Archive for the ‘Listening’ Category

« Older Entries

Anger

January 9, 2026

The early Jesus-followers were magnificent psychologists. They observed how the deepest emotions could grab priority in our lives disrupting our spiritual balance, as well as, our relationships.

Anger held a special place of dishonor on the “Wall of Shame.”

James observes offering advice, “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.”

Silence works wonders. That purveyor of sweetened poison—Pepsi—used to advertise “the pause that refreshes.” The real pause that refreshes occurs in the moment between provocation and response. And the Lord knows that I know how difficult that pause is. I’ve done better over the past 20 years. But sometimes it’s still a struggle.

Quick to listen; slow to speak. Excellent advice for living.

Enter email address on the right and click follow to receive updates via email. I will never spam you. I’m not in that business! Thank you.

Posted in Listening, Silence, Wisdom | Leave a Comment »

Talking People Out of Hate

November 21, 2025

How can I expect people to listen to me if I don’t listen to them?

So asks black musician Daryl Davis describing his conversations with members of the Ku Klux Klan and various neo-Nazi groups.

This conversation  on Adam Grant’s podcast, ReThinking: Talking people out of hate with Daryl Davis and former neo-Nazi Jeff Schoep — Worklife with Adam Grant, could be one of the most important conversations you’ll hear. 

Davis recounts his early life as the child of a US diplomat living abroad and his first encounter with hate and racism at age 10. He couldn’t understand. “How can they hate me when they don’t even know me?”

Listening, with focus, and intent, without judgement, to someone whose views are anathema to us. This is so important. It is the beginning of conversation. It may not change the other person. But to them to realize they have been heard without shouting and condemnation opens doors that otherwise would be closed forever. And leading just one person out of a life of hate would cause rejoicing in heaven.

[Note: the link goes to my favorite podcast application. There was no link that I could find on Adam Grant’s website.]

Enter email address on the right and click follow to receive updates via email. I will never spam you. I’m not in that business! Thank you.

Posted in Attitude, Listening | Leave a Comment »

Performance or Listening

October 27, 2025

Sometimes I am quite slow in the realization department. I went to a church service one time where the preacher was getting quite worked up, raising his voice, slamming his fist on the pulpit. 

That’s not my personality type. I said something to someone around me. “It’s so important,” they said. Yes, I thought, but is that effective? I realized later that that was just part of the schtick. Performance.

One of the original megachurches started with an idea that didn’t work out as intended. Let’s start a church that attracts people who don’t want to go to church. Let’s have rock music. Lights. Fog machines. A polished speaker who wears $200 shirts. We’ll call it a Seeker service. Then we’ll have member’s evening on Wednesday for teaching. And small groups for depth and encounter.

The Seeker Service caught on. People like to be entertained. It’s the modern version of the schtick. 

Really changing and helping people, though, is harder work. It involves listening. Listening with the whole mind. Then responding to the needs—expressed and unexpressed. It’s not glamorous. You won’t make headlines. But one person at a time will live a better life.

(I forget the chain of thinking that got me to this post. I think it is in a book I’m reading about the history of assembling and interpreting a Christian scripture where the author gently suggested that people of the different traditions should try listening to each other. I thought—what a revolutionary idea.)

Enter email address on the right and click follow to receive updates via email. I will never spam you. I’m not in that business! Thank you.

Posted in Evangelism, Listening | Leave a Comment »

Being Empathetic

August 12, 2025

Sometimes just sitting with someone hurting is enough.

Maybe saying nothing more than, it’s tough.

Sometimes listening with our whole heart is enough.

Sometimes asking kind and gentle questions is better—followed by real listening.

The key part—being. Presence. Acknowledgement.

Posted in Compassion, Grace, Listening | Leave a Comment »

That I May Not Seek So Much to Be Understood as to Understand

February 21, 2025

Some people (often called husbands) tend to jump immediately to propose a solution during a conversation. Other people (often called wives) are fully capable of devising a solution. They just want to be understood.

The descriptions, of course, are somewhat of a generalization. I am not sure I can count the number of husbands who have expressed frustration at that above conversation whom I have counseled to withhold solution in favor of listening—with focus and intention. (I wish I were as perfect as I sound here!)

Let’s take that conversation to the next step when one person disagrees with the solution or any other proposal.

People don’t always care if you agree with them. They would like it if you tried to understood.

From the Prayer of St. Francis, a song by Sebastian Temple:

O, Spirit, grant that I may never seek

so much to be consoled as to console,

to be understood as to understand,

to be loved as to love with all my soul.

Posted in Attitude, Listening | Leave a Comment »

There Are Sermons and then There Are Sermons

February 3, 2025

When you maintain a state of awareness,

When your beginner’s mind remains open to the fresh breeze of new ideas,

When you live with a sense of expectation of nudges or whispers from God,

Then, meaningful things come together.

