Character Development

May 18, 2015

I spent all weekend at a youth soccer tournament. Players ranged in age from 8 to 18. Parents ranged in maturity from 2-yr-olds to mature. Typical spring in Ohio, as well as much of the US.

My job was to recruit referees and assign them to games. I devoted many hours last week doing both of those. 

During the tournament, I check to assure that all the referees showed up and to cover for those who didn’t. This was a great weekend. The only problem was one I created by not doing the proper math about when one game ends and when another begins and how far the fields were from each other. I started the game as referee and then turned the game over to the assigned guy. 

That’s because once the tournament play begins, I become the appeals court for referee problems. I travel from field to field watching and evaluating and giving tips for improvement to the entire group of referees. I also travel around settling disputes. 

Sometimes referees need some extra instruction. Or I have to move them around to avoid situations. Sometimes coaches or parents get into arguments and I try to settle things down.

It is a joy in life to contribute to the development of so many young people. I have devoted the last 25 years or so developing young referees. They may not always last as referees, but through the process, I try to teach them life skills of observation, decision-making, handling people, confidence, and communication.

The most gratifying thing in these tournaments is the development of coaching. Coaches used to know little about the game, didn’t teach anything during practice and then figured they could get the kids to do what they didn’t teach them simply by screaming at them–and at the referees.

Now, I see coaches teaching basic skills, then team building skills. They give instruction during the game instead of berating the kids. Sure, they get upset with some calls. We all do. Sometimes I do even when I’m evalutating a referee. That’s life. The bad coaches are becoming scarce.

We need to practice this same character-building effort in the rest of life. Is there a child or young adult who could use a mentor? Intentionally seek out people like that. Invite them for coffee or lunch. Build a relationship and nurture tham. I have few greater joys in life than seeing people grow.

Have you found a mentee today?

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The Art of Leadership Requires The Art of Communication

May 15, 2015

He just sort of went his own way. Left the others behind and bewildered. Instructions were muddled. Text messages with u and 4 and ty rather than spelled out, complete sentence communiques.

She could talk and talk; and then when you walked away you wondered, “Just what did she say?”

Worse still is the leader who just doesn’t talk, or text, or send emails.

A friend of mine used to say, “Just pick up the phone and call.”

The leadership lesson I’m contemplating today is when a leader does not communicate–either clearly or at all.

We all know them. We’ve worked for them. Maybe when we look in the mirror we see one.

In the Bible I can think of Joseph who clearly communicated–first to the king and then to the people and saved them from starvation. Daniel who spoke clearly to a number of kings and the people who served him.King David, who was able to give clear and explicit orders–even when they were wrong. Nehamiah. Oh, yes, Nehemiah. He spoke clearly to his leader to get permission to travel to Jerusalem. Then he spoke clearly to the leaders of the Jews when he arrived. And he did a great work.

Are you aware of your weakness in communication? I know that I’m a better writer than one-on-one communicator. I hate “just picking up the phone” even when I should.

Recently I know of a situation that I’m trying to rectify where there was almost a total breakdown of communications that almost wrecked a project. One person didn’t speak up. Another didn’t assure that he was undersood when he talked. Worse, most was done by brief email exchanges.

I consulted with an executive director of an agency once where I was trying to get him to see how to communicate with his board. It started from within, that he felt like an equal. That his opinion and vision mattered. And then he needed to take his vision to the board collectively and individually.

What I have learned through bitter experience–a leader must be a great communicator. There is no one correct style of communication. But she’d better have a good one and be good at it.

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When Faith And Works Intersect

May 14, 2015

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

No, I’m not going for a bad joke for a 7-year-old. On the other hand, this sounds like a question to meditate on to break your preoccupation with the cares of the world.

Last night, our small group was studying Romans (like we have for the past several months and we’re only to 8:1). We were talking faith and living by faith. But where do the spiritual disciplines fit?

“What comes first? Faith or disciplines?”

This is really a faith versus works argument. Can we make ourselves right with God through our work?

James tackles this question. Actually Paul does, just not as succinctly. Jesus does.

People who have had faith and who have realized that they were drifting away from their relationship with God have rekindled their faith through regular reading from the Bible.

