Discipline of Knowing Our Spiritual Gifts

June 30, 2016

Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same spirit; and there are varieties of services, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who activates all of them in everyone. To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good. –Paul, 1 Corinthians 12:4-7

Do you know your spiritual gifts?

We know through research and maybe just by paying attention to ourselves that people are happiest when doing something that they enjoy and that they know contributes something good.

That is where knowing our spiritual gifts is important. Maybe we got talked into teaching little kids. But we have no gift or desire for that. Maybe our gift is leadership, or giving, or serving.

Bill Hybels at Willow Creek Community Church recently spoke on this topic. By the way, Willow Creek has a Web-based personal survey that will evaluate your answers, suggest what may be your spiritual gifts, and (and here’s the step most churches don’t take) it suggests ministries in the church that could use volunteers that match your gifts.

Hybels said that you need to try these things on. You tried teaching. It just wasn’t you. That’s OK. Try missions. It is only through trying that you really discover your gift, your joy.

Pursue love and strive for the Spiritual Gifts.–Paul, 1 Corinthians 14:1

While Paul is discussing gifts, he puts them in context. That context is love. Remember chapter 13? Without love, I’m (fill in the blank). If what you do is done without love, then it is of no value. This echoes Jesus who said that people will know his followers by their love.

Who knows? Perhaps you have come to royal dignity for just such a time as this. — Mordecai to Esther, Esther 4:14

Who knows? You might just discover your spiritual gift at just the time when such a gift is needed.

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The Discipline of Self Awareness

June 29, 2016

3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. — Matthew 7:3-5 New International Version (NIV)

Our conversation must have wandered not having a lot of news to share. I had made my daily call home as is my practice when I’m on the road. Since I’m in Las Vegas, she’s probably insisting on a call just to check up.

Anyway, we got to talking about how hard it is to see your own sins and difficulties. It’s so easy to see what’s wrong with others. Although many people (most? all?) have sins hidden from public  view, many seem to live out their sins in public. Makes for good conversation, I guess. Or interesting Facebook posts. (I have cut way back on the amount of time I scan Facebook posts, by the way.)

It is easy for everyone to fall into this habit. But Jesus reserved his anger (it sure sounds like anger, doesn’t it?) for a specific group of people. These were the Pharisees.

These people made a detailed study of the Law. They memorized it. They interpreted it. To their credit, they tried to live it.

Unfortunately, living the letter of the Law usually means a bad attitude. It breeds contempt. It breeds the attitude that “I’m better than you–here, I can prove it.” Yet, their sins are hidden  somewhere in the depths (we’ll let Freud have a field day on uncovering those). And they act (put on a mask to assume a different persona–therefore a “hypocrite”) as if they are perfect. And they love to point fingers at others who are not so conscientious about following the Law.

Paul picked up this theme in the beginning of Romans. “For all have sinned and fallen short.”

Even if we have trouble identifying where we each fall short, we must remember this instruction before pointing at others.

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Living Faithfully Amidst Secular Neighbors

June 28, 2016

I’m writing this on a plane heading toward “sin city”. A technical conference awaits me. Not the slots, the shows, the girls. I was pretty much a boring geek in high school, and I remain so.

On the other hand, Paul wrote letters to early Jesus-followers who lived in cities just like that (without the lights).

You see, those early Christians knew very well that they were living amidst a secular society. Paul urged them to live so differently that people would be attracted to their way of life. And in so doing, they could attract more disciples of Jesus. Just what we are supposed to be doing.

I have recently become a fan of John Fischer and his daily email The Catch. Yesterday he wrote:

In an article this weekend in The New York Times called “The Bad Faith of the White Working Class,” author J.D. Vance pointed out that the politi cization of the church has led to widespread thinking that the main enemies of our faith are external. The bad guys are all out there – the secularists, the “evil elites,” the Muslims, etc. And while preachers preach against all the evil out there, Christians on the inside are pulling further and further away from the world and more into isolationism and finger-pointing. This isolation and fear of encroachment from the outside and tendency to project complex problems onto simple villains is fueling both the current political campaigns here in America and the decision in Britain to leave the European Union. It is a widespread fear that has gripped the white working class in the Western World that the world as we know it is changing.

