Moral Obligation To Justice

September 2, 2015

I hate blatant misrepresentation of Scripture.

Hate is a strong word, and I am a person of few, if any, hates. But when someone twists a story told by Jesus to wring all meaning from it save some sort of self-serving, political interpretation–well, I hate it. That sort of thing makes disciples look bad all over the globe.

A friend of mine posted one of the pictures that is the dominant theme of Facebook these days (both right and left, religious and pagan). His “picture” was of Pope Francis with a saying about the moral imperative of economic justice.

Someone whom I assume is a friend of my friend ripped the thought and suggested the Pope should read Matthew 20 (OK, arrogance knows no bounds). This is a story about a vineyard owner who decided to pay the laborers who worked 1 hour the same as those who worked all day.

“This shows that I can do with my money whatever I want,” the guy proclaimed.

Unless we missed the message that God has returned to Earth physically and inhabits the body of this guy, we need to take another look at the passage.

The meaning has nothing whatsoever to do with me and my money. It is a parable about God. God is the owner of the vineyard. “For the kingdom of heaven is like….” If God wishes to save people at the very end of their lives the same as those who have been disciples their entire lives, well, God can do what God wants to do. After all, he is, er, God.

Jesus really only gave us two commandments. Unfortunately for us, they are not easy to live out every day. Love God. Love our neighbor.

Which of those two tell us that we can do whatever we wish with our money? Or even says that it is our money to begin with?

So, I’m reading Proverbs 26 this week. Which of these am I doing?

Do not answer fools according to their folly, or you will be a fool yourself.

Answer fools according to their folly, or they will be wise in their own eyes.

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Teach Your Children Well or Lose the Helicopter

September 1, 2015

Our pastoral staff just completed a summer series of teaching on parenting. I actually got out my acoustic guitar and sang Graham Nash’s song (Crosby, Stills, and Nash) “Teach Your Children” to help cap off the series.

I have always loved the parallelism of “teach your children” and “teach your parents”. We actually do learn from each other.

The next line is “feed them on your dreams.”

It doesn’t say live out your dreams through them.

Yesterday’s reading through my news feed contained a post on Big Think about Helicopter Parenting. Click the link and check out the infographic.

Helicopter parenting comes from the concept of one or both parents continually hovering over their kids. They just can’t turn them loose to learn to become independent, self-functioning adults.

It hurts the child. The infographic points out a number of dysfunctions among the children victims of these bad parenting practices.

I’ve had some involvement with athletics since I was quite small. Never even close to a star athlete, I could play tennis reasonably well and could run fast. But I started umpiring baseball at all levels at age 16. Even at that age i saw dads living out their dreams through their sons. It turned my stomach back then.

Then as I got deeper into soccer, I have seen countless parents, especially moms, who do everything for the kids except actually get out on the pitch and make the calls. I trust these kids to go out and be referees or assistant referees. Yet, they cannot call me for assignments. Mom must do the calling. Mom checks up. Mom calls to complain.

I’d tell them, if you’re old enough to referee, you’re old enough to contact me to either pick up a game or tell me why you have to drop a game.

The dad of a kid coming into the area to attend college actually called me several times to get him signed up and get “good” games. Guess what? The kid got a bad reputation among other referees before he crashed and burned and disappeared from the scene.

Let’s make it a spiritual discipline to try to parent in such a way as to let our kid (and grandkids) grow up strong and independently functioning adults. And help other kids, too, while we’re at it.

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Confronting People The Right Way

August 31, 2015

There was a meeting at church. Suddenly one woman spoke up aggressively. She was complaining about someone who evidently was in the worship band at one of the services.

She was upset about the person’s lifestyle. “He’s living in sin, and he knows it. And he needs to stop, or else stop coming here. And he’s even on the platform.”

She had confronted the person, but he did not change.

I was thinking about confrontations such as this over the weekend. Must have been a book I’ve been reading. But the story of this meeting returned. In full color. In my mind. With the harsh judgementalism.

And I wondered, just how did that confrontation go? I’m guessing it was not done in a gently and loving manner. Given that the meeting was some time after the confrontation, I’m also guessing that the confrontation had no effect.