When I lead people into an understanding of the spiritual disciplines and try to lead them into practice, my counsel is that the purpose of practicing study, prayer, mediation, service, worship, simplicity is not to earn your way into God’s favor. It is to work on yourself so that your relationship deepens.

Jon Swanson is writing on routines again. He says, “Think of it this way: a ritual is something we do hoping to influence God. A routine is something we do to work on us. A routine like daily prayer or weekly Sabbath or monthly celebration brings our minds back to the story of God’s work. But thinking about a routine this way means we have to think about what we are doing rather than ritually acting.”

I am a person who needs routine. If my routines are interrupted–such as almost every time I travel–then I can feel it physically as well as spiritually.

Routine, practice, discipline–if done intentionally, they are all ways to work on ourselves.

Faith comes first. Then we go to work.

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Only God Can Label You

May 13, 2015

He was a quiet kid. Kept to himself. Freshman trumpet player in the university marching band. Away at band camp before school even started. Probably his first college experience.

We were in the same cabin. I was also a freshman, first experience away like that, percussionist. We shared the cabin with the drum major. Head guy.

He sensed a weakness, I guess. I only thanked God that it was the trumpeter he picked on. Labeled him a nerd. I guess that’s worse than geek. He was merciless the entire week. 

The trumpeter? He kept his head down and never said a word.

Labels that others give us can really hurt. They can also misdirect our lives.

Label someone as fat early in their life, and even though they may get fit as an adult, chances are they’ll always feel fat. It’s really hard to outgrow the hurts of adolescence.

I think it was third grade when they gave us some kind of intelligence test. I was clueless. All I know is that my parents got called to visit the teacher. When they came back, I had a label–smart. I’m still clueless. I’ve been trying to disprove that my entire life. <smiles> But that resulted in lectures every time I didn’t get straight As until dad gave up on me while I was in college. I never played the game to get a grade. I’d learn enough from the class and then go off and  study what I wanted to study. (And, yes, I did get a degree. The department shut down the graduate program before I finished my master’s work, and I never finished that. No need to have a paper.)

Yesterday I listened to Andy Stanley talk to a group of 8th graders about labels. He warned them about letting other people label you. What great advice!

We are children of God. That is the label God puts on us. We don’t need another. It’s hard to overcome a label that someone in authority puts on you–even if it’s just the drum major. 

By the way, I recommend listening to Stanley every week. I listen to Bill Hybels, John Ortberg, Gene Appel (when they load his talks into iTunes), Stanley every week. I also listen to technology news and other podcasts that broaden my experience. I recommend finding your favorites and listen to something daily for your growth.

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A Call To Men To Be Clear

May 12, 2015

first published April 9, 2015

Adam should have spoken. He didn’t. We’re all screwed.

That is the problem statement of “Men of Courage” by Larry Crabb and others. Men are too often silent when they should speak up.

I had the privilege of working as part of a small team of local men who had an idea for a men’s conference. Call to Convergence was held this past weekend. We had no clue how many men would show, but we picked 75 as a good target number. 70 registered. It was a good weekend.

Our principle speaker used that book as the starting point of his talks. Men are called to speak up, to share. Maybe not sharing every emotion like women seem to be wired to do. But, as one person said after the Friday night talks, it’s all about transparency. Not hiding.

The solution part of the book calls men to mentoring. We are called to intentionally find someone who could use a mentor and take action. Invite someone for breakfast or lunch. Ask. Listen. Guide. Help them on their journey.

By the way, we live in a small county. Population of about 56,000. To have 70 people come out in the snow was a great blessing. We all felt that the event wasn’t about us, but about God. And God blessed the gathering. 

Men asked about what to do during the year until we have the second one. Always a great sign when people ask for action steps.

Reading the Bible

By the way, you might want to re-read the story of Adam, Eve, the serpent, and the metaphorical tree. 

When we read the Bible (or anything, really), often we let past memory guide us and fill in the blanks, so to speak. Did you realize that Adam was present during the whole episode? Not my memory either. When I read it later after learning about the story, my memory took over and I didn’t read the passage clearly.

The passage clearly implies that Adam was right there. It doesn’t say that Eve went to him sometime later. It says she turned to him and offered him the fruit. Adam heard the whole conversation. Surely he knew better. But he didn’t speak up.

Two lessons:

Speak up when you see someone going off the path.

