Archive for the ‘Attitude’ Category

Be Just a Little Kinder Than Necessary

October 23, 2023

Among my favorite podcasts is Huberman Lab from Professor Andrew Huberman, PhD, professor of neurobiology and ophthalmology at Stanford School of Medicine. Despite this impressive resume, he takes deep dives into topics and conducts interviews in a manner approachable to all of us.

The last episode featured Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett discussing “How to Understand Emotions.” She discusses her research over her career explaining what emotions are and how the brain represents and integrates signals from our body and the environment around us to create our unique emotional states. 

From the show notes, “We also discuss actionable tools for how to regulate feelings of uncertainty and tools to better understand the emotional states of others.”

They come together on some practical disciplines that I teach wherever I can:

  • Eat Real food
  • Get Good Sleep
  • Exercise

They conclude with two more essential ingredients for a good life that seem to be in short supply these days. Perhaps we can work these into our daily life practices.

  • Trust
  • Kindness

Another excellent podcaster, Tim Ferriss,, has begun concluding his podcast interviews with this phrase:

Be just a little kinder than necessary today.

Excellent advice for life.

Keep Your Eyes On Your Own Work

October 17, 2023

For as long as there have been schools with students organized in rows and columns, there have been teachers saying, “Keep your eyes on your own work.”

Once again what we learned in kindergarten is appropriate in life as an adult.

We notice other people’s bodies or relationships or how they keep house and talk (gossip?) with others about them.

The time spent looking, thinking, talking to others is better spent paying attention to our own bodies, our own relationships, our own life. Not in a narcissistic way. In an honest evaluation of where we are and where we can improve. 

We could eat better, exercise just a little more, listen to those around (not just hear, but actively listen), pick up after ourselves.

There are times to think about other people. Not to discuss them with others. Rather to compliment, praise. Also if they are your responsibility to correct or guide. Sometimes to encourage.

Tension Builds Until

October 12, 2023

Two sides. Two people. Two groups.

Tension builds between them. Maybe it is mutual animosity. Or mutual fear. Or differing desires.

In my case, it is a game. Two teams are playing soccer. The referee approaches one of the coaches to inform her of a problem with a player. Maybe instead of making the encounter as brief as possible, the referee wants to explain more. The coach wants to tell the referee that she missed a foul.  One word leads to the next word. Suddenly it’s an argument. The referee ejects the coach.

A simple encounter that could have been brief. It escalates because no one can take a breath and calm.

Two groups of people live in an atmosphere of mutual distrust and even fear. The tension never leaves. Then there is an incident. Someone cannot take the tension any longer and strikes. Maybe with a weapon. The situation escalates. 

We face these situations, small or large, often.

How do we react? Can we be the adult in the room? The one who draws the deep breath, calms, defuses the brewing confrontation?

War and Peace

October 11, 2023

Peace and Justice have formed the foundation of my outlook on life since adolescence. And I have no idea why. Maybe I really believed the words and actions of Jesus I was taught as a youth. 

I had to be convinced that going to war was a defensible position. A colleague in the graduate assistant program in political philosophy shared with me his studies on “Just War” theory. I won’t support a war of aggression by anyone. But experience showed the necessity of defending oneself—personally and nationally—with force.

We already had one major war of aggression and terrorism in Eastern Europe. Now we have the breakout of another in Israel.

War breaks my heart. The terror, destruction, dehumanizing the enemy—all completely opposite of how we should be living.

We can pray for peace. We can pray for justice. What I as an individual can do, I have no idea. I wish I could. 

Yet, here I am at another technology conference where I’m talking with people of many nationalities all working to solve problems of a better workplace, improved security against cyber attacks, decarbonizing our processes, creating a sustainable future.

There are bad things; there are good things. I guess that’s the way of the world.

Trying to Force Our Map on Reality

October 10, 2023

The Bed of Procrustes is a metaphor from an ancient Greek story about a man who wanted to fit his guests to his bed rather than having a bed that fit his guests.

Nassim Nicholas Taleb in his little book of aphorisms by that title talks of trying to change the wrong variable.

