Archive for the ‘Disciplines’ Category

Lost That Loving Feeling

August 12, 2013
Bill Medley and Bobby Hatfield, The Righteous Brothers

Bill Medley and Bobby Hatfield, The Righteous Brothers

The powerful voices of Bill Medley and Bobby Hatfield, The Righteous Brothers, pound in my brain. “You’ve lost that lovin’ feeling, oh-oh-oh, that lovin’ feeling; Baby, you’ve lost that lovin’ feeling and it’s gone, gone, gone.”

Our small group has been reading Not a Fan: Becoming a Completely Committed Follower of Jesus by Kyle Idleman. In a chapter called Passionate Pursuit, he discusses a concept I haven’t heard for years–acedia. That’s a Latin word usually translated as sloth–one of the “seven deadly sins.”

Like Idleman, I pondered why “sloth” was one of those sins. It just didn’t seem to fit. Then I read the Desert Fathers writings and came across John Climacus (or St. John of the Ladder) who wrote The Ladder of Divine Ascent. This great book from the 7th century describes for the early monastic movement what emotions to overcome on your Divine ascent, and he devotes a lot of space to acedia (uh-see-dee-a).

You have been pursuing something with great passion. Your girl friend / boy friend. Your profession. Your sport. A deeper Spiritual life. You think you cannot live without the object of your pursuit.

Then, something happens. Usually a little at a time other cares start to impinge on your mind, emotions, energy. You don’t seem to care as much. Don’t devote so much time.

Then Bill and Bobby are singing your song–You’ve lost that loving feeling.

Passion is used often these days to describe oneself. Once in an editorial I wrote about being passionate about automation and manufacturing (I still am, by the way). A friend wrote that she is a “passionate communicator.” (and she is). So many people begin something with great passion and then wither–like the seeds scattered on thin soil that Jesus describes that sprout fast and then wither in the sun.

If you’ve lost that lovin’ feeling in your Spiritual quest, there are ways to get it back. You begin by getting back into the Spiritual Disciplines. Read The Bible or a devotional every day. Meditate and Pray every day. Worship and Celebrate with your Jesus-follower friends. Remember why you were first in love. Stir up the embers in the fireplace and add some new kindling. Get the fire roaring again.

You Get What You Create or What You Allow

August 1, 2013

I’ve been contemplating on Henry Cloud’s latest book, Boundaries for Leaders. There is a lot of research in that book. And a lot of wisdom.

At one point, he says, “Leaders will get a combination of what they create and what they allow.”

I thought, wow, this applies in so many areas.

Take raising children. Do we create an environment and expectations for them to grow and succeed? Or, do we allow them to do whatever whim comes along? Or, a combination–we create certain structures and allow other things?

Leaders in organizations do this. Same types of questions. Do we create an environment, expectations and structures for people (and the organization) to grow and succeed? Or, do we permit too much such that vision is lost, ethics are cast aside, and the whole organization crashes?

What about our personal life? We lead in that, too–I hope. Do we create structures and expectations in our own lives such that we grow and succeed? We have access to writings on the Spiritual Disciplines. These have been thought out and written so that we have a guide toward establishing the proper Spiritual structure in our daily lives so that we continue to grow in Spiritual maturity.

Attention is key

Then Cloud hits on one of my pet ideas–attention. “Brain researchers say that ‘attention’ is like a magic key that unlocks higher-order brain circuitry. ”

We must place our attention on the things we wish to create in our leadership and our lives. Then we do things with intention, that is, on purpose. Consciously. Things don’t “just happen.” We cause things to happen and construct structures to create opportunities to succeed.

By the way, the link to Amazon is not an affiliate link. I recommend so many books, I probably should sign up for affiliate status. I bet I could add $10 or so to my income 😉 And I certainly recommend this book. And if you’ve never read Cloud, try his other books. They are all excellent.

Sometimes We Try Too Hard

July 31, 2013

Part of my daily routine is a morning workout. Most of the time, that includes a run in the park. Now, I’m not a distance runner. Never have been. I run daily to maintain a level of fitness. I prefer running while refereeing soccer.

When I referee, I don’t notice the running. My mind is on the match. I’m running to get into position for the next action. Or maybe to calm down some injured egos. When I run my usual 5K plus route, I only have my podcast and the end in mind.

