Posts Tagged ‘attitude’

Perception and Reality

October 13, 2014

“I liked it better out there. The skies are always blue. Here, the skies are always gray.”

Talking with an acquaintance the other day.

Of course, she returns to Ohio in the changing seasons. We get a lot of cloud cover from fronts and changeableness. Some geographies have pretty much the same weather year around.

But is her observation the reality? Is your observation reality? Or maybe your perception creates your reality?

Supposedly this story came from Carl Sandberg, but I heard it through Earl Nightingale.

Seems a farmer was standing by his field leaning on a fence post contemplating the crops and the weather when a stranger drove by and stopped. “What sort of people live around here?” the stranger asked.

“what sort of people lived where you are from?”

“Well, they are lying, cheating, miserable people.” “I expect you’ll find the people around here the same way.”

Second stranger comes by. “What sort of people live around here?” “What sort of people were there where you’re from?” “Well, they are honest, hard-working people.” “I expect you’ll find the people around here to be the same.”

The point, of course, is that our perceptions often cloud our view of reality. Just look at politics. If you are hard-core whatever, you’ll interpret all events through that filter.

When you can throw that filter away and see reality, then you can start to grow.

That’s one goal of meditation. To calm the mind and begin to focus just on the moment. Only as things are.

The Power of Suggestion

October 10, 2014

Do you ever notice how your attitude or focus can be altered by the power of a suggestion from someone?

Since I spend more time than the average person on an airplane, and since boarding and deplaning are stressful situations, these are great times to observe people–including my own feelings.

Yesterday I flew from Orlando to Houston. Long story, but I’m a session chair for the process control track of a conference of the American Institute of Chemical Engineers. I go home tonight.

It’s Orlando. Lots of families. It’s Thursday evening. Lots of business travelers heading home from conferences. Houston is a hub. The plane is packed. Packed plane means fighting for overhead bin space for all your carry on stuff-especially your “roll aboard” suitcase.

(I made the week-long trip with only a backpack to cut down my stress.)

The first thing I notice is courtesy. The first people to get on–do they try to cram everything they have in the overhead so that they (so they think) have more leg room?

I was among the early boarders. But there was a couple in my row. As I looked at the bin not sure that my backpack would fit under the seat, I noticed the bin was full. Two roll aboards and a couple of big bags of some kind. OK, I’ll just try to stuff it in the smaller area of the aisle seat. I look down. There is nothing under the seats of my row-mates. I find I can cram the backpack in the spot. No problem. But I notice I have become a little annoyed at the young couple beside me.

Later, guy comes in who is in the bulkhead row across the aisle from me. There is no overhead space for rows. He looks around somewhat annoyed and frazzled. He spots an opening in a bin in first class. Goes up and stuffs his backpack there. Goes back to his bulkhead row in economy plus.

Flight attendant comes back and says (as close to a direct quote as I can remember), “I hate to do this to you, but I need the overhead bins in first class for first class passengers. I see an open spot just behind you. Could you move your bag?”

Guy shrugs and complies. Then a guy in his row says, “Boy, she was really short with you.” The more he thinks about this, the more incensed he becomes. I can see the rising anger.

He stops the flight attendant. “What’s your name?” he demanded. “I’m sorry, I don’t give that out. I was stalked once by a passenger,” she replied. “What’s the matter?” “I don’t like the way you treated me and I want to report you,” he replied. She asks why, a little shocked. She’s one of those bubbly friendly type of people who probably would never consciously provoke anger in someone.

Here is the situation. High anxiety (everyone is worried about overhead bin space). I am inconvenienced. Someone says something. My annoyance escalates. I create a scene.

It is times like these when we all need to learn to take a deep breath. Gain perspective about the big picture. Shrug it off. Be glad I got on and the plane was early and my baggage survive.

Oh, yes, I did that to calm my annoyance. After all, I was settling in to read “Paul and the Faithfulness of God.” Wouldn’t have been much of a witness if I had used my power of suggestion on the couple beside me, would it!