This  is true, but pulling in and building walls is not going to stop it. Actually, nothing is going to stop it, and as believers, we need to be better equipped to handle these cultural changes with grace and love. That’s why, here at the Catch, we emphasize the Gospel of Welcome and grace turned outward. God’s arms are open to everyone without discrimination, and the grace we have received, we are eager to extend out toward everyone, everywhere.

So many rural people that I know and associate with think that cities are (or should be) just like the little towns they grew up in. Everyone went to the same church. Maybe one or two families didn’t go to any church and were watched carefully.

But we Jesus-followers have always and throughout history lived in a secular society. People may have nominally belonged to a church because that’s where the social center was (plus you didn’t want to be ostracized in a village of fewer than 1,000 people).

The question we really need to ask is, “Are we living the kind of life that attracts people to Jesus, or are we living the kind of life that repels people?”

That is a crucial question. None of us are perfect. But are we living as forgiven? Or as Pharisees who followed rules and pointed fingers at whoever fails to follow the rules? Let’s see, which ones did Jesus prefer? It’s not a trick question.

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Financial Discipline and Spiritual Discipline

June 27, 2016

Friday morning I looked up from my computer at the coffee shop and told the barista, “I’m much poorer this morning than I was yesterday.”

Thanks to the results of the “Brexit” vote in Great Britain, worldwide stock markets were dropping like leaves in the fall. The New York Stock Exchange Dow Jones Index was down some 500 points at the time. I’m a global thinker, so I’m invested globally. Didn’t help. All the markets were down.

The barista, a young woman newly married, asked the question on the minds of many, “Does anyone understand the stock market?” I told her no, but that there are very few places to invest money for any kind of return.

I’m not a financial advisor, and I have a lot of difficulty understanding how it is that these people rush off and get that certification and yet know little more than us commoners.

But that is not the point.

The point is making financial discipline part of my spiritual discipline. Financially, I invest in long-term quality. It has been a discipline for more than 30 years to set aside part of our money and invest it in the future. Before too long, I’ll have to start living on those investments.

Spiritual discipline in financial matters entails realizing the source of income and who ultimately owns it.

Not a trick question on this blog. It’s God. Recognizing that, we think about our finances. When money comes in, 10% goes to God. As we achieve and have more, we can increase that percentage and give more.

At least 10% goes to the future. When the kids are gone and expenses are down (way down), then that 10% can increase, as well.

Then we live on the rest.

It is a spiritual discipline, because it starts from the perspective of God. And just like the spiritual disciplines of study and prayer which should be done daily, financial discipline should be done regularly. With intention, not as an afterthought.

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Improve Our Spiritual Formation By Helping Others

June 24, 2016

Few things can help an individual more than to place responsibility on him, and to let him know that you trust him.  –Booker T. Washington

For more than 25 years, I’ve had a part in the development of young people through the youth soccer program. When you talk about giving responsibility and then trusting them, try teaching them something about refereeing a soccer match and then sending them out at age 14 or so with a whistle.

I take great enjoyment in watching young people develop into mature and responsible adults. It is the primary job in life for adults–to nurture the next generations.

Take another look at Paul’s letters to his protege, Timothy. He consoles him, challenges him, offers wise advice, and reprimands him. All in two short letters.

A friend told me recently about a thought he’d picked up that the church is called to equip people for ministry. Train them and then send them out.

I’m from the rural Midwest where there are still many people who remember the church as the social center of the community. Of course, almost everyone went to the same church. The public school was for all practical purposes an extension of the church.

For these people even unto today, the church is more like a club where you go meet your friends than a place where you intentionally train and encourage people for ministry.

People learn what they see and experience. If they see Christians as part of a club that withdraws from society once or twice a week, that is one thing. If they see Jesus-followers out in the community helping people, living like Jesus commanded, they learn something entirely different.

