All The Stuff I Put Up With

October 6, 2015

“You can’t believe all the stuff I had to put up with.” 

That was a person justifying an adulterous relationship that was quite public and resulted in the breakup of two families.

The relationship was not abusive. One party just got frustrated with the other. Actually, they were  both frustrated. Communication was nonexistent. 

Then came the opportunity for passionate sex. Emotions–dangerous things if not handled.

To this day the people who initiated the affair fail to see where there was sin in the situation.

They had put up with so much stuff, they couldn’t take it any longer.

I heard the quote the other day. I thought, gosh, we all put up with a lot of stuff. It’s called living with someone who isn’t 100% devoted to fulfilling my needs. I’m not so sure I could stand that, personally. But maybe a little would be nice….but I digress, and jest.

Paul spent much time on reconciling relationships. The letters to the Corinthians, for example. More to the point would be Philemon.

Adultry is a sin. It breaks relationships and draws the people away from God.

Paul spends the first couple of chapters of Romans talking about the ways we sin. Then he talks about how we have to recognized them, and our part in the situations, and then our confession, healing, and restoration.

I have a great deal of empathy–and even anger–with abusive relationships. The abused must leave, somehow. But for those who justify “lots of stuff” as grounds for adultry, well, that’s too much a stretch. 

God likes to see us grow in maturity. We work out stuff one way or another. That is what grown-up people do. Heck, even kids know that.

Tags: , , , , , ,
Posted in Relationship | Leave a Comment »

How To Achieve Unity

October 5, 2015

Paul (the apostle) tried very hard to promote unity in the early church. Every thing was so new. They were figuring out things as they went. Paul was not the only evangelist. There were many. They didn’t always agree.

I started thinking about this during today’s message at church. I know, thinking in church is even worse than thinking in school, but I do that anyway.

What about within a congregation? That is mostly what Paul was addressing. 

There seem to be two ways to achieve unity in a congregation (or any smaller organization).

One way would be to reduce the size of the organization. Let those who disagree with the majority or leader or whatever move on. Perhaps the leader intentionally encourages them to move on. Perhaps they just don’t feel welcomed.

I’ve been around the block a couple of times. I’ve witnessed this phenomenon. Eventually you get a group that agrees or silently goes along. Therefore, we’ve achieved a kind of unity.

Seems to me there is another way. I think I’ve been influenced by Paul and James, but mostly by Jesus.

We need to focus on the core beliefs. There are opinions that are just not going to be agreed upon by everyone. That’s life.

In a church, the core belief agreed to by all denominations is the belief that Jesus lived, he died, and he was resurrected. 

Some go searching the scriptures for all manner of rules to follow. Or odd quotes to pull out to reinforce prejudices. It’s when we place those rules above the gospel that we get into trouble.

It’s like a dear old Baptist lady who bought her new Catholic friend  a Bible. She thougtht she would look inside the Catholic Bible to see what it was. She was astounded to discover that it was the same as hers.

We can build on that unity by emphasizing the core beliefs upon which we are agreed. Then remember and practice the continual injunctions in the New Testament about love. Then reach out beyond cultural and doctrinal divides.

Tags: , , ,
Posted in Christianity | Leave a Comment »

Most Leadership Training is BS

October 2, 2015

It’s time for my Friday thoughts on leadership. See if you relate to this.

You got shipped off to some type of leadership training. Maybe it was for work. Maybe for church. Maybe for another type of organization.

You attended the training. It was long. The coffee was less than satisfactory. The pastries were stale. The leader was pumped up on something that made him or her optimistic to the point of causing gagging. You recorded a bunch of cute sayings from old leaders in your conference notebook. The talks seemed like they belonged in some sort of old-fashioned tent revival meeting.

I have been to so many of these that I’m lucky to be able to lead a kid to a candy store!

So the article title on the email newsletter caught my eye. Why Leadership Training Is So Much BS. It is in a manufacturing trade journal called Industry Week written by an acquaintance, Steve Minton. He interviewed Jeffrey Pfeffer author of Leadership B.S.: Fixing Workplaces and Careers One Truth at a Time (Harper Business, September 2015).

“But a steady diet of inspiration fables, Pfeffer warns, also misleads and does little to improve organizations.” He contrasts the state of leadership training with medical education, which strives to base its teaching on carefully measured studies and their results.

