Happy People Connect With Others

August 16, 2012

I work in an engineering field. Once a friend introduced me to someone and said, “He’s an extroverted engineer. He looks at your shoes when he talks.”

Henry Cloud said during his talk at Willow Creek last weekend that happy people are connectors. The opposite are those people who are detached.

We have the Disciplines of Worship and Celebration where we gather with others to praise God. But I think what Cloud meant was connecting at a different level. When we meet someone, do we connect with them? Do we listen to what they are saying? Ask them for clarification? Support them in their struggles? Rejoice with them in their blessings?

I can remember being a geek when geeks weren’t cool. I can remember not connecting with others, totally caught up in ideas. I don’t remember that there was one special moment when I said to myself, “Other people exist!” But the growing awareness of other people one day came to complete consciousness.

People would say that I’m an extrovert now. Last night at the reception for this week’s conference, I probably talked with 30 of the 50 people at the reception. But in reality, I’m still introverted. But I’ve learned to connect with others. Hopefully in a good way.

Another good self-awareness check is to watch ourselves as we interact with people. Are we focused on them, listening not only to the words, but the cues? Or are we wondering what they think about us, what we are going to say next to show how smart we are? Or worse yet, present in body but not in mind?

Pursuit of Happiness

August 15, 2012

Dr. Henry Cloud spoke at Willow Creek last weekend on his new book about happiness. One of his points was that happy people think differently from others. They are optimistic.

He didn’t say positive, as in “I’m positive the world is coming to an end.” Rather it’s a attitude toward life of looking for positive outcomes, ways to help, focus on doing something.

I like the word attitude in the sense they use it in flight. It’s not feelings, but orientation. You orient your life and thoughts either toward optimism or toward negativity. Thinks about people you know. Don’t some just have a generally negative attitude toward things? They always see the worst, suspect the worst, envy others, think they’re not valuable.

On the other hand, don’t you love knowing people who are always positive–even if not feeling cheerful? Or those who are focused on some goal or end point? They have a mission in life. They have a kind word for all. A smile.

One of the flight attendants on my flight yesterday morning was one of those people with a genuine smile (you can see it in their eyes). Not bubbly cheerful, which sometimes comes across as fake. She was the sort of person who helps get your day off to a great start.

What if you are in a state of negativity? Can you change? Of course you can.

First, you must cultivate an awareness of your own feelings. You can do this through a discipline of daily stopping to meditate, slowing your breathing and then scanning your mind and body. Bring to your awareness your thoughts. Whether you are holding stress in your neck, shoulders, hands.

Next, feel yourself getting warm and heavy. You can say to yourself, “My shoulders feel warm and heavy. My arms feel warm and heavy.” And so on. You can feel yourself sinking into the chair.

Next you can bring your awareness into positive thoughts of things you can do. Where can you be helpful? What mission is calling you?

Finally, act. When you change your behavior by acting upon a goal or end, then your thoughts will necessarily change with you.

Pride Gets In the Way of Life With God

August 13, 2012

“Many people think God exists just to give them blessings.”

I was listening to Scott Scruggs at Menlo Park Presbyterian Church talk last week (on a podcast while I was running in the park, not in the Bay Area), and he made that statement.

The ancient Greeks had a word for that attitude. Hubris. It sort of means too much pride. Or maybe “you’re too full of yourself.” There is another old saying, “Pride goeth before a fall.” Humans have known that condition for a long time.

Thinking about submission, this seems to be an opposite. Instead of thinking and acting as if the universe revolves around me, I acknowledge that there is someone greater than me. Someone who created this universe. Maybe even lots of other universes. How would I know. But He also created me.

What better use of life than to align with the greatest creative power in the universe. How could I fulfill my real purpose in life without being submissive to God and “going with the flow” of God’s creative Spirit?

But things get in the way. Pride is one of them. It’s when I think that I’m the one who matters. Actually, God matters. And God thinks every one of us humans matter.

Sometimes we let ourselves get in the way of fulfilling our destiny. We need to refocus daily on God and what we can do for other people.