Our life is our witness. When our words are not congruent with our lives, then it’s what we do not what we say that is the witness to others. That is our challenge. To withdraw for spiritual nourishment and then live as if we learned something.

When we get that whistle and get in the game, do we use it wisely?

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Connecting With Other People

June 23, 2016

I’m finishing up some thoughts on Henry Cloud’s latest book, The Power of the Other.

In some ways I think that we keep trying to figure out what Jesus meant when he said to love each other and that you’ll know his followers by that love.

One obvious problem of course is the lack of good, specific words in English to describe the great variety of meanings that the word love connotes.

Cloud doesn’t talk specifically about this, but reflecting on his list of what makes for a Corner Four connection fleshes out just what we’d like to be and to experience in our relationships.

  • Connection that fuels.
  • Connection that gives freedom.
  • Connection that requires responsibility.
  • Connection that defangs failure and learning.
  • Connection that challenges and pushes.
  • Connection that builds structure.
  • Connection that unites instead of divides.
  • Connection that is trustworthy.

Standing back and trying to absorb this list, I think that if I could live out all of these then I’d be a long way along the journey of love that Jesus talked about.

The idea isn’t to follow a list. It’s to make the list part of us reflected in the quality of relationships. Then by referring back from time to time during quiet time, we can remind ourselves where we’ve fallen short and need to improve.

I’ve always thought that faith is in the living out toward others not in talking at others. This reminder is an aid.

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Give Feedback Immediately

June 22, 2016

Just wait until your father gets home! — Old parenting joke

When your child does something out of bounds, when is the best time to give corrective feedback?

No, this is not a trick question. And I know that for some (many?) of you, it’s a shock to discover that your 14-year-old (or 2-year-old) can do something wrong.

Right! You provide the feedback at the time. If you wait, the feedback loses immediacy and impact.

Henry Cloud uses the example in his latest book The Power of the Other of a pair of mountain climbers. When is the best time to give feedback on a faulty foot placement? Before or after the slip and fall?

“Get behind me Satan.” Jesus to Peter

When Peter gave a wrong answer to Jesus, he received immediate feedback. In the course of three years, Peter received a lot of immediate corrective feedback. And he developed into a great leader.

Cloud uses the picture of a rectangle with four corners. He defines four types of relationships. Three are dysfunctional. The Corner Four relationships build you up, provide energy, and also sometimes corrective feedback when necessary. A true friend will give you the metaphorical kick in the butt when you need it.

Feedback is the breakfast of champions.

When I was editor-in-chief of a magazine, I routinely asked of people during my travels how I and the magazine could improve. What might be lacking? Where could we be going? Mostly I heard, “You’re doing a great job.” We like positive remarks, of course, but if you are looking for continuous improvement, then you need some corrective feedback. Maybe gentle, maybe a little harder to wake us up.  But it’s important.

One point–when you are looking for feedback beware the “skeptic” as defined in Proverbs. They are always critical of everything. They may or may not be helpful. Look for your Corner Four relationship, a friend or someone who cares about you. They know you and have a feel for what feedback is useful for your growth.

Oh, go buy the book, read it, digest it. Cloud will help you add depth to your relationships.

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Listening Builds Trust

June 21, 2016

Whoever answers before listening is both foolish and shameful. –Solomon, Proverbs 18

Have you ever been in a group when someone has something important to share, but the leader cuts her off and moves on? It could be business where a great idea for moving the company forward was just lost. Or maybe a small group of friends where someone was hurting or puzzled and now will not get solace or an answer.

Sometimes you are in a situation where the speaker is so full of himself or herself that listening is not required. Probably happens way too often.

But perhaps you are in a situation where you ask for help from someone who has been there before and has developed wisdom. And you don’t listen. You actually want to tell them.

“I will rarely invest [time or money] in or with someone who doesn’t listen.” Henry Cloud

Listening is not an “ear” thing; listening is a “heart” thing.

Your ears pick up sounds. Your brain translates the sounds. But your heart ponders and digest and relates. Listening with only your brain only generates responses with what is on your mind. Listening with the heart is relationship. It shows caring, trust, empathy.