So, I think about making it back to the car. And instead of just running at a smooth, relaxed pace, I find myself tensed up trying to make it to the finish. Some days, I find it quite difficult to concentrate on slowing my mind and just focusing on putting one foot in front of the other.

Sometimes the spiritual life can be the same. We’re trying too hard to be the final product of spiritual development–fully mature in the spirit. But life isn’t like that. It’s a long journey where we just put one foot in front of the other–all day, every day.

Then we look back occasionally and think, “Wow, I’ve really changed.”

This becomes practical in another sense. Maybe it’s your leadership–in church, your organization, your family. You try too hard to be the finished product. You get frustrated because things are not going as well as you picture it in your mind. You’re frustrated when the goal looks so far away.

I have this when I’m working on a number of projects and the load looks overwhelming. Then I just step back, take a deep breath, and then begin tackling things one task at a time. And soon, I’m done–and feeling much better.

The first motivational speaker I ever heard at a management conference professed the mantra, “Try easy.” That phrase has stuck with me for 35 years. It’s still relevant. Let’s not get ourselves all worked up over some day in the future. Let’s just take one step at a time toward our goal.

Peace and Strength

July 29, 2013

Peace

Our six-year-old grandson is visiting–his first time alone with us. Somehow he and his grandma got into a conversation of peace. “What’s peace?” he asked. “The absence of conflict–when there is no war,” she replied.

That is certainly one definition of peace. But contrast to another conversation during a small study group of adult men. We are studying a book, “Not a Fan: Becoming a completely committed follower of Jesus” by Kyle Idleman. The subject of inner peace came up. Someone said, “Inner peace will see you through the bad times.

Peace can actually be sort of like an action verb. Not something defined by what is missing (absence of conflict). It is actually something that can be practiced. It is part of living with God (or Jesus, or the Spirit–as far as I’m concerned it’s all the same thing). It’s something that comes along for the ride when you practice the Spiritual Disciplines of study, meditation, prayer, worship, celebration and so forth.<br>

But when someone mentioned that it is a force that will see you through tough times, I immediately thought about strength. There must be a relationship between the two.

Strength

We think of personal strength as muscle force–or in my case lack of. But another way of looking at strength is that resolve that keeps you going through adversity.

Someone who battles cancer and emerges a victor we call strong. Someone who can hold onto their moral values in the face of a group that wants to do something against those values we call strong. Someone who can face any enemy–illness, opponent in conflict, a bully, a nasty boss, whatever–with calm and resolve, we call strong.

Work together

I believe that Eastern martial arts teach that you need that inner peace and calmness to fight well. Your mind must be calm. You have practiced sufficiently that you are confident in your muscle responses. You have absolute focus in the moment and on your opponent.

Paul often used sports analogies. I think he would have thought the same thing when he described the inner peace that comes from being at one with God (or God living in you). God works with your strengths that you might even not realize you have.

I think there is a Bill Gaither song that goes, “Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.” Paul would have like that. That’s what he did. And that’s what he intended for us to do.

 

The Pattern of a Spiritual Life

July 12, 2013

Yesterday I wrote about patterns in your life. You slip into these patterns through many little decisions. Many of those decisions you don’t even think about.

One of the abilities we have that makes us human is the ability to reflect. We can think about what we did yesterday. And why. And what we’ve done over the past year. And ask why not something else.

So, if you decide to be a person who lives in the Spirit, then you need to consciously adopt some of those small and larger decisions that will lead to a new pattern of life that aligns with your desire to be that new person.

The first thing is to adopt a teacher. You become a disciple. I picked Jesus. He is the best I’ve found. That is the “larger” decision.

The rest of the decisions revolve around what have been called Spiritual Disciplines or Spiritual Practices. These terms have been around since the founding of the Christian movement–and probably existed prior to that.

You decide that you’ll get up a few minutes earlier in the morning. Enough time to read a little from a Spiritual book–the Bible, good  writers on the Spiritual life, my blog (well, had to throw in a plug). Mediate quietly for a few minutes. Even 3-5 minutes is an excellent start. And pray for guidance and for God to bring the right people into your life.

If you can develop that pattern of life, you will discover a personality change. You’ll become less bitter, self-centered or whatever negative life pattern you’ve slipped into.