When you read the Bible, clear your mind and read what it really says.

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And They Will Know You By How You Live

May 11, 2015

Today’s lesson concerns how we live…ethics.

I learned marketing many years ago and sometimes consult with companies about their marketing strategies (or lack of as is often the case). So, I’m always reading about the topic.

Luke writes at the end of chapter 2 while describing the explosive growth of the new movement of Jesus-followers, “having earned the goodwill of all the people.” People all around the Mediterranean rim at the time were attracted to Jesus because of the way his followers lived.

Jesus even told us that his followers would be known by the way they lived–love being an action verb.

How does that relate to marketing? How does marketing relate to our lives?

A couple of nice examples presented themselves this week.

Some marketing people, and presumably the CEO, of Keurig had a brilliant idea. The company makes household appliances including a one-cup-at-a-time coffee brewer. I have one. Love it. Just like the razor blade model or the ink jet printer model where the company makes money from the continual lock in of replacing blades or ink regularly, Keurig marketers thought they would force customers to use its coffee supplies packaged in K-cups.

Within hours, technology blogs were posted with ways to defeat this lock in so that we could still use our own coffee beans. Sales of the Keurig 2 machine–and for the company–dropped.

The CEO acknowledged the reason for the drop in sales as customers just wanted to use their own beans and so bought rivals’ products. Duh. That’s not unethical, just stupid. Not knowing one’s customers.

But stupid leads to questionable ethics.

I’m watching my granddaughter play a “game” on an Amazon tablet. She’s 5. Building necklaces for the Strawberry Shortcake character.

Strawberry says that you can add a picture of her or one of her friends to the locket. So, little girls tap one of her friends and is taken to a page where you can buy the friend package for $9.95 each. My granddaughter realizes she can’t use those pictures and just starts tapping other things. Mostly she likes taking pictures of herself or other people.

But how can a group of people sit in a conference room and discuss how to increase revenue. Well, we need “in-app” sales. How can we entice our under-10 customers to buy additional items? Let’s make it appear that they can add something only to be diverted to a page for purchasing. If an astute parent has not set blocks and controls, a considerable bill could be accumulated. Or much discord strewn in the home while little Susie whines about wanting more stuff.

Thank you marketers.

I have invested in a coffee shop (hence my Keuring example about coffee) where the fundamental value accepted by all investors and managers starts with ethics. Treat people from the farmer who grows the beans to the employees to the customer to the community with the best ethics.

Others can also decide to build companies on ethical foundation. And all of us can look for ethical companies for our purchases.

People will want to know about us by the way we live, by the way we transact business, by the way we treat all people.

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Leaders Are Known By The Questions They Ask

May 8, 2015

If someone asks me a question, I’ll answer it. 
That’s not bad, except that sometimes I then neglect to ask a question in return. People think you are a fascinating conversationalist if you ask questions. Not so much if you just spout off with what you know.
Even more, leaders are known by the questions they ask. Or if they don’t ask, just tell.
It is said that leaders are readers. They are also askers.
You show your interest by asking questions. In a work or other leadership situation, people will know what is important to you by the questions you ask.
My early work in manufacturing was with a company that made products. Every day the president of the company would call the production manager and ask, “How many did you get?” 
Guess what. Sometimes products were pushed out before they were completely ready. But, the production manager could say that x products were out. What wasn’t said was the products had to be finished outside of the normal production area.
But, the president was answered.
Even as a “kid” I thought that the president wasn’t asking the right question.
I’ve heard that Bill Hybels has said that great leaders pause before a decision and ask of themselves, “What would a great leader do?”
That is a great question. You could also substitute dad, mom, grandparent, coach, teacher, brother, sister, pastor….
I like the idea of pausing. Too often, I don’t. 
But the question has great value. The old phrase (and wristband) WWJD—what would Jesus do—comes to mind.
It’s good to pause and think. Then act. And act like a great leader.

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Let Your Light Shine-Why?

May 7, 2015

I’m up early and in the breakfast area of my hotel in Seattle. They have not one but three TVs all turned to one of those TV talk shows that are designed to heighten fear and anger in the hearts of the sympathizers. It’s hard to concentrate and meditate in such an environment.

I wondered, is that how I would like my light to shine? That I spend so much time being cynical and negative that my face sets permanently in that attitude?

