Posts Tagged ‘attitude’

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The Love Language of Receiving

April 7, 2015

Her love language is receiving. She just loves to receive things. If you wish to fill up her emotional love tank, then continually give her things.

I heard a message on that subject and expressed shock. People told me to read the book by Dr. Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages.

I did.

It’s all about attitude. The spirit with which you give…and receive. Much like the teachings of the spiritual disciplines which say that practicing the spiritual disciplines are not “works” that lead you to salvation but practices that will help you get closer to God.

Still, I wonder.

We live in an age of narcissism. An age of entitlement. For so many people, it’s “all about me” and what I can get. “I’m entitled to everything I have–and more. Just because I’m daddy’s little princesses or mommy’s little boy.”

For those who aren’t on the entitlement side of narcissism, there is the empty part. Those for whom it’s all about me but I’m empty. I need things to fill it. Each thing I purchase or receive fails to fill the void. I need more. But the more I have, the emptier I feel.

What stands out for me is that receiving is passive. Quality time is active. Physical intimacy is active. Service is active. Receiving is passive. Giving, on the other hand, is active. That’s where I thought he was going in the beginning of the book.

I’m sure this item has helped many. I think it’s dangerous in today’s societies. Be careful about the love language of receiving. Is it a void that can never be filled?

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Have Patience It Builds Endurance

March 26, 2015

Sometimes when you’re in your car and you’re on an expressway where you expect to be going at a rate of 75 miles per hour and you find yourself stopped, you have a decision to make.

Monday an early spring snow squall sped across west central Ohio. During the time I was in the coffee shop, about an inch of snow fell. I thought nothing of it. We’ve been driving in snow for more than three months. 

I got on the nearby expressway, Interstate 75, heading north for a quick 10 mile trip to a little tavern, the Inn Between, for a meeting of the executive committee of the soccer referee association. The total trip should have been 10 minutes.

Less than a minute after passing an exit, I rounded a curve and saw brake lights. Uh-oh, but too late to make the exit. That was just before  6 pm. I arrived at the Inn Between at 8:05. Seems someone slowed down when the snow came through and the person behind didn’t. 20 cars smashed together later, the road was closed.

Sometimes when you’re stopped, you’re stopped. You might as well adjust your thinking to the new reality. I’m not going 75. I’m going 0. Then maybe 5. Then 0.

I learned long ago navigating Chicago rush hour traffic. You might as well find some good music and settle in. It’s your decision how to handle the new reality. I’m going to Germany and Hungary next month. I had decided to brush up my German language skills. Have an app on my iPhone. Did 5 lessons while I was waiting Monday evening.

Search for patience in the New Testament. You must have some patience while you wait for the results–there are many. Patience is a fruit of the spirit. Paul counsels us many times. James tells us patience builds endurance so that we can be in the race for the long haul.

Patience is your decision. You can adjust your mind to the fact that you just have to wait. Or, you can decide to be frustrated, angry, bitter. As for me, I have learned (most of the time) to choose patience.

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It Takes Energy to Lead

March 13, 2015

Nehemiah, a leader of the Jews during the time of the Persian empire, had heard about the sorry state of Jerusalem. His brother described how the walls were torn down and the gates burned. About how this made the city a laughingstock among the nations.

Chapter 1 of the book describing his work describes how he was motivated to do somehing about the problem. The next chapter describes how he traveled 800 miles to Jerusalem. He arrived, but said nothing for three days. Then he went out with a small group at night to survey the situation.

Today, I can get into a car and drive a mile over to I-75 then head south for 800 miles and stop at a hotel in south Georgia in one day and be a little tired. For Nehemiah and his troops and entourage, it was a long and physically demanding trip. He took three days to recover and rebuild his energy. Then he could cast his vision for the restoration of the walls to the people.

It takes energy to lead. Energy comes from attitude, fitness, nutrition, adequate rest. People feed off the energy of their leaders.

But, the energy must be positive and uplifiting. Many leaders have an energy that destroys motivation. The energy is perhaps nervous energy. Or perhaps self-directed. Maybe it comes from the “high” pole of bi-polar disorder. Maybe it comes from fear.

On the other hand, have you ever met people who seem to just suck the energy right out of you? They are exhausting!

If you take care of your body–as Paul describes it as the temple of the spirit, then you have the beginnings of energy. Next build prayer into the rhythms of your work. Your work, indeed, becomes prayer in action. Your service becomes prayer in action actually building more energy as you expend it on your service. (Another one of life’s paradoxes.)

Einstein worked out the math to come up with energy=mass times the speed of light squared. Leadership=energy times vision.