People do need to be confronted at times. Addicts need someone to stop enabling them and tell them no and tell them where an AA meeting is. At a smaller scale, someone you know is about to make a bad decision. Giving your point of view can be helpful.

But there are ways to do it. 

The judgemental, angry, finger-in-the-face “you’re going to hell” confrontation will seldom have a desired effect.

I’ve found on the soccer pitch that watching my tone of voice as a referee helps immensely. When I lose my cool and shout something stupid, guess what, I don’t obtain a desired change from the person.

Saturday, I had a high school boy get too aggressive on a foul. I called the foul, checked the fouled player quickly for injury, then made a public, but quiet, gesture and word to the player. He nodded. He understood that I was trying to help him curb his aggressiveness a little so he could stay in the game.

It’s all in the approach. When to be gentle, when to be tough, when to be a little of both.

But I’ve never found the in-your-face method beneficial.

Works the same for evangelism.

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Listening: Leadership Trait and Narcissism Cure

August 28, 2015

Is there a narcissist in your life?

If you live in the West, especialy in America, the odds favor a yes answer. One hopes that the person is not your boss. I further hope the person is not you! (But if it is, you’re not aware of it.)

There are a few in my life. I asked a therapist (my daughter) about what the DSM says. She said there is no known cure. Either live with it or avoid them.

Jenny Dyer writing on Donald Miller’s Storyline Blog came up with some interesting thoughts. Not valid cures at this point, but interesting thoughts.

I have written several times about listening and how it’s a great leadership trait to develop. It may go deeper than that.

Dyer writes, “In the recent HBO hit series, “In Treatment,” Gabriel Byrnes discusses his role as a psychotherapist.”

He notes, “Listening, I think, is one of the most profound compliments that you can pay to another person. To truly listen and to feel that you’re heard is deeply fulfilling in a deep human way.” This awareness of listening is an act of empathy.

Hearing the story of another human, and deeply listening to that story, is an act of compassion, altruism, and love. It involves losing yourself and experiencing a “vicarious introspection” into the life of another human being.

To truly hear a story is an act of empathy. 

Neurological studies show that altruism is actually a biological response, hard-wired into the brain.

In fact, acts of generosity, empathy, or altruism light up a primitive part of the brain that is usually associated with pleasurable actions like eating good food or sex.

They might actually cure narcissism.

So if you’re starting to fear you’re a little too self-absorbed, stop to listen, think about others instead, and give generously with what you have.

Ironically, in combating narcissism through empathy, the individual who has long suffered from narcissism actually secures the greatest win—a pleasurable biological response—when focused on others.

Reflecting on that idea, it came to me that he may be on to something. I think I have witnessed that in a couple of lives. Maybe more. Something broke through their consciousness. They started to actually think about other people. Give money, time, gifts.

In none of the cases was it a total cure. But it was an improvement.

So if you are feeling a bit too self-absorbed. Or maybe someone you know is. Try breaking through the fog and just try listening to someone with no thought about what you might say. If a thought comes to mind about your experience to share with the other, say to yourself, “It’s really not that important. Let’s listen to the other person.”

You can learn a lot just by listening to someone else.

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Do You Want To Get Lucky

August 27, 2015

An old joke from the Newhart Show set in Vermont. The handyman, Tom Poston, finds a stray dog and takes him in. He names the dog Lucky, because he is, well, lucky to have a home.

Enter Stephanie, the cute young woman. Says Poston in his dry voice and deadpan face, “Stephanie, if you’re ever feeling lonely, you can come to my room and get Lucky.” <badda boom>

I have a fried who has moved from writing about technology and business to writing about life. He’s questioning his Catholic precedents right now. Happens to all of us at some time, I guess.

His latest writing was on getting lucky.

Are some people just lucky?

Are they lucky because they have a positive mental attitude?

Are they not lucky but practice “active consciousness” bringing good things into their lives (he read a book).

Two answers

I go with two answers.

First is the obviously practical. Luck is where preparation meets opportunity.

If you get the opportunity to speak on a subject or finally play an instrument in the orchestra, then you had better have been practicing for years so that you can succeed.