Then, you gather with others to worship and celebrate. (Life in the Spirit doesn’t mean being sour and dry all the time. You have permission to have fun.)

Just by developing these five practices over the course of a few months, you will reflect back and see great changes in your life. I certainly have in mine.

[Update note: So just after I opened yesterday’s post with a note about obesity, I listened to a TED Talk from a medical doctor who was thin, fit, with a healthy lifestyle, who developed insulin resistance, added 40 pounds and was headed toward Type 2 diabetes. He is now researching chemical imbalances that might cause obesity in some people. We are all individuals and our systems are complex. But don’t let that stop you from reducing sugar intake and exercising.]

Develop Your Life Pattern

July 11, 2013

“Obesity is a disease, not a choice.” So proclaims a billboard along I-90 in northern Indiana that I pass on every trip to Chicago.

I know the American Medical Association has redefined obesity, but I worry that many people will look at their physical condition as not their responsibility and just search for the magic pill that will end all their physical and emotional woes.

But whoever wrote the message on the board (bad advertising, I don’t remember the company) is correct in that obesity–like many other of our problems–is not a decision. It’s the result of a pattern of decisions–or non-decisions.

We develop patterns either consciously or unconsciously. It’s all the little decisions we make that add up. One day we don’t feel like  going out for some exercise or to the gym. The second day we don’t feel like it. We have a conflict on the third day. Then one day we realize we have established a pattern of inactivity.

It’s the same for everything. Our pattern of eating too much of the wrong food. Our pattern of either helping other people in big and little ways–or ignoring other people. Our pattern of rising early enough for study and reflection–or our pattern of sleeping until the last minute forcing us to rush through the morning.

Patterns must be replaced by other patterns. First we must decide who we are. Socrates said, “Be as you wish to seem.” First, say to yourself, “I’d like to be a nice person.” Or, “I’d like to be a physically fit person.” Or, “I’d like to be a person at peace with myself and others.”

If we know who we want to be, then we can begin “doing as we wish to seem.” The little choices that are made many times a day change. I want to be a nice person. I see someone whose arms are loaded with packages and I rush to open the door for them–or offer to help carry the packages. I smile and say thank you. I create a pattern.

It’s not rocket science, as they say. Humans knew this 5,000 years ago. But practicing it every day–that’s the challenge.

A Failure to Communicate

July 8, 2013

“What we’ve got here is failure to communicate,” said the Captain to Luke in the movie Cool Hand Luke.

I observe this often. Sometimes among people I observe. Sometimes when I observe myself. Usually I talk about listening. Today, I’m thinking about talking.

You ever notice that sometimes we don’t say what we mean? Or we even fail to say something at all when the situation calls for us to explain?

So, I started thinking about this recently. Why is it that sometimes we don’t speak up? And then the other person makes up explanations in their mind about our intentions or thoughts. Often those internal explanations of other people are wrong. And often they lead to a path of suspicion, mistrust or even anger.

Why don’t we speak up?

I think fear is the basic motivator.

  • We are afraid of offending the other person
  • We are afraid of drawing attention to ourselves
  • We are afraid of being misunderstood
  • We are insecure in our own thoughts–which is a form of fear of speaking or acting on our own volition
  • We are afraid of being drawn into either an argument or an intense discussion

Usually our fears are unfounded. Usually an explanation, simply given, clears the air and leads to understanding.

In a spiritual discussion, overcoming the fear of speaking (which is a form of relating) leaves the other person thinking you are weak in your beliefs or with a lost opportunity for further reflection on the spiritual life that you could share.

In relationships, such a failure will lead to an increasing spiral of mistrust to anger to fractured relationships.

And all it takes to remedy the situation is to start with a simple sentence delivered with love and tact.

Place Your Attention with Intention

July 3, 2013

Henry Cloud recently popped up in my iTunes list. His books, especially Boundaries and Necessary Endings, have greatly influenced me. In fact, the latter book encouraged me to complete a necessary ending–and with it a couple of new beginnings.

He is a psychologist who studies deeply into neuroscience. He tried a joke on his audience, who evidently was hanging in such awe at his every word that it went over their heads. “The brain is such a wonderful thing, it’s like whoever created it had read the Bible.”  (You’ll get it later.)

So much of the Wisdom literature along with other writings perfectly align with what researchers discovered thousands of years later applying the scientific method.