Submission and Freedom

August 7, 2012

Submission and Freedom. Makes me think of a couple of books Rollo May wrote (that are still worth reading)–Love and Will; Power and Innocence. Sort of juxtapose two ideas that seem to be opposite but that are actually united in a little dance.

Jesus said that you can’t love two masters. You’ll wind up serving one and hating the other. Many of us, when thinking about freedom, think that we have no masters. I’m not sure how that works in cultures other than American, but many Americans think you’re free when you have no masters. Hence a little bit of the popularity of our “Tea Party” movement.

People who study human beings beginning from ancient times knew that it is impossible to have no masters. Many of those who think they are free from constraints are actually driven by emotions, urges, addictions.

One freedom humans do have (unless they have psychological problems caused by innate chemical imbalances) is the freedom to choose. In the end, you have to choose your master or a master will choose you.

One way to look at submission is to say, “By choosing God as my master, I am now free to act as a human in ways that promote both my growth and the growth of those I meet.”

Things that stop growing die. Growing in maturity as a human walking with God is life.

The Practice of Submission

August 6, 2012

Reading through 1 Timothy–Paul’s instructions to Timothy on how to organize a local church and what an ideal church might look like–I got stuck on the word submission.

That’s a tough word for most people–maybe especially for Americans. Our 19th century writers were all about the glorification of the individual and his freedoms.

I’ve jotted lots of thoughts as I think through this discipline. But I decided to consult Richard Foster, “Celebration of Discipline.”

He quotes Martin Luther, “A Christian is a perfectly free lord of all, subject to none. A Christian is a perfectly dutiful servant of all, subject to all.”

Foster goes on to say, “Nothing can put people into bondage like religion, and nothing in religion has done more to manipulate and destroy people than a deficient teaching on submission.”

I think I’m going to spend some time on this thought, because it is a most important concept. Foster says that the purpose of practicing a Spiritual Discipline is for the greater good. And liberation is the end.

He says that the freedom that comes with submission is the freedom from the burden of needing to get our own way.

So, I think the first step in submission is to recognize that, one way or another, we’re going to follow some person or some emotion. It’s best that we choose. Further, it’s best that we choose God. We know that the only good life comes from living a life with God.

So, what’s holding us back?

Fitness Training for Spiritual Development

August 3, 2012

Training. Interesting subject. I’ve talked to at least three parents this week who have kids going off to college. Kids are all worried about their majors. In many respects, it doesn’t matter. People start out with one major and end up in another often. Even more, they graduate and devote their lives to an entirely different field.

Paul advises Timothy, “Train yourself in godliness, for while physical training is of some value, godliness is valuable in every way, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.”

Timothy was already a church leader at a young age. No doubt, he did not have an M.Div. or other certificated entry paper. He trained under Paul. So as Paul is giving him advice on how to organize a church, he gives him also personal advice.

Note the parallel construction of training in godliness and physical training. Just as in earning that first college degree, you learn something, but then you devote your life to training. You work at it every day. You have a plan. In physical  training, you determine the muscles to develop and how to develop stamina, strength and flexibility.

Just so in your career, you learn something, but then you get a job. Then you train to develop those “muscles” in the right way to excel at your profession.

And then in spiritual matters, you also determine the spiritual muscles you need to develop and proceed to train to develop them in strength and stamina.

How to develop a spiritual training plan? Take a look at the classic Spiritual Disciplines (or Practices). Study, meditation, prayer, service, worship, celebration, and so on. Where do your muscles need work? Start to train them.

And tell your young acquaintances, you go to college to learn to learn. Then you spend your life learning.

Respectable Sins

August 2, 2012

I just heard a talk on “respectable” sins. When we do things that are condoned or expected by society but that are contrary to God’s Law.

We’ve been talking about dressing modestly in church, for example. But society might be pushing certain styles (nothing new, by the way). Last Sunday we had a young acolyte, girl, maybe high school freshman (I’m too old to be able to judge ages that well, now), wearing those ultra short jeans shorts. Why? Probably never entered her mind–or her mother’s–about respect, humbleness, appropriateness. It’s the style.

