Posts Tagged ‘attitude’

Fear, Anger, Lives Matter

January 21, 2016

My friend called this evening. He has Asperger’s Syndrome. He’s not very social, but deep down he really wants to connect. On the other hand, connections with people are stressful. 

He asked what I was doing. Reading the news, I replied. He said, “I never read the news. Too depressing.” 

I agreed. Said I mostly read tech news.

He’s right about the news. We learn about almost every murder in the world. In fact, it’s always about murder, shootings, rapes, confrontations, hostility, war. “If it bleeds, it leads” was the old newspaper mantra. That’s even more important in this 24-hour constant news cycle where eyeballs on the screen are crucial to financial success. (I was in the business.)

Inundation of stories of killing raises fear in the hearts of many. Fear often plays out in anger. We have lots of anger in the world. Even in America where things are really pretty good (don’t tell my Facebook “friends” that, they glory in bad news).

It seems everything gets politicized. Every life matters to God. But some people think that Black lives don’t matter to the white majority in this country. So, we get another bumper sticker slogan. Which leads good Christian conservative people to counter with “Blue Lives Matter” (policemen).

I’m not following all the election stuff very closely, but I will admit to having occasional nightmares about a Trump/Sanders election. Where would the other 75% of the voters go?

None of this helps the discussion. Where is the peacemaker when we need her? 

John Fischer wrote on The Catch “Blessed are the peacemakers for they will be called the children of God.” He pondered the thought about what would have happened in the 60s with the pent up anger and frustration of black people without the non-violent leadership of Martin Luther King, Jr. Think of the riots after he was killed.

I read my Facebook news feed (more infrequently now) and see anger, fear, racism. I know most of these people. If asked, most would deny being angry, fearful, cynical, racist. But their words belie them.

Bill Hybels expressed his wish of the same thing last Sunday following a talk on race relations at Willow Creek. Our church stands firmly for good relations among those of various races, he said. “If you don’t agree, don’t let the door hit you in the back on your way out.” He’s just that strong–and concerned.

It’s not one of Richard J. Foster’s 12 Spiritual Disciplines, but I view peacemaking as a Spiritual Discipline–or Practice, if you wish. 

I’m way too low key. Most of my “talking” is with my fingers on a keyboard. Those of us who have perspective and take Jesus seriously for what he told us, need to step up the game.

How We Can Pray Without Ceasing

January 18, 2016

Our friend, the apostle Paul, gave this advice to the disciples in Thessalonica, “Pray without ceasing.”

That sounds so simple.

But wait, how can you do that?

You wake up in the morning. Think of that first cup of coffee. Grab the newspaper or check news sites on the Web. Think of the commute to work. Get the kids ready for school.

We wake up and we’re already swamped with tasks, worries, planning.

Where is prayer?

Same with the day. We have things to do, people to see, places to go. Pray? You’ve got to be kidding me. Didn’t the first Century Christians have life a lot easier? A slower pace?  More time for contemplation?

The anonymous pilgrim in one of my favorite books, The Way of a Pilgrim, pondered that question as he traveled the Russian countryside. He discovered that realistically you cannot literally pray ever second of every day. But his continual praying brought a number of important people into his life just at the right time.

Brother Lawrence, a 17th Century Carmalite brother recorded in The Practice of the Presence of God, was another man who sought to pray without ceasing. He talked of praying while cooking, baking.

Paul linked praying with other commands (tips, suggestions?). 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 records, “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”

These do not describe separate commands. They describe a way of life. We can call it attitude–the way we approach living. It could be habit–our response to life. It becomes imprinted on our DNA.

The most important thing is to start the day well. Rise 15 minutes earlier. Go straight to your favorite chair. Open your Bible, read for a few minutes. Pause, pray for a few minutes. Now you are ready for the day. Pray as we tend the kids. Pray as we fix breakfast. Pray as we commute.

Prayer means more than talking aloud. It can be done on knees, lying in bed, walking, driving, whatever we’re doing.

Talking is good. Listening is better. Attitude toward God–priceless.

How We See Others

January 15, 2016

As a leader, how do you see your group? Not as a group, but as individuals.

Do you see them as hard working, dedicated, intelligent people? Or as lazy, slothful, needing constant supervision people?

I had a job once where I could get more done working from home than coming to the office. My boss said, “Well, as long as you’re working.” I thought, “Sheesh, no one puts out more work than I do, and he makes that comment.”

This phrase just popped up in my reading, “Your perception of me is a reflection of you.”

If you are looking at the team you are leading as a bunch of people you can’t trust to do their work. Maybe the problem really is you. Maybe you know that you’d like to slack off and are suspicious of others who might.

There was a story about a man traveling the back roads of the Midwest in the early 20th Century. He came across a farmer. He stopped and asked, “What sort of people live around here?”

“Well, what sort of people lived where you are from?”

“They were a lying, thieving bunch of people.”

“Well, I guess you’ll find people here about the same.”

