Archive for the ‘Relationship’ Category

Loving Does Not Equal Condoning

May 16, 2013

If you reach out to help someone, you’re condoning their actions. They must first show true sorrow about their actions (implied, come begging to me for mercy) and only then can we love them.

I have heard that from my more righteous friends and relatives.

Jesus heard that, too.

In fact, the dinner party I talked about yesterday had attendance divided amongst the righteous and the not-righteous. And Jesus seemed to be having more fun with the not-righteous. Made the righteous indignant–and left out. When they thought they should have been the rock stars.

Jesus told the parable of the two sons about God’s love and acceptance of both the sons–that is, both of the groups at the party.

Jesus didn’t condone sinful actions. He knew that those actions led to death. But he loved the people. The woman at the well. The woman about to be stoned. He loved them, but he told them to go and sin no more.

Matthew, the “not-righteous” host of the dinner party, went on to a great career as a disciple of Jesus. Seems the love part worked out pretty well in his case. As in Mary Magdalene’s. As in many others–even today.

Only when you show love to someone can you earn enough respect to be able to show them the way to a life with-God.

Jesus knew and showed example after example. Reach out in love, but ask for total commitment in return.

As Andy Stanley is saying in his current series of messages. Jesus didn’t create “Christians.” He created something far more difficult. He created disciples. And he did it often from the ranks of the “not-righteous.”

Tell someone today that God loves them. And mean it. That will help both of you.

Are You a Christian or a Disciple

April 9, 2013

I listened to one of my favorite teachers this morning on the subway (U-Bahn) ride from my hotel to the “fairgrounds” or Messe.

He is teaching for a few weeks on the topic of Christian or disciple.

This is worth pondering. The origin of the word “Christian” was from those outside the faith and used as a term of derision. If you were inside the faith, you were a disciple. Some today use the term “Christ-follower.”

One term is a description. The other term implies an action. Do I just identify with a group? Or, do I follow a teacher/mentor/leader? Do I ask of my mentor, when faced with a situation in my life, what would you do? Even before you ask the question, the answer is “yes.” That is, whatever my mentor would do, that I will do.

I have never been asked the question before last week, but someone asked, “Are you a born-again Christian?” To be honest, I am somewhat put off by the question. It is a description that could well be asked with political overtones.

But, I’m not really all that political any longer. I am trying to be a disciple–someone who follow Jesus.

I try to remember to ask in every situation (oh, I wish I were not sometimes forgetful), Jesus, what would you have me do? And then listen (an interesting concept to many–or even a foreign concept to some). And then do.

A disciple of Jesus:

  • Asks Jesus what to do
  • Listens for the answer
  • Does what Jesus says

Gosh, that sounds simple. I wish it were.

The Power of Focus

February 19, 2013

The sign on the wall proclaims “Midvale School for the Gifted.” Nerdly looking boy, glasses, pocket protector, lots of books, pushing diligently on the door. Door has sign, “Pull to Open.”

That’s a classic Far Side cartoon. I love it. I speak a little German. Can’t carry a conversation, but I can pick up the gist of a discussion if I know the topic. I know many of the words it takes to get around–buy beer, find the restrooms, get directions. I also know the words for push and pull. But there is this one hotel in particular where I go up to the doors leading to the restrooms and just stare at the sign.

I’ve lost focus.

Anything like that ever happen to you? You  stare at something but nothing sinks in? Or as one joke has it, “the lights are on, but nobody’s home.”

Pope Benedict XVI did a series of discussions on the early “church fathers” collected in a book by Ignatius press, “Church Fathers: From Clement of Rome to Augustine.”

Discussing Origen of Alexandria, he points out when preaching on Jesus’ discourse in Nazareth, when “the eyes of all in the synagogue were fixed on him,” Origen says, “Today, too, if you so wished, in this assembly your eyes can be fixed on the Savior. In fact, it is when you turn the deepest gaze of your heart to the contemplation of Wisdom, Truth and the only Son of God that your eyes will see God.”

The supreme danger of practicing Spiritual Disciplines is exactly that moment when you take your eyes off Jesus and practice just for the sake of practicing.

Focus is the most basic of practices for us to follow. It is essential for your spiritual development. It is essential in business. It is essential for your  personal relationships. Focus on Jesus. Focus on your customers. Focus on the others with whom you are in relationship.

