Archive for the ‘Learning’ Category

Willpower Is Key To Success

March 26, 2014

There was a child, a marshmallow, a closed room, and a promise.

This was an experiment a couple of decades ago where a researcher curious about willpower brought a child into a room. A marshmallow was placed on a table. The researcher stated he would have to leave the room, but he would return in 15 minutes. The child could eat the marshmallow, but if the child did not eat the marshmallow, then he/she would get two marshmallows upon the return of the researcher.

Some ate the marshmallow. Some didn’t.

A follow up on as many of the children as they could find after some 20+ years revealed that the children with the willpower to delay gratification were generally more successful in life than those lacking that one strength.

Daniel Goleman writes about this research in one chapter of his latest book, Focus. It turns out that willpower is more effective a predictor of a young child’s (ages 4-6) success in life than is social class or IQ.

How did the children who succeeded in resisting the temptation do it? They diverted their minds. Those whose thoughts dwelled on the marshmallow, ate it. Those who started singing a song to themselves, or talking to themselves, or played make-believe–in other words, those who diverted their thoughts from the marshmallow–were able to resist it.

Two takeaways.

If you are a parent or grandparent or otherwise can influence a child. Teach them to divert their thoughts to something else instead of continuing to focus on the errant behavior.

Or, for you…when your thoughts start to focus on something you’d rather not think about–be it that donut that is now staring at me as I write this or some worry or anxiety–start to think about something else. The willpower lies in intentionally (yesterday’s topic) choosing to think about something different from the negative thought. I first noticed that I did this myself over 40 years ago. I testify that it works.

Help a kid. Help yourself. Learn how to develop some willpower.

Learn By Copying First, Then Creating

December 26, 2013

I’ve had several days with the grandkids over the past five weeks. They are old enough, especially the oldest who is six, to start playing with a little more sophisticated toys.

Have you noticed how some of the “creative” toy companies have come out with more structured toys? Specifically Legos. You used to get a box with maybe a couple of examples on the lid and then you just let the kid start creating. Now, there are specific toys. I’ve been helping Wyatt build Nijagas (or something like that–I’m afraid that I’ve lost touch with kid culture).

Originally I’d have had a negative attitude about such structure. But I’ve discovered that he’s learning some tremendous lessons that are appropriate to his age.

He is learning to follow instructions on how to build something. In so doing, he’s learning about the different types of blocks and what they do. As he masters these, then, if he is so inclined, he’ll move on to creating his own masterpieces.

Every artist I’ve ever studied has begun by mastering all the techniques that came before. The great ones then extend the practice by adding their own insights and techniques.

Leaders study other leaders. Practice what they learned. Study some more, and become eventually great leaders.

Even spiritually. I think a lot about the very short scene we have about Jesus’ life where he was 12 (which was “older” than today’s 12 in developed nations) and studying with the greatest teachers at the time in his culture. Even Jesus didn’t just drop in a spiritual master. He was human, too, and had to learn. He was just predisposed to focus on the right questions.

That is the value of learning and practicing the traditional spiritual practices. You practice, and practice, and practicce.

Almost no one is born a master craftsman or spiritual guru. But we can all become a master at something. Just by spending 15 minutes first thing in the morning developing the practice of study and meditation will, over a lifetime, bring you to spiritual maturity.

Start by learning the basics and copying someone or something good. Then add to the practice and become a master–even a spiritual master.

Spiritual and Emotional Maturity

December 23, 2013

I was taught a management study early in my career that has always stuck with me. Let’s say there are two types of bosses and two other types. These fit in a 2×2 matrix (in management circles, everything fits in a 2×2 matrix). That yields a box composed of four squares. On one side you measure either good feel for people or poor feel for people. On the other you measure good intellectual control over emotions and poor intellectual control over emotions.

Best boss

There are four possible combinations of the two sets. When people were surveyed, which do you think came out as the best boss?

Turns out that feel for people did not matter. What mattered was intellectual control over emotions. People wanted a stable boss, not one whose emotions controlled her/him.

That one lesson led to a lifetime of learning about the topic.

Once again, early in my education I was studying meditation. What better place to study how meditation helps you see God than to study the early Christian “desert Fathers.” I found the book “The Ladder of Divine Ascent” by John Climacus.

Wonder what that book is about? Getting control over your emotions. You could read that instead of Freud and be much the wiser.