Teach Your Children Well

October 9, 2014

OK, so the song by Crosby, Stills and Nash is one of my favorites (although I never got the sheet music and added it to my repertoire). In this 60s song, one verse says parents teach your children well; then in typical fashion for the times, it flips it over and tells the children to teach your parents well.

This week my travels took me again to Orlando and another engineering conference. A friend of mine put together a session on transferring engineering and process knowledge from the aging baby boomers to the new millennial generation. His co-presenter was not only young but also female. She has a BS degree in Chemical Engineering, is 29, and a staff engineer for Eastman Chemicals Co.

Their topic was learning styles.

Collaboration. Younger people are much more collaborative than we were when I was learning engineering. We were given tasks by the almighty and all knowing manager, and we went out to do them. Because knowledge is more easily found on the Web, young people don’t look to their superiors (organizationally speaking) as the fount of all possible knowledge. They look at them as mentors and coaches who collaborate with them and teach how to approach problems.

New data sources. They have books on iPads, smart phones to look up things on the Web and to text peers to find answers to questions.

Conclusions. What surprised me in the session which was well attended by a mixture of ages was the attitude of several of the older engineers. “Well, if they get all knowledge from the Web, will they have any depth? Any problem-solving skills?”

In this case, they all have college engineering degrees. An engineering degree is primarily a course of study on problem solving. Depth comes through experience. If the guy would mentor a young person, then growth happens.

So, I’m thinking about this paradigm in relation to other organizations. I’m not a youth pastor, but are they able to incorporate this collaborative learning style and mentoring capability? Today’s crop of younger pastors tend to be more “teachers” than “preachers.” People don’t like to be preached at, but most people enjoy learning new ideas.

The weird thing is that even though I am technically a “boomer,” I’ve never felt like one. I’m much more at home with the style and thinking of the millennials. I hope more people of my generation can adapt and help bring the new generation along–whether it’s engineering or become a disciple of Jesus.

Trust As Faith Foundation

September 30, 2014

Yesterday I was meditating upon why it is that some people display such insecurity and lack of confidence.

Then I listened to Andy Stanly discuss trust as a foundation.

When Moses led the Hebrews out of Egypt, he faced the leadership challenge of introducing a people who had known only slavery for 400 years to freedom. He had to form a nation. At every step of the way from God’s first call to Moses to his entire leadership God just told them, “Trust me.”

The introduction to the 10 Commandments and then the first Commandment dealt with trust. “You shall have no other Gods before me” and “I am the Lord your God”.

It important that we come to deeply understand and feel this presence of God. Through this we should be able to gain confidence and trust.

How do we get to that point if we are not already there?

  • Read, study, meditate on the Bible and other spiritual writing
  • Spend time daily in silence focusing on God and inviting God’s presence
  • Join a community of worshipers for celebration, worship and support

Daily Spiritual practices will get you back on track if you have slipped off the rails. They will also fortify and deepen your existing faith.

Pervasiveness of Bigotry

September 25, 2014

“Think not the bigotry of another is any excuse for your own.” — John Wesley

I’ve been a member of a Methodist (now United Methodist) church for most of my life. But they don’t teach Wesley (one of the founders of the movement) as much as they used to. Probably part of the blending of overall teachings, I guess. But there is much to learn from Wesley’s example and his teaching.

This week I was in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. I’m not sure what the status of race relations is these days in the state that was once a symbol of the “Old South.” A startling revelation came upon me Monday. Where are all the black faces?

A restaurant we visited had a black girl as a hostess who seated customers. I’d swear that I heard a different tone of voice from the hostess when she said Miss so-and-so or the black girl was seating someone. I didn’t think about it at first. But the tone sort of laid half-formed in my brain.

Then we went to a show. Out of probably 1,000 people there, perhaps 5 were black. No performers were black people. Then I looked around. At the resort I saw perhaps 3 black families.