Jesus said, “You are the light of the world.” Then he went on to state why, “Let your light shine before others so that they may see your good works and give praise to your Father in heaven.”

These talk show people–they make a large income. They have influence over millions of souls. Their legacy, raise fear and anger in people so that they will continue to watch so that advertisers will pay high rates to present their products to the many.

How does this relate to church, you may wonder? Rightly so.

We have churches that operate the same way. They emphasize fear and anger so that people will come and obey.

Jon Swason started me thinking with his article comparing and contrasting evangelism and customer service in business and in church. Many (probably not enough) can do evangelism. But how do we rate in customer service? Do we just give them some words to memorize and tell them to go on their way?

Dallas Willard once said that church was the worst place to come to share your hurts and failures in order to find comfort and healing.

Jesus said let your light shine so that our Father is glorified. Part of that light is to fellow travellers on the way who need help. By so doing, you show people outside the fellowship the joy of becoming a Jesus-follower and joining the fellowship.

Good works, not sowing fear, uncertainty and doubt. What a thought!

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We Limit Ourselves

May 6, 2015

A TV series that ran in the late 1960s followed the travails of a baffled man who found himself in a village. It was a happy place. Everyone was smiling. Everything was clean and neat. It did not seem sinister, at least on the surface. Perhaps a little like that city Disney built outside Orlando where every thing must be the same. Nice and neat and clean. And everyone is happy all the time.

The man felt trapped even though very well cared for. There was no way out.

The man was in constant pursuit of Number Two. This person would be the gateway to discovering Number One—the true overseer of the captivity.

Gene Appel, pastor at Eastside Christian Church in Anaheim, CA, pointed out something that resonated at a deep level. “Your past mistakes limit your future options.”

You’re a guy with a group of guys. Just hanging out. After midnight. Do I need to state that nothing good happens when there is a group of guys hanging out after midnight.

Someone has a brilliant (well so you thought) idea. The net result is that the whole group is busted. Arrested. Jailed. Tried. Even if it’s a misdemeanor, it’s on the record.

Now you want a job that requires security clearance. Oops.

Or, you’re a girl or young woman. All the other girls have guys. They all talk about the great sex they are having (or so they say). You’re guy applies a little pressure, and…now you’re pregnant. Yep, your future is now limited.

Our choices may not be that extreme, but they do limit future options—sometimes that’s good. Sometimes it’s bad.

When we are limiting ourselves, we had best do so intentionally. Stop and think about the future consequences of our choices.

Oh, and the man in the village? During the last episode he gains a meeting with Number Two. An empty chair is in the room reserved for Number One.

Number Two of course tells the man to have a seat. He’s been Number One the entire time. He has imprisoned himself!

What about you and me? Have we let our mistakes and poor choices imprison us? Time to break free.

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Choose If You Can

May 5, 2015

How much free will do you have over your choices?

When you go to the store, are you buying because you need or want something–or are you buying because of the message of an enticing advertisement that made the product so appealing?

At a deeper level, are you making choices based on emotional reaction or with a clear head?

My friend Jim Pinto who wrote a column on the business of automation for me for 10 years has taken to writing on philosophical issues in his retirement. He published a blog on April 27 pondering all the aspects of choice.

Scientists who study the brain debate the amount of free will we actually have. Some think we have none. A philosophy taught in English departments for many years is that everything is culturally derived. Therefore you cannot make general statements. Oops, pardon me English scholars, but I  believe you made a general statement.

The philosophy du jour when I was an undergrad was existentialism. These people looked at life and observed that there would be a few times, maybe only one, where a person will make a decision–the existential decision–that is a determining factor in the rest of their life.

This is not the decision about Irish breakfast tea or jasmine infused green tea. This is the decision that the apostle John talked about (1 John) where he said we must choose to follow the light or to follow darkness.

We have so many choices to make daily–that’s why some people like Steve Jobs wear the same type of clothing every day, it reduces a decision–that we can be lost in decision. It is the paradox of too many choices.

But, there are a few choices that we make daily that determine what sort of life we will lead. It pays great dividends in the future to ponder at the end of every day whether we made the right decisions in important  circumstances. 

We have so many options, so many opinions, so many influencers, that making the right choice requires intentional effort.

Go and do the hard work.

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