Consider how Matthew records a long teaching from Jesus (chapters 5-7). We call it The Sermon on the Mount.

Just as I suggest reading through the book of Proverbs every January (31 chapters, 31 days), I have suggested as much to myself as to you reading and meditating on that Sermon often. Daily wouldn’t be too much.

A podcast interview led to my purchasing The Narrow Path: How The Subversive Way of Jesus Satisfies Our Souls by Rich Villodas. This is a meditation on that Sermon.

Soon after finishing the book, Rich Dixon, writing in 300 Words a Day, discovers the power of reading through the Sermon as he contemplates how to solve a problem facing his ministry to orphaned children rescued from the sex trade.

I take two mentions closely timed to be a nudge—it’s time to once again consider carefully what Jesus teaches in this Sermon.

Perhaps for you, too. After all, it is a guide on how to live as a follower of Jesus.

Posted in Awareness, Learning, Listening, Study | 1 Comment »

Unity

November 20, 2024

A protestant church denomination spends time and effort to convince other congregations to join it, since they are right and others are wrong. Should not a Christian organization be spending its time and energy toward mission and ministry?  Doing the work of Jesus in the world?

America just held an election. Each side hyped up the evils lying in wait if the other side won. Anxiety rose throughout the land. Should not we have been more concerned about how we build a society based upon our founding principles?

What we have here is a failure to listen.

I mean, really listen, to other people.

If I can convince you to listen to one podcast this month no matter where in the world you live, listen to this Guy Kawasaki podcast interview with Tonia Israel on The Science of Political Unity.

Dr. Tania Israel is a distinguished professor at UCSB and author of Facing the Fracture. Kawasaki’s new book is Think Remarkable.

Dr. Israel isn’t just another voice in the crowded space of political commentary; she’s a pioneering researcher and practitioner in the art of bridging divides. Her work at UCSB has positioned her at the forefront of understanding how we can heal America’s growing political fractures, and her insights have never been more crucial than they are today.

In this episode, we dive deep into the heart of political polarization, exploring how our media consumption, social bubbles, and cognitive biases shape our views of ‘ the other side.’

Dr. Israel challenges conventional wisdom about empathy and reveals surprising truths about how even the most empathetic people can contribute to polarization. Her practical strategies for engaging across political divides offer hope for meaningful dialogue in an increasingly divided world.

Hint: Ask deep questions, perhaps sincerely ask how did you come to believe that.

Oh, I should add that this is not the first election in US history with this level of polarization. Somehow we seem to have survived even if once we had to go to war.

Posted in Ethics, healing, Listening | Leave a Comment »

Are You a Good Listener?

November 18, 2024

Researchers studied the interaction of managers and their employees. Among managers rated as the worst listeners by their employees, 94% of them evaluated themselves as good or very good listeners. (Source: Adam Grant, Think Again)

Are you a good listener?

Pause. Think again.

Now seriously, are you a good listener.

The person we find easiest to fool is ourself.

Focus on the other person, not what you are going to say next.

Think of questions to probe deeper, that places the focus on the other.

Perhaps repeat what they said asking if you understand.

Practice as often as possible.

Posted in Listening | Leave a Comment »

I Don’t Understand That

May 23, 2024

I heard something this morning. Then I paused. I don’t really understand what that means. How can I visualize that idea? How can I adopt it as part of my life?

Wouldn’t it be great if we humans were more willing to pause and think, “I don’t really understand what that means” or “I don’t really understand what you mean.” Maybe we could discuss so that I could understand you better and you could understand me better.

Posted in Learning, Listening, Wisdom | Leave a Comment »

Talking At, Not With

March 6, 2024

They were a group of five middle-aged women. Friends. Meeting at the downtown hotel lobby bar after work, maybe. Having drinks and appetizers. Boisterous without being obnoxious. And in my line of sight when I looked up from my laptop.

I noticed one got up and walked about 10 feet away to take a picture. I usually offer to take the picture so that they can all be in the photo of the moment. I was about to get up when a guy got off his bar stool and loudly offered to shoot the photo. Then he took about 15 or so more. Loudly having them pose in different ways.

He was so loud, I couldn’t help but watch for the next half-hour as he gradually moved in on their table. Soon he pulled up a chair at the high top, bought a round of drinks, and established himself in the group—sort of. He talked. I could hear him from 30 feet away. The women were still paying attention to their friends, but quieter now.

I hate it when my self-awareness kicks in with the realization that I’ve talked too much. I wonder how often do we get caught up in a situation where we are simply talking at someone rather than conversing? Isn’t that a caricature of a Christian? Do we really want to be that guy?

Not I.

Posted in Awareness, Listening | Leave a Comment »

« Older Entries