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You’re Late

March 5, 2015

Let’s take a look at some personal disciplines that will help you become successful however you define it. And personal disciplines spill over into spiritual disciplines.

Here is a story from a business book I once read. It seems a young man had a promising professional/managerial job. But he seemed to be going nowhere. He wasn’t really motivated. The bosses seemed to forget about him when thinking about people with promotion potential.

Problem was, he was always late. He was late to work. Late to meetings. Late with reports. He was always frazzled, disorganized, fuzzy thinking.

Then one day he faced up to his problem and decided to change. He set the alarm to get up 15 minutes earlier. He got to work early and organized his day. He arrived early at meetings and was prepared for the discussion.

His demeanor grew calmer. He became more organized and confident.

It worked so well that he started getting up an hour earlier so that he could read things that filled his mind spiritually and intellectually.

He began to be the executive that no one would have ever imagined just a few short years before.

It all began when he decided to not be late all the time.

Changing just one bad habit can change your life.

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People You Can Live Better Without

February 26, 2015

From Proverbs:

18:24 — Some friends play at friendship but a true friend sticks closer than one’s nearest kin.

22:24 — Make no friends with those given to anger.

I saw this blog describing people you can live without.

Other people can cheer you up, or they can drag you down. Did you ever consider how long it takes to recover from a chance meeting with a negative person? Even if you try to maintain a level personality, a few words can bring down your emotional well being and cause grief.

It is difficult to be productive with such an attitude. A negative co-worker is like an anchor weighing you down to the bottom of the sea. A negative friend does not help you succeed. A needy person can suck all the energy out of you.

Take a lesson from Lidiya K as well as from Proverbs. These are people you can live without. Try to sever relations as quickly as possible.

Here is her list. Can you add to it?

  1. Complainers.
  2. The ones that are with you only in good times.
  3. Those who don’t believe in you.
  4. Victims.
  5. People who gossip.

Look instead for people who build up other people. People who are servants. People who are wise.

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Being the Church Not Necessarily Being At Church

February 24, 2015

For those of my readers who belong to a church, do you know the people who seem to always be in the building whenever the doors are open?

Some people have been so dedicated, or something, to their church that they feel they must be involved in everything. Committee meetings, choir practice, kitchen duty, fold bulletins.

There is a value to some of that. But, at some point you have to pause and ask why you feel the need to be away from the family that much. Or, maybe like me, you just feel a need to serve. That makes it difficult for me to say the “N” word–NO. I’m learning. I’ve been pushing things off on others in one form or another for years. I call it developing leaders.

When we were called to be the church, we were not called to be at the church at all times. The spiritual discipline of service should not be skewed into service within the four walls of your building. In fact, it’s hard to be the church when you are at the church building.

Being the church calls outside. To meet with those along the way. Heal, teach, help, listen. Do as Jesus did as he walked the land. He is master; we are disciple. We are called to practice as the master practiced.

Our congregation offers many ways for people to be the church locally, regionally, internationally. But even that should not be a limit. Wherever we go, there  we are the church.

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Praying Your Way Out

February 19, 2015

There is one God, the Father,

From whom are all things, and we to him;

And one Lord, Jesus the Messiah,

Through whom are all things, and we through him.

–1 Cor 8:6 (The sh’ma rewritten by Paul)

One of the guys at last night’s Bible study asked about the situation when you aren’t as “on fire” in the spirit as you had been for a while.

There was a survey of 17,000 followers of Jesus where they asked that question. Did you ever feel away from the spirit, and, if so, what did you do to get back? More than 3,000 said yes. Reading the Bible daily and praying were the path back into the spirit.

We call those spiritual disciplines or spiritual practices. They are a means through which you can rekindle the fire of the spirit. They also should become so habitual that they form your character.

Paul, good Jewish boy and eventually Pharisee, no doubt prayed the Sh’ma every day. “Hear O Israel, The Lord, the Lord our God is one. And you shall love The Lord….”

Paul, after his meeting with the risen Jesus, “rethought” his Jewish teaching in light of the coming of the Messiah. Recorded in 1 Corinthians is a new prayer with which to begin each day. A new Sh’ma.

There was a man who lived in 19th Century Russia. He lost everything he had including wife and kids. All that was left was his Bible and a teaching from a priest quoting Paul, “You should pray without ceasing.” The priest taught him the “Jesus Prayer,”

Jesus Christ, son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.

You can say that prayer with breath. Inhale Jesus Christ, son of God; Exhale have mercy on me, a sinner.

This peasant’s story is recorded in The Way of a Pilgrim. He tried to live praying without ceasing. And people kept coming into his life at just the right moment with just the right assistance.

The Jesus Prayer is powerful. I am now trying to memorize the “new sh’ma” and incorporate it into my life. It helps maintain focus when all around is chaos.

