If You Have To Yell, You Have Lost

Mom takes her two kids grocery shopping. Kids explore and wander away. Mom yells at kids to behave. Then yells some more. Often the tone of voice scales the range from exasperated to downright nasty.

At one time, and maybe even in many places today, “leadership” reveals itself through force of personality and intimidation.

Eric Schmidt dropped this thought during an interview promoting the book Trillion Dollar Coach (a must read for everyone), “If you have to yell at someone to get them to do something, then you’ve lost.”

You are a parent. You’re distracted by the difficulty of shopping caused by the “paradox of choice”. Controlling the kids takes energy. A commodity that most likely is in short supply. But you have to suck it up and walk over to the kids.

You are a leader. Someone made a mistake. You could just yell. Then what?

Or, you could begin by asking questions. The other person will ask themselves, why is she asking that question. Then the leader leads the other to understanding.

It’s just a different approach. Maybe doesn’t even take more energy, other than finding your own inner calm. This builds relationship.

While I was outlining these thoughts, another thought occurred. Isn’t that like many (too many) people who call themselves Christian? They would rather exhibit force of personality. And intimidation. And threat. And standing outside and yelling.

A follower of Jesus learns from the master. Jesus asked questions and understood. He led by asking and telling stories. Never by yelling and intimidation (well except for the money changers and vendors in the Temple, even he had a breaking point).

If you have to yell, you’ve lost.

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