“No wonder medical science has made significant strides in treating many diseases while leadership as it is practiced daily all over the world has continued to produce a lot of disengaged, dissatisfied, and disaffected employees,” he writes.

What can businesses do to improve their leadership development efforts? Pfeffer told IndustryWeek that companies first need to change their evaluation criteria. Too much development work either is not evaluated or evaluated on the basis of enjoyment of the course.

“What are we trying to accomplish in leadership development? If we are trying to attain higher levels of employee engagement, higher levels of trust in leaders, higher levels of job satisfaction, lower levels of turnover, more people succeeding and having more people ready for leadership positions, then those are criteria you ought to use to evaluate your efforts,” he stresses, “not whether or not people had a good time, whether or not they liked the donuts, whether or not they thought the speaker was inspiring.”

Companies must also have people teaching these programs who have at least some expertise in leadership, he adds.

I continue to see people go off to leadership training only to memorize stories and tips. Putting the knowledge into practice is left to chance.

Better leadership training is done in smaller groups over time. This allows time for trial and error and feedback.

Think Yoda teaching the young Jedi Luke Skywalker.

Find your Yoda. Or, find your Luke. Me, I’m looking for another Luke to bring along.

Tags: , ,
Posted in Leadership | Leave a Comment »

Be Careful Lifting Quotes From Context

October 1, 2015

The last 6 minutes or so of my Yoga class ends in “final relaxation” where we lie in a comfortable position, close our eyes, focus on slowing our breathing, using our imagination perhaps to find (as one student puts it) “Gary’s happy place”, and relaxing.

When I wake them up (sometimes quite literally), I end class with a quote for inspiration or guidance.

The Bible is packed with sentences that can be taken for this purpose. 

Meditating on the beginning of Romans 12, I began to consider the importance of context when we lift quotes from scripture. 

Paul says that as much as is possible, he teaches that we should not think more highly of ourselves than we should. In itself, that is a worthy thought.

But why did Paul say that? What is the rest of the paragraph?

He says we should use sober judgement when we look at ourselves. Why? He continues that just as a body has more than one member, just so a church (group) has people with a variety of roles. Some teach, some offer compassion, or prophecy, or leadership, and so forth.

He’s telling us not to desire being the preacher when we are better suited for teaching, or maybe service.

In this case, I don’t believe that lifting out the first verse hurts that much.

Andy Stanley recently looked at the passage where Paul says he can bear all things. This one can become dangerous when someone quotes it to another who is hurting. Telling the  to bear all hurts is hardly empathetic. It can cause further hurt. Knowing the context is helpful, sometimes even essential.

Knowing the context is all important in understanding another. Sometimes in a soccer game a player will get kicked or tripped. They may utter a “bad” word. Maybe the word would warrant a booking (yellow card). But if the player was just hurt, the context would tell us to give a little grace.

Others we may meet may have hurts that we cannot say. They may say something bad. Perhaps if we knew their context we’d know to show them some grace.

There is much effort to understanding what we read in the Bible–and what we read in our relationships.

Tags: , , ,
Posted in Compassion, Study | Leave a Comment »

Finding Our Way

September 30, 2015

Lake Tahoe

Last week on vacation in California we decided to drive up to Lake Tahoe from Folsom where my conference was held.

The tourist spot that overlooked Emerald Bay was packed. We kept driving. Found this nice rock outcropping.

We found  place to park and hiked around to a small, barely noticeable trail that led from the road to this small rock ledge.

The view was beautiful. I sat cross-legged on the rock and contemplated the view for a while.

Lake Tahoe 2

Then we turned to head back.

We had only traveled about 500 feet. There was no sign of the road. No sign of a path on the rock ledge. Looking up the terrain was just a pile of rocks.

For about five seconds I felt what people who have gotten lost in the wilderness must feel.

Or, people lost in life. There is nothing distinguishing with which to become oriented. If you go one way, it is sure death from a several hundred foot fall. The other way appears insurmountable.

What to do?

I took a deep breath. Quit looking far ahead. I knew the general direction from which we came.

So, it was one small trail. The noticing the small path that cut through some brush. Then the broken tree we had gone under. Then the tricky balancing act around some fallen rocks. Then the road was there above us. A short climb, and back to the road.

I thought–the spiritual life is like that. Sometimes we venture out to live life. We want the beautiful, the spectacular. We find ourselves in a spot where we’ve lost our bearings.