Second is not so obviously practical–but in effect it is.

You still need preparations–the disciplines of study, practice, prayer, service.

However, you also need to pray with intention. Not just wishful thinking. Not just vague prayers to God.

No. It is the hard work of prayer. It is engaging your mind and strength and soul in prayer. You have intention. You pray on purpose, with purpose.

You pray, “God please bring a person into my life who….” Maybe it’s someone to whom you can share the gospel message. Someone who offers a chance at a service or ministry you’ve been searching for. Someone who needs a mentor or friend.

Or you pray, “Lord, I feel you nudging me toward a mission, a ministry. Open my eyes and show me the ministry you have in mind for me.” I did that over the  space of a year or more. Then I got a phone call.

Lucky? Or good? Or, ready when God calls?

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We Need To Make a Contribution

August 26, 2015

This is the moment — this is the most important moment right now. Which is: We are about contribution. That’s what our job is. It’s not about impressing people. It’s not about getting the next job. It’s about contributing something.”                                                                  — Benjamin Zander

I used to say of my parenting goals that I wanted to raise independent, healthy people who contributed to the common good of our society.

Don’t know how much it was because of me, but they both turned out that way.

My fatther was in many ways a servant. That may be the only thing I learned from him. Probably for different psychological/emotional reasons. But still I desire to serve. I want to contribute good things wherever I go.

Living in this time of a Narcissism Epidemic, the number of people who think it’s all about them rather than about contributing is astounding.

So many wish to retire and do nothing. Or maybe one little thing at church. When they have a lifetime of experience and skills that could be used to contribute to someone’s life or a worthwhile organization’s impact.

Taking a musical metaphor (with a bow to Zander), a band or orchestra is only good when each part contributes to the whole. That band or orchestra is only outstanding when every member contributes excellence.

Want to live a fulfilled life as a disciple of Jesus? Try making a contribution. Contribute to someone’s life. Contribute to an organization doing the right thing. 

Make a contribution…and live the free life.

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Give Them Grace

August 25, 2015

Aunt Bethany keeps asking “Where’s Grace” as a recurring line in Christmas Vacation. To which Uncle Lewis keeps replying, “Grace is not here.”

Sometimes our churches are like that. You observe members and listen to conversations and you wonder, “Where’s Grace?”

My wife and I were discussing Andy Stanley’s current series in his “Your Move” videocasts. It is entitled “Christian” and discusses how that word is not defined in the Bible, so you can make it mean whatever you want it to. He points to the word Jesus actually used for his followers–disciple. That is a word with well known meaning.

He tackles straight on the opinion of most outside the church, and even many within, about “Christians.” Quarrelsome, disputatious, judgemental, homophobic–and sure that they are the only ones going to heaven and you are going to hell secretly happy that you are going to hell.

Where is grace in all that?

I was recently talking with some leaders who in turn have a leader who is a non-leader. They handle it with grace. Better than I would, for sure. But I’m learning.

They say he has too much grace to make a decision. I see that as more of a failure of maturity as a leader. But they give him grace. And life goes on.

That is challenging to most of us–giving grace. 

We all have daily dealings with people who seem to require extra grace. They probably don’t even know it. But, it is better to suck it up and give grace than live with the results of not living in grace.

Quarrelsome, judgemental, disputatious, mean, bitter.

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I Confess

August 24, 2015

We were taught as children that God is always watching us. Well, we were also taught that Santa Claus was always watching us, too. And both knew when we were naughty.

The writer of Hebrews, a document in the New Testament, talked about a great cloud of witnesses.

Worse than all of those–the Internet is watching you. The Web knows when you’ve been naughty. And it stores that data. The story is that they store it so that they can serve ads to you that are relevant to your wants. But, who knows what nefarious use could be made from all that knowledge about you?

I confess–that I am not scrambling to do damage control. I don’t have to go to my wife and explain why my name got linked to a Website that is designed for married men and women to “hook up” for casual sex.

I have never seen the Ashley Madison (no link provided) Website. I’ve seen ads. I’ve seen stories about it and its competitors. But I confess, I never clicked. For those who do not follow technology, the Ashley Madison Website was “hacked”, that is, broken into. And the “hackers”, aka thieves, downloaded the customer list including names and email addresses. If you enrolled at that site, soon the whole world will know.