A second traveler came by later and stopped. Asked the same question. The farmer asked what sort of people there were where he was from. “Honest, hardworking, trustworthy people,” came the response.

“Well, I guess you’ll find the people around here to be about the same.”

It is a great story pointing out that our perceptions are often colored by our emotions, thoughts, and opinions. We see what we want to see.

When I’ve dealt with people as a leader, whether as a parent or manager, I always just have this expectation, usually unstated but clear by insinuation, that people will live up to being what they were meant to be. I expect the best for other people.

When you deal with others, how do you view them? If the results are not forthcoming, perhaps a good look in a mirror is in order. Change your attitude toward others and watch how their attitude changes.

Great Leaders Have Great Interpersonal Skills

January 8, 2016

We were at a dinner. It was a special dinner with several courses each paired with a wine. The idea was to teach a little about wine and also sell the wines, of course.

It was a group experience. Most of us came as couples, not as a large group. We entered the room to discover it was set up with several long tables. We were going to share a table with six people whom we did not know.

The man adjacent to my wife was an owner of a local company. He was personable. Asked a lot of questions of my wife and the other people. Seemed genuinely interested in the other people’s lives.

My wife has been to many business dinners with me by now and has met many business owners or ranking executives. She comes from a working class background, so it was initially all new to her.

After the dinner on the drive home, she said, “Men like him are always interested in other people. They make others feel at ease. They are interested in others.”

An astute observation.

Recently while reading on leadership, I ran across this observation, “Great leaders have great interpersonal skills. They care for their people. As a leader, you need to know how to listen quietly and hear what people are really saying, by asking questions and being open to the truth. When challenges come, it’s especially important to open up and show you care.”

I’m watching a friend start a new business. He really cares about all the people he has hired for the team. He guides those who need a little help. He encourages each one. It’s a joy to watch.

No matter where you are called to be a leader, this is a great role model. Leadership isn’t all about me. It’s really all about them. How can I help them? How can I nurture them? How much do I care?

 

What Are We Seeking

January 6, 2016

Do you have a “life verse”?

I never heard about that concept until just a few years ago. Bill Hybels talked once about having a verse from the Bible that was his guide. I’ve heard of others who pick a verse for the year.

This is something I’ve never done. Just never entered my awareness. It seems like a good thing.

Recently I heard a talk where the speaker talked about choosing this one as his verse of the year:

Seek first the Kingdom of God…

This is interesting and very  much worth contemplating.

Seeking? Am I seeking for something this year? That would be actively looking for, expecting, intentional. Something like the shepherd seeking his lost sheep, or the woman seeking her lost coin, or the father seeking his lost son.

Am I seeking more business? A new mission? A new friend? Money? Health? Happiness?

Jesus suggested that we choose one thing first to seek. There are many things I want. Some I am intentionally praying in expectation for. But what is the most important? What should I seek before anything else? The one thing that would bring everything else along with it.

Jesus had a suggestion there, too. The Kingdom of God.

Jesus had many analogies and metaphors of the Kingdom of God. They all seemed to have a common thread of finding God and letting him live in my being. Or, perhaps better, like I am a branch on a grape vine. The juices that bring life to me, the branch, come from God. It is as if I have sought him out and his spirit, his life force, flows through my veins.

Seek first the Kingdom of God. Yes, I think that is a good theme for the year. A good pursuit. Every day I get up and think, am I seeking for the Kingdom of God today?

Seek first the Kingdom of God and then all these things will be added unto you. I like that.

God’s Grace Is Better Than Rules

January 5, 2016

One thing about rules–everyone can have their own set. And feel good about it. A set of rules that we say we’re following places us apart from other people. And at a higher plane. We feel closer to God.

When I scan the news of the day, I see self-described “Christians” or people the news media enjoys calling “Christians” doing all manner of bad or evil things all justified by saying that they are following their set of god-given rules.

Maybe that is a reason Andy Stanley likes to say that calling yourself a Christian is pretty meaningless since it’s so hard to define. Jesus-follower, though, that is very well defined and hard to do.

I’ve been deep in study of Paul’s letter to the Galatians. He shows his anger and disappointment in those early believers because they slipped back into being rule followers instead of grace accepters.

Very early in the journal of the Acts of the Apostles, Mr. Jewish Christian himself, Peter, is shown by God that the Gospel and God’s Grace are available to all. Forget the rules that set Jews apart from everyone else. The Gospel breaks that all apart.

Grace is sufficient.

My heart breaks when I see people who think that they are following Jesus overcome with anger and hate and drawing up rules that set them apart from others.

That is the very attitude that has driven so many people I know away from the church and made them suspicious of the Gospel.

It’s easy to see why. Would you rather join a group that is suspicious of outsiders, bound up with rules, and shuns or even hates people who are different–or join a group that is welcoming, laughs and smiles a lot, sings, helps people in need whoever and wherever they are?

