Sometimes just sitting with someone hurting is enough.
Maybe saying nothing more than, it’s tough.
Sometimes listening with our whole heart is enough.
Sometimes asking kind and gentle questions is better—followed by real listening.
The key part—being. Presence. Acknowledgement.
My wife and I vacationed in Scotland for a bit longer than a week. While experiencing Edinburgh and perhaps a Scottish ale or a Scotch whisky, we also toured areas and heard many stories of the history of the land.
Several guides recounted the tales of Mary, Queen of Scots, a Catholic clumsily beheaded by her Protestant cousin Queen Elizabeth I of England. About the same time in Scotland appeared a Protestant preacher called John Knox. (Presbyterians should know who he is.)
And once again as in many vacations in Europe we heard stories of devastating violence and bloodshed as Christians took up arms against Christians.
Even in America today, while we have only a little blood shed, we experience Christian v Christian strife.
Andy Stanley recently spoke on finding out what breaks your heart.
One thing that breaks mine is this strife and bitterness between groups of people each professing to follow Jesus. There is some sort of paradox with this.
I’ve studied theology. It can be a way to challenge the thinking power of the brain.
I’m much more interested in developing the practice of experiencing God and following Jesus’s instructions to act out love toward the neighbor—wherever or whomever they happen to be. Why go out of our way to make things complicated?
Remember, motivation is unreliable, but systems are sustainable. From Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Pump Club newsletter.
The above quote brings up a fitness and nutrition truism. We read something and our motivation emotions ramp up. But morning comes with the thought of getting up and going out to walk/run, lift weights, go to Yoga class just deflates us. When we set up a system of getting up with the workout clothes draped over the chair waiting for us, and we head out, that is when we’ll begin to see results.
I once played guitar and sang. Then I stopped for a while. Then started again. Then moved at the beginning of Covid and stopped. Something happened that motivated me, but I made no progress. Then I adopted an online teacher who talked of intentional practice. For several months for 30-60 minutes a day (when I’m in the country), I have an intentional practice—some scales to stretch and strengthen my fingers, repeated chord changes especially difficult transitions, different finger-picking styles, then a couple of songs. And I quit forcing the singing returning me to the ability to pick up a piece of sheet music or hear something on YouTube and find the key right away.
The Pump Club app referenced above guides me through intentional weight training exercises. Over a couple of years, I’ve added appreciable size to biceps, pectorals, arms, quads/hams/glutes, and calves.
Needing a teacher to give assurance that my meditation practice had not drifted in a bad direction, I learned about a Zen monk with an app. Zen is not a religion; it’s a practice. He gave me assurance I was still on the right path.
Practice.
The lack of training for systematic and intentional practice for the spiritual life for us non-monks frustrated me. I found Richard J. Foster’s Celebration of Discipline. Foster devotes a chapter each to describing ten different disciplines. But we need an app that translates monastery/convent practices for us common folk. I just thought of that. Maybe I’ll do it.
But, just like for fitness and art, a systematic practice of meditation, prayer, study, service needs to become our Christian spiritual practice.
We only need to practice.
Philosopher Arthur Shopenhauer observed, “If a large diamond is cut up into pieces, it immediately loses its value as a whole; or if an army is scattered or divided into small bodies, it loses all its power; and in the same way a great intellect has no more power than an ordinary one as soon as it is interrupted, disturbed, distracted, or diverted.”
When you pray, pray.
When you study, study.
When you meditate, meditate.
When you serve someone, serve them.
When you rest, rest.
Doing two things simultaneously accomplishes neither.
I remember the date, place, people with me, and cause the last time my anger overcame me. To be honest, anger was often lurking just below the surface looking for a trigger event to take over. From the time I was a youth, I could flip from quiet to not quiet, so to speak.
Ancient wisdom tries to teach us about becoming the master of our emotions.
Science meets wisdom. In a recent newsletter on health and fitness, Arnold Schwarzenegger writes:
When stress hits, most people think they need to shut down their emotions to stay in control. But real control isn’t about avoidance—it’s about awareness. Emotions are messengers, not marching orders. The goal isn’t to feel nothing. It’s to learn how to feel without losing yourself. If you’ve ever been told to “just let it go” when you’re stressed or upset, you probably rolled your eyes. But there’s actual science showing that accepting difficult emotions — instead of fighting them— rewires how your brain works. Accepting your emotions activates completely different brain networks than trying to suppress them, leading to less rumination and self-criticism.
Some people let go—much to their later recriminations. Realizing that expressing that emotion may not be appropriate, we try to suppress it. Schwarzenegger paints this picture:
Think of it like this: suppression is like holding a beach ball underwater—it takes constant effort and energy. Acceptance is like letting the ball float on the surface—no struggle required, and your brain can redirect that energy elsewhere.