So many people seem to hear only for words they can agree or disagree with. Then they pounce like a cat on a mouse.

Listening with the heart takes time. Therefore it builds a relationship with the other.

I work mornings in a coffee shop. If I’m home, it’s High Grounds. If I’m on the road, it’s a local shop if I can find one or it’s a chain. I don’t make coffee, I read and write. I observe–always an observer. Friends come to have a coffee and a conversation. You can tell the extent of the relationship by the energy and body language.

Some appear somewhat distant. Others make eye contact. The lean slightly forward. They affirm they are listening. You can tell. I’m sure the other person can tell (unless they are so narcissistic that they don’t need reassurance, but that’s another post).

On the foundation of such heart listening are trusting relationships built. As Henry Cloud described in The Power of the Other, the qualities that lead to great performance are enhanced by great relationships. You help each other on many levels just by beginning with listening with the heart.

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Power Others Have Over Us

June 20, 2016

Charles Shultz’s Peanuts cast of characters includes Pigpen. Pigpen is a boy who always has a cloud of dust around him.

Have you ever met someone who is similar except that the clouds are dark clouds of impending storm of negativity, criticism? They just seem to suck the energy right out of you.

I’ve been on a reading binge. Finished four books in two weeks (plus three murder mysteries). The books all took a look at personal productivity and leadership.

Henry Cloud is one of my favorite writers. He blends study, experience, and deep thinking and produces helpful books of good prose that are easy to read.

The Power of the Other contains the usual blend of research and insight from his practice of executive coaching.

Looking at my example, we all have people in our lives that suck our energy reserves. However, have you considered the people who seem to energize you?

Research confirms that relationships with the right kind of people actually boost our energy.

Relationship, the connections between people, not only enhances our mental functioning, but actually works to impart it, to provide it. Capacity is built through energy and intelligence.– Daniel Siegel, Pocket Guide to Interpersonal Neurobiology: An Integrative Handbook of the Mind.

Cloud explains the quote, “I love the definition Siegel uses borrowing a phrase from physicists. [Energy is] the capacity to do something.”

Can you believe it? People–the right relationships–not only give us more energy, they also enhance our mental functioning. That reminded me of engineering school. The best score I received on a chemistry exam followed a couple of days of studying with a small group.

Recently I was working at a coffee shop near a table of young women. The energy around that table actually helped mine, and I didn’t even know who they were or what they were studying. Turns out they were Registered Nursing graduates studying for their State Boards. I think they all did well.

The same principle applies to Bible study.

Surround yourself with people who have positive outlooks and impart energy. As Cloud said in an earlier book, Necessary Endings, find a way to end dysfunctional relationships. Get out. Run.

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Don’t Abdicate Responsibility For Decisions

June 17, 2016

Have you ever been part of a leadership team trying to achieve a reasonable consensus on a decision and have someone (or several) pass on contributing to the decision?

I’ve observed a phenomenon over many years of professional and personal life where someone who has the chance to contribute to a decision abdicate the throne and let others decide.

In this way, they also avoid responsibility for the outcome. Usually it means they also avoid responsibility for doing the work–one way or another.

There is another side to the dynamic. After the decision is made, these same people delight in continual criticism of the decision. I’ve seen it so often. In families, in committees, in churches, in business.

When I was younger and early in my career, I’d listen to these complainers thinking maybe they had some insight. But it didn’t take me long to discover that this was actually a strategy for avoiding decision-making, contributing to the effort, and responsibility.

It is as if they are trying to stay out of the way in case the decision was wrong. Yet, they’ll try to take some of the praise if things go well.

These people are to be avoided. Well, if you married one, then you’re probably stuck with constant criticism I guess. It’s a personality type. If they are on a committee or department or team you lead, try to marginalize them or even move them on to somewhere else.

Frank and bold discussion about decisions is to be welcomed. Snide comments and grumbling after the fact undermines leadership and the team. It is to be removed.

If you are a self-aware person, then recognize when you start to become one of those grumblers. Stop it and stay  quiet. Resolve to be part of the solution the next time.

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