Within the past month, I’ve also heard comments about the Spanish-speaking people trying to come to the “Land of the Free” and work their way up a ladder that so many of us take for granted. The tone was, shall we say, not that of a sincere Christ-follower. The tone of those who labored with Paul to bring all the disparate cultural elements into one common fellowship.

I was made fun of for my civil rights views in the late 60s in my home town. Later I realized what a fool I was to drive to Louisiana through Mississippi in 1970 with an equal-rights decal on the car. Back then I’d have hoped for better understanding among the races and ethnic groups than I see today. It’s severely disappointing.

Where did we go wrong? Or lose our enthusiasm? However, let’s let Wesley’s words guide us.

I’m Wrong And I’m Sorry

September 22, 2014

Five words that every leader show know and use. Indeed, five words for us all to use appropriately.

“I’m wrong, and I’m sorry.”

When is the last time you heard a leader, especially a political leader or a church leader or leader of a large organization, say that publicly?

They almost always say, “I made a mistake.” And that’s it.

Sorry should always imply a repentance. An acknowledgement that I was going down the wrong path, that I see clearly that I am on the wrong path, and that I have decided to travel on the right path.

I have read in developmental psychology, but I can’t remember everything I’ve read. I do know children for whom the phrase “I’m sorry” has no meaning except maybe “Please don’t punish me.”

It is true that words can be used with no emotion behind them. So, we, the ones who have been offended, have only to wait and see if there was true repentance and change of heart, or if it was merely a use of words because the PR people said you’d better use them.

Last Friday I happened to be by a TV when the commissioner of the National Football League, or the National Felons League as a friend of mine puts it, finally had to face the public music.

Suddenly the cover over the actions of the athletes who participate in a sport made increasingly violent by people like the Commissioner was blown by one, then many, stories about domestic violence. The Commissioner initially made a pathetic statement that entirely missed the target. Then he went into hiding.

Friday, he came out to say something. He began, “I was wrong, and I’m sorry.” His media relations people learned the lesson of appropriate language. Now we’ll see if he has truly repented.

But how about us? How often do we use the words to get ourselves out of a jam? How often do we repent, ask God for help, and try again to get on the path of walking with Jesus? These are important questions to reflect upon daily.

Happiness

September 18, 2014

How do other people affect your happiness? Do you know what makes you happy?

John Ortberg has a series going on the subject. He mentioned last week quoting Dallas Willard that happiness (like the other fruits of the Spirit) is a condition, not an emotion.

Emotions come and go. If I am in a state of being happy, that is a condition that is more of a permanent part of my life.

On the same day, I heard Ortberg talk about how comparing ourselves to others is a great way to disrupt your happiness; then I read Leo Babauta talk of how social media can exacerbate the tendency to compare ourselves to others. We see people seemingly living good lives by watching their Instagram or Facebook posts. We think, they must be happy. That makes me unhappy.

Last Sunday, our pastor talked about how good it makes him feel after a service when people come up and compliment him. But, if one person criticizes, he feels bad for the week. He probably exaggerated, but it’s a true statement for all of us, right?

So, I pondered the question, how do other people affect my happiness? Or, better, why do I let other people affect my happiness.

Instead of being jealous at their success, try rejoicing with them. They may not be as happy as one Facebook photo may suggest. Maybe they need a hug.

My happiness comes from being grounded in the Spirit. But sometimes I do give people the power over my happiness. Then I recognize it and move on.

The Listless Leader

September 5, 2014

There are two types of dysfunctional leaders in meetings. One dominates every discussion. Pontificates about everything he knows. Makes all decisions before discussion starts.

We read in Proverbs that a wise leader seeks advice. I’ve experienced many of these leaders. They are easy to understand. They are just so full of themselves they call meetings just to have an audience. The same book of advice counsels us to hold our tongue, keep silence. That’s a good meeting strategy for a leader. Except that the leader should ask questions.