We only need to take that deep breath. Relax. Reorient.

In the spiritual life, the steps are opening the Bible again. Not to understand the whole thing. Reading Romans or James or Galatians. Simple paths.

Prayer, stopping to converse with God becomes another step.

Finding a spiritual mentor or guide or small group is another step.

Then we find our way through the rocks and brush. We’re on our way home.

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Living | Leave a Comment »

You Can Toss It Down or You Can Savor It

September 29, 2015

This may be a strange post for a spiritual formation blog. But that hasn’t stopped me before.

I’m writing this on a United flight from Sacramento to Dulles on my way home from a business / pleasure trip to California. For three days I discussed industrial software technology and trends. Then for another three days, I learned about how to savor wine during some winery tours in Napa Valley.

What applies to wine, applies more broadly to about anything you do. Let’s think about it.

When it comes to a glass of wine, you have two options.

You can just toss it down and go for another on your way toward changing your mood.

You can savor the wine. Pour some out into a glass. Smell it. Use some imagination. What smells do you detect? Maybe a peppery smell of a Cabernet? Maybe the fruity smell of a white. Sip it. Check the flavors. Match it with appropriate chocolate or cheese. Check how the flavors of the wine and food enhance each other.

I have long noticed the same differences watching people eat. Some people put their face close to the plate and just shovel it in. Don’t ask them about taste.

Over time, I have discovered taste. Flavor. Take your time and savor the flavors. Find the unique spices and herbs and the qualitites of texture.

I’m thinking the same about Bible study. You can read quickly so that you get your Bible-in-a-year done. Or pick up a few superficial quotes that you can use in an argument.

Or you can read. Read again. Put the book down and think. Visualize the scene. Meditate and ask God for enlightenment over the passage. Read the passage that comes before again in order to gain context.

Swirl the thoughts. Breathe in the spirit. Savor the tastes. Unless you’re at Seminary or grad school where quantity and speed is more important than understanding, take you time. Spend time. I’ve been about eight months in Romans. No problem. I’m not going for a degree. I’m aiming for wisdom.

Tags: ,
Posted in Study | Leave a Comment »

A Teaching Moment Missed

September 28, 2015

He did something kind for the harried server at the busy family restaurant.

She said, “Thank you.”

Later, one of the man’s companions said, “Just what was that ‘thank you’ from the server? Why should you care. I don’t care anything about her.”

A second companion agreed. Then the next. And the next. Until it was five wondering why care about the server.

Jesus said, “And the second [commandment] is like the first, you shall love your neighbor.”

This was a group of people who, if you asked them, would profess to be Christians. 

Yet…

I get the feeling that they are more similar to the Pharisees than to Jesus. Religious rules. Care more for themselves than for others.

That feeling is almost a national crisis. I think it is the underlying cause of our political divisiveness. It does not matter which end of the spectrum you find yourself. So often it seems that people are more interested in themselves than in others.

I self-identify as “liberal” because of the peace and justice movements of the 50s and 60s. But that isn’t “liberal” any longer. Big city people tell me I’m conservative (because I’m personally conservative in finances and ethics). But I do not self-identify with those people either. 

But, I digress.

Was that a teaching moment?

Jesus would have answered. He’d have had a cute story with a sharp point. It would have left them thinking. Sometimes people were converted because of his stories. Sometimes they went away sad.

In my case (being the man in the story), the big pitch came across the plate, and I whiffed.

Do we let teaching moments slide by because we don’t wish to seem obnoxious? Or, we seek to avoid confrontation or bad scenes? Or, because we give up and believe that people so focused on themselves can not be brought to an understanding of others?

Or–just a lack of courage?

There was a teaching moment to try to get people with Jesus in their heads to Jesus in their hearts. And I failed Jesus.

Maybe not the next time.

Tags: , , , ,
Posted in Witness | Leave a Comment »

Renewing Your Minds

September 23, 2015

Paul brings so much wisdom into his writing of the letter to the Romans. And to think, he may have been happy just to know that it reached Rome at all. Let alone be studied by so many thousands or millions over the years.

He leads Chapter 12, where he moves from theology to practical matters by talking about being transformed by the renewing of our minds.

Renewing our minds???

I’m pondering that phrase. What did he mean? More important, how do we accomplish that?

