Faith Venture

Narcissism is the shame-based fear of being ordinary.—Brené Brown.

We commonly toss the word narcissism to label those who seem annoyingly self centered. Usually we are describing someone we tire of easily due to their one-sided conversations.

There is a disorder listed in the psychologist’s diagnostic manual. Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a personality disorder characterized by a life-long pattern of exaggerated feelings of self-importance, an excessive need for admiration, and a diminished ability to empathize with other people’s feelings.

If you have met someone with the disorder and especially if you must work with this person, my suggestion is to run. Remove yourself from the situation.

Short of disorder, though, we should all reflect upon our own behaviors. How much do we wish to not appear ordinary such that our conversations tend to focus not only on ourselves but especially upon our exploits that make us appear extraordinary?

If as a follower of Jesus we incorporate his teachings into our lives to first love God and then also love those around us (our neighbor), then we are focusing our thoughts and lives on others. Sort of the opposite of common narcissism. 

Perhaps in being ordinary followers, we actually wind up being extraordinary as a byproduct!

The transition from tenseness, self-responsibility, and worry to equanimity, receptivity, and peace is the most wonderful of all those shiftings of inner equilibrium, those changes of personal center of energy. -William James, 1902

Matthew wrote in his story of Jesus that the ministry began with Jesus inviting people to repent. This was also the message of his predecessor, John (the Baptizer).

This observation from William James captures something of that joy and release of energy that comes from changing our life perspective. Something called repentance.

Reading from a philosopher today—it seems there are two kinds of people.

One type needs to be told things. They crave authority. “Tell me what to believe,” they clamor. “Tell me how to act.” In other words, tell me how to be in the cool kids group. Tell me how much I am better than “them.”

The second type goes their own way. They believe they think for themselves. “Don’t tell me what to do or how to think,” said I in my late adolescent years. Therein lies the Baby Boomer predicament. Many just either want to be contrarian or at least different.

But there is a third. My favorite pastime is finding alternatives from dichotomies. This person houses an infinitely curious intelligence. Maybe if I read enough, or listen to a wide variety of people, or think deeply on other issues, then I might find a better path. This person believes that no one knows everything, not even themselves.