The other type is harder for me to fathom. She sits slumped in her chair. Seemingly distracted. Discussion is held. Some decisions are made. But everything is tentative. No definite direction is formed. The leader may say something. He may “wake up” long enough to make a contribution. But the meeting goes on as if the leader (or the person who holds the title of leader) offers nothing.

In the recent history of business, we’ve seen examples of leaders, perhaps trying to avoid responsibility as in the Enron debacle, who described themselves that way. Aloof. Letting subordinates do whatever they wish.

This is a path to ruin.

Is this because some leaders are like the first one who needs affirmation but who don’t have that dominating personality? They need the conversation to be all about them, but expect others to do the affirming?

This type of leader could use some of the energy of the first type. A leader who does not show energy does not show interest. A leader not interested is not doing her job. Energy breeds energy. From the energy of the leader comes energy of everyone. From lethargy of the leader comes indecision and incomplete decisions. And subordinates left to go their own way.

A good leader shows interest and energy, bringing the energy level of the entire meeting up to where everyone is involved. Then decisions are made and everyone is clear what the direction of the organization is.

Twisting Scripture To Fit Our Ideas

August 29, 2014

It is not a new idea–picking out phrases from Spiritual writing and twisting them to suit an individual’s point of view.

I remember reading John Calhoun and other early 19th century writers using Scripture to justify slavery and treating black people as not human. Just so, there are people still today who do the same thing regarding women. That would be Christians–not just Muslims.

But way back in the beginning of our faith, Peter writing to the churches says

So also our beloved brother Paul wrote to you according to the wisdom given him, speaking of this as he does in all his letters. There are some things in them hard to understand, which the ignorant and unstable twist to their own destruction, as they do the other scriptures.

Peter calls these people “ignorant” and “unstable.” He has been criticizing those who perverted the teachings by preaching a gospel of sexual license and straying from holiness and the teaching of Jesus.

Peter says that we should wait out the coming of the new heaven and new earth while striving to be found by God to be at peace, without spot or blemish.

Like I said yesterday, my rather superficial reading of Paul in my youth led me to conclusions that were wrong. I am blessed with a personality that enables me to change when I discover new facts. I’ve learned much more about Paul and discovered he has much to teach us.

Just quit picking up odd phrases and building a theology and political philosophy around them. Paul says we are all equal before God–equally sinners and equally provided grace if we should so choose.

Get Connected To The Outside System

August 27, 2014

Successful, or as the Bible says “fruitful”, people have the ability to see the patterns in their lives that don’t work. They go through the door and leave those old patterns behind to “Never Go Back” and get caught up in them. So says  Henry Cloud in his new book.

This morning as I was about to post to this blog, I had no connection to the Internet. I was cut off from the outside world, so to speak. I couldn’t post. I couldn’t check news. I couldn’t see what happened to all the soccer games where I’m responsible for the officials. I was disconnected. My post would be late–way late.

Let me tie these two thoughts together.

People get into a pattern of behavior. The pattern becomes hard wired in the brain. But…it is possible to change the pattern. You do have to go outside the pattern.

The Second Law of Thermodynamics says that  in a closed system chaos will occur. So, we need to become an open system to go beyond ourselves. We need to get connected to God. Then we can intentionally begin to develop new patterns to replace the old ones.

And that is just what successful/fruitful people do. They go out of the door and Never Go Back to the old, unsuccessful pattern.

This all leads me to some deep meditation, though. Several times in my life I have gone into business with men who were openly Christian. You know, they always  talk about it, they have tracts laying out, talk of going to church meetings, and so forth.

Every one of them owes me money. Every one of them backed out on his word. That’s a pattern.

Now, I’m about to make an investment into a company with avowedly Christian people.

Am I about to fall into the old pattern?

I think not. This time I have done much more due diligence. This time I have taken months to understand the situation. This time I think I got connected.