I don’t write about technology on this blog. However, there is a spiritual discipline point to talking about technology.

For whatever reason some (many?) married men and women feel a deep need for sexual encounters. There seem to be many reasons for this. I’m not going to delve into psychology. But for more information, check out the first 9 chapters of Proverbs.

God knows what you do. He knows what’s in your heart. But if you want to do immediate relationship damage, register your email on these hook up or porn sites. When (not if) they are hacked and emails are released, the words of Desi Arnaz will come back to haunt you, ‘Lucy, you’ve got some ‘splainin’ to do.”

The damage between you and God is already done. Better restore that relationship soon.

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Committees Speak With A Single Voice-Leadership Tip

August 21, 2015

My Friday thoughts on leadership are targeting committees.

Most of us have no doubt served on a committee. These are groups of people brought together for a purpose. Sometimes it is a special occasion, for example organizing a reunion. Sometimes it is a standing committee formed to support a function or need of the organization. These might be trustees of an organization or marketing committee or finance.

Committees are rarely composed of only one person. Therefore when a committee meets several voices are heard. That is often why a committee is formed. Bringing in diverse points of view provides a better chance of finding the best solution to the problem that the committee is formed to solve.

When the committee decides, then it must speak with a single  voice. There may be members who do not agree with the majority. There may be background concerns or opinions. Whatever that may be, the committee must either report to the main body with one solution or tackle its work in a single direction.

That is where the leader’s role becomes crucial.

The reunion committee agrees on date, location, theme, entertainment, and the like. Then assignments are made to area leaders to get the various tasks done.

The finance committee must report its findings and recommendations to its governing board. The report cannot include the discussions and a variety of half-formed “concerns.” It must be specific in stating the problem and recommending actions.

The governing board leader and the committee leader must:

  • Clearly define and communicate the problem
  • Keep the committee discussions focused on solutions
  • Strive to focus on the business and not on personalities
  • Bring the committee to a decision regarding solution to the problem
  • Clearly communicate the solutions or actions needed to all concerned

If that last task is not done, then the work of the committee is subverted and desired actions will not be carried out. Argument and divisiveness grow in the organization. The problem festers.

We have all experienced the committee from hell where we drank lots of coffee and ate lots of doughnuts and talked endlessly (or maybe quietly checked email or Facebook while others talked on and on).

The good leader will keep things focused, minimize personalities, respect others’ time, and guide the group to a conclusion.

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The Borrower Is Slave To The Lender

August 20, 2015

“I told them what I thought of them,” proclaimed the president of the company to his senior management after a meeting of the local bank’s Board of Directors.

“Uh, oh,” I thought. “Better start looking for a new job.”

Once again my premonition–or common sense–was right. Six months later I was no longer building automated assembly machines. I was now in the PC business.

You see, the week after the president puffed up his pride and forgot the Proverbs that his preacher father probably taught him, he was called to a meeting at the regional level of the bank. They called the loans. Gave us six months to find a new lender. We went Chapter 7.

Let’s do the math. Sales were about $6 million, the order backlog was about $10 million. We were growing (my job), but I didn’t realize that we couldn’t finance the growth. Worse, neither did the president or the CFO. We already owed the bank $1.75 million for the nice new building. Oh, and we also owed the bank $2 million in working capital.

I entered the company very knowledgeable about costs and the P&L statement. After discovering what a shambles our balance sheet was, I learned its nuances the hard way.

My grandfather was chairman of the board of a small local bank for a lot of years. I heard the banker’s side of things since I was a pup.

I also knew about Proverbs. Among others, one says, “The borrower is a slave to the lender.”

When you take on debt, remember that.

One of the most powerful things you can do to simplify your life is get out of debt. The only debt we’ve had for years is for a car. But we had the money to write a check but figured earnings on the money where it was would offset the interest. It was no burden, and now it’s gone.

Had Dave remembered that Proverb, perhaps 125 people wouldn’t have lost their jobs.

Stay out of debt and be free.

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