I often turn to the wisdom of ancient Christians. In this case, the master of psychology, John Clymacus, aka St. John of the Ladder, who wrote The Ladder of Divine Ascent.
He says:
The first step toward freedom from anger is to keep the lips silent when the heart is stirred. I say, Amen to that, brother. The next, to keep thoughts silent when the soul is upset; the last, to be totally calm when unclean winds are blowing.
Achieving this calm can only come if we have practiced becoming calm through meditation and intentional prayer.
And another thing from John—All anger and bitterness disappears before the fragrance of humility.
Humility may be a tough path for us Americans. Maybe for other humans, as well. Yes, another practice—putting others before ourselves.
I am willing to pay for services, especially health and nutrition, that provide valuable information. Examine.com is one. Their latest newsletter shatters some current myths referring to actual research.
Here’s a teaser:
Have you heard about granulated beet extract (GBE)? So hot right now!
Moderate doses improve mood by activating the mesolimbic dopamine pathway. And unlike many supplements, GBE’s bioavailability is off the charts! This is due to its dual use of SGLT1 and GLUT5 transporters.
Oh by the way, granulated beet extract is also known as table sugar. You may very well have supplemented with GBE this week because 55% of table sugar (sucrose) produced in the U.S. comes from beets.
As GBE illustrates, names hold great power. Would you trust my scientific acumen more or less if, instead of Kamal Patel, my name was Booger von Simpleton, Attorney at Law?
My Uncle Doyle, mom’s younger brother, loved the comic strip Pogo by Walt Kelly. I remember his introducing me to it and reading it as a child. Kelly was a master at condensing a thought into something meaningful.
“Having lost sight of our objectives, we redoubled our efforts.” Pogo
Shall we pause and reflect?
Once I hurried through everything. Even before I learned the Navy SEAL mantra from the firing range—Slow is smooth; smooth is fast—I learned the value of slowing. Focusing on the task and slowing down actually helps me accomplish more. Leaving stress behind.
Perhaps it’s time to stop, look around, recall our objective, and try easy.
Someone recently told me the problem with Judaism, Islam, and Christianity is that they are religions of words. Learning words, hearing words, reading words, repeating words.
Too often the journey begins and ends with words.
Words divide us while uniting some of us.
Somewhere along the journey we lose the spirit of the words. The spirit behind and encompassing the words.
I think my friend’s observation was only partially correct. That is, they only saw part of the situation.
We read in the letter of James, the apostle, church leader, and brother of Jesus (1:27), “True Religion—Religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.”
Anyone can memorize and regurgitate words.
It takes a true disciple of Jesus to get off one’s backside and go out to serve.
Shall we find true religion?
While on vacation in Scotland last week, I saw news that crossed my technology professional side regarding Artificial Intelligence with my spiritual formation professional side about being able to say any hateful thing without repercussion. (I really don’t know the whole “woke/anti-woke” non-debate. I really don’t want to know! Being me, I would probably not endorse either camp.)
When politicians speak, I use a translator like the Babel fish in Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Some people call it a BS filter. That’s a little different. I use that often listening to marketing people.
But something I do know—because of long, hard, bitter experience. Words matter.
Used properly they build up, heal, guide. Otherwise they spread hate, hurt people, demotivate.
It’s easier to slow down and choose the right ones than it is to try to take the wrong one back.
At least four books have come my way recently about the importance of holding civil conversations with people with whom you may disagree.
Most would go along with my previous post about Be Curious, Not Judgmental. Ask questions and listen—honestly, really, listen. Not to argue. But to understand. It’s not noises in the ear canal. Engage brain, engage heart, focus on the other.
Kindness, care, gentle spirit, accepting (even if not agreeing).
Like the Youngbloods sang in 1967, “Come on people now, smile on your brother, everybody get together try to love one another right now.”
[Note: The Babel fish is a small, bright yellow fish, which can be placed in someone’s ear in order for them to be able to hear any language translated into their first language. Ford Prefect puts one in Arthur Dent’s ear at the beginning of the story so that he can hear the Vogon speech.}
Poets across centuries and cultures have developed structures for their poems. Haiku, ballad, sonnet.
Poets especially in the 1950s and 1960s explored something called free verse—that is, no outside structure.
The teacher of poetry writing at university explained how easy it is to get lost in free verse. The poet must discover an internal structure to effectively express themselves.
Some people have expressed that they wish a life totally free from constraints. “That is freedom,” they proclaim.
Just like the early free verse poets (ever tried to read Allen Ginsberg?), total freedom so easily drifts into meaninglessness. One becomes subject to whim, suggestion, cravings. No purpose. No value.
Some constraints actually allow for creativity and true freedom to live a fulfilled life. I’ll try to start your thinking.
Can you add more?
Gary Mintchell
Faith Venture 