Every once in a while step back and look at the groups you are a part of–church, small group, service organization. See it with the eyes of an outsider. Is it welcoming? Is it helpful? Does it reveal God’s grace to others?

If not, it’s time to either work to change it or to say good-bye and find another group.

We teach new soccer referees that the profession is the only one where you are expected to be perfect from the first minute you set foot on the pitch and then improve!

Sometimes we treat people coming into church the same way. You need to be perfect according to our rules before you come–and then get better!

Grace says, join us first. Discover grace. We’ll get better together.

What Kind of Person Will I Be This Year

January 4, 2016

Now in Joppa there was a disciple whose name was Tabitha, which in Greek is Dorcas. She was devoted to good works and acts of charity. … All the widows stood beside  [Peter], showing tunics and other clothing that Dorcas had made.

This is a story found in the Acts of the Apostles where Peter brings a woman back to life.

Let’s consider the woman, Tabitha, in the context of thinking about looking forward toward our new year. Who do I want to be this year?

First, she–well let’s pause there a second. She. To all those rigid people who misread Paul and other texts, here is an early example of an important woman disciple.

OK, I’m not going to be a she, but I can certainly learn from her example.

She was devoted to good works and acts of charity. I don’t write enough about the spiritual discipline of service. But if I could be known as a disciple who does good things for people, that would be good.

Sort of reading between the lines, it appears that she was a leader of a group of widows. Women who had lost their husbands were at the mercy of others in that society. Remember how the apostles wanted Paul to raise money to support widows back in Jerusalem? One of the powerful acts of service of early disciples was caring for the unfortunate, such as widows.

She must have been a leader of the group, discipling them, doing good works such as making clothes for them most likely out of her own wealth.

For this next year, i’d like to be like Dorcas–do good works, lead a small group into discipleship, help people out of my wealth.

That would be a good year.

Become A New Creation

December 31, 2015

Decide first for the year not what you will do but who you will be.

I was led to study 2 Corinthians 5 this morning. While reading and contemplating, this phrase popped, “if anyone is in Christ, there is a new creation.”

Devoting ourselves to spiritual practices, or disciplines, is simply a means of working on the maturity of that creation.

I may be a new creation, but there seems to be continual work on becoming the sort of person that I should be. I don’t think Paul thought we stopped at becoming the new creation or he wouldn’t have written the last few chapters of Romans. It’s on how you live.

The Bible as a whole is not a text book of science, or of philosophy, or of theology, or of history. The Bible is a manual. It is our guide on how to live, how to relate to God, how to relate to others, how to become the sort of person pleasing to God.

We get off the track when we get into petty arguments. We are on track when we ask at the end of one year and the beginning of the next:

What kind of person was I last year? What kind of person will I be next year?

Generous? Joy filled? Sober? Filled with gratitude? Peaceable? Helpful?

Or the opposite.

You can make your daily decisions about how to act in the situation by firmly being aware of what kind of person you wish to be.

Choose wisely!

Review Last Year, Choose New Habits For This Year

December 30, 2015

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act, but a habit.” — Aristotle

The last post talked about finding your mountain of “stuckness” and turning.

This week is an ideal time to take a thoughtful look back. Get out your calendar. See where you went; what you did. Where did I waste time? Where did I invest? Is there a trip I made last year that I should do again and improve upon?

Open your list manager. What did you accomplish? What is left? What can be dropped? What must be added to be what I want to be this year?

Who are the people I met with? Who should I have met with? Where can I set aside time to intentionally find people with whom I should mentor or converse next year?

Now, let’s take a look at our friend Aristotle.

We are what we repeatedly do.

That means what we need to work on this year are a couple of new habits. Steve Carter talked about lifting the idea of 40 days from the Deuteronomy story that related to the Hebrews. Do something for 40 days. Make a commitment.

Each day for the next 40 days, I will [fill in the blank]. After 40 days it will become a habit.

Sometimes we fall into bad or sloppy habits. Reading the wrong thing, sleeping in, talking instead of working out, eating that doughnut.

We must become self-aware. See ourselves as if from the outside doing that behavior. Then we decide to replace that bad habit with a desirable one. That is practice.

Let’s repeatedly do excellence. It really is a Spiritual Discipline.

It’s Christmas–Forcing Hate To Surrender

December 25, 2015

Pete Seeger was a major influence of mine during my formative adolescent years. Pete and the folk singers who followed in his footsteps drove Dad crazy, but I guess as an adolescent, that was OK by me.

We visited the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame last weekend. After I drug my wife from the Elvis exhibit, we hit this exhibit.

Makes me wonder why I quit singing those old folksongs.

Think on the sentiment and enjoy the day, if you can. If not, the Bible tells us there’s a time to laugh and a time to weep. If it your time for weeping today, don’t hide it. Weep well.

Meanwhile perhaps we can think about Pete’s saying on his banjo head, “This machine surrounds hate and forces it to surrender.”

Pete Seeger Banjo Head

Pete Seeger Banjo Head