Drawing from that metaphor is another applicable to us. How often we try to fit the territory to the map we have in our minds, when we should change our map because the territory isn’t going to change.

We have an idea of the way things should be and are angry when reality impinges in a different way.

Then we try to force reality to fit into our mold. Then we find reality wants us to adapt to what is really going on.

Maybe we are positive that God wants us to be something or do something, when reality stares us in the face. We dream of becoming a rich, famous preacher saving millions, when, like Jesus told us

And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’

Matthew 25

Positive Response In The Face of Negativity

October 6, 2023

Peter Diamandis writes a newsletter emphasizing developing an abundance mindset rather than a scarcity mindset. Sometimes he’s a little over the top for me, but he publishes much science-based information on health, longevity, and abundant living.

Recently he reviewed The Rational Optimist, by Matt Ridley. I have not read it, yet (too many books stacked up right now). But it sounds intriguing.

Diamandis says, “And lately, the behavior that has most caught his attention is humanity’s predilection for bad news. As Ridley puts it:

“It’s incredible, this moaning pessimism, this knee-jerk, things-are-going-downhill reaction from people living amid luxury and security that their ancestors would have died for. The tendency to see the emptiness of every glass is pervasive. It’s almost as if people cling to bad news like a comfort blanket.”

Diamandis continues, “In trying to make sense of this pessimism, Ridley, like the psychologist Daniel Kahneman, sees a combination of cognitive biases and evolutionary psychology as the core of the problem. He identifies the cognitive bias ‘loss aversion’—a tendency for people to regret a loss more than a similar gain—as the bias with the most impact on abundance. Loss aversion is often what keeps people stuck in ruts. It’s an unwillingness to change bad habits for fear that the change will leave them in a worse place than before.”

Ridley cites a number of cases where pessimists who were widely publicized were completely wrong. Sometimes, the alarm actually drove humans to change behavior in order to avert disaster. (Maybe the same may one day be said about climate change.)

I think we can learn something from this. Check out how often God (or Jesus) performed some sort of miracle, but almost always it entailed the human in the story to do something. God alerted them or helped a bit. The human was expected to step up and respond with action. Here’s a quick list just off the top of my mind as I write this:

  • Moses
  • Gideon
  • David
  • Nehemiah
  • Jeremiah
  • The rich young man
  • The lepers
  • The disciples

Where do we put ourselves? How should we be responding right now?

Build the Life You Want

September 29, 2023

Arthur C. Brooks teaches a happiness class at Harvard Business School. Students line up to take the class. Probably because the place is filled with people looking for happiness in all the wrong places (to paraphrase a song).

Oprah Winfrey read his bestseller, From Strength to Strength: Finding Success, Happiness, and Deep Purpose in the Second Half of Life, contacted him and invited to her home in California. They hit it off and agreed to collaborate on this book just out this month, Build the Life You Want: The Art and Science of Getting Happier.

This book is readable and practical. Much of this I know and practice. Many will not have heard of this research and story. This will help you and/or someone you love.

Let’s begin with “Happiness is not the goal, and unhappiness is not the enemy.”

Philosophers from ancient times have known that happiness is a byproduct of living, not the goal of living. Yet, each generation must learn the lesson anew.

The first chapters discuss managing our emotions.

The four pillars are discussed in detail in the remainder of the book:

  • Family
  • Friends
  • Work
  • Faith (Find Your Amazing Grace)

I leave you with two takeaways.

Augustine of Hippo (St. Augustine) gave a student three pieces of advice.

The first part is humility; the second, humility; the third, humility; and this I would continue to repeat as often as you might ask direction.

Another takeaway.

We need to detach ourselves and become free of sticky cravings. We honestly examine our attachments. What are yours? Money, power, pleasure, prestige—the distractions we sought to be free of with greater emotional self-management? Dig deeper. Just maybe they are your opinions. The Buddha himself named this attachment and its terrible effects more than twenty-four hundred years ago when he is believed to have said, “This who grasp at perceptions and views go about butting their heads in the world.” More recently the Vietnamese Buddhist sage Thich Naht Hanh wrote in his book Being Peace, “Humankind suffers very much from attachment to views.”

