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Be Curious, Not Judgmental

June 12, 2026

Yesterday’s thought concerned how my job consists not of running around trying to “correct” everyone whose opinions were “wrong.” Rather, my job assigned by Jesus is to love others, even those who think and act differently from me.

This reminded me of one of my favorite TV scenes. Ted Lasso, the American Midwestern football coach, finds himself in England as coach of a Premier League soccer club. The wife gained possession of the club through a divorce from a rather nasty guy—Rupert.

The scene is the favorite club pub. Ted handles some darts. “You all like this game over here, don’t you?” he says as he tosses a couple of the darts at the board—right-handed. He and Rupert settle on a bet with major consequences for the club.

“Oh, I forgot, I’m left-handed,” admits Ted. They proceed to the climax where Ted needs three perfect throws. He tells a story of being underestimated his whole life and seeing a quote while taking his son to school—“Be curious, not judgmental.”

He hits the first one. “You see, if you’d been curious rather than judgmental, you’d have asked if I’d ever played darts before.”

“I would have said, ‘Yes, sir. Every Sunday afternoon with my dad from age 10 to 16…’ “

Research reveals the best approach to those potentially confrontational conversations is to be curious, not judgmental. Ask questions.

How did you come to that conclusion?
Where did you learn that?
Why do you think that’s true (right, useful)?
And more.

Curiosity, not judgmental, means truly listening to the person’s responses. You show concern and attempt at understanding. Questions asked calmly, not confrontationally. Do not sound like a defense attorney cross-examining a prosecution witness.

Be curious, not judgmental. That’s really hard for some of us. But exceptionally useful.

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Posted in Attitude, Listening | Leave a Comment »

Like a Child; To a Child

June 10, 2026

Jesus’ followers asked him about greatest in his kingdom. They were constantly confused between what they had been taught about a coming kingdom on earth where the king of Israel would rule and what Jesus seemed to be teaching about a new kind of kingdom.

At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who, then, is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?”

Jesus answered a couple of ways. He first addressed what ancients have called the “beginner’s mind.” In other words, we must clear our minds of preconceived ideas and opinions to accept Jesus’ teachings.

He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.”

He did not stop there. Taking a second look at the relationship of children to us, he said,

“If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.”

That means people such as I who write these blogs and others who teach others no matter where and what bear significant responsibility for what we teach. Are we passing along misinformation and ill-formed opinions we’ve picked up from spurious sources? Are we studying and meditating and trying to pass along spiritual truths compatible with Jesus’ teachings?

It’s worth pausing to reflect periodically assuring we’re keeping to the path.

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Moral Low?

May 29, 2026

How would you rate the morals of our (your) nation’s leaders? Political (at all levels)? Business? Church? Community?

Let’s be honest for a bit. How are your (my) morals holding up in everyday transactions?

A record-high 56% of Americans say moral values in the U.S. are “poor,” according to a Gallup poll out this morning.

That’s up 12 points from last year.

80% say moral values are “getting worse” — 14 points higher than ’25.

Organizational psychologist and podcaster Adam Grant has lately talked of observing much of the Dark Triad—narcissism, Machiavellianism, psychopathy. The first focus only on themselves; the second manipulate others for their own advancement; the last have no empathy or feelings for others. Some psychologists I’ve heard consider these on a continuum where we all may exhibit a bit of each at times, but that some people slide all the way from an annoying amount to actual diagnosable disorders.

Grant lamented if only we could get leaders at all levels who were working for the good of everyone instead of exhibiting some or all of these traits.

When you are choosing leaders for your organization or even for voting, do you recognize these dysfunctional traits?

Perhaps an even more important reflection is to turn the mirror on ourselves. Where do we stand? Do we need to seek help? Maybe we need therapy? Mostly we need the usual spiritual formation route of recognizing where we fall short and seeking help. Then working on it day-by-day.

Gallup didn’t ask me. I’m not impressed with the moral fiber of most people I read about in the news or see on social media. On the other hand, most of the people I come into contact with through business or social or just casually are OK. I’ve dealt with people in the Dark Triad in my life. That’s not fun. I’m glad most people are not that way.

Posted in Attitude, Leadership, Trust | 3 Comments »

Meet Your Heroes

May 15, 2026

Can you live with the complexity of humans?

I know many people who express instant visceral dislike for certain people For them, the reaction tends to be either/or. Sometimes the radar is a bit off. They like someone, perhaps even adore or admire. Then a flaw appears in the statue of the hero.

Some are more like I am—enjoy the complexity of people. Some are really good; some are seemingly inherently evil. Most do good things, yet have some flaws. Is it possible to admire the good while recognizing the bad. I will almost always extend grace and trust initially letting the other prove which way to go.