Today’s lesson

Last week I listened to a TED Talk by Sally Kohn. She is the “gay, lesbian Talking Head” on Fox. The point was about emotionally connecting to people even if you disagree with them on politics versus letting pure emotion drive combativeness, hate and anger. She called it being emotionally correct (riffing off politically correct). I call it emotional maturity (or you can take it as Emotional Intelligence after the title of a book).

Then I heard about some sort of scuffle about some guy who looks like an aging ZZ Top singer–I guess some sort of reality TV guy from Louisiana (I have no idea what Duck Dynasty is, and I don’t really care to learn) who spouted off with a bunch of emotionally charged opinions.

So, everyone goes off on their opinions. I finally decided to read what the guy said. It’s the same stuff I grew up with. Every white male (and most females) held the same opinions and considered themselves the model of Christianity. In fact, about half of the people I’m connected with on Facebook are still at that level.

What comes to mind in both cases is emotional maturity. Or lack thereof.

There are ways to say things that just stir up people. Or, there are ways to emotionally connect with people to show a more mature nature. People in general respond to the emotionally mature person, even if they don’t agree with everything.

I am trying to learn that sort of maturity. Sometimes I slip. Then I am convicted of my failure.

One last thought–don’t get all worked up about TV and terms like freedom of speech. TV is all about money. And people who are concerned first and foremost with money do not want to offend groups of people with money who might part with it to them. Ask a friend who similarly lost a job.

There is freedom of speech. Then there is the freedom to speak wisely.

Discipleship Means Changing Your Life

October 31, 2013

Jesus tells a story, actually an analogy, about wineskins and new wine. He said that you put new wine in new wineskins and old wine in old wineskins. If you put new wine that is still fermenting and therefore expanding into old wineskins that are stiff and fragile, then the skin will break and all will be lost.

He was talking about his message as the new wine. If he talked to people who were set in their ways and unwilling to change, then the message would not have any effect and all would be lost.

If the message entered people who were fresh and new and receptive to it, then they would grow with the message and the message (fresh wine) would be useful.

Parables, or stories, are almost always about people and their relationship to the message Jesus was teaching. This teaching is an important life lesson–even for us older people.

It is actually possible for us to age, yet remain fresh and receptive in our outlooks. We can try to remain open to new facts, experiences, knowledge. Even as we grow, we can continue to be mentally and spiritually fresh. Or, we can become rigid in our beliefs, unable to accept new ideas. Then the message will lose its impact and we are in danger of becoming Jesus’ enemies–the Pharisees. These are the people who put laws ahead of love; put knowledge ahead of spirit; put ritual actions above living out God’s will.

One of the reasons to practice Spiritual Disciplines is to find ways to remain fresh and receptive to God’s message. Daily prayer, meditation, study and service help us to live God’s message as a part of our daily lives. Not because there is some law that orders us to do certain things. But because we are living with Jesus every moment.

Curiosity Is a Good Thing

October 28, 2013

We took our young grandchildren to the zoo Saturday and then on a walk along a river on Sunday. Such unbridled joy at learning something new, explaining what they already knew and curiosity about everything. Wooly worm caterpillars, crickets, grasshoppers, snakes. And that was just the walk.

People were curious about Jesus. Who was this guy who healed people and confronted the establishment? But many were merely curious without the learning part. Many combined curiosity about how to live in God’s Kingdom–enough so that they started a movement. We are the beneficiaries of that movement today.

I think about the people to whom Paul wrote his letters. Many were curious about the contents of his strange message. Some became teachers and leaders. But they remained curious. They accumulated many questions to bring to him for guidance and instruction.

There was Timothy, to whom Paul wrote at least two letters. Epaphras of Colossae who probably instigated the letter to the Colossians. They were curious people who let their curiosity lead them into learning and eventually understanding and then leadership.

Do you take a walk and just walk? Read and then forget? Watch TV endlessly?

What joy to discover the wonders of nature just where you are. To learn a new concept or idea. To learn about new people.

Curiosity is just asking questions and discovering. Knowledge comes from seeking answers to those questions. Then thinking about those answers. With a mind open to the possibilities of wonder, knowledge, growth.

I far past 6 years old, but I’m still curious about just about everything (except pop culture). How about you? Time to kindle that flame of curiosity? Time to learn and grow?