First–transforming ourselves. Most of you know the cartoon (or whatever) Transformers. Even I know a little, pop culture challenged that I am. That’s what-a car that transforms into a robot or person or something?

So, we started out as something or someone. Then we become someone else. 

That’s a little like when Bill Hybels recommended that you decide who you want to be when you construct your calendar and to do list. Not so much what you want to do.

In the context of Romans, we want to transform ourselves from a person who is captive to our emotions and base instincts into a follower of Jesus. From a prisoner (even though we think we’re free) into a free person living in the spirit.

We decide what we want to be. Now, how to get there.

Well, by transforming our minds.

Here are some of my first thoughts. Feel free to comment with your own thoughts.

Read the Bible daily. First thing in the morning. So you fill your mind with higher thoughts. A mind filled with God has no room for thoughts that will get you into trouble.

Read books about the Bible, about leadership, about  successful people, about the needs of other people.

Develop an open mind that is receptive to the right messages coming in and disrupting complacency.

Practice real listening. Pay attention to other people to reduce your own selfish thoughts.

Volunteer for service. While you are acting for the benefit of others, you don’t have time to fill your mind with junk.

I wonder how else I can transform my mind. I keep trying.

Tags: , , , ,
Posted in Thinking | Leave a Comment »

Don’t Argue About Opinions

September 22, 2015

I’m traveling this week. Saturday and Sunday I was running along the Atlantic Ocean surf in South Carolina. Tomorrow I’ll be running in hot and dry northern California. From vacation to a software conference. 

We worshipped Sunday at a church whose denomination is one whose organizational rules I don’t agree with. We won’t go into details here. Doesn’t matter.

But the pastor presented a great teaching on 1 Kings 16-17. This is the story of Elijah. First he is instructed to leave the danger of the city and seek refuge by a brook away from cities. God fed him daily by using ravens to bring him food. He could drink from the brook.

When the brook dried up, Elijah called out to the Lord. The answer was to walk about 100 miles through dangerous territory to a city where a widow would feed him.

This was all training in reliance on God. The training came in handy shortly.

As an aside, I bet we all could use this trraining. Or, maybe we get this training and don’t realize it. How often does God present us with a teaching that we don’t get, so then he presents it again?

So, there is this denomination with which I disagree with its organizing principles. But…this pastor taught the Lord’s message faithfully and eloquently.

I have worshipped in many Christian churches. A few flavors of Baptist, Lutheran, Methodist, Presbyterian (a few flavors there, too), Catholic. Even a couple of house churches.

Funny thing. They all taught Jesus death and resurrection. They taught the fundamentals of the faith. Sometimes the delivery was less than eloquent.

When Paul taught us in Romans 12 and 14 about love and not quarreling, I think he had in mind that I should be happy worshipping wherever. Even if I don’t like some doctrine they have or their organization. I should not worry about that. I definitely should not go in and quarrel with them.

When we worship and teach the basics of the faith, what else do we need.

We do not need to waste time arguing about opinions. We need to teach, learn, worship God.

Tags: , , , ,
Posted in Worship | 2 Comments »

Grumbling In Their Tents

September 21, 2015

In Hebrew history there seems to be a recurring theme. As described in the Exodus story and the time in the wilderness carried forward into the Psalms, the people grumbled in their tents.

Americans are great grumblers. Check your Facebook feed. People are always complaining–unless you muted the grumblers. In that way they think they are still your friends, but you have ceased listening to them.

John Ortberg recently talked about quitting complaining. He identified two words used in the Old Testament–grumbling and groaning.

When the Israelites grumbled, the grumbled “in their tents.” They grumbled about God. I’m not getting mine. I’m not satisfied. I want more. 

If that sounds familiar, well 3,000 years hasn’t meant much to the spiritual progress of humans.

I stand convicted as I think about the grumbling. I’m not immune. When I catch myself, I’m sorry for the thoughts or words.

Organizations typically are filled with grumbling. The greater the vision that leaders get members to buy into, the lesser the grumbling. When you’re working on a mission, time for grumbling diminishes.

On the other hand, when you are discouraged and wonder if God is with you, you go into a private place and groan to God.

I may be groaning now as I think of this. 

Grumbler or Groaner. Which are we? Which do we want to be?

Tags: ,
Posted in Prayer | Leave a Comment »

« Older Entries
Newer Entries »