My wife would say that the styles are driven by men perpetrating evil on women. But my observations and those of others I trust suggest that women mostly dress to fit in with and impress their peer group of other women. It’s society.

Heck, we’ve had a male worship leader who appears with tattered jeans and bare foot to lead worship. I’m the last one to suggest suit and tie–but I wonder what society he’s trying to fit in with.

That’s all mild to other things we do. In the guise of “caring” about others and rather than just praying for a brother or sister, we’ve got to learn more about the illness or life situation. We’ve got to ask more about it, talk about it with others. Where does caring end and gossiping begin? Tough to know.

Paul knew. In several places he talks about not going your own way if it might hurt someone else.

It’s worth stopping occasionally to reflect on what we’re saying or doing or how we’re dressing or how we’re acting–is it society or is it God’s Law?

What Does a Christian Gathering Look Like

August 1, 2012

Paul lays out his vision of an ideal Christian gathering (or church) in his letter of advice to Timothy (1 Timothy). I think if we step back and stop picking on certain things that you may either agree or disagree with (a common way of reading), we can discern some interesting things.

  • Men should be praying.
  • Women should not be flaunting wealth.
  • Women should be humble before the Lord.
  • Leaders should lead orderly lives based on God’s principles.

Actually, I think that’s pretty cool. I’d like that sort of church. Forget the politics and personal promotion. Focus on God and on living a life of walking with God. We pray. We care for one another. We attract new people because we don’t act like “leaders” from business or entertainment or whatever. We are with-God and people know it.

Do As I Say, Not As I Do

July 31, 2012

Do as I say, not as I do.

I started thinking about that phrase as I was thinking about the implications of Paul’s advice in 1 Timothy that I discussed yesterday.

Through the mid 20th century, there were role models. Teachers were supposed to exhibit good behaviour, for example. Priests and preachers. I remember a young teacher we had when I was upper class in high school. She was doing something in the cafeteria that she would have admonished a student for doing. She used that phrase.

I heard many education students when I was an undergrad at the university also comment that their behaviour should not be a factor in their teaching. Some preachers/pastors have been prone to the fallacy of thinking that their words should be separated from their deeds.

Paul advises women to be modest and male church leaders to live lives above reproach. Americans read this and are shocked. “You mean we are supposed to act like we tell others?”

Parents learn (too late sometimes) that children mimic what they do, not what they say.

So, don’t do as my colleague, who suggested that if Paul had proof-read what he wrote he would have deleted parts of 1 Timothy. No, he wouldn’t have. His vision of a church was one in which people acted out in life the beliefs that they hold about how God wants us to live.

We may struggle to behave as we wish, but at least we shun hypocrisy.

Be Modest and Humble Before the Lord

July 30, 2012

Our small group is reading 1 Timothy. Got to Chapter 2 yesterday reading about how a church should be a praying church–oh, yes, and how women should dress with modesty before the Lord. The leader suggested that if Paul would have proof read what he wrote, he’d have deleted those couple of sentences. This same (male) leader often has suggested taking a black magic marker to parts of Paul’s instructions.

I had been contemplating that chapter and said that, on the contrary, Paul knew exactly what he was writing. I presume that men, much like through the 19th and much of the 20th centuries, wore pretty boring attire. We started changing by the 70s, but even there we went to khakis and polos rather than black suits, white shirts and ties.

But women–they were for adornment. In those New Testament times according to our resident historian, women displayed the family wealth. You knew the family was wealthy depending upon the amount of jewelery displayed. But I think even more than that, the focus became on the external person of the woman and not on her soul. We are all to be humble before God, but women can show it externally more than the average man when they are not.

I asked the group (rhetorically, of course, and understand that I’m the youngest one in the group), when you stand in front of the mirror getting prepared for church, are you thinking about how great you look or are you thinking about being humble before God.

My wife told me I wasn’t very uplifting to the women. I said, I’m a teacher not a motivational speaker. I want people to think. Is it all about them? Or is it all about God?

So, have I made you stop and think about why you dress as you do? If so, then I succeeded.