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Where Does Lying Get You

February 11, 2015

I am in Orlando at a conference. It all started with arriving over an hour late–so in my room at midnight Sunday. Meeting early Monday. Reception until after 10. Followed by another early morning and late night. Now 7 am breakfast meeting. That’s the glamorous life of a writer traveling to a resort area on business.

Speaking of the glamorous life, I have been reading a little (very little) about this Brian Williams performance art and drama. As I get the story, he reported that he was in a helicopter in Iraq that was shot down. Now they say he was in the helicopter trailing and never went down.

Confusion? Lying? We’ll never know.

But that incident started a train of thought. Supposing he did lie. Supposing you and I have ever lied about doing something. Embellished a resume. Tried to impress a prospective employer.

In the end, what do we gain.

We read in the Bible, let your yes be yes and your no be no.

Say what you need to say. Sgt. Joe Friday, “Just the facts, Ma’am.”

If we let who we are speak through what we do, what does that say about our character?

As a writer and teacher, I’m always aware of the trap I can fall into. I can make my career sound like some exotic journey into great competence or I can make it sound like a series of steps where I learn a little at every stop along the way.

I try to be careful, and I hope I succeed. Maybe more of us should remember who we wish to be and act in accordance.

Or maybe we want to be a liar????

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Lure of Lifestyle or Spiritual Discipline of Simplicity

February 4, 2015

One thing about living most of my life in the same small city, I have seen many people grow from stage to stage in life. I remember when a bunch of guys were in their 30s and 40s. They were posturing for importance. Living an upscale and hard-driving lifestyle. Now they are 60s and 70s. They, for the most part, have come to see what’s really important in life—relationships, service, being comfortable in who they are.

Lure of Lifestyle

My friend Jim Pinto, who has turned his attention from automation (since he doesn’t write for me anymore) to thoughts on how to live, reminds us to focus on what’s important. In Lure of Lifestyle, he says, “Now, I don’t feel particularly miserly, but I really don’t understand the rationale of the luxury lifestyle. In fact, I remember the remark of a guy who ignored the champagne at a fancy reception and asked for a beer. “Hey!” he said, “I’m rich enough to drink what I want, not what looks good.”

These days, when I see somebody posturing beyond their means, I remember a Texas cattleman’s wisecrack: “Big hat, no cattle!” This was the name of a song by Randy Newman.”

Fits a Career

I think this fits a career, too. Most of the time I’ve been in leadership (I wish I had been this good all the time), the important question became, “How can I help you?” After defining roles and hiring the best people (I’ve missed a few times, much to my downfall—one guy turned out to be quite the political manipulator), that is the best approach to management.

Spiritual discipline

One of the basic twelve spiritual disciplines outlined by Richard Foster in “Celebration of Discipline” is simplicity or the simple lifestyle.

While there are many products that improve our lives, we can easily acquire a huge pile of junk. Stuff we use for a few days and then gather dust. Stuff that’s cheaply made and don’t last but somehow stays around.

We’ve got to have the huge pickup truck, not to haul things but solely to impress people. Or the Aspen vacation that we can’t afford but that will impress everyone back home.

Practicing the simplicity discipline, we buy what we need. We invest in experiences, not in things to impress. We focus on what’s important in life—not on what we think will impress people who are usually too busy trying to impress other people to notice you’re trying to impress them.

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We’re Talking People Here

January 29, 2015

The conversation eventually got around to those people. You know, those people that the Bible says are sinners. Except that, those in the group expressing that dislike of the group of those people didn’t stop to consider that they are also “those people”–people who sin.

They don’t recognize that “those people” is actually just a label used to refer to people sharing a trait of some sort.

Those people, that group, is actually composed of individual people. Struggling individual people. Each with their own story. Each with their own needs.

Marketing people have found it useful to group people with similar interests in order to target a message promoting their product or service.

But followers of Jesus? Indeed, Jesus himself? He didn’t group people. He dealt with individual people, people who were hurting, people who needed the encouragement to live a fulfilled life, people who needed healing.

Maybe a Samaritan woman. Maybe a Roman army officer. Maybe even a Pharisee or two.

And I? I remained silent. Allowing the stereotype of a group of “those people” to go unchallenged. Rather than pointing out that I have friends and relatives among “those people”. Friends and relatives who need someone to reach out with friendship, understanding, yes, even love.

They do not need the accusing finger pointed at them by a self-righteous, if well-meaning, person.

Love your neighbor, Jesus said. Who is our neighbor? Our neighbor is that individual person we meet along the way.

Make this also a lesson for me to take care about grouping people. Each is an individual.

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