Remaining Calm When Forces Conspire

September 27, 2023

I don’t often write about personal experience. Sometimes it gets me into trouble. Mostly, I’m just pretty boring.

I had a flight to Sacramento yesterday morning in order to attend a business technology conference. I use a driver service. This service has been superb for the two plus years I’ve used it since we moved to the outskirts of the Chicago metropolitan area.

The car was due at 7:15 am. They are always a little early. No car. By 7:30 I was concerned and called. You cancelled the trip the owner said. I said, no I didn’t. Miscommunication. They texted a confirmation which returned a “don’t need a car” message.

I use my same mobile number that I’ve had for years. It is a Sidney, Ohio number. They typed a 6 instead of an 8. So, if someone from Sidney is reading this and declined a ride from Huntley Hills, thank you 😉  Huntley is the village just north of where I currently live.

But the owner gave me a shot. He picked me up 40 minutes late. I allow for time, but I don’t anticipate 40 minutes. Oh, well. Then there was unusual congestion on Interstate 90 around Schaumburg. The GPS said arriving at O’Hare at 8:55. My flight was 9:15.

The driver asked, how can you remain so calm. You haven’t even been checking your phone constantly for flight updates. I told him I know my way through the airport, have the CLEAR system that speeds me through plus TSA Pre-check. I also had my running shoes on.

He dropped me off. I got to CLEAR. Great. Then they said you’ve been “randomly” selected for additional screening. They had to check my ID. But that went quickly. On to the security line. It was short. I walked through the metal detector like I have a thousand times. It beeped. I had been “randomly” selected to go through the other x-ray detector. Oh, joy. One thing after another.

No problem. I got through. Security is close to the tunnel connecting B and C terminals. My gate was the one directly across from exiting the tunnel. I ran all the way through that way. Got to the gate area. The door was still open. Two gate agents were chatting. I made it.

Remain calm? 

You have to recognize when worry just gives no benefit. You work out the problems one thing at a time. One obstacle at a time.

And if I hadn’t made it? Well, there are alternatives, I’m sure. But I’m typing this from my hotel in Folsom, California. Had a good day yesterday at the conference. Looking forward to meeting even more geeks today. And, just chillin’.

It Rains On Everyone

September 22, 2023

We had six weeks of drought. Now it seems the rain will not stop (since we  are waiting for dry weather in order to complete the sealing of our patio pavers).

So, I thought of the Peanuts cartoon where Linus tells Charlie Brown who is once again in the depths of despair, “It rains on the just and the unjust alike.”

Turns out that is an actual quote from Jesus unlike so many sayings we toss around.

This one took me to the Gospel of Matthew chapter 5, the beginning of the Sermon on the Mount. 

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

What’s the point of this teaching? So that you may be children of your Father in heaven. And again, Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

It pays dividends to look beyond the aphorism. To look at what Jesus is trying to tell us. Beyond a simple “it rains on everyone” is that we are to treat people the same regardless of anything. That does not mean treat everyone equally poorly. It means treat everyone as a perfect person just as God is perfect.

That, friends, is a high bar.

The Path of Least Resistance

September 20, 2023

The window of my study faces west. This morning in contemplation I watched a thunderstorm move across the prairie over me and on toward Lake Michigan.

We try to outwit lightning sometimes. Coaches of teams in outdoor sports downplay the perils of lightning at great risk. We don’t know whether the lightning will stay in the clouds or whether it will strike somewhere. And that somewhere we are powerless to predict.

For lightning is electricity in its pure form. It will flow where it meets the least resistance.

I have read a philosophy of seeking the path of least resistance as we live out our lives. While I do not advocate our looking for resistance to overcome, it is true that electricity channeled through capacitors and transistors power our computers to do useful work.

As Jesus said in an age before we channeled electricity about paths of least resistance, “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.”

Beware walking through a thunderstorm. You may be on the path of least resistance.

Beware also of walking through life always seeking the easy way. The easy path is wide and smooth. Channel rather your energy through the way Jesus mapped out for us.