One thing is attention. We cannot focus on more than one thing. Multitasking is a myth. I like music playing when I’m working. But it must be background “noise”. If it’s singing and the words break through my consciousness, then my focus is done.

If I am deeply concentrating on a task–say in my case it would be writing or reading–and then I interrupt the flow to check email, I am done. Cloud says that research says it takes at least 20 minutes to get back into that flow.

A new person came to my Yoga class last night. The first thing I teach in Yoga is attention–focus on your body, still the mind. I look over at her–a young woman or maybe even high school girl (when you get older like me, they all look young). She has her smartphone out and she’s texting. Ah, my challenge right away is to change her focus and keep her attention on her body and mind for the next 50 minutes. I was proud of her. She didn’t even get the phone out during final relaxation. She was actually still.

And that is just the attitude we need. Intentionally (meaning “on purpose”) focus our minds on our task–whether it’s study, meditation or celebration. Just live in that moment. Let the emails lie for a while. They’ll still be there.

Many Ways To Discipleship

July 1, 2013

Is there just one way to be a disciple? Are disciples like little toy Ninjas spit from an injection molding machine so that each is exactly like the one before and the one after?

The thing about becoming a disciple is that it is much harder than just saying you agree with some proposition. There are powerful and charismatic people who arise from time to time who have a vision of what a perfect person is like. He (almost always a “he” throughout history) then tries to develop a society of robots under his control.

Jesus was not like that. He had a core teaching. He expected his followers to abide in that core teaching. He also collected an amazingly diverse set of characters into his inner circle. Beyond the Twelve and into the next circle, there were religious leaders, wealthy people, recovered prostitutes.

I was thinking about this reflecting back on my life while I’m also reflecting forward into what I’m doing now. Have I always been a disciple? Have I always done what I should?

We can look to Paul for some advice. I, like many of my contemporaries, initially disliked Paul. In fact, I have a friend today who will tell people to get out the big, black magic marker when reading Paul’s letters to just blot out some of his words. People have been doing that for centuries.

That’s a mistake. It’s just that Paul tried so hard, sometimes he got a little confusing. And sometimes he was telling disciples in AD 60 how to organize without thinking about (it probably never occurred to him) organizing when Christ-followers (or Christians) became powerful and diverse.

But Paul addressed this discipleship thing a few times. What he said was that there exist a variety of people. These people in general possess a variety of talents. Each individual has at least one talent. These talents are what we devote to putting into practice Jesus’ commands–such as to go into the world and make disciples.

Early Christ-followers were remarkable in their service to fellow humans even from a political and social position of powerlessness.

I guess that in the end, am I using what talents I have to help people and further the Kingdom. Am I constantly developing those talents to help even more? That would be my task–and my test.

Personal Involvement For Success

June 21, 2013

This is a travel month for me. Last week I was in California for a conference and then took a couple of vacation days at the beach in Carlsbad. Got home late Friday (about 2 hours later than planned, thanks air travel) then turned around and drove to Grand Rapids, MI for a graduation party. Nice to see old friends and family. Turned around and left Monday for Chicago and a bunch of meetings. Last night was the 11th day this month I’ve slept at home. Leave Sunday for New Orleans. But it slows down.

I’m not complaining about all that. Some is business, and I do need to have some income. Some is seeing friends and family–and that is great. The thing about being on the road is to find ways to keep up my energy and keep up my personal involvement with my various activities. There is work to do for the soccer program in western Ohio. There is my new church work.

This week’s meditations were started by listening to a series of talks by Andy Stanley about leadership. He is an excellent thinker on the subject. I actually prefer listening to him than the vaunted John Maxwell.

For the last one this week, he talked about personal involvement. This sort of reminds me of the old story about contributing or committing. Seems a pig and a chicken were discussing providing breakfast for humans. The pig says, “For you it’s just a contribution, for me it’s a total commitment.”

What is your (my) attitude and focus about the things I’m doing–either in church, in the marketplace or at home? Am I satisfied to just contribute a little? Or, am I “all in”?

I guess that’s a good way to close the week. As you reflect on this week and plan for next week, where did I fall short of the personal commitment that I really should have done? Or, celebrate the commitments made that moved the projects forward. And plan for next week. Focus on the commitments, let the others slide if they must.