These thoughts came from an essay by Brian Morykon of Renovaré:

They say don’t meet your heroes, especially spiritual writers. I say meet them. Let your illusions be shattered, and the complex reality that is a real person make you praise God who brings forth living water out of dust. Your heroes don’t have to be alive to meet them, either. Find them in the Bible. Thank God Scripture isn’t stained glass, untouchable and aloof. It’s alive with extraordinary people of ordinary clay, cracked vessels through whom the light of God beams out.

The intriguing thing about people stories in both the Hebrew and Christian scriptures lies in their complex humanity. Even Moses and Abraham are not treated “with kid gloves.” Both heroes of the Jewish faith are presented with flaws and all. Even Jesus cursed a fig tree seemingly all out of character. Certainly “the Twelve” failed to show hero qualities until after the resurrection.

Thanks to my parents, I often dwell on those parts of me that fall far short of heroic…or even good. All of us need to recognize our own and others’ complexities. We have our good days and bad days. On balance, what is our contribution toward making disciples of Jesus?

Posted in Attitude, Wisdom | Leave a Comment »

Hard Shelled

May 13, 2026

I remember my grandfather taking me out fishing for my first experience. I was perhaps about six years old. He came home the afternoon before with a pie pan covered with a damp cloth. Peeking inside, I saw a number of crawdads. He explained they were soft-shell crawdads. They were to be the bait we would use to catch catfish in the river.

Later in my youth, I experienced catching mature hard-shell crawdads in the shallows of a creek.

About that time, I heard the description “hard-shell Baptists.” To this day, I don’t know the details of the meaning.

I have no clue what reminded me about those experiences. But, naturally, I thought about it.

Let’s assume that transitioning from soft-shell to hard-shell is a metaphor for becoming older and becoming fixed in our ideas. We are no longer growing. Some may add an observation “closed-minded.”

My orientation to life never lost its youthful curiosity. Every day I look for something I can learn. Some people think I know a lot about the Bible. Well, I should. I led classes in it for decades. But, again, every day I discover something new I’d never thought about.

I would hate to be viewed as hard-shelled.

Want to discover a way to look at the Bible through new eyes? We are taking a short-term class looking at the New Testament through the eyes of the North American Indigenous peoples. It’s the same story we know translated into English using the concepts native to these peoples. It forces you to open your mind and see again for the first time.

Posted in Attitude, Study, Wisdom | Leave a Comment »

Cramming New Thinking Into Our Old Ways

May 1, 2026

Rich Dixon thought about Jesus’ metaphor of pouring new wine into old wineskins.

Of course, we have no clue what Jesus was picturing. What the heck is a wineskin? You mean they were allowed to drink wine back then?

Rich transformed the thinking from first to twenty-first century language.

It’s tempting to cram Jesus’ teaching into our old ways of thinking.

For a math teacher, I think he nailed it.

Can we think of times someone has tried to persuade us that their old way of thinking actually reflected what Jesus taught? I hope we haven’t fallen victim to reinterpreting Jesus to suit our own politics or prejudices. That would be a huge loss.

Posted in Attitude, Thinking, Wisdom | 2 Comments »

Law of Unintended Consequences

April 29, 2026

I devoted a portion of my university years studying international politics. I learned a sensitivity toward people in countries other than the US and even Western Europe. The study of the history of international actions taught me about the Law of Unintended Consequences.

It also taught me to consider alternative trains of thought.

For example, consider what we call the Golden Rule. No, I don’t mean “he who has the gold makes the rules.” I have met people who honor that one. I am thinking about “do unto others as you would like them to do unto you.”

I always adopted the meaning of doing good for other people.

Three sources in my reading last week all pointed to a nefarious side of this rule.

“Do unto others as you would like them to do unto you…so that, they will reciprocate and give you something.”

Gotta say, I am so naive that I never considered the use of the rule for manipulation.

I try to avoid being the object of manipulation. I think of it every time I open Facebook or LinkedIn (the only social media I use). These are engaged in a constant battle to manipulate us. Enter at your own risk.

I will continue to try to live by the Golden Rule. And, I guess that as I become aware of someone trying to manipulate me, I’ll decide my response from there.

Posted in Attitude, Awareness | Leave a Comment »

What We Observe

April 24, 2026

Author Esther Hicks on where to look: “If all you did was look for things to appreciate, you would live a joyously spectacular life.”

Posted in Attention, Attitude | Leave a Comment »

Three Rules for Life

April 23, 2026

Coach Lou Holtz offers 3 rules: “I follow three rules: Do the right thing, do the best you can, and always show people you care.”

Posted in Attitude, Disciplines | Leave a Comment »

Repetition Builds Consistency

April 22, 2026

A truly ingrained habit forms not through motivation, but through consistency, through repeating actions until they become automatic. Through repetition. Don’t wait for motivation (he says as he’s waiting to get motivated to practice the guitar).

Because what you repeat becomes who you are.

Posted in Attitude, Disciplines | 1 Comment »

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