a better way to live due to your example?

Maybe we are the cause of the “fewer”?

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