Watch Over the State of Your Heart

February 8, 2013

Jesus was always concerned with the state of a person’s heart. “Where is your heart?” he would ask.

Sometimes we form judgements of people, but we don’t really know where their heart is. That is a mistake.

I was thinking about this after lunch with a friend this week. We just sort of happened upon a conversation about the church Fathers. I mentioned Athanasius and his role at the founding of the Church as the official religion of the Roman Empire under Constantine. I had recently read a history of the time and was influenced about his role in the development of the primacy of doctrine over experience.

But my friend, who has studied far more than I, looked puzzled and said, “But St. Athanasius was most concerned about what was in your heart.”

Looks like I have some studying to do. Went against my longstanding belief of learning–study original sources and the original writers before reading about them. When I was in the university, it always seemed like we read about people instead of reading their actual words.

Then I thought we often form judgements about people today based on hearing about them, or seeing how they look. We are influenced by others instead of forming our own judgement based on listening to the other in their own words and determining the state of their heart.

While you are at it, watch over the state of your own heart. Spiritual practices are worthless if your heart is somewhere else. Make sure your own heart is right with God, then you are in better shape to look at others.

Pray With Intention

February 1, 2013

We talked about praying to God with concerns without giving Him the solution. We need to trust that God knows the solution. He just needs us to lay out the concern. Focus our attention in the Spirit on the need.

A small group I participate with when I’m in town is studying James. We just hit chapter 5 where James talks about praying for others and ourselves.

One of the guys, who has also shared with me alone the same thought, brought up about praying with intention. We talk about being able to share in Spiritual conversations wherever you may be whenever the door opens. He had decided to visit a local bar and prayed with intention for God to bring someone into his life with whom to share a Spiritual conversation.

And, so it happened.

Interesting. There are several things happening in that story. There is trust in God. There is the vision to actually ask God. Then there is the response–he actually had to get up out of his easy chair, tell his wife he was going to a local bar (that could be the end of it for me–just kidding), and have the courage to sit there and then respond to someone’s need.

As he encouraged me, I prayed with intention for God to just bring people into my life. I’m looking at some life changes, so it seemed timely advice. Amazing. I had two conversations the other afternoon in the space of three hours where two people came into my life with answers to things that had burdened my heart for months.

Why wait so long? It is true. As part of your daily (or three-times-a-day) prayers, concentrate on asking God to bring people into your life. Of course, then you have to be open to these people. And you may have to go to work.

Staying Connected

January 24, 2013

I love technology. Recently, and actually many times over the past 10 years, I have been involved in online discussions on technology, the future, impacts on jobs, and the like.

I can remember when I was one of only a few who had a mobile phone. Maybe that even made me feel technologically superior. I needed to be out front in gadgetland.

Then everyone had a mobile phone. But I had a mobile phone and a Palm Pilot. Ha! Eventually those merged into a “smart phone.” When the Dayton Pops had a concert at the same time as an Ohio State University football game, everyone in my section asked for scoring updates during breaks in the music action since I could access the Internet and get ESPN online.

But technology is only useful if just about everyone can benefit.

Last night I was helping out a team of people on a ministry project serving a lasagna dinner to a group of people in a retirement apartment complex. Before I prayed at the beginning of dinner, we asked for prayer requests. They were concerned about one of the residents who had several serious ailments occurring simultaneously.

After dinner and entertainment (two very talented  girls from a local high school), a woman of about 80 years of age stood up and, holding a Samsung Galaxy smart phone in a cool hot-pink case, asked if the group wanted an update on how their friend was doing in the hospital. Sounded like she was reading from a Facebook post. I was so impressed. And they were able to rejoice that their friend was showing positive signs of recovery from a stroke.

My mother had gotten into email before she passed away several years ago. She and one of my brothers were determined that they would get it set up without asking me for help. They did. And she was connected to her dispersed brothers, nieces and nephews for the last few years of her life.

It’s not the technology. When that gets out of the way and allows us to connect, that’s the cool thing.

Emulating Jesus

October 7, 2012

So recently I’ve bee alluding to the fruit of the Spirit–love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. I think this fits individually as a model of the type of person we should try to become, just like what Paul was writing in his pastoral letters that I’ve been discussing about modeling the church.

Jon Swanson, in his blog 300 Words a Day, expanded on this a little, saying, “In 2 Corinthians 5, Paul explores the concept of Christ’s love controlling us. We will look differently than we did before His love controlled us. We may seem crazy to others (verse 13). Or not. It doesn’t matter. Part of Christ’s love controlling us is that we start to look at people differently (verse 16). Our perspectives become new. We’re like a growing plant that continuously produces new flowers. We look at people through the eyes of Jesus. He wept when he saw pain. He was angry when he saw injustice. He accepted others who society rejected – and then asked them to be willing to change.”

That’s what I was thinking a little when I thought about feeling what Jesus felt when he looked at his people and sighed. Sometimes I get angry at injustice. Sometimes I sigh when people just fall off the path and become lost.

I’m thinking about this model of a person. I think I’ll explore it for a while.

By the way, I’m in Anaheim, California at another conference. I’ll try to post at night before I go to bed. Usually I prefer at 5:30 am when I rise. But that would be late, now. There is a lot of energy in these conferences, and I’m working on a special project that will keep me quite busy. Not to mention a second conference by a competitor of the first Wednesday and Thursday right across the street. But I try to cover the work, say hi to lots of people I know, have fun, and still contemplate God.

Getting Along In a MultiCultural World

June 22, 2012

I just returned from Germany where I attended the world’s largest trade fair in the chemicals industry. Think about working for a supplier to the industry at a booth (or stand as they say over there). You never know who might show up next with a question.

Most people speak German, since most are from Germany. Many of the travelers may be used to traveling to Germany and speak the language. The second language everywhere that I went was English. Good thing for me since I don’t know enough German vocabulary to carry on a conversation. But I wondered how many other languages might some of the people need to speak. There were people from Eastern Europe, southern Europe, the Middle East and Asia.

Coming from a rural Midwestern US village, I was fortunate to study international politics and cultures at the university. That, along with some travel and international business experience, has enabled me to deal with a diversity of cultures. Many of the people with whom I live when I’m home do not have that experience. I imagine that everywhere in the world you find people who believe that other people should be just like them.

That made me think of Paul. There are many things he wrote that those of us from areas where we are around people just like us all day just cannot really comprehend. He chose to go outside his normal group (Jews) and work with people from a variety of cultures. He showed how to be sensitive to people of different backgrounds while holding firm to his core belief.

Maybe that’s an attitude that we should be teaching more frequently. Maybe that’s an attitude that we all need to develop in ourselves. Maybe that would be one small movement toward making the world a better place to live.

Lost Opportunity for Reconciliation

January 30, 2012

Reading the beginning of Romans where Paul is trying hard to convince people to leave old categories separating people behind and enter a new, universal fellowship with God.

Then I thought about the apostles at the same time who went into Syria–not only to Jews who lived there, but also to Syrians. Christianity had spread to Greeks and Romans already before Paul. It had spread among Syrians and Egyptians (we know from reading the Desert Fathers among other writings).

Just think if people had adopted that model. Think of the strife, fighting and bitterness in so much of the world today that could have been avoided.

But then I think of the hundreds of years of European history where Christians fought against each other in often bloody wars. Catholics against Protestant. So, I guess the mere adoption of a Christian facade overlaid on tribal identity wasn’t quite the answer.

We need, individually, to return to Paul’s writing and absorb it. As he said to his own time, “there is neither Jew nor Greek.” We need to feel that in our hearts. We will not categorize people in order to judge them. We will accept people and love them.

Put Your Attention on God

January 9, 2012

Our group exploring the Spiritual disciplines last night got into a discussion of willpower. Michael Hyatt, retired CEO of Thomas Nelson Publishing and currently chairman, said in his blog, “Discipline is not really about will power so much as it is focusing on what you really want.”

When you approach prayer, study, service, worship, where is your attention? Are you like Martha–distracted by many things–or more like Mary whose attention is placed firmly on Jesus?

Maybe you have to step back and ask what is it you really want. Do you want an intimate relationship with Jesus? Or is church just something where you met some people and can go to listen to a good talk?

But if you want a relationship with God, where is your attention? When you fell in love with your spouse, where was your attention? Wasn’t it on that other person? Most of the time?

When you pray, is your attention on God, or is it on yourself, or on many things? A simple technique is to take a deep breath and focus on your breath. This is called centering. Slow down your body and your mind. Take slow deep breaths. Begin to focus your attention on God. Now you can begin to pray